Stay
Chapter 10
Nathan and Audrey both jerked awake at the sound of a scream and immediately checked for each other before assessing their whereabouts and reaching for their guns. They were in Jennifer's room on the Rouge and it took a few seconds to recall what had happened and work out that Maeve must have made sure they were brought down here. Their weapons were lying on the night stand, each had the magazine clip next to the gun itself. Audrey was closest and she loaded each weapon and handed Nathan his. That was when Nathan realized what they were actually hearing.
"Where's Duke and Jennifer?" Audrey asked, then stopped when she realized the same thing Nathan did.
"In Duke's room, I hope," he answered. "You want to go up…?"
"Yeah." They heard another strangled cry from Jennifer and each pulled a face. "Oh man, I hope he closed the door," Audrey muttered before holstering her gun and climbing off the bed. Nathan shuddered at the alternative knowing that they had to pass Duke's cabin to get topside and started out of the room.
"Nathan!" Audrey hissed. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, tugging her shoes off.
"What?" He kept his voice at a matched whisper to her.
"Take off your shoes."
"Why do WE have to worry about being quiet?"
She glared at him. "Because this embarrassment squick is bad enough without them knowing that we know and heard and… oh just take your shoes off!"
"Fine!" He was still trying to whisper. "Fine, I'm taking them off. Oh God…" He didn't even want to know what kind of sound Duke was making right now. "Let's just hurry!"
With weapons holstered and shoes in hand they tiptoed as fast as they could past Duke's cabin. Nathan held one finger in his ear and had his shoulder hunched up high in an effort to cover the other one as he carried his shoes. Audrey clapped her shoes over both ears and shuffled past as fast as she could. As they got closer to the stairwell that would lead them topside they could hear the tones of a flute that seemed to create a cone of alternate sound that drowned out Duke and Jennifer's love making.
"Thank goodness," Audrey breathed as she climbed the steps and opened the door. She and Nathan found Maeve and Macha still there, as expected, but were both puzzled by the presence of a man they didn't recognize playing the flute.
Maeve nodded to them in acknowledgement. "That is Manannan Mac Lir, The Old Man of the Sea. You'll excuse him if he continues to play, and for fuck's sake close the fucking door!"
Nathan and Audrey scurried out of the door and closed it.
"I take it Duke is okay now?" Audrey asked.
"From what I can hear, he's doing a fair lot better than that," Manannan said around his flute. Maeve rolled her eyes.
"I did suggest that he contrive additional adrenaline rushes as a way to help him learn how to deal with the power rush," Macha offered.
"I hope they hurry up," Nathan muttered.
Manannan soured the note on the flute over a laugh. "I imagine the lass feels differently about that," he snickered.
Maeve produced a bottle of whiskey, drank from it and offered it to the newcomers. Nathan declined with a shake of his head but Audrey accepted, drinking straight from it.
She turned to Macha. "Why did you do that to Duke? Especially like that?"
Macha regarded her a moment before answering, "It did not occur to me that he would accept it voluntarily, as Maeve says, to protect Jennifer. And there was no other way. Which, again, makes an argument against volunteering."
"He was up here earlier," Maeve stated.
"Yeah, he got to stab Macha!" Manannan exclaimed around his flute. "Twice!"
Nathan was glad he couldn't hear what the three Fae gathered around apparently could when their heads all turned toward the door, their eyes widening.
"Keep playing, damn it," Maeve growled.
Macha only quirked an eyebrow. "Perhaps I should have brought an enchanted harp?"
Audrey grinned at her. "Would that help?" Nathan shook his head resignedly.
Macha smiled back, her fangs glinting in the moonlight. "Not really. Manannan's flutes and whistles create a sound distortion. In fact, Manannan, I shall require enough whistles for our merry band here. I would like to deliver as grand a surprise to William as possible."
Manannan shrugged and kept playing.
"A sound distortion?" Audrey echoed. "How?"
Macha shrugged. "The same way that a storm or waves breaking onto the shore drown other sounds. Even heavy fog causes sound to travel differently, frequently confusing humans and yes, even Fae. The fact that Manannan puts iron in all of his whistles and flutes strengthens the effect." She paused and gazed at Audrey for a moment.
