Chapter 9

Emma can feel the tears pouring down her face. That was the first time Emma had told anyone what had happened to her while she was in person. Emma felt sort of relieved to get that weight off of her shoulders but she also felt ashamed. What if Killian thought differently of her now?

Emma wiped her cheeks off with the back of her palm. Emma feels Killian grab her shoulders and pull her into his lap. Killian runs his hand down her back soothingly and kisses the top of her head. He rocks her gently as she calms down. Emma leans up and turns her head to look at him. Killian moves his right hand and wipes a stray tear gently off of her cheek.

"I am so sorry, love. I cannot even imagine what it was like to go through that and I am sorry you had to do it alone. I know this does not even begin to help erase the pain you went through but I am sorry that your first love did you wrong." Kilian says with such sincerity it could make Emma's heart melt.

"Thank you for finally talking to me, Swan. I know it must have been hard for you to trust me enough to reveal that secret. I appreciate the effort you are making in whatever this is," Killian tells her. "What are we love? Friends? Friends with benefits? Lovers?" Killian asks her raising his eyebrow and mimicking a bad French accent.

Emma laughs which comes out as a snort from the snot that had come out during her sobbing. That was very much like Killian. He would as make a quip or a joke to lighten a moment since he knew Emma felt uncomfortable during the heavy and emotional moments.

Emma looked up at the man in front of her. Killian's piercing blue eyes staring at her with such intensity and devotion. For the first time in her life, Emma felt loved and she felt at home. That scared her. It meant she could get hurt again. But Emma was certain in that moment that she loved Killian and in the short time that they had known each other he had finally broken down her walls.

Emma wasn't ready to reveal her revelation to Killian quite yet as she knew there was a possibility that she could get hurt. But revealing her feelings to herself was the first step and Emma would tell Killian when the time was right.

"Let's just go with the flow right now and not define it. You know the rules about agents dating and how hard it is in our line of work." Emma replies in a hoarse voice.

"But it's just us, right, love?" Killian asks her.

"Just us. But August is acting as my husband slash pimp for lack of a better word when I'm undercover. If you ever see us together it's an act, I promise." Emma reassures him.

Killian kisses the top of her right hand and takes a deep breath. He looks like he is contemplating something.

"Killian, what is it?" Emma probes him.

"Swan, you know I have feelings for you, right?... And this is going to be hard, both of us undercover on similar assignments and under the same roof again." Killian states.

"This is just like Quantico. Nothing has to change." Emma tells him.

"I don't want it to be just like Quantico, Swan. You just told me something very personal. That has to mean something. It has to be more than just, how did you put it, fucking?" Killian bites at her.

The words sting Emma. They were her words but they still hurt to hear. Those were the words she used in front of Killian and she knew they hurt him. Now they were being used to hurt her.

"What do you want, Killian? I don't know how to have a relationship. I have never let anyone in before. This is all so new to me." Emma pleads with him.

Emma feels a tear escape her eyes again. Shit, she was crying again. The last time Emma cried this much was when the conversation that Killian is referring to happened. Emma is usually composed. Killian wipes the tear away with his thumb. He sighs.

"I know you are trying, love. But can we make steps towards there being an "us". Your reveal was a good step forward. Can we try another one? Perhaps, you could actually spend a full night in my bed? I've been told the sex is just as good in the morning as it is at night." Killian says raising his eyebrow.

A smile spread across Emma's face. "I would like that." Emma replies.

A smile spreads across Killian's face as well. Emma stays in Killian's lap and stares out at the ocean. Emma plays with the sleeve of Killian's shirt. She pushes up the sleeves little and she can see Killian's tattoo on his bicep. Emma lightly traces the name on his bicep. The name is in cursive on the inside of his bicep; the name reads Milah. She never asked him about the tattoo.

Killian rests his head on top of Emma's.

"Emma, I want to tell you about the tattoo." Killian whispers into her hair.

Emma moves off of his lap and sits across from him on the beach. "Just like you, Emma, I also have had a major heartbreak. It was when I was back home in England and a part of the Royal Navy. Just like you, I was very young at the time. I was eighteen when I first met Milah." Killian starts to tell Emma.

"She was an adventurous lass with a free spirit. She was married at the time and I fell hard for her. My brother Liam warned me against the relationship but I was stubborn and I wouldn't listen. She told me she was going to leave her husband and run away with me. It almost worked. But her husband found out about us and I did not know that her husband was essentially a gangster. He killed her in front of me and she died in my arms." Killian says as a tear runs down his cheek.

"I left the Navy three years later. I found out a few years after that after a lot of searching and doing things I am not proud of that her husband had moved to the States. So I moved here a year ago and decided the only way I could take him down and get justice was to join the FBI. So here I am." Killian ends his story looking down in his lap.

Emma moves forward to sit in his lap again and hug him tightly. Emma was never good with her words in these types of situations but she still wanted him to know she was there for him. They were some pair. They were both fucked up in their own ways trying to make sense of the world around him. They were kindred spirits and Emma liked that. She liked that they could relate to each other's pain. It made their connection stronger.

Emma knew there was more to his story. Just like there was more to his. But they had time. Their individual stories would come out at the appropriate times. Now, they just needed to live in the moment and enjoy each other's company. They didn't know when their job would pull them away from each other.

A.N. Sorry for the short chapter. It's been a long week!