Disclaimer: Naruto is Kishimotos toy... I simply borrowed it to have my twisted way with it ;)
Warning: Rated M for language mostly, mentions of torture and future grafik scenes.
A/N: I am SO sorry... I should have never said what I said in the last A/N because obviously life wants to prove me wrong. And the chapter isn't that long either :c I do have excuses though! Don't know if you wanna hear them... Let's start with writers block shall we... and then life happening...
I'm SO SORRY!
But it was so haaaaard and painful to write this chapter. SO. HARD! I would open the file almost everyday trying to write something but everything sounded like absolute garbage.
I apologize v.v And I'm sorry for having made you wait so long.
At the very least, I hope you enjoy this short chapter... Honestly, I would understand if it was my worst one yet :/
Edit 30/10/2017: Grammar mistakes corrected, fishy sounding sentences nowsound less fishy!
Chapter 10: Panic
A few hours after the… incident, Kimimaro broke down with a fever. Despite his kekkei genkai having regrown all the broken bones, it seems that it did not know what to do with the excess which had been shattered inside his body, as his bloodlimit was known for growing not repairing bones. And so, in turn, his body while trying to fix this problem caused him to fall ill.
Needless to say, I felt absolutely horrible, sick and broken, even though that was probably a more accurate description of how poor Kimimaro felt. However, I did not stay idle. I was doing everything in my power to ease Kimimaro's pain, despite being wounded myself.
However, my wounds were trivial compared what Kimimaro had to go through. And I was the cause for his current state.
Unfortunately, even Orochimaru did not know how to really help Kimimaro as his body construction was vastly different from that of a normal human, so the only thing he could do was ease the fever and give him medicine to help reduce the pain.
Even though Orochimaru claimed to be sure he was in no mortal peril, his expression said otherwise.
Kimimaro… he looked pitiful. His breath was heavy and it was obvious that he was suffering. Time and time again, pieces of bones would break through his skin, his body trying to rid of the broken shards. It was… a bloody process. I had believed I was completely fine with gore, but the sight of the white-haired boy made my stomach turn and twist like a washing machine. Fortunately, I did not vomit, as it would be embarrassing as well inappropriate to puke right next to a sick person out of disgust… especially when I was the one to cause this state of illness to him.
Gosh, this mistake would follow me for a long time. And he would be a constant reminder of that.
I should have thought out my plan better, HELL I should have simply surrendered. There was nothing to lose, nothing at stake except for my own pride getting a bit damaged.
But no. I had to be crazy and try out an idea ignoring the risks. Not just the risks on my person, but that of my opponent's as well.
Now… Now Kimimaro's friendship was at stake and I seeing as I never had it to begin with, I wondered if I would ever be able to earn it.
I carefully wiped the sweat off of Kimimaro's face and gently put a bag of ice on his forehead. Whatever blood remained on his body I would gently wipe it off together with the broken bone shards, careful not to harm Kimimaro any further with them.
It really wasn't a pretty sight.
I sat the remainder of the day next to the young boy's bed, helping and aiding him in whatever way needed. I had NEVER felt this guilty in my life… in both of my lives. Never did I regret something so much. Ugh, curse my ambition to hell and back.
And whenever there was a quiet moment where my services were not needed, and guilt wasn't eating me away, I would try to sooth his pain by singing.
I remember when I used to be in the hospital in my previous life due to appendicitis, my neighbor who would always visit would sing to me with that powerful and awesome voice of hers and I would immediately feel better.
Maybe it was the musician in me which appreciated this form of art and maybe the effect wouldn't be the same for Kimimaro, but I would sing nonetheless, in hopes that it did indeed lessen the boy's pain.
Kimimaro did not wake up anymore for the remainder of the evening. I was ordered to rest for the night, Orochimaru left no room for arguing. And even though I wanted to protest very much, to be by the boy's side the entire night as well, I knew I could not oppose Orochimaru when he gave an order.
And logically, I knew I needed rest myself. I had lost a lot of blood from the fight. Would have probably fainted if the fight had lasted a few minutes longer. The only thing that had kept me straight was the quick healing one of the medics in Orochimaru's base had given me and the few pills I had taken to take away the stress from my body.
In the end, I went back to my own room, feeling like the lowest scum this world could offer and headed straight to bed, though sleep was far from my mind. But my body would not listen to my wishes of punishing myself further, fatigue taking over and against my will I did fall asleep.
It was by no mean a peaceful night. Nightmares accompanied me, not just from today's incident but also the nightmares I used to have after my… surgery.
But, even though my sleep was a dreadful one, it allowed my body to energize for the next day.
I was shocked to find out that training had been cancelled for the next day when I woke up early. But I was also grateful. The day was spent much like yesterday's afternoon. Keeping an eye on Kimimaro, aiding him, cleaning him up and hopefully making him feel as comfortable as possible, while he fought his sickness.
(To Love a Song)
After three days of doing nothing but taking care of Kimimaro (training having been cancelled each time), the boy finally was able to wake up for more than a couple of seconds and actually hold conversations. Unfortunately for him, I was the first thing he saw when he finally came back to the world of the living, his expression darkening at the sight of me.
