I'm back!! I'm so sorry for not updating, but the real world needed attending to. Sorry again!

I seem to have exhausted my supply of witty disclaimers.

Damn.

Alex gasped. This, along with the lack of sufficient oxygen in his windpipe made it quite difficult to breathe. It was no matter, as he recovered unnaturally quickly in that way that Alex Rider always does.

"What- did you- say?" he panted.

"Maria, why have you not completed your job? I trusted you for this mission. You gave me your word. I was under the impression that you did not let such desires get in the way of your duty."

Alex sighed blissfully. This was the love of his- wait, one of the several loves of his life, just the way he remembered him.

So cool, so calm, and so capable. Why had they broken up again? Was it the fact that he had started dating his daughter? No, that couldn't be it! Alex's mind was completely blank.

K-Unit, who, for some odd coincidence were the only Unit there, other than some random guy called Panther who was Ben's replacement, (even though Ben was there anyway) immediately picked up at the tension in the room.

"OH GOD!! NOT ANOTHER ONE!" yelled Wolf, promptly bursting into tears.

Alex was mortified. The only way this could get any worse was if Artemis Fowl suddenly appeared. Thankfully, this was unlikely. Last time Alex checked, Artemis was busy being the father of a half-elf baby who had suddenly appeared after one of Artemis's long and frequent trips. To the scorn of his younger brothers, Artemis had softened considerably anyway.

He was keeping quiet about the identity of the mother.

Speaking of parents- oh yes, that was it- Yassen had made the mistake of telling Alex that he had a brief but explosive love affair with John Rider.

Alex had taken offense.

"Alex. It is good to see you well." said Yassen. It was with absolutely no form of expression whatsoever, just as Alex remembered. "Unfortunately, your good health cannot be long lived. I had arranged an assignment for my daughter here. I had wanted to keep her away from the world of guns, sabotage and lies that you seem to attract. Unfortunately, I grew tired of such pretence by the time Maria was six years old, and she was recruited by Scorpia, completing dozens of successful missions since. She is the ultimate weapon, as no one will suspect a thing."

Alex had not heard anything from Ria up to this point. He dared to glance in her direction, and, to his surprise, saw tears dripping down her cheeks.

"Now, Ria, do it now!" said Yassen.

Ria gasped.

"I'm sorry."

There was a bang. Alex felt nothing.

Heaven was grey. That was the first thing Alex noticed.

He groaned and held a hand to his aching head.

"You are awake, Alex." intoned a familiar voice.

Oh no, thought Alex. This must be the other place. What could I have done to get there?

Oh. Right.

"Alex. It is good to see you alive and well. In fact, you're looking very well." said Blunt.

So I'm alive then.

"The Maria business wan't too well handled. I believed you had learned your lesson about forming emotional attachments to others. However, this is not the reason that you are here."

"No! I refuse to work for you again!" yelled Alex.

"That is another matter. I have brought you into my office because I, er, have a confession."

Alex had NEVER heard Blunt say 'er.'

"It has come to my attention that certain feelings have gotten in the way of our professional relationship."

What professional relationship?

When Blunt looked at him oddly, Alex realised he had said that last thought aloud.

"These- feelings seem to be impossible to ignore." Blunt shifted uncomfortably. "The thing is… I… I love you. I've loved you ever since the moment I set eyes on you. Every time I sent you away, it was because I didn't want to lose you."

Blunt looked Alex in the eyes.

Normally, Alex would have been especially revolted by this confession. But, this is the world of fanfiction, and in fanfiction, Alex randomly falls in love with those who he hates, because, clearly hate plus hate equals love.

"I- I don't know what to say." Alex stammered.

"Then make no sound." (1)

Alex gave Blunt a soft kiss on the cheek and walked away.

(1) Sorry but I couldn't help the Les Mis reference!

Well that was ew. Seriously, ew. Yes, that was a dig at fanfiction pedophile relationships. I can't stand them, so naturally, I had to write a story about them!

Anyway, nobody gets the iPod…

Please review, or I'll- or I'll- I'll throw an iPod at you! Yeah! Fear me with my pointy, non-existant iPod!