So… after much anticipation…we've finally got the next chapter of crack up for you. Lol sorry and thank you for your patience, life sort of caught up with us and we forgot about the role play for a while. Thanks to Death1991 review for reminding us how happy our crack makes you guys happy.
So hence! Enjoy this unedited crack! I was too lazy to edit but it's crack so who cares 8D
CHAPTER TEN~!
Booting up to a transformer's version of a hangover was perhaps worse than a human hang over... not that Diana would know that. Dea might. But not Diana.
Either way her headache pounded her into submission to the darkness of her berth where she hid underneath the covers to block the light from the windows.
"What the hell happened...." Diana whimpered, only now facing the disappointment of realizing she was still Wheeljack's visualization of a femme. She curled up into a self pity ball and tried to go back to sleep.
The sound of her door opening caused Diana to glare from under her covers, her optics glinting with mild anger, "What?"
Dea rolled her eyes and shoved something towards her, "Drink up. Ratchet made it special for you."
"Why?"
"Because if I RAISE MY VOICE LIKE THIS!!!" Diana winced and retreated under her covers, her hands covering her ears to try and stop the ringing. The maroon femme paused to let her point get across before continuing in the whisper she'd had before, "You get a massive headache." Dea wiggled the cube of stuff around, "Hangover cure. Transformers style."
Carefully Diana sipped the concoction and half way through her aches and pains started to recede, "What the hell happened... the last thing I remember I was trying to distract Wheeljack... then I was trying to distract Jetfire.... then I blacked out." she fidgeted, the femme didn't like not remembering such big chunks of time.
Likewise, Dea fidgeted. That caused Diana some alarm, "Not much. You kinda went on a dancing spree, did the monkey, cabbage patched, some really stupid looking seventies dancing..." Diana made a flat 'hm' sound, not believing her friend one bit, "Then you might have said somethings, but I'm not quite sure. I wasn't there for the most of it."
"...."
"What?"
"Why am I having a REALLY hard time believing you." Diana sipped her drink.
Dea grinned, "My reputation means nothing in this case!"
"Hardly..." Diana massaged her head from her friend's high squeaky voice.
"Alright, I will leave you to your napping." Dea said as she slinked back out into the hallway. Once the door was closed, she giggled to herself and skipped down the corridor to were Jazz was waiting for her - the two were going to be on a date.
Behind the door, Diana closed her eyes and pressed at her temple before throwing the covers back over her head, "I'll deal with it once I feel better."
"How did Wheeljack take it?"
"You didn't hear the scream he made when he woke up?" Jazz asked.
"I was wondering why the ground shook and my ears felt like they were going to crack... gee... his scream is worse than mine." she laughed.
She wrapped her arms around one of Jazz's and the two started for the entrance of the base, "Why are we going on a date again?"
"Because!" Dea said, then looked up at Jazz, who was giving her the 'you better give me a better answer than that' look, "Because I don't want to be around when Wheeljack tries to come and find me." She giggled nervously, thinking that Jazz would stop them and make her face her punishment.
Jazz heaved his shoulders in a shrug, "As long as you have a reason."
"YAY!"
~Few Hours Later.
Diana's door opened and the groggy looking femme stumbled out. She leaned heavily the wall wondering what sort of party was thrown. She slouched along, intent on finding Ratchet for more of that concoction.
Diana pulled to a stop and frowned, finding the path directly in front of her blocked by the body of a mech. Her head lifted up, and she registered mild fear when she saw it to be Wheeljack. However, her fear subsided when she noticed that the scientist was to angry to be turned on by her appearance at the moment, "Did you help Dea destroy my lab?!"
"Her words are she redecorated, and I was off being drunk somewhere," Diana responded. Wheeljack huffed, then paused to register was she'd just said, but Diana had already taken the energy needed to walk around the mech and continue towards where ever the hell Ratchet was.
"Drunk??"
"Don't ask... I don't know." Diana mumbled as she fumbled along. Wheeljack blinked a few times and decided that Diana was just somehow another victim.
The door to Ratchet's lab opened, and Diana stumbled through, holding her head with one hand, and the door jam with the other. Ratchet raised an eye ridge, "Need more hangover cure?"
"I do, and I'm not even going to wonder how you know it works," Diana said, the image of Ratchet with a hangover making her want to laugh, which she knew would worsen her headache.
