1"The Gift Horse"

AN: I don't own Avatar. All materials are copyright their original creators.

The cast of Avatar receive gifts from their creators in recognition of all their hard work in Season 2. Toph is first in line.

Chapter 07 Summary: In which almost everyone gets exactly what they want. Almost.

Chapter 07: Rub-a-dub-dub

IN SOKKA & TOPH'S SUITE

After a great deal of discipline had been meted out on their intruders, June had finished Katara's massage and the two young women had promised to keep in touch. Katara had rejoined her friends in their suite once the clean-up crew had arrived to set things to rights again, and promised to have it ready by midnight.

Once again in Toph and Sokka's suite, Katara leaned back in her chair sipping her latest cup of tea. She was completely relaxed, and smirked at her compatriots as they licked their wounds: Sokka, Aang, and Zuko were tending to themselves with ice packs and bandages. Toph and Iroh had a Pai Sho board out on the table, but it seemed more a conversation piece than a match. She looked back around the room and eventually noticed the row of boxes standing apart from the furniture, some still unopened.

Curious, she wondered aloud to herself, "Why are they piled around like that in here? That doesn't fit..." The rest of the suite was the picture of esthetic efficiency. Brow furrowed, she swallowed the rest of the tea and went to investigate.

Toph and Iroh quieted for a moment, and Iroh looked over to the waterbender.

"I believe your brother had something to do with those, Miss Katara. Something about waiting until you were here so you could share what was inside," said the kindly gentlman in guarded tones. Toph nodded and added, "Open 'em up – you'll see what he means. And Meatbag might even stop whining like a pansy long enough to join you."

Katara kneeled beside one of the boxes, hesitantly poking through the wrapping paper on top.

What could they possibly hold that... She stopped as she held up a box of beautifully-crafted crystal icicle and snowflake ornaments. She examined them briefly, remarking on their clarity, then gently placed them beside her before peeking into the next box and pulling out an intricately-woven wreath of conifer boughs, deeply breathing in the wonderful, fresh scent. Excitement mounting, she rushed to the next box and hurriedly tore open the top, nearly pulling off one of the flaps in her zeal. She delicately removed a string of gold tinsel. She stared at the coils of sparkles dancing in her palms, speechless. She took no notice of the other occupants in the room, her head bent over and her entire focus on the garland that fell into her lap.

The room had gone silent as Katara had ripped through the boxes, and then sat motionless with the garland. Tears, slow and silent, left fragile trails down her cheeks to her chin.

Sokka, limping only a little and being sure to approach his sister not from behind, sat down beside her, shoulder to shoulder.

"I thought we'd put 'em up together, whaddya say? Wanna see if we can order popcorn and thread from room service and make our own popcorn chains? I bet they'll go great with the fancy crystal ornaments and silk banners!" He said enthusiastically, and gestured with his less-injured hand to their lavish surroundings.

Sniffling and chuckling a bit at the absurd notion of ordering popcorn, of all thingsfrom room service at a four-star hotel, Katara rubbed her tears from her eyes, smiled and nodded. Sokka patted her on the back and let out an "Oomph!" as his sister caught him in a bear hug around his middle.

"Thank you so much, Sokka!" she exclaimed, squeezing him with all her might in gratitude, forgiveness, and apology.

"Hey, what are big brothers for?" he asked, as they moved to the next box of decorations.

"Au pair!" called Sokka to their attendant, snapping his fingers. "Could you order us up a giant bowl of popcorn and some needles & thread, please?"

Exasperated, Toph yelled back at Sokka sarcastically, " That's 'concierge', not 'au pair', Meathead!"

The concierge had a tight look on his face, but held silent, praying for a magnificent tip to compensate for the evening's stress and mental trauma.

"An 'au pair' is a person you hire to look after your children," quietly explained a patient Iroh. (Iroh knows all about these things.)

After everyone had finished laughing at Sokka's blunder, they joined the siblings to put up the decorations; Iroh and Toph decorating the trees and plants about the suite, Sokka hanging the ornaments (and hammering the hooks in with the back of his boomerang), Katara and Aang hanging the garlands and boughs (airbending use number 457!), and Zuko ignoring everyone and their annoying festive cheer, despite Iroh's best efforts to include him. The young prince eventually huffed and stalked away to the balcony again, carefully avoiding Sokka's 'genius' as he looked out at the moon.

As soon as this is over, I'm out of here, the prince consoled himself as he studied the craters of the silver globe overhead and pretending not to notice his bruises, cuts, and he believed at least three cracked ribs from the beating he'd received from June less than an hour earlier. His uncle owed him big time for putting up with all this Crap-mas cheer without turning the Avatar and his friends into a bunch of 'burning' benders. Well, burning benders plus Sokka...