"It is good to speak with you. In every incarnation, every identity, the part of you that is always Rhiannon is present. It is that part that Nathan loves, though it is hard to recognize or even reconcile. Is it not, Nathan?"
"It's been a little confusing at times. Confusing and…"
"It's caused some trouble between us," Audrey admitted. "No pun intended."
Since Macha had addressed him Nathan asked her, "Do you know how to undo the bond between Audrey and William?"
"I do. Audrey has to die. And then Jennifer has to be able to restore her right after I kill William. And getting all of that planned out is proving to be a challenge, even to me."
"Parker has to die?!"
"CAN Jennifer revive me?"
"Yes, and I believe so."
"You BELIEVE so?" Nathan snapped.
"Even from my considerable vantage point some things were hidden from me. And I looked longer than most would have been able to stand. Rhiannon, a great deal of your blood went to that infant, if there is another being in this universe who could do what you could, it is her. She has already healed you, without scarring I might add." She looked around for Maeve who had moved to sitting on top of the pilot house, hogging the whiskey and gazing at the sky. "She healed Maeve too," she said in a low voice. "Also without scarring - and she did that as a newborn. And after that Sidhe assassin struck at her, her eyes were glowing red. Maeve's eyes glow red when she is battle ready. So yes, I believe that Suile Gaela can revive you as Audrey Parker, mortal with Fae blood, immune to the Troubles."
"She healed Maeve?" Audrey asked. "From what?"
"From various forms of torture. I think that William was experimenting to see just how strong she is, or to see what, if anything can actually kill her. I know that she was cut with iron and had lemon juice poured into the wounds. If that sounds painful to you recall that both of those substances are toxic and deadly to our kind. That she simultaneously kept her pregnancy hidden, and kept herself and Suile Gaela alive attests to her great strength. I also know that she was burned alive. Understand that Maeve has dominion over fire. So to find an ember or coal that could not only ignite but also engulf her… We have traitors among the Sidhe and Danaan. Ultimately, Suile Gaela's great strength also comes into play. However, I am convinced that almost no one other than Maeve could have withstood that."
Audrey turned to look at Maeve up on the pilot house. She had only hinted vaguely that she had suffered after being captured. Audrey also considered how differently time moved.
"How long…?" Nathan asked, drawing the same conclusion.
"Time travels much slower in the barn because it is a place between worlds. Still… even by our count of time it has been only a month. Her hair is still very short and she was still wearing only silk when she left, all other fabric irritating her skin."
"She's still recovering, isn't she?" Audrey pressed.
"Her full strength you mean? Yes. We found her just in time. Any longer and enough viscera and tissue would have been burned away to reveal Suila Gaela's presence."
"Would it help if Jennifer and I both…?"
"No. That kind of deep within recovery takes time that Maeve does not really have. Don't worry, she is more than strong enough for this fight. And I am here."
"So Jennifer is stronger than she looks?" Nathan asked.
Macha smiled and nodded. "She is the daughter of the great warrior Queen Maeve, the granddaughter of Danu herself and she shares blood bonds with Rhiannon and myself, not to mention an admittedly tenuous one to Manannan through Duke. When Jennifer makes her stand, all the worlds will know it."
"Is she going to be ready for that? She's just learning how to fight."
"No one is ever ready for their calling. Their calling makes them ready."
"Any other clichés to help with that?" Audrey grumped.
"Yes. The strongest of steel is forged in the hottest of fires. There is also something about the strength of people and tea in relation to hot water."
"Are you trying to be funny?"
"No," Macha sighed. "I am always only deadly serious."
"Emphasis on the deadly," Nathan quipped.
Macha only pointed to her nose in response. Audrey gazed up at Maeve on top of the pilot house. She was not in her human form and Audrey wondered if it was tiring to her to maintain the illusion. Last night, she had shooed them away with the pretense that they needed their rest, had she needed her own rest? Audrey recalled watching her stand there and take the chiming of Duke's iron bell. She'd bled from her nose and ears and coughed some up even. Was she still healing from internal injuries?