Ratchet shrugged and handed her a cube, "Experience."
"That's what I just told you not to tell me! Jeez, don't you listen?" the femme whined as she sat down and sipped at the concoction.
"What did I miss while I was out cold?" Diana asked.
"Wheeljack woke up in a nightmare. I must say... Dea 'redecorates' worse than the twins!" Ratchet's laugh just made the purple and black femme cringe at the loud sound.
"Yeah... I've seen it..."
"Yes, and I heard about your...uh... dancing." The last part was said with a smothered snicker, and Diana once again felt like she wasn't getting the whole story.
She nodded anyway, and played along, "Mmm. Dea told me about it. I was doing the monkey and what not apparently." Ratchet's laughter, besides making her cringe, told her that Dea had lied to her.
Diana gave Ratchet 'THE look'.
"What?"
"You are what's what."
"Pardon?" Ratchet asked.
"No you're not pardoned! Where's Dea's blackmail folder?!" Diana growled.
Ratchet blinked, "Her blackmail... Do you think if I knew the answer to that, that she'd still be able to blackmail ME?!"
Diana mulled that over, "Good point. Fine, then I'll settle for blackmailing you into telling me what I REALLY did last night!"
The medic snicker yet again, "Like I said, you did some dancing. I just never mentioned that you weren't alone."
Diana perked up at this, "What?"
"I can't say..."
"I didn't bump and grind with Wheeljack did I??" Diana moaned.
Rachet coughed, "Had an accent," Cough. Cough.
Diana froze, as a list of all the mechs with accents went through her head. Slowly she remembered the last mech she'd been with before she'd blacked out, "JETFIRE?!?!?!?!?"
The entire base heard Diana's scream of embarrassment.
When several came running to see what had happened, they found Ratchet kneeling in front of Diana trying to coax her out since she was hiding under a table in the very corner.
"Waaah! Stalker must be so mad at me!" Diana sobbed, "And Dea has the power now! It's not fairrrr!" she rambled.
"Hey hey it's not all bad." Ratchet attempted to comfort her.
Diana smacked his hand away and glared, "Really. Oh, then PLEASE enlighten me on HOW THE FRAG it can be better? HMMM?!?!?" The medic backed up a few paces and looked around the room, "Uh-huh, that's right, IT REALLY IS THAT BAD!!!"
"Uuhh.... I think I should go get Sparkle now..." Ratchet said, still backing slowly out of the room from the now deranged Diana.
Ratchet made sure everyone left with him so that Diana didn't have anyone to spit more anger at. It was a couple hours later before Diana was approachable and only by the femmebots. Diana knew Dea wouldn't reveal the location of the party evidence unless she gave her a VERY good reason to. That was going to be hard to find considering her nature...
Zan ran by and hopped onto her knee, holding up they keycard to the captives cages, "beep boop! bweeeep!" he hopped up and down excitedly, pointing at the door with the keycard.
"What is it?" Diana followed the monkeybot to the place where Frenzy and Barricade... where at least supposed to be. The femme only saw an annoyed looking Frenzy.
"Zan you let the Cade kitty out?!"
"no." he shook his head.
"The Cade Kitty escape?!?!" Diana yelped, picking her feet up as if there was a mouse in the room or something, "Cripes!" She bent down low to Zan and gave the drone a serious look, "Zan, I need you to help me look for Cade-Kitty. If anybody finds out that he's missing we're going to be in big trouble, okay?"
The little drone beeped in confirmation and saluted. The femme giggled, and patted Zan on the head before standing up and walking from the room to start her own search. Once the door was closed, Zan turned to look at Frenzy.
"Nu-uh. I'm not telling you were he went. I don't want to be involved with that idiot's idea of revenge." The attachment said with a sneer, "Friggin' moron."
Zan folded his arms and glared, twitching his tail a bit. Then he left through one of the vent shafts. A short time later he came back with a strange looking device barely big enough to fit in the palm of Frenzy's hand... although the drone had to use two to carry it.
"Whatchya gonna do?? Poke me till I confess?" Frenzy snickered.
Zan took the device in his tail claw and stuck it through the cage bars and poked Frenzy. The electrical jolt surprised Frenzy because it didn't hurt... it rather... tickled?
