A/N So here's the thing. I've just spent my entire Saturday paying some CHILD twelve bucks an hour to fix my laptop. Turns out that I could have saved myself a load of money if I'd have just run the anti-virus and hit restart. Life sucks, right? That is my lame, albeit completely honest, excuse as to why this update is a bit late. Sorry! But we have angst. Lots of it, in fact. And fluff, humor, and the Big Explanation. Oh yeah, and the letter. Thanks to everybody who read and reviewed the last chapter! I'm really touched to know that you're all still following. Now, I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the quote at the beginning. Which doesn't technically belong to me. Actually, I'm not sure it even belongs to Parker. But what the hey!

"Tomorrows are the yesterdays we forget to remember"- Parker Manning

Scotty pushed open the bedroom door. Lilly was asleep, her snuffled breathing reminding him exactly how fragile she was. She always looked the best, he thought, when she was in bed. He removed his joggers, laying them across the chair. Lilly was curled up in the foetal position, hugging her knees to her chest, with her arms held protectively in front of her face. The male detective undressed in silence, trying not to notice the way her pale face stood out in the darkness. He sat down on the bed beside her, releasing the breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. As if a magnet was drawing them together, Lilly turned to face him. Her knees were pressed against his stomach, her elbows resting on his chest.

Smiling, Scotty gently placed a hand on her waist, his fingers brushing the expanse of skin where her tank top had ridden up. He felt a slight movement, and grinned when Peanut kicked again.

"Hey, baby," he whispered, "I missed you."

Another hard thump greeted his hand. The baby seemed to be making its presence felt, and it was almost like their unborn child was a constant reminder of what he almost lost. Like insight coming a day, or a month, too late.

"Yeah, I know," Scotty murmured sadly. He leant forward to kiss Lilly's cheek, before disappearing into the living room to think. It was mere moments later when her voice made him jump.

"Scotty?"

"Hey," he replied, breathing out in relief.

"What are you doing?" she asked sleepily. Scotty glanced over his shoulder.

"Jus' thinkin'."

"Out on the sofa?"

He gave her a look, and Lilly shrugged.

"Come back to bed."

"I can't," he said softly.

"Dammit, Scotty," she whispered, "you've been gone for nearly a month. The least you owe me is sleeping in the same bed."

Scotty stared down at his lap. Seeing that he wasn't planning on moving, Lilly heaved a heavy sigh and turned to leave.

"Wait," her partner said suddenly. The blonde detective paused in the doorway.

"What, Scotty?" she replied in defeat. Scotty glanced towards her, his eyes heavy lidded and full of pain, and then stood up. Reaching her in no more than three steps, he slowly tangled his fingers around hers. Smiling slightly, Lilly let him lead her towards their bedroom.

"I'll come, but I ain't slept well for weeks," he said quietly.

"We'll manage."

Lilly pulled back the covers, sitting up against the headboard and pulling him down with her. Scotty kissed her on the lips, before sliding down so that his head was resting in her lap. After a few moments of silence, the blonde detective decided to get the ball rolling.

"I love you, you know. I didn't...stop loving you, just because you left."

He stroked her leg, staring up at the ceiling.

"I didn't want you to get hurt," he said in a low voice, "If I told you about the op, an' they found out...I just didn't want you to get hurt."

"But I was, Scotty. I WAS hurt. I thought it was my fault that you left."

Lilly rested a hand on his forehead.

"But why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because I didn't want you to have to watch another person you love walk away an' not know if you were gonna see 'em again," Scotty replied quietly. His partner tensed.

"You didn't know if you were going to come back?" she echoed in horrified disbelief. Scotty glanced up at her.

"These people...the people I was tryin' to bring down? They...they..."

Hearing the choked edge that had entered his voice, Lilly switched positions, lying down and stretching out beside him.

"Go to sleep. We can talk in the morning." Scotty wrapped an arm around her waist, hugging her against him.

"Love you," he murmured, closing his eyes.

"Love you too."

Forty minutes, two position changes, and a trip to the bathroom later, Lilly sighed, feeling him rubbing circles up and down her leg.

"You're not sleeping," she said quietly. Scotty kissed the back of her neck.

"I'm jus'..." It was his turn to sigh. "I don't know what I'm doin'."

"Sleep. Everything will look better in the morning." He pressed his cheek into the crook of her shoulder.

"Why ain't you kickin' my ass all over the joint?"

"You mean besides the fact I'm 32 weeks pregnant?"

"Lil."

"Jesus, Scotty. These guys take your sense of humour too?"

Against his will, Scotty chuckled, holding her tight to his body.