"Forgive my intrusion," interrupted the concierge who appeared at his side, "but the rest of your things have arrived, Prince Zuko. Is there anything else you wish?"

Thank the gods, we're almost done! He thought triumphantly as he thanked the attendant and followed him back inside. Oh waterpeasant, he gloated mentally, it's time to follow through with your half of the deal. Oh, he was going to enjoy this immensely!

He almost smiled.

The concierge felt the hair on the back of his neck raise and fought to control a shudder. It was a thoroughly chilling sensation, the aura of the prince's 'happiness'...

"Come on, Katara! It can't be that bad!" called Aang, banging on the door to the bedroom Katara had barricaded herself in.

Oh yes it can, thought Zuko gleefully. His face was impassive as the others tried to lure Katara from her confinement of bitterness and resentment. Iroh was the only one not in the huddle outside the bedroom, as he had offered to watch the tea while they cajoled the waterbender into returning.

"Get out here and get this over with, Sugar Queen; we don't have all night!" hollered Toph, stuffing her mouth with more nuts.

I can wait all night long if it means I get to see this! the prince crowed internally.

"Do you need help, Katara? Are you ok in there?" asked her brother, concerned.

Katara refused to answer.

"The sooner you do it, the sooner it's over with," called Zuko finally. "Hurry up, waterbender."

Snapping the door open at the prince's infuriating, but true, words, the young woman glared at him and marched angrily to the middle of the hallway. It was quite a sight, considering her new... attire.

"Katara, what the-"

"Can it, Sokka."

"Why are you wearing-"

"Not now, Aang."

Toph snickered.

"You can't even SEE me, so don't even start, Toph!" shrieked Katara vehemently, pointing angrily at the earthbender.

"Now, now, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for everything," stated Iroh in calming tones from the sitting room. "Now, everyone come here and..." his voice trailed off as the group followed a silent, fuming Master Waterbender into the next room, and he saw for himself what the fuss was about.

Oh my...

Clearing her throat and glancing quickly at Zuko (who was smirking broadly enough to border on an actual grin), Katara set her face into her most sincere smile and faced Iroh.

"Zuko and I were talking today," she started, – under duress, while I was wounded and exhausted, she added mentally,– "and we wanted to give you something special for the holidays." Or he'll blackmail me, the jerkoff. "Something you'd always remember. So we came up with this, and we hope you like it," or I'll have sacrificed my dignity for nothing.

Adjusting her glittering top hat (Zuko seemed to have a bit of a fetish for sparkles, Katara noted oddly) and poofy, awkward teapot costume that came to just under her rear end, Katara took her stance in her matching, equally-sparkly high heels and started to sing and dance.

"I'm a little teapot,
Short and stout.
Here is my hande,
Here is my spout.
When I get all steamed up,
Hear me shout!
Tip me over,
And pour me out!

"Happy Holidays, Uncle Iroh! From Zuko and I, with love!" she choked out and topped it off grandly with a bow, praying for a swift death.

Everyone stopped breathing. And blinking. It was like they'd all been momentarily beaned with a shovel. A very sparkly, poofy shovel.

The silence was broken by Iroh's thunderous applause.

"Wonderful!" he cried, tears filling his crinkled eyes. "Katara, you did a wonderful job! Magnificent! I'm incredibly touched. You've made me so happy! And Zuko, you came up with this? I'm so proud of you! Oh, I need a moment, I'm sorry. I'm just so happy!"

The rest of the group stared at the man having the definition of a 'sappy moment', trying to decide between getting kleenex for him or eye-bleach for themselves.

"Oh, and that's a great costume!" he complimented her enthusiastically. "I really like all the sparkles. Nice touch!"

Must be a family defect, she thought to herself dumbly, as Iroh continued praising her and Zuko. Firebenders sure were a strange bunch, Katara decided. Iroh pulled her and Zuko to him in a loving hug. Over the old man's head, the waterbender glared at the smirking firebender.

The room shook slightly with a small earthquake – it was a definite increase now! He was going to win the fangirls back, he knew it! But would it be enough? What else could he do to solidify his lead and cement his success – hadn't working with the waterbender to make his uncle happy been enough? The Fire Nation prince wracked his mind to think of what other, possibly solution may assure his victory. It would be absolute. It had to be.

Fandom trembled in anticipation, and the rolling vibrations became a mounting rhythm of shudders through the suite.

"Wow, these earthquakes have been getting stronger all day," remarked Sokka off-hand as he moved his Pai Sho piece across the board.