When Zan saw that his device was doing its job, he jabbed Frenzy with it again, and the small silver mech squeaked in a giggle. Frenzy clamped a hand over his mouth and glared, "What did you just do?" He yelled, but it came out muffled due to his hand, so Zan poked him again, getting another squeak from Frenzy.
Zan stroked his chin, then blinked, "BOOP!" Dea's energon that she'd blackmailed Wheeljack into creating for her! Of course!! That would be the perfect way to take revenge.
Of course, the poor little drone wasn't allowed to have any of the stuff. Something about drones on a sugar high being a bad thing, but he did understand how addicted the red femme was.
With a leap, hop and a skip the drone scampered through his secret pathways through the walls and eventually ended up in Dea's room underneath her bed where she kept her stash. He ignored the box labeled 'good stuff' and went straight behind it.
He hit his head when he jumped in surprise to see that all but one was missing.
This wasn't a very good sign...
Zan scuttled back out from under her bed and looked around. The little kitty bot couldn't have gotten too far if he was trying to carry all of those cubes with him, so Zan would just have to think. If he was feeling petty and wanted to hide some energon cubes, where would he go?
Scratching his noggin, the drone beeped in frustration. If it was him, he'd hide it with the oranges in the fruit box. But that was him, and he was pretty certain that the Decepticon kitty was going to be thinking along different lines.
Zan ran back into the vent system, the conversations of the Autobots from all over echoing through this maze.
Where would a Decepticon go...
He stopped and slapped his forhead.
All this thinking was giving him a headache! Whatever happened to just being cute and being the handy drone??
Splat.
Zan perked up.
A mess had been made somewhere.
Zan followed his gut, making a few lefts and rights until he came into the lunch room. Hm, so maybe the Cade Kitty was thinking the same way he was--Oop. No... No, he was knocking green glowing cubes of Mountain Dew energon from the Transformer sized counter tops to the floor, creating a nice little pool of green that the Decepticon was currently sliding in for maximum mess coverage, "Bewoop!"
"GAH!" Barricade yelped, skidding in the green liquid before coming to a stop, "Oh...Primus, it's just the little drone." Ignoring Zan, the kitty bot once again started sliding in the energon, making sure to smack the counter tops with sticky paws and write 'Revenge is sticky' in Mountain Dew energon on the floor.
Zan just stared at the petty revenge the Decepticon toaster bot was making all over the kitchen.
Barricade leaped onto the counter to push the last few cubes onto the floor and that's when he noticed something odd.
The monkeybot was standing majestically like... oh what was that human hero's name.... oh yes... superman. The drone was standing with his chest puffed up, a red handkerchief tied around his neck and blue undies with what looked like a pink heart on the front of them.
Barricade would've felt his jaw unhinge and drop to the floor if it weren't for the fact that the stupid drone wasn't alone.
All of his maintenance buddies in the area were at his side. All of them glaring up at the culprit that had messed up the kitchen.
"What the--"
"BEWOOOOOOP!!!!!"
At Zan's battle cry - at least Barricade was going to go ahead and assume it was a battle cry - the drone and his fellow maintenance bots launched themselves at the Decepticon like little cute cannons of adorable doom, leaving Barricade to have that 'jaw unhinge and fall to the floor' feeling again before he leaped out of the way.
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!" Barricade shouted in response as he bolted from the cafeteria, the little drones already in hot pursuit.
Did he feel like an idiot?
Yes. Dear Primus, yes. He felt more like an idiot than he could have ever possibly imagined he could - even rivaling the time he had lost a bet with Blackout and had to wear femme armor for a week. He felt like a petty moronic imbecile doomed to be ridiculed for the rest of his unnaturally long - in human standards - life.
Did he even give a slag?
Not in the slightest.
Which is probably why he was still screaming as he ran down the hallway away from the horde of maintenance drones that followed in his wake.
Optimus was about to step out in the hallway to take a break from pushing papers when he stopped in midstep to avoid a chrome black bot running for his life from.... a horde of cleanup drones???
The batch of drones led by Zan beeped a battle song (Optimus thought) as they ran the toaster bot down.
Barricade slid around the next corner Grand Theft Auto style (somehow) and scrambled to stay ahead of the angry mob.