"Why don't you take your own advice an' go to sleep?"

"Promise me you'll be here when I wake up?" Lilly asked softly, her voice suddenly serious. He nodded into her shoulder.

"I promise. Tomorrow we'll talk."

"OK. Goodnight."

"'Night, Lil. 'Night, Peanut."

"Yeah...still not gonna get an answer, Scotty."

"I know. I just like sayin' it."

When she awoke, Lilly sat up, looking down at her partner as he slept. He'd tossed and turned for a good part of the night, until he finally settled into a fitful unconsciousness.

"What did they do to you?" she whispered, stroking his hair away from his face. Scotty twitched in his sleep, looking absolutely shell-shocked, and his partner leant over to press a tender kiss to cheek. He winced at the pressure on his bruised skin and subconsciously rolled away from her.

Sliding off the bed, Lilly reached for his shirt, slipping it over her shoulders and doing up a few buttons. She walked into the kitchen, lovingly rubbing the roundness in front of her. Reaching for the paper trapped beneath the fruit bowl, she spread the letter out across the counter, settling herself on the bar stool.

Lil,

Don't be mad. Manny Fernandez needed a new face for an op. Not sure how long I'll be gone. You need me (like an emergency, Lil, not when you run out of oatmeal), call Fernandez. He knows how to get hold of me.

Take good care of Peanut.

I love you both,

Scotty

A single tear rolled down her cheek, and Lilly quickly wiped it away.

"Lil?"

She looked up, a tiny smile appearing around her lips at her barely awake partner leaning against the door frame.

"Hey," she said, sliding off the stool and taking a few steps towards him. Scotty met her halfway, and wrapping her in a tight hug, buried his face in her shoulder.

"I love you," he breathed. Lilly nodded.

"I know." He trembled in her arms, and she uncertainly rubbed her hand up his back. "Hey, I know."

This whole situation was wrong. In six of years of partnership, six years of them, and never once had their roles been reversed as they were now. Suddenly realizing what she had to do, Lilly led him towards the sofa, sitting down and dragging him onto the cushions beside her.

"Listen to me," she said softly, taking his hand, "we've been here before, Scotty. Not quite in this situation, but...fuck. I don't know what to say."

Scotty couldn't help but smile at the adorable scowl creasing her forehead.

"Nice try."

"Shut up. Look, I know you don't want to talk about it, but trust me. It helps having someone to share the burden with."

"Yeah?" he questioned, glancing down at her. Lilly nodded, a smile teasing the corner of her lips.

"Yeah. Why else do you think I keep you around?"

"Thanks, Lil," Scotty replied sarcastically.

"You're welcome. Now start sharing."

With a heavy sigh, the male detective let his eyes fall shut, fighting against the images and sounds that had tortured him for the past three weeks.

"FBI was runnin' an op outta Atlantic City. Tryin' to bring down this gang. Had cops all over the city waitin' to bust this thing."

"You know it was an FBI thing?" Lilly asked.

"Nah. Manny jus' said that he needed a new face. Knew I'd done good with the Ana Castilla case. But the Feds, they got no idea about what's goin' on."

Lilly watched a series of emotions flick across his face, none of them lingering long. Scotty tightened his hold on her hand, and continued to speak.

"There was one time. Some big trade-off goin' down jus' outside Atlantic City, warehouse is full o' crack ready for the street. There were maybe ten of 'em, twelve maybe, all carryin' a weapon o' some kind. The drugs are there on the table. I'm supposed to be arrangin' a pick up between buyers and dealers. An' then this kid comes in, an' he's not more than eight or nine, an' he's shoutin' about how el jefe is comin'..."

"El jefe?"

"The boss. Miguel de la Vega. Also known as El Fantasma."

"The Ghost."

"Right. I swear, Lil, this guy scared me. He comes in, an' he's nothin' to look at, but this kid...he's fuckin' terrified, an' he's cryin' about el gobierno y la policia, an' then Miguel says somethin' about leavin' nothin' behind, and...and then he shot the fuckin' kid, Lilly! For no fuckin' reason 'cept he could!"

He fought back tears, choking on a sob.

"I watched them kill a kid, Lil. They just shot him, like he didn't mean anythin'...an' I jus' had to watch. An' it was so wrong. I couldn't do nothin' to help him, 'cause the goddamn fuckin' FBI had buried me so deep that the whole damn operation was restin' on me! And I needed you, Lil. I needed you."

Lilly tightened her arm around him, and as he gave up in his struggle with his emotions, she felt hot tears drip onto her head. Straightening, she pulled him closer, bringing his head to rest on her shoulder and moving his hand around to cover her belly.