She looked to Nathan and was glad to see that look of understanding on his face. That was one of her favorite reasons for loving him, he seemed to read and understand her the way one did a favorite novel or painting. And while she knew he had struggled with different identities and personalities, she also knew that he had found her heart and soul and loved them before they knew of the story of Rhiannon. His mouth curved into a smile and he nodded. Without words he encouraged her to go to the ancient, powerful being that was her little sister.
Nathan watched Audrey climb up onto the pilot house and sit next to Maeve, taking the bottle out of her hand and pulling from it again. He watched them from the back as the two of them eased into a companionable exchange.
"Tell me Nathan, do you still find me a detestable being?"
"Does it matter what I think?"
"You are soon to be my brother in law, I think we should get along if we can."
"I don't know what to think of all this anymore. It's not like the Troubles were ever simple but lately everything about Haven and the Troubles is more and more complicated. And I don't know how to protect Audrey from William or anything anymore. A couple of days ago she woke up in an alternate universe, last night she suffered a gun shot wound when Duke shot William and was magically healed by Jennifer, who turns out to be a faery princess and, by the way, Audrey is really Rhiannon the retired queen of the faeries."
"And all you wanted was normal?" Macha enquired. Despite the question, he could tell she wasn't mocking him and he was relieved.
"I think everyone who grows up in Haven craves normal."
She nodded in understanding. "And yet, surely you know it is only an illusion."
"I think it's a relative term," he corrected.
She considered this a moment before changing points. "You are worried about protecting Audrey? She is quite capable. Are you sure you are not more worried about her needing you as much as you need her? Or do you truly wish for the power to protect her?"
He narrowed his eyes on her, "I don't envy Duke and what he goes through with his Trouble."
"Yet you fear him in the throes of that power. I have seen you. I have seen you fear for yourself and others. I saw you keep Jennifer away from him when he took in the hateful blood. A word of caution, do not ever try to keep her from him again. Especially in that state. Your own Trouble though, carries a curious strength to it. Yet numbness doesn't prevent your injury. You are a strong man, but you are a man nonetheless and your numbness can lead you to greater injury."
"Are you offering me something?"
"No. You will hear much talk bandied about regarding the strength of the Fae and Duke's strength enhanced by what I did. If you think that did not LOOK easy, know that it was not. That kind of alchemical process required more bargaining than I care to do. But Nathan, soon enough your humanity, and your human instincts, will be the key to saving more than Audrey."
"Do you already know how this all ends?"
"Ends? Yes. With William dead and Arawn and Pwyll finally destroyed and laid to rest. With Maeve's crown secured along with Rhiannon's happiness as a mortal Audrey Parker with her lover, Nathan Wuornos. Likewise Suile Gaela will choose her mortal life as Jennifer Mason to stay with Duke. Getting to that end is a bit of a mystery. Doors keep opening and closing…. As I told Duke; the future is always in flux."
"You said you gave Duke god-hood? Where does all this leave him?"
"I am glad to see you worrying about his well being. I did not make him immortal. Besides the fact that I actually cannot do that, I would not without a great deal of counsel. You are wise enough to see the curse in the power that I gave to Duke and to his ancestors before him. Likewise, living forever carries its own curse. Apparently becoming inhumane is one of them."
"That bothered you, didn't it?"
"Only a little. By choice I have limited experience with humanity. But I am not intentionally cruel – except to my enemies."
"Do you ever think your friends might have difficulty knowing the difference?"
"I do not usually have human friends and while Maeve may not approve of my approach, she recognizes my intent. Rhiannon, likewise is able to recognize my intent when she has her memories."
She was silent a moment. "Maeve says that if you do not trust us, you will act on your own. That you will not listen to us or, as she put it, take orders from us."
"Take orders?"
"Consider how Maeve thinks. She commands armies, her language will regularly reflect that position. She is also gifted with persuasion. You would find yourself doing what she asked anyway."
"If she commands armies, why not bring one here and defeat William and the Formorians?"