However he made the mistake of looking back to gauge his distance and this made him run into the next leg that was in the way.
Perceptor yelled in surprise when he suddenly had dozens of drones gathered all around his ankle trying to get at something.
Zan leaped on top of the pile waving a little flag of victory.
Silence reigned over the hallway as heads turned to look at the dog pile of drones as they un-dog piled themselves and started dragging away a very unhappy looking kitty bot by its tail. Once the brigade was gone, everyone resumed what they were doing, having learned soon enough - all thanks to Dea and Diana - that went something strange happened it was best to just ignore the problem and hope that it'll go away.
Zan sat with his legs crossed on a pillow nibbling on a low grade goodie meant for drones. All of the drones were keeping a very close optic on Barricade as he mopped up the mess from the mountain dew energons.
Grumbling, Barricade looked over at said drone, who did the "I'm watching you." thing with his hand, "Friggin' drones with their friggin' OCD and their friggin' annoying-ness and their friggin' rules cuz of those friggin' Autobots and that friggin' human girl." He resumed his mopping - which was really just a couple of rags that the drones had tied to his paws, "Friggin' friggin'."
"beepooooo!" another drone smacked Barricade on the head and pointed at a spot he'd missed.
"Stupid glitch!" Barricade tried to hit the drone but missed and all of the energon splattered everywhere one drop ended up in Zan's mouth since he'd been about to eat another goodie. The drone stiffened up with a face like he'd just eaten a lemon (pardon the human metaphor) and then he took off, his systems overloaded with energy.
"Awe slag..." Barricade whined, "I'm going to get blamed for that..."
Dea skipped on in with her happy looking boyfriend (no not the satisfied happy just the regular happy....).
"This calls for a drink!" Dea ran to get her special energon... then found that only one cube of it was left. The stuff was particularly hard to replicate and Wheeljack had said he'd only make one batch because it took so much energy. And now that Wheeljack was pissed at her....
Jazz cocked his head happily (the 'Ooooo lookit that aft' kind of happy) but frowned when he heard a growl come from his girlfriend, "Um, Dea?"
"Someone touched my Dew. And now I can't get anymore because Wheeljack is mad at me." She righted herself and turned to look up at Jazz from the floor, "Whoever did this is a dead man."
The Pontiac tried to hold his tongue and failed, "You mean mech."
"HUMAN EXPRESSION!" She said with a yell and smacked the lieutenant's head, "Get with the program! Jeez."
"Right... human in heart till the end." Jazz smiled at his fuming femme. Her being angry was actually kind of hot....
There was a high pitched '' as a blur zipped into the room and ran circles around the two.
Dea watched the speeding blur until a brain child hit her in the face, "I know this level of hyper-ness...... HE'S HAD MOUNTAIN DEW!"
"He had what?!?" Jazz yelled, trying to catch the little drone, "Wait, how do you even--......Know what, never mind."
It was about three hundred more laps before the drone had finally expelled the energy. He crashed to a stop and plopped there, content with just slumping there with his blue undies and hanky. His expression was that of a sugar junkie after the crash.
Dea sighed and scooped up the little drone into her arms, "Poor little guy... Wasn't ready for the crash..." She shook her head in heartfelt sadness - that fact alone making Jazz raise an eye ridge - and placed the drone on her bed, "Never saw it coming..."
"Zan? Do you know who took my Dew? Cause you know no one's allowed to touch my Dew." Dea asked.
"wooo..." he went into sleep mode.
Suddenly the two heard a strange noise outside.... a lot of loud beeps and squeaks as a mass of maintenance drones marched by with a kitty Decepticon tied up with duct tape being dragged behind them.
"Why that sneaky little--"
"DEA You're not allowed to destroy anymore of the base!!"
"FOR THE DEEEEWWWW!!!"
Ratchet worried about whiplash as he yanked his head around toward the loud yells coming from around the corner behind him. Thinking it wise for his health if he pretended he heard nothing, the medic crept along, hugging the walls, all the while hoping nobody would ask him about the noise, or what he was doing for that matter.
Frenzy watched as a dented, scratched up and absolutely humiliated Barricade was dropped back into his cage by a satisfied looking Dea. She dusted off her hands and strutted on out.
"Backfired huh?" Frenzy smirked.