"It's OK," she whispered, "it's OK."

His tears soaked into the material of the shirt she was wearing, hot and cold and wet against her skin. Scotty heard the sobs escape from his throat, and squeezed his eyes shut against the tears. Lilly stroked the back of his head, pressing her cheek to his soft black hair and trying to fight off her own tears that had appeared at his pain.

"I didn't know, Lil," he sobbed, "I didn't know. An' then last week, they dragged in this lady, an' she was one o' their dealers. Turned out she'd got clean, been workin' wit' the PD to bring 'em down. She had this...this fuckin' blonde hair, an'..." Tears got the better of him once again, and silent sobs wracked his body. "And dammit, Lil, she was just like you!"

This time, the words of comfort appeared on the tip of her tongue unbidden, and Lilly cradled her partner against her.

"Scotty, listen to me. You told me once that it's OK to show you're scared. I know it hurts, and I know you're blaming yourself for not saving the child and the woman, but you are a good person. And there's no-one, Scotty, NO-ONE I would rather be in love with."

Hearing his sobs lessen, Lilly pushed him down into a lying position and stretching herself out along his side. Her arm wrapped over his waist, her fingers tracing reassuring circles on his arm. Eventually, Scotty returned her gentle embrace, the tears drying to leave shiny tracks on his cheeks. He let out a shaky breath.

"I'm sorry."

"It's me, Scotty. You don't have to be sorry for crying," Lilly replied. He thought for a moment.

"You ain't gonna tell Vera I cried like a baby, are you?"

"I was thinking about making a banner for the department."

"Funny, Lil."

The blonde detective smiled slightly, moving her cheek onto his chest.

"What happened to that case?" Scotty asked suddenly. Lilly shifted against him, her bare legs smooth and cool against his heated skin.

"What case?"

"The case from before. Lawyer from Chestnut Hill who was tryin' Mob cases."

"Oh. Turns out our vic was in love with Carlos Riviera's sister. Had a plan to take her away from the life of crime," she explained with a smile.

"Riviera find out?"

"No, actually. Nick Reeves' lover did."

"Claudia Blake? No way!"

Lilly laughed softly, wrapping her arm over his stomach.

"She told Vera that they were planning to run off together, so when Reeves told her that he was in love with someone else..."

"She killed him," Scotty finished.

"She killed him. Hey, I'm hungry. Don't move, OK?"

He smiled as the fridge door opened and shut, and settled more comfortably on the sofa just as a familiar sound interrupted his train of thought.

"Uh, Lil?"

"What's up?"

"The phone's ringin'," he said. She appeared in the doorway, smirking in amusement.

"So answer it."

Scotty shook his head.

"No thank you." His partner laughed softly, moving to wrap her arms around his neck.

"It's your mom, isn't it?"

He nodded uncertainly. Lilly kissed his cheek, and rested her chin on his shoulder.

"Answer it," she said gently. Sighing heavily, Scotty dragged her around in front of him, reaching for the phone at the same time.

"Hola, mama."

The blonde detective fought back a giggle at the screams that followed from the handset. Her partner winced, looping an arm around her waist and kissing her neck.

"No, madre, I didn't...oh, come on, Ma!"

Hearing the tired frustration in his voice, Lilly took the phone from his hand, drawing a finger down his cheek.

"Maria?"

"Lilly, what in el nombre de Maria, José y Jesus is going on?"

"He came back," the blonde detective said simply. The older woman remained silent, waiting for Lilly to continue.

"He was undercover," Lilly said, right on cue. Maria inhaled sharply.

"Is he hurt?" she asked hurriedly. Lilly smiled to herself- it seemed motherly concern could beat anger any day of the week. Her eyes came to rest on her partner, eyeing the bruises and grazes that tainted his skin.

"He's fine," she lied, fiddling with his hair. Scotty smiled gratefully. Last thing I need right now is Ma gettin' all worked up 'cause I took a beatin'.

"She wants to talk to you," Lilly said. He raised an eyebrow, taking the handset back from her.

"Great."

"Why don't you take it in the bedroom?"

Lilly followed him to the bedroom door, gently nudging him over the threshold. Over his shoulder, he gave her a confused glance.

"Are you coming too?" She stepped onto her tiptoes, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

"No, baby, I'm just closing the door behind you."

Well, there ya go. I hope it wasn't too bad. It was really hard to switch the roles, as in having Scotty being the one in pain and Lilly being the supporting partner. If you could maybe leave a review to let me know what you think...just a little one? Thanks! :)