One Piece isn't mine. So please don't sue me…

Playing At House, rated PG-13 for language.

"Zoro."

The swordsman groaned and batted at the finger poking determinedly at his shoulder. "'m sleeping, go 'way."

"Zoro, we're playing a game and we need you," Luffy whined.

"Go play with Chopper or something."

"But I'm already playing," the reindeer's squeaky voice chimed in from behind the captain. He peered around the rubbery leg he clung to, limpid brown eyes threatening to suck Zoro into their pools of cuteness.

Zoro shook his head in an attempt to dislodge the thought. "And Usopp is where...?"

Luffy sighed wearily. "He's got to finish the laundry by noon or else the cursed washbasin of doom is gonna magically turn the suds into great big monsters," fingers curled into claws that lashed playfully at the swordsman, the rubber boy's voice dropping to a low growl, "that will rise from the tub and eat your-"

Why did I ask? "So Usopp can't play." It didn't take a genius to figure out that he was losing this battle. Closing his eyes, he kneaded his temples. "Fine, what do you want to play?"

"Yay! Zoro's gonna PLAY!" The two grabbed each other to dance arm-in-arm across the deck.

"Oi, idiots, answer the question!"

One after the other Chopper and Luffy plopped down before the increasingly annoyed swordsman. Luffy grinned. "We're gonna play house."

"House?! What are you, a couple of five-year-olds?!"

The two gazed at him innocently.

"Forget I asked," Zoro mumbled, smacking his face with his palm.

"So Luffy and me are gonna be the kids and you're gonna be the dad and Sanji's gonna be the mom and-"

Mom. "Wait just a minute." This just kept getting better and better. "Have you even asked the shitty cook? I don't expect he's going to just agree to that. No matter how womanly he might seem at times. What about Nami?"

Luffy pouted, lips pursed in exasperation. "Nami's the one who gave us the idea to play house, but she was busy and said to let Sanji be mom 'cause he's in the kitchen making cookies and wearing that pink apron of his, and said if you're the dad he might get mad if-"

"And what would I be getting mad about?" Speak of the devil. The blonde cook had to emerge from his sanctuary at the most amusing part of this increasingly bizarre conversation. Sanji's cold gaze flitted over each of the gathered boys before settling back on his captain.

Zoro never would have thought that wiping one's hands on a towel could look more threatening than at that moment, while the cook waited for what he probably expected to be a mumbled confession (or denial) of more food thievery.

"If Zoro went with Nami instead of you."

The blonde sputtered, visible eye wide as his gaze darted between his goddess on the upper deck and his partner before him. "Wha... what?!"

"Che, don't freak out, dartboard eyebrow. You couldn't pay me enough to shack up with the demon woman." He toed Sanji in the calf. "You're bad enough."

Zoro blocked the sudden kick aimed at his head. Barely. Hand encircling the deceptively thin ankle shaking with tension just over his sea-green hair, he sneered. "C'mon, 'Mom', you're not setting a good example for the kids."

A lesser man might have run screaming from the withering glare Sanji fixed on him, voice dangerously low. "What?! What did you call me, shithead?"

Chopper and Luffy watched mournfully as the older men tumbled across the deck in a flurry of blows and muffled curses. "Why do 'Mom' and 'Dad' fight all the time?" Chopper asked, tugging at his 'brother's' pant leg.

Luffy merely patted the pink hat atop the reindeer's head. "It's that love thing," he murmured sagely.

Wide brown eyes watched the continuing battle in enlightenment before returning to Luffy. "Love is noisy."

"You think that's bad, just wait until they make up." A sudden grin spread itself across the taller boy's face. "Hey, 'Mom' said he was making cookies... maybe there's cookie dough in the kitchen. All alone and with nobody to guard it..."

The air around the boys almost sparkled in their excitement before they scampered for the open galley door, leaving Sanji and Zoro alone in the midst of their latest spat.

The cookie dough was more than worth the kicks they received afterwards. And Chopper and Luffy exchanged knowing glances that evening when the trapdoor to the bunkroom was locked and 'Mom' and 'Dad' made up. Noisily.

The boys took the opportunity to raid the kitchen again.

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