Barricade just glared, which was received with a chuckle from Frenzy, "Oooo so touchy. What, did I rub your fur the wrong way?"
"I'm contemplating the pros and cons of your death as we speak."
~Elsewhere.
"MY OFFICE!!" Wheeljack screamed.
"Revenge a la Dea." the femme said smoothly from where she sat on the rec room couch snuggling with Jazz.
"....MY.... office...."
"Yyyeeesss?"
"WHY?!"
"Because you turned us into this hot stuff without our permission." Dea nodded.
"And that's reasonable?" Wheeljack questioned irritably.
Dea heaved her shoulders in a shrug before snuggling herself further into Jazz's arms, "Like divine retribution." Wheeljack opened his mouth to object, but couldn't come up with anything and promptly closed it, "See? There's no resisting my logic, my dear boy--
"I'm a mech--"
"--so it's best if you just let it wash over you like the mind killing plague that it is." Dea finished as if she hadn't been interrupted.
The scientist, along with the femme's boyfriend, looked at Dea with a look that comprised of confusion, a little bit of fear, and bewilderment. She looked from one face to the other, "What?"
"Did you just refer to your logic as a mind killing plague?"
"What, you really thought that I could come up with the plans I do with a fully functioning brain?!" Dea huffed and crossed her arms, "I don't know if I should take that as an insult or a compliment."
All of them looked up when the door opened and Diana walked in. She glanced at them... then looked away and sat on the far side of the room by herself to watch television.
Dea wiggled herself from Jazz's grip, "Awwwe... Someone is being EMO~~!"
"Someone is holding blackmail on me~!" Diana retorted in a sarcastic happy tone as she flipped through the channels, "Again."
The red femme rolled her eyes in response, turned and whispered something to Jazz, who promptly started to laugh hysterically while he nodded. Dea grinned back and turned to look at Diana, who was looking suspiciously at her.
The couple stood, and waltzed happily over to her - Jazz on her right and Dea on her left. Her neck craned backwards to look at the two, she saw the two of them grin at each other before bending down low, "BOTHA BOTHA BOTHA BOTHA!!!"
"GAAAAH!!!!" screamed Diana, leaping up from the couch and bounding for the door, "NO PUPPET PAL REFERENCES DAMMIT!"
"Aw come on it's fun to botha!" Dea chased her sulking friend out of the rec room.
"Leave me alone damn it!" Diana yelled, "I want a day to sulk!"
"YOU CAN NEVER SULK!" Dea said as she continued to give chased via skipping slowly along as Diana stormed through the hallways.
"ARGH!" Diana cried, throwing her hands up in the air with frustration, "You are so hard to deal with when I want to sulk."
Dea skip a beat, before starting her skipping back up, "You expected differently?"
A pause.
"No..."
"Then... NO COMPLAINING!"
"QUIT WITH YOUR NONSENSE RULES!"
There was a snicker in the backround and Diana turned to glare at the snicker-er and realized that it was Jetfire. A few sparks lit up her helm and she took off in the opposite direction.
Dea watched as her amusement bolted down the hall, turned to look at Jetfire, then walked back towards the rec room, suddenly disinterested with the current situation.
In the rec room only for adult (or should we say mature) Autobots, Elita sat at the bar twirling her energon with a finger, her chin resting on the other. It had been so long since she'd seen her handsome one and only. He'd been so busy dealing with human politics and yadda yadda works that they'd hardly spent any time together this past week. The femme heaved a huge sigh and drank her high grade.
"What's cookin' good lookin'?" a voice said from behind the femme, and Elita swiveled her body to see Sparkle standing behind her with an amused expression, "You look a little down in the dumps, as the humans say."
She seated herself on the stool next to Elita, who sighed, "It's nothing. Mech problems, nothing to concern yourself with." There was a pregnant pause on Elita's part while Sparkle was busy setting herself up with a high grade, "Awe, who am I kidding, I miss Optimus!" The last part came out as a childish whine, causing the femme to blush from embarrassment.
"I can understand your pain now." Sparkle downed her high grade, "Ratchet gets really busy and cranky from work and then he doesn't want to do anything because he's too tired." she huffed.
Elita drained her high grade, slamming the cube down onto the bar, huffing, "What should I do?!"