"Toph, anything you can do about that?" asked Aang as he sat next to Katara on the love seat, sharing a bowl of fruit with her once she'd returned from changing. He'd convinced her to keep on the sparkly heels, much to everyone's amusement.

"Oh, I'm sure I could find some way of –"

"Oh look, more parcels!" interjected Iroh, noting Zuko's darkening expression and interrupting Toph. He hoped to stave off another confrontation. "These look like they're from Mike & Bryan. I was wondering what had happened to them... Aang, Sokka, here you go. Katara, Zuko, here are yours," he said as he distributed the gifts.

They waited until everyone had their gift (except Toph of course, who'd already been blessed by the gods earlier that day), and then sat down together to open them, a little perplexed at how contrived the situation seemed, but accepting nonetheless. They'd spent most of the evening together and were relaxed and happy at the surprise.

Sokka opened his first. "Oh sweet! A subscription to "Carnivorous Connoisseur" monthly! And a boomerang sharpener! Talk about killing two birds with one stone!" he exclaimed, overjoyed.

Katara shivered a bit at the potential danger of epic proportions posed by Sokka's gifts and moved on to the next person. "Iroh, how about you?"

The general was tickled pink with his gifts. "They really went out of their way. Really, they shouldn't have! Oh! I'm getting my own episode of "Antiques Road Show" all to myself, to go over all of my curios! And I have a guest-editorship for the weekly publication of "Proverb-ially Tea"! I can't wait!" he was practically bouncing with giddiness.

Oh no, please don't let that mean he'll be collecting more crap– I mean, bargains, Zuko groaned inwardly.

"How about you, Aang?" asked Katara as Iroh kissed his letter with theatrical exaggeration.

"Not telling," he said quickly, sliding his gift into his robes.

"What do you mean? Come on, tell us!" teased Sokka from his seat on the couch.

The air monk shook his head and wouldn't be convinced otherwise, so Katara opened her gift next.

"I can't wait! I bet it's something really nice, to make up for last year. Maybe it's a spa-day package? Or some lessons in calligraphy, I've always wanted to learn. Or an iPod. Oooh, or maybe it's a pony! I bet they got me a pony!"

She really should have known better.

Her face pinched and she quietly muttered something that sounded suspiciously like voodoo curses under her breath before she balled up her letter and hurled it at the fireplace. It blazed for a moment before turning to ash, the waterbender sullenly glaring at it before turning back to the group with arms folded across her chest.

The rest of the group stared with some uncertainty at her sudden change in disposition.

"What?" she snapped, baring her teeth.

Iroh cleared his throat and turned to Zuko, hoping to dispel the tension. "So Nephew, what did you get? I don't suppose it was a good temper?"

Zuko grunted. His box sat in front of him. Two boxes, in fact; and one box was moving. And making sniffing noises. Zuko was eyeing the more active box warily.

"Are those... air-holes in the side?" asked Aang curiously.

"Maybe it's meat!" called Sokka hopefully, immediately flipping open his first issue of Carnivorous Connoisseur to see if there were any hints on preparing such a small quarry. It had to be a delicacy, if it had been delivered alive...

"I hope it doesn't carry rabies," added Toph laconically, smirking as the Prince's jaw clenched.

Katara was still grinding her teeth at being shafted again, and paid no mind to Zuko's intriguing boxes. How dare they gift her the shaft again? Her!

"Ignore them, Zuko, they're only teasing. Go ahead, open it," smiled Iroh encouragingly.

Zuko nodded and carefully opened the stationary box, pulling out a blanket, a bag of food, two bowls, and some kind of harness with a note pinned to it that said "Put me on."

"Huh?" he mumbled, confused. What the hell was... How was he supposed to put it on? He'd never seen anything like it.

No one else had, either. Even Iroh was stumped this time. "Just find the arm holes, I'm sure you'll get it from there," he counselled his nephew.

Zuko's eyebrow raised – he had the arm holes now, but he was still in left field as to what to do from there.

Katara finally stepped in, recognizing the shape and straps and snapping herself out of her reverie.

"Oh! It's a snuggly-carrier!" she cried in triumph. "Here, put your left arm through here, and..." within a few minutes, the prince of the Fire Nation was sporting a very modern, stylish baby snuggly-carrier.

I am not emasculated, he started repeating to himself fervently, I am not emasculated. My manhood is completely intact, and not challenged by this at all. I still love manly things, like uh... damnit, sparkly outfits – I mean, sparkly high heels, I mean, no, her seashells, fabulous mermaid costumes! No, wait! Argh, no, damnit!