"All that Fae blood poured out over Haven again? We cannot risk it. We will go to the underworld and take them on there. In that circumstance, Maeve will be unable to trust most of her soldiers. Manannan has recently committed himself and his army so they can come. We are doing this covertly so a small army is preferable."
"That trouble making lily that William has, can it affect Audrey like it did Jennifer?"
"Of course, it's altered somehow with the blood of her son. She is anthropomorphic now. Her body completely in human form. She still carries enough Fae genetics to give her a great deal of immunity to the Troubles, but those spores are not Troubles in and of themselves. Like the Datura lily or the Laburnum, they would just be flowers on trees if they were not used as poison."
"Can that tonic lily be used to protect her?"
"Yes."
"What about you, or Maeve or even Manannan Mac Lir over there?"
"It is not likely but I cannot say it is impossible. Of the three of us, Maeve would be the most likely as she shares a direct blood tie to Pryderi through Rhiannon. And if that is true and it becomes an actual threat then you will be very, very glad that I and Manannan are here to stop her."
Nathan nodded and took in what she said as he turned his gaze up toward Audrey, still sitting with Maeve. Macha traced his gaze.
"Go and join them. Be warned though, do not engage in a drinking game with Maeve. It can be lethal for humans."
"She only has one bottle."
"She has HER bottle. It is a never emptying bottle."
"So did I ever like being queen?" Audrey asked.
"I'm not sure. You were good at it. You were… As you are now. Fair, kind and compassionate." Maeve grinned around the mouth of the bottle. "I think you were probably better at it than I am. I'm kind of a bitch."
"How was I so fooled by Pwyll?"
"You see the best in people. That's part of what makes you such a good queen, so good at helping the Troubled, and it's why people like Duke love you so much."
Audrey glanced at her sharply. "I thought with Jennifer…."
"You know better. You know what I mean."
"Does he? Love her, I mean?"
"Concerned as we may be, it's none of our business. They're both adults."
Audrey guffawed and took the bottle from Maeve. "When I met him last June, Duke was more like a man-child than anything else."
"See what a positive influence you are?"
"Maybe it's just everything I've put him through."
Maeve rolled her eyes. "You're not responsible for everything. Neither as Audrey nor as Rhiannon."
"I'm definitely not responsible for his Trouble now."
"Don't judge Macha. I know how she can seem, but ultimately I think even Duke will be glad of what she did. I always knew she was deliberate in creating the Crocker Curse, I think she took time to try to perfect it."
"Why do you think Duke will be glad to have his Trouble back?"
"Because it will be easier for him to control this time. Because he really will be stronger. Because it will enable him to do the things he wants or needs to be able to do."
"Like protect Jennifer?"
"Yes, but not just Jennifer. You and Nathan as well. You realize he thinks of the three of you as his family, don't you?"
"Yeah. I do." Audrey took another drink. She'd worried about being selfish for months because she'd enjoyed Duke's affection even as she had let herself fall in love with Nathan. "I'd really thought of him and Nathan as my family too. And Vince and Dave. Dwight and Claire too. Even Jordan and she hated me but she was like that cousin you knew had it too rough and you wished you could do something. And Jennifer is… Well, I guess she is like a niece to me. But, I hate how I can feel them more easily as family than I can James or Pryderi. Or even you. Or Macha over there who, so far, just seems kind of scary to me."
"We are hardly speaking to each other as strangers, are we? And you didn't seem afraid of Macha earlier. When you were acting with feeling and instinct and not trying to think it all out. But remember, all sentient beings are capable of keeping shields in place to protect their hearts and minds. Audrey Parker is protecting Rhiannon and remaining functional. When it's time to remember, you will. And if needed, there is a potion that can undo the work of the Washers."
"Did I ever happen to pick the name 'Sybil' to use as an identity here?"
Maeve only chuckled in response and took another drink.
"You two leave anything in that bottle for me?" Nathan asked, hoisting himself up onto the roof of the pilot house with them.
"Uh… Oh wow. Funny you should ask," Audrey responded. Maeve smirked at the slur in her words.