"You're asking ME that?? The newly wed??" Sparkle folded her arms and thought a moment, "Hmmm.... go have sex with him while he's at work? I read in a human magazine that that always spices up the relationship... you know... the.... 'danger' of getting caught?" she shrugged, "I dunno though... it's from a human relationship column."
Elita's flushed face increased tenfold, "You want ME, a distinguished commander of the femmebot corps, to go have SEX in my mech's OFFICE?!?"
"HEY! It's just a suggestion! No need to get all huffy about it," Sparkle yelped in defense, leaning away from the other femme.
However, Elita was following that train of thought - although a little bit unwillingly - and was liking where it was going, "Actually..."
"Oh you can't be serious..."
Elita's smirk told Sparkle that she wasn't.
"Elita! That was just a suggestion! From a human publishing at that!" she started to sip her next bit of high grade. She was so glad the bartender at the moment was just a drone.
"Do you and Ratchet want to join us?"
Sparkle's systems seized in the middle of swallowing.
As if by anime magic - oh yes, it strikes again - Dea's head appeared between the two, "Did I just hear about a foursome?!" The head was yanked back, and the two turned slowly to watch a perturbed Jazz - who was busy mumbling about perverted girlfriends - dragging Dea out of the bar by her upper arm, while the young femme was kicking her legs and screaming, "BUT I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE FOURSOME~!! JAAAAZZ!!!!!"
Elita turned slowly back to face her drink, "Is there anything stronger than high grade?"
Sparkle stopped hacking her own and grabbed Elita's cube and gave it a squeeze. It's light intensified along with it's contents, "There... *cough* that's the grade my kind drink... if you really want to test it. Miss i'll never break rules." she coughed some more. She'd only just started getting used to Ratchet... Elita's invitation was way beyond anything she'd ever thought of.
Elita downed it without hesitation, suddenly feeling very warm and fuzzy, "You know, I think you're on to something though. If I want him, I should have him. He's my mech, right?" She didn't wait for the still coughing Sparkle to reply, "Right! I should just go up and LAY ONE ON HIM!"
"You know, you're starting to sound like Dea..." Sparkle said through a cough.
Elita grabbed Sparkle around the shoulder, "You've got to ignore the rules once in a while right? So does Sparkle and Ratchet want to join me?" she drew a little circle on the red femme's chest plate. Sparkle blushed hard and pulled the femme off of her, "I don't think I can."
"Psh." Elita scoffed, pushing herself off the stool, "You're no fun. Fine, I'll go have fun by myself!" She paused and giggled, "Well not by MYSELF myself, but myself not with you myself!"
More giggles followed that statement on Elita's part and Sparkle felt her eyes roll, "More and more like Dea every second..." Then the stumbling made gears click in her mind, and she bolted forward towards the other femme, "HOLD IT! You're freaking drunk!"
"Hmm... Maaabye I aaam..... Maaaybe I'm not! Whoooo knows? IIIIIII KNOOOOOW!"
"Oh Primus why did I have to enhance your high grade!" Sparkle took Elita by the wrist, "At least while your not drunk femme!" she pulled the tipsy but still rather strong Elita and started dragging her toward the bar again where she knew some coolant was.
"NU-UH I DUN'T WANNA!" Elita yelled, managing to yank her arm free. With what sobriety the femme had left, she fled from the room at top speed, heading for where ever would keep her from losing the awesome high that she was currently on.
Sparkle fanned out her wingblades which started glowing and she pushed off the ground. Levitating was much faster than running anyway.
"Get back here femme!"
"NEVAR!!"
Somehow the halls were void of mechs as the two sped through the base.
Ratchet sighed, looking at his clipboard. Annual physical checkups where the worst few days of his life as he called a name and glanced up, looking at what seemed like a never ending line of mechs.
All he wanted to do was snuggle with Sparkle.
...
Okay, MAYBE get a little frisky. What? He was a mech in perfect physical condition and at the prime of his life, so why wouldn't he want to get a little action every now and then? WHY DID HE HAVE TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF TO YOU!!! Oh wait, he didn't... My bad.
Ratchet blinked, before shaking his head and entering his office again, "I need to take a vacation after this...to Antarctica."
Ratchet decided he wanted to take five and slid out his side door to have a short walk to clear his mind. It was then that he heard a giggle that he hadn't heard since he'd first met Optimus.