"Well, I guess you should open your last gift now, Prince Zuko," said Katara as she tightened the last strap on the harness, oblivious to her fellow bender's internal battle against his mutinous psyche.

"No, that's ok," he said a little hoarsely. "You can do it. This is more than enough for me." Ever.

Katara gave him an odd look. "Are you ok? Just open it."

You are a prince, you're a firebender, you're strong, you wield not one, but two big ass manly swords, you have a bad ass scar, you can open a little box! he shouted at himself.

What if it has teeth?

Uncle Iroh will save me. I gave him a singing, dancing freaking teapot tonight, he owes me.

Nodding more to himself than anyone else, he picked up the box and sat a bit away from the group with the package in his lap. Taking a deep breath, he steeled his nerves, removed the top of the box, and –

"Waf!" yelped the fluffy puppy as it bounded into his arms and licked his face. "Waf, waf waf!" it yelped again, tail wagging furiously as Zuko just stared at the big, dark eyes shining at him in pure unadulterated love.

The floor in the suite shuddered and bucked before returning to its more standard vibrations.

"Hey, wait, down boy, ugh. Stop licking my face!"

"Oh, it's a puppy!" cried Katara, her previous rancor vanishing like smoke. She reached out. "Can I pet him?"

The ceramics around the room rattled with the increasing vibrations.

"Erk, geez, you're squirmy, you know that, Xiao Xiao?" said the prince, trying not to lose control of his very manly exterior, or the exuberant puppy in his lap as he lifted it slightly for Katara to touch.

"Here, I'll help you put him in the carrier," she offered. "I've seen moms do it all the time with babies."

The floor started to buck and heave, and the occupants were getting alarmed, glancing at each other in confusion. Should they take shelter? What was going on?

"Whoa, easy, almost there..." Katara made her way carefully to Zuko to scoop up the puppy so they could move to a less dangerous area. As she helped gently lifted Xiao Xiao into the carrier, Zuko looked at his uncle– and was reminded of the moment on stage with him earlier that night, when Iroh had seemed so happy. Looking at the clock, Zuko realised he only had a few minutes left before midnight, and the ground (and the hotel suite) were shaking like a mad volcano about to erupt.

"There we go, all nice and safe with you baba, now, aren't you?" said Katara sweetly to the puppy, gently scratching its chin as it looked out at her from the top of the carrier. The puppy gave another "Waf!" before licking her finger happily. Katara laughed and before she knew it, looked up at Zuko, smiling happily.

A few paintings fell off the walls, and a vase shattered when it toppled from a desk, spilling its flowers across the floor, renewing everyone's efforts to find shelter.

This is what I've needed! Zuko realised, feeling the suite's floors rocking, and bucking and heaving more violently. The others had all scrambled to separate doorways and under tables hoping for cover from the strange earthquake, and calling to each other.

"Toph, isn't there anything you can do to stop this?" yelled Sokka from the entranceway.

"I'm trying," she replied, teeth clenched. There was so much noice they could barely hear each other.

"Katara, are you ok?" hollered Aang, but it was lost in the sound of a mirror falling and shattering on the floor.

Katara looked away from Zuko and the puppy to see some of their decorations fall, and an end table tip over. Eyes growing wide, she wondered what the hell was happening.

Almost there! thought the prince. He grabbed Katara's wrist and pulled her over to Iroh, who was holding on to a doorway and covering his head with this sleeve. Katara followed, protecting the puppy with the cover from the box.

"Nephew," said Iroh sternly, "this has gone on long enough Either concede or conquer, before someone gets hurt." The message lost some of its severity when Iroh then leaned over to tickle Xiao Xiao between the ears. "Hello, little one," he said cheerfully.

"Uncle, I will succeed! I know I can win. I can give you something no one else can," said Zuko confidently, still grasping Katara's arm.

Immeasurable grief? wondered the girl, sarcastically.

"Zuko, what are you–"

"Grandchildren, Uncle," declared the young firebender meaningfully, looking at Iroh knowingly.

A pause.

Then, comprehension dawned over Iroh's face. "Oh, Prince Zuko! You've finally given an old man true happiness!" he cried, tears welling up in his eyes again for the -enth time that night.

Zuko smirked. Victory shall be mine! he gloated triumphantly.

"Wait, what just happened?" asked Katara, confused, looking up from the puppy. "Why are you looking at me like– OH MY GOD, NO–!"

"May I help decorate the nursery?" asked Iroh, oblivious to Katara's face which had turned a charming shade of purple from shock and lack of air. "Oh, I'm just so excited!" Iroh enthusiastically embraced both Katara and Zuko in a crushing hug.