"You should probably slow down, Parker," Nathan said with a smile.
"Did we really drink that much?"
"No telling," Maeve responded. "The bottle is enchanted to never go empty." She handed it to Nathan.
"You know, you'd be a big hit at a frat house," Audrey joked.
Maeve blinked at her. "What do you mean I would be?"
Macha watched as the trio on the pilot house settled in. She gazed up into the seemingly endless black sky of night. Into this view of the Great Wheel of time and space. And as she had for eons, wished she could see past the veil. She reached up and untied the black cord that held her wings into what looked like a cloak of feathers, then spread them.
"I've not seen that sight in a long, long time," Manannan commented. He had stopped playing awhile ago. The sound cover no longer necessary. "I'd begun to wonder if you remembered yourself at all anymore."
She didn't answer. There was nothing to say.
He tried another approach. "Do you think you'll ever get to go back?"
Without shifting her gaze she answered, "That also remains hidden from me."
He stood next to her and reached to take one of her hands in his. She sighed. So few dared to touch her at all, let alone so spontaneously. "I'm glad I can't imagine what you're missing."
She shrugged. "The memories are genetic, not experiential."
"Why didn't you just tell me what you wanted my blood for? I would have given it to you without all the fuss."
"But probably not your cloak or your ship as well."
"What the fuck did you do with my ship?"
"I traded it for the necessary knowledge to make our blood work to restore the power of the Crocker Curse."
"You did what?!" He couldn't believe the gall of her.
"Relax, obviously Zhang Boduan had only limited use for it. If any at all."
"Bloody hell, Macha, it's not like swiping a pen."
"Why would I need a pen?"
"You fucking know what I mean. What about my cloak?"
"I have not seen it in a awhile."
"Oy, you are one droll bitch, you know that lass?"
She smiled and squeezed his hand. "I promise you will get it back, Old Man."
"He's not Harry Potter, you know."
She laughed silently. "And we would hardly qualify as Lily and James."
"For what it's worth, I do believe you'd stand between him and a would be murderer."
"Ah, but the difference is, he and I would both still be living."
"Who is his father, Macha?"
"Simon Crocker."
"You know who I meant."
She sighed heavily. "That is my secret to keep as long as it will stay kept."
"You know, keeping it a secret just makes it seem worse."
"I doubt it."
Manannan sighed. "Secrets are a poison, a cancer…."
"It is a good thing that I am invulnerable as well as immortal then."
"Damn it Macha. If it's what I think it is and that secret blows at the wrong time…."
"Only make sure you are not the one lighting the fuse Manannan."
"Fine. You help me clean up the mess you made with Duke over there and I'll help you clean up the mess you made with He Who Shall Not Be Named."
Jennifer awoke to the familiar comfort of the weight of Duke's arm across her. She stretched and turned her head to look at him as he lay on his belly sprawled across the bed in a free fall position. She remembered researching an article on sleeping habits for The Globe and this was a position that most specialists agreed indicated an attempt to grasp control of one's life. She passed a hand over his face, feeling for herself the set of Duke's jaw and the crease in his brow that showed just how much he was failing at that. She tried to smooth away that furrow in his brow and caress away the clench of his jaw, wishing she could set him at ease the way he always could for her. The stubble along his jaw scraped lightly against her palm and caused a slightly uncomfortable prickling there. She tried to look at the cut that Macha had given her before pressing her hand down onto the wound over Duke's heart, in the semi-darkness all that could be seen was the shimmer of a thin silvery blue line. Looking at Duke's chest she could see a similar one. Was it already scarred? Why had Macha cut her like that?
A different awareness settled over her and she knew that Duke was awake and watching her. She looked to him, wondering if she would encounter his silver gaze in the dark, or if his eyes were back to normal. She was relieved to find the latter.
"Whatcha doin'?" He mumbled sleepily.
"Trying to see if I'm still glowing," she teased lightly. She didn't want to worry him about scars or Macha cutting her right now. She didn't know how upset he would be or what would happen.
He smiled slightly and flexed his shoulders to lift himself and move to his back.