Elita went running by, pink as a rose as Sparkle flew by trying to catch up to the overenergized femme.
"Elita! You're taking a cold shower whether you like it or not!" Sparkle gave one last burst of speed and tackled the femme to the ground.
As a natural urge to protect herself, Elita bucked up, trying to get Sparkle off of her, "NO!" She screamed, bucking again, and managing to spin herself around so that she could grab at Sparkle's hands and keep the femme from pinning her, "I DON'T WANT TO! I WANT TO GO HAVE HOT SEX WITH OPTIMUS!"
The entire line of mechs that stood staring slackjawed at the classic catfight... er... femmefight that would normally never happen with such a graceful duo.
You might say they all (if they were human anime people) got a nosebleed. A few of the older ones just nudged each other with their elbows and chuckled at the commander's urges.
A sudden whistling sound filled the air and the entire line of mechs toppled over like dominos after Ratchet threw his wrench, "Anyone DARE keep watching and they'll be reprogrammed thinking they're a femme but still with mech parts!" the doctor snarled.
Everyone lined back up and did their best to stay at attention.
Ironhide chuckled from his place on the check up berth, "Looks like Elita finally lost it." he put his armor back on while Ratchet prepared for the next bot.
Sparkle was still wrestling with the equally strong femme on the floor and finally restorted to having her snakelike drone wrap around and hold Elita down. She then took Elita by the ankles and dragged her whining aft all the way out.
Elita crossed her arms, "You're just pissy because Ratchet don't have time for you no more. So you're not getting any."
"If you start sounding anymore like Dea I swear to Primus you are going to regret it." Sparkle warned the other femme in a dangerous tone, but Elita just rolled her eyes and giggled, "That's it. SHOWER TIME!"
In the shower stall Elita was sobbing hysterically as her high was lost in the icey cold water. She was still drunk, but she was no longer warm and fuzzy.
"Stop your sobbing you're a grown femme! Sheesh.... that's the last time I give ANYONE the high grade I drink...." Sparkle sighed in exasperation since she had to stay in the stall too to hold Elita down.
Dea popped magically into the room again (Sparkle: HOW THE HELL?!?) and clicked her tongue, "Such a lightweight."
"Oh? And you have something to compare her sorry state to?" Sparkle rebutted, just daring the young femme to come out and say that she'd gotten drunk. Not that they had any age laws like the humans did, but a young one such as herself getting drunk was still not a thought she enjoyed.
Dea, however, rolled her eyes, "Please. This is nothing compared to getting high on Mountain Dew, pixie stix and chocolate frosting with girl scout thin mints." Sparkle blinked at the human analogy, "Shit, even YOU'D have a hard time not acting like a freaking kid on speed after consuming all that in one sitting."
"You're right my systems would crash about fifteen minutes later.... if you compare it properly." Sparkle sighed, "Dea... my high grade is way too strong compared to the Transformer's." she shrugged and looked at Elita who seemed to be sobering up a little. Still tipsy but not as ready to go on a rampage of sex urge.
"So?"
"Nevermind." Sparkle helped Elita stand up.
"Hmm... offer still stands. We can trick our mechs." she giggled... then yelped when Sparkle thrust her head back into the spray. Steam was still coming off her armor from the energon flowing through her systems.
Dea, losing interest in something before her yet again, wandered away just as Sparkle turned around to ask for the the young femme's help carrying Elita to her room, "What the--? That little bitch..."
Unbeknown to Saprkle, Dea had just gotten distracted by the shine of Ratchet's armor as he walked past looking for said older femme, "Daddy!" Dea said, latching onto his arm, "Momma and Gramma are getting hot and heavy in the shower talking about foursomes." She released him, and skipped down the hallway, pleased with her meddling for the day.
Ratchet stood in the hallway, stark still, processing Dea's words, "Hot...and heavy.... Shower?" His voice cracked slightly on the last word, "FOURSOME!?!" His optics flickered, and the mech fell with a heavy bang to the floor, causing surprised for the twins who were coming out of the men's shower.
"Ah! MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!"
"Where?!" Sparkle came running out and saw her mech on the floor. She eyed him, then turned and walked back in the showers, "He's fine."
"How can she be so sure??" Sideswipe asked.
"Her scanners ARE more powerful..."