"You're going to be a grandfather, Uncle. Well, a great-uncle, I suppose, specifically," added Zuko, stealthily trying to thump Katara on the back to induce respiration.

"Oh, I've always been a great uncle, Nephew," replied Iroh, eyes twinkling. "Ooh, I wonder if there'll be twins!"

The clock struck midnight, the precise moment fandom went officially nuts. And Katara fell dead to the floor.

"Katara, are you ok?" Sokka's voice, not Aang's this time. She thought she'd been asked that question a lot that day...

"I did try, Aang! I couldn't stop the shaking. There's only so much I can do, ok!" shouted Toph indignantly.

"Miss Katara, please open your eyes if you can hear us. Xiao Xiao is getting quite upset." That was Iroh.

"Waf!" Yep, even Xiao Xiao was in on the action. And licking her face. Puppy drool, oh joy unbounded. Wait, then that means that right beside her must be–

She felt one hand squeezed. "Come on, waterbend-, uh, Katara."

Oh no.

The other hand received a decidedly more possessive squeeze. "Please Katara, wake up," whispered Aang.

Groaning, she opened her eyes slightly to see everyone staring down at her. This has been a really long day, she thought to herself.

"I'm ok, quit fussing," she sighed and tried to sit up. It was a little difficult with the annoying deathgrips on her hands, but she managed it and met with a resounding headache of success. Hurray, she thought with irritation, more pain!

"You were only out for a few minutes, but you worried us what with all the ground-shaking and all," explained Sokka. "Apart from the fall itself, you weren't hurt, though, as far as I can tell. Did you faint before you lost your balance or something?"

Katara tried, but could not for the life of her remember the last few minutes before her fall. She'd been helping Zuko with the harness, then petting the puppy, the ground shook, and then... Fuzzy. Her forehead wrinkled in concentration. Why was it fuzzy?

"I don't know," she said finally. "I must have hit my head on something. Maybe I was just too tired?" The puppy wimpered and Katara absently petted him to reassure him. "S'ok little guy," she smiled at the limpid eyes.

"Well, you've had a really long day. Did you want to call it a night?" asked Aang, relief and disappointment swirling in his heart.

"Probably should, yeah... But I do want to apologise to everyone first, for being so irate today, and then worrying you tonight," she added, meeting everyone's eyes. "I really lost control of myself today, got jealous, and even let my anger get the better of me. It wasn't fair to any of you, and I'm really, really sorry," she bowed her head down to emphasize her humility, knowing she was lucky to have such good friends to care for her.

I don't deserve you guys, sometimes. But I'm really happy I have you, she thought. But seriously, I could do with less grief. It wouldn't kill you to all smarten up once in a while.

"Don't worry about it," Sokka reassured her, clapping her on the back. "We didn't always make it easy on you, either," he added sheepishly.

"If you want to make it up to us, you can heal us from all these bruises," joked Aang, pointing to the goose egg on his head.

Katara's ears perked up. "Actually, how about I do that? Then nobody wakes up with aches in the morning?" The others shied away, but she persisted. "Come on, it won't take long if everyone gets in the tub together, with that much water.."

Herding Sokka, Aang, and even Zuko into the massive bathroom, Katara deflected complaints and arguments and turned on the jets in their impressive, ten-man hot tub.

BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM: IROH

He took out his notebook from his sleeve and started writing...

Dear Diary,

Yes, things definitely turned out in my favour! Today, Zuko gave me the most wonderful news!... Note to self, give Zuko 'The Talk' very soon, to make sure he knows what he's doing, to ensure success...

BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM: TOPH

Leaning back on the couch, hands behind her head, Toph chewed on a nutshell, contemplative. Then, she chuckled.

"Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub. Way to go, Katara!"

TBC...

/end ch07 –

/03Jan2007

/AN: As promised, here's the link to the 'Tairoh' (Tea x Iroh) comic my friends Akuma & Luel created! /AN: Also, if you missed the notice in my LJ or my profile, the first ship to give me ten comments gets their ending posted first. (Yes, I'm writing two endings to this, one Zutara, one KatAang. I've had some really nice comments from both ships, and I figure an epilogue for each group is a nice way of saying 'thank you for putting up with my crack story!'. I'm sorry I can't figure out a Tang ending for it – I'll try and write a Tang story this coming year, if there's any interest. Anyone got a theme/prompt/rating level to request? It'll help me shape it!)

/AN: Sorry this chap is late! Explanation in my LJ if you're interested (see my profile).

/AN: Happy New Year! Up next, epilogues! (Vote in the comments for which you'd like to see first!)