"If you are, I can't see it right now."
"What's happening Duke?"
He sighed, "I don't know for sure yet. Did I - Did I hurt you?"
"No. It was, um, it was surprising. But you didn't hurt me." She moved to lay over him, craving his warmth and hoping to give him reassurance that she was unharmed. She lifted her head to look up toward him and rested her chin on the back of her hand, keeping her palm down and out of sight for now. "Where were you - before?"
"I went up to confront Macha and Maeve. To get some answers."
"Did they give you any?"
"Yes and no. Maeve didn't know what Macha had planned although apparently Macha has seen enough of the future to have had this as a back up plan for who knows how long. Oh, and have you ever heard of the Old Man of the Sea?"
"'Of' or 'and?'"
"'Of,' not the Hemingway book."
"Yeah, it's sort of a nickname for Manannan Mac Lir. A Celtic Sea God."
"Aw, man."
"What?"
"Apparently he's some sort of Fae ancestor of mine on my mother's side. Lucky me - right?"
"I don't know. I've gotta wonder why these Fae people keep wanting to get it on with humans since Halflings like myself are so loathsome as to be marked for death and I also have to wonder how rare or common it is for people in Haven to have Fae ancestry on both sides. Of course, all that leads to me wondering why people let themselves have kids around here at all and that just seems cruel."
"Well, we know that Maeve said you were unplanned but then she ended up fighting for you along with Macha and Rhiannon. And the most likely reason they want to kill you is because you're Maeve's daughter and more powerful than what a Halfling should be. And Maeve told me yesterday that Macha started the Crocker family curse on purpose."
"Wait. She did? How did she do that?"
"Maeve could only say that Macha has given birth only once and it was to the first Crocker. Basically we exist to kill people and put an end to the worst of the Troubles."
"First of all, you're not a murderer. But what I think is unique about your particular ancestry is that neither Macha nor Manannan Mac Lir are Fae. Or at least, they're not Tuatha De Danaan."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Maeve said she thought Macha was closer to their mother's age and Manannan Mac Lir is definitely older than any of the three tribes she mentioned last night. He shows up in a lot of stories and legends with the Sidhe and the Tuatha De Danaan but he's never considered one of them. Sometimes he's a prankster or jokester. But he's said to have lots of different kinds of powers."
Duke sighed and sat up to grab the blanket at the foot of the bed, pulling it up over them. He'd felt the goosebumps raising along Jennifer's arms and wanted her comfortable. He relished the feeling of her nestling back alongside of him, resting her head on his shoulder.
"Macha mentioned having his blood in me made me more able to resist the addiction that came with my family curse. And that it could do it again. She actually gave me a fucking vial of the stuff, in case she got the mix wrong."
Jennifer was shocked. "There are so many horrible things about that. How did she even get his blood from him in the first place?"
"Apparently it involved also dumping his boat in the Gobi desert."
"Huh?"
"He actually sounded more upset about that. And some cloak of his."
"Regeneration is one of his powers. I guess getting back his possessions is harder than healing."
"They all seem pretty good at regeneration. Macha let me stab her. Hell, she goaded me into it."
"Why?"
"They all seemed to think I earned the right somehow. I guess no one else gets to point a sword at Macha and walk away from it. That, and the adrenaline rush that I got when she taunted me about how often I've almost lost you, and the people I have lost because I played defense instead of attacking a threat head on I guess…. Look, Jennifer, there's something important you need to know."
She tried to keep herself still but there was a sick feeling of dread in her stomach.
"Um, what is it?"
"I was married."
"What? When?"
"Um, a long time ago. And she left me a few years back, but last year she ended up back here." He sighed heavily and Jennifer held her silence, waiting for him to tell his story.
"Jack Driscoll's uncle Ed was the Reverend of the Good Shepherd Church. Mostly they just hated Troubled people. He wanted me to follow in my father's foot steps. My grandfather's. You know, I don't know for sure how my dad started, but I know my grandfather started killing Troubled people because a group of people like Reverend Driscoll found a way to make him do it. They threatened his wife and son. My grandmother and my dad…. The Reverend was using Evi - my wife - in sort of the same way. She was sort of working for him. At least, she was at first. When she tried to confront him and his group, when she tried to defy them, they shot her dead in the street."