The twins stared at the unconscious doctor. Then both got an evil grin on their face.
Upon returning to their abandoned shower stalls Sunny asked, "What do you think Rachet was meaning by foursome?" His brother put his stash of transformer sized sharpies away in his pocket.
"Usually that means something sexual but meh." they continued washing the suds off.
- - - - -
Elita glared daggers into Sparkle's back as water slid from her polished body and dripped onto the floor, "Was the shower really necessary?"
"I could have hit you. I hear that works really well."
The femme huffed, crossing her arms which caused more water droplets to fling from her frame, "Fine... Reasonable exchange."
"Wait," Sparkle pulled to a stop, "Are you saying you prefer the shower or getting punched?"
"Shower."
"From now on your high grade is considered contraband."
"Yes ma'am." Sparkle smirked, thinking Ratchet was going to be such a grumpy bot when he found that out.
"Did I do anything stupid while I was sluggish?"
"Sluggish... yeah." Sparkle blushed.
"Great... now I'm going to have to reestablish a lot of things among the soldiers." Elita sighed heavily rubbing her neck.
"I think Ratchet took care of that problem."
There was curiosity from Elita that followed Sparkle's statement, but she felt it best for her sanity if she didn't ask the question poised on her tongue. Instead, she directed their attention to something, or rather someONE, else, "So what about you and Ratchet? Are you going, oh what did you say earlier... Have sex in the office?"
Sparkle would have choked on her spit if Transformers had an actual saliva substance, but her breath still caught in her throat, sending her into another fit of coughs, "ELITA!"
"What?!" Elita asked with a sly grin, "I don't see why not?
Sparkle was tempted to grab the commander and shove her back into the shower stall but decided against it since she was partially sober now. The was after all, a flyer and not a hand to hand combat specialist like the groundlings.
"Ok I admit the idea is tempting but.... I'm too embarrassed to try it." the red femme sighed.
Elita chuckled, "Embarrassment is something you're going to have to get over eventually, or you'll never get around to doing anything fun." She clapped the red femme on the shoulder and grinned.
Sparkle grinned back, "You were a trouble maker when you were younger weren't you?"
"As the human song goes, my milkshake brought all the mechs to the yard."
Sparkle was trying to decide if her respect meter just went lower or was just frozen in place by what Elita had just done.
"Right... well... anyway... have fun."
The pink femme giggled and bade her companion farewell. Sparkle continued on aimlessly until she realized she had stopped in front of Ratchet's office, "Ho shit!"
Elita wobbled a bit but steadied herself by placing a hand on the wall. That high grade had definitely gone down smooth though... good stuff. She saw Optimus leave his office up ahead talking to Perceptor and looking at some paperwork. The mechs disapeared down the hall.
'I really shouldn't...' she thought.
Maybe she was still a little bit too buzzed, but the next thought that flew through her mind spurred her forward and sneaked her into Optimus's office, where she perched herself on his desk, leaning backward onto the palm of her hands.
What would Dea do?
Dea would have her man, whether he was expecting it or not, because SHE wanted him. And that was just the line of thinking that Elita was in at the moment. Dammit, she wanted time with Optimus, and she'd take it by force if she had to.
About thirty minutes later Optimus returned with a few more datapads than he'd left with. The door opened and the site that greeted him was more than enough to cause him to drop his load in shock, "E-Elita?? What are you doing here??"
"Hmm... I wonder whyyy..." she said in a suggestive tone, as if her sitting there wasn't enough.
The leader cleared his throat and picked up his datapads, "Elita I have one last-." he glanced around when she used the control at his desk to shut the door.
"Nuh uh... you... me... now."
~Later
Prowl was seen walking in to the Prime's office and barely a second later he walked right back out. He coughed a bit and then just stood there at attention to make sure they weren't bothered. Although he was bothered. He did NOT need to see that.
OOO
Light: …. You know what?
Mai: what?
Light: I just realized something.
Mai: what'd you just realize?
Light: we intended to torture optimus in this chapter and we tortured elita instead.
Mai: crap… you're right! Damn it!
Light: what the hell he has like… an aura of anti torture or something this is the third time we've tried to torture him!
Mai: we need help…
Light: indeed we do… Optimus has evaded torture long enough! So readers… if you have an idea 8D please don't hesitate to pitch!