He heard Jennifer suck in a breath that she didn't exhale, and she was very still beside him.
"This was before I knew about my family's curse. Before my Trouble was even activated. Evi actually left me the clues I needed to find out."
"Duke… I don't - I don't know what to say."
"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, I just didn't know how or what to say."
She sat up, tucking the blanket around her. He hated that she was suddenly hiding herself from him.
"Is there anyone else I should know about?"
Her voice sounded a little strained, like some strong emotion was squeezing her too tight.
"My old baby sitter Vanessa Stanley. She was killed by a Troubled guy who had a pyro-Trouble. She had a Trouble that caused her to see the death of a person. She said I would be killed by someone with a guard symbol tattoo. Which is why it was important for Evi to leave me the clues I needed to figure out why they might want me dead."
"Oh my God, Duke."
"And there was also Julia Carr. I've known her since we were kids. She was younger though. She always… looked up to me, had a crush on me. She left last October. She's a doctor with MSF, in Africa. But um.. She couldn't deal with me. With who I am instead of how she remembered me."
Jennifer was silent for a long moment. He started to feel that familiar hole inside getting bigger. In the darkness, he was sure she was pulling away. Her body wasn't moving but it seemed like she was shutting him out.
Finally she spoke, "I knew you were trying to get me off the Rouge for some reason other than you just wanted to run away."
"I wanted you to go back to Boston. Get the hell out of this. Get away from me so that I couldn't hurt you or so that you… I didn't want to look at you and see you looking at me the way Julia did and I didn't want you to end up getting killed because of me."
"Did you love her?"
"Which one?"
"Either of them." It sounded like she was speaking around gritted teeth.
"Well, Vanessa was my babysitter -"
"You KNOW what I mean."
"I, I thought I loved Evi. We were pretty young when we got together and it was all kinda fun at first because we were just partners in crime - literally - until she got bored. And then of course she came back and I don't know what Ed Driscoll promised her… Agh. Damn it Jennifer, I didn't love her but I cared about her. And I didn't love Julia but…" He sat up in the darkness and reached for her. He cupped her face in his hands but didn't try to kiss her. "Everyone I have ever given a damn about is dead or has left me. And after what Macha did tonight… I could hear your heartbeat before I even got in the room. Your fucking heartbeat Jennifer! I could tell that something was scaring you in your sleep. I saw you and I could smell you and… I wouldn't have been able to stop. Do you understand me? She's turned me into worse of a monster than anyone who ever hated me just because my name was Crocker would believe. I could have killed you…"
"Don't you DARE try to make me leave again, Duke Crocker. Don't you dare!" She wrenched away from him and jumped off the bed, dragging the blanket with her, heading for the light switch by the door. If he couldn't see her in the dark now he would damn sure look at her in the light. And he would deal with her looking at him too. "Not after everything… Not after what you…"
She never made it to the switch and she didn't finish her sentence. Duke's arms were around her and he pulled her backward against him. "I've already tried cutting my heart out to send you away Jennifer. I couldn't make that sacrifice. I won't be trying again. I don't know how or why, and it's probably the worst mistake you've ever made but I know you're in love with me…"
She tired to wrench her self out of his arms, "you bas-"
"And I'm in love with you."
She didn't finish that sentence either. She stilled in his arms.
"That's what I've been trying to tell you."
She remained still and silent.
"Jennifer?"
"You're not very good at telling people that."
"Yeah, well, I haven't exactly had a lot of material to work with."
"Oh. Well. Let me show you." She moved to step out of his arms and he let her. She let the blanket fall to the floor and turned on the light. When she turned he could see her eyes reddened with tears that were still shimmering on her cheeks. She returned to him and reached up to cup his face in her hands. She brushed away the hair that never seemed to make it into his ponytail. Then she raised herself up to kiss him. Withdrawing she looked into his eyes.
"I love you."