"What are you doing here?"
Against my will I whimpered at the boy's words as well as stuttered like a fool when I gave my answer.
"I… I've b… been trying to h… help nurse you back to h… health…"
God, I sounded pitiful.
"I…I'll go immediately a… and inform O…Orochimaru-s… sama that y… you are a… awake…"
As quickly as the words were said, I stood up from the chair next to Kimimaro's bed and headed to the door. However, before I exited the room I did not leave without apologizing once again to the last member of the Kaguya clan.
"I'm truly sorry Kimimaro-kun! Believe me, it was an honest mistake." barely above a whisper.
(To Love a Song)
As Kimimaro got better, I could not say the same for the tension which seemed to have grown thicker between us. The boy would often glare at me, though he tried to school his expression as much as possible when in Orochimaru's presence.
Orochi-pedo-maru, that snake freak however, knew quite well that our relationship was far from peachy. Somehow I had a feeling he found the situation highly amusing. Fucking bastard. Just the way his lips curled into that smirk infuriated me inside.
Did he not understand that I had potentially blown the greatest chance off for me to GET A FRIEND who was actually "my age". I knew Kimimaro was a genius, so I had no doubt his intelligence would keep up with my more "mature" mind. Not to mention I did have my childish moments. We could have been besties!
Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating there. But we could have been team partners, trust each other, have one another's back, joke together, do silly things!
Just simply being… friends.
Fat chance of that happening now, if the poisonous looks kimimaro was throwing me were anything to go by.
Alas, I had no one to blame but myself. Though IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF OROCHIMARU ACTUALLY HELPED MENDING THIS RELATIONSHIP INSTEAD OF FUELING FIRE! Damned Pedo Snake…
You ask why fuel the fire? Because he kept shoving Kimimaro's loss in his freaking face. Kinda like he did constantly about the surgery, knowing I was still traumatized from that.
Hm… I think I'm realizing a pattern there.
STILL NOT HELPING THOUGH!
(To Love a Song)
The days progressed and eventually Kimimaro was once again at 100% health. After the excess bone had all been thrown out of his system the healing process sped up immensely and I was no longer required to play nurse (though any type of conversation I tried to start, the boy would quickly turn down). And as if the horrible relationship I had now with Kimimaro wasn't enough, Orochimaru dropped his bomb on me.
"Aika-chan, would you accompany me to my laboratory?" Though formulated as a question, it was obviously an order. Orochimaru wanted me in his laboratory…
Panic immediately seized me. The nightmares I had the last few nights were pretty fresh on my mind. Throughout the months, I had forgotten about the incident. But it did not take much to make the memories rise from the depth of my mind where I had pushed them to. As had been shown with Kimimaro's accident.
It seemed like anything traumatizing which would happen to me would all bunch up and hit me so hard in the face, I could not possibly breath.
I never thought I'd come down with a panic attack EVER in my life, but the way my body refused to inhale enough oxygen despite the fact that I WAS breathing told me how truly TERRIFIED I was of that cursed room. How truly wounded I felt.
No… It wasn't just the room that terrified me. His face as well… Those cold and unfeeling eyes I had been forced to look at my entire operation till I lost consciousness…
"Breath Aika-chan, follow my rhythm, nothing bad is going to happen to you." I hadn't even realized WHEN Orochimaru had made his way by my side.
"We're only doing a checkup, you are safe. You won't be having another procedure.
Breath.
One…
Two…
One…
Two…
Look at me Aika-chan, follow my rhythm."
I hesitantly looked at Orochimaru, his eyes nowhere as cold as that cursed day. He was not going to hurt me.
And so, I did as he instructed, listening to the rhythm of his breathing.
One…
Two…
One…
Two…
And after a few seconds I could feel my lungs fill with enough air, oxygen once again making its way through my veins.
Orochimaru chuckled.
He… chuckled.
"Your fear is well placed Aika-chan. Come child, let's see how you have healed."
I simply nodded, feeling strangely numb.
Once we arrived in his laboratory, I was ordered to sit down on that awful bed thing. As Orochimaru fumbled with his tools, I was left to observe the damned torture room. He had so many bodies hanging around, all having strange markings painted on their body.
Fuinjutsu I thought.
God forbid I ever end up as one of those poor experiments… What am I talking about I'm already doomed to hell and beyond.
"Now, I would like for you to strip."
For a moment there my thought process completely stopped.
"W…what?"
"You're just a child, modesty should not be a concept for you to worry about yet." Pedo Snake replied.
Well, of course YOU would say that FUCKING PEDOPHILE.
Holly hell, is this the moment where I get raped? Please god, have mercy on this child's body!
As I very VERY reluctantly took of my clothes, Orochimaru started dipping the brush in his hand in black ink.
"C…Can I at l…least keep my u…underwear?" I officially became Hinata. I never STUTTERED this much in my entire MENTAL existence. NEVER!
"No." Was Orochimaru's quick reply.
I wanted to cry.
As the last piece of my clothes dropped on the floor, I was ordered to lay on the bed and Pedo Snake started painting shit on my body.
Well, I guess I could kiss my life goodbye. Obviously, he decided that I was of better use to experiment immortality on me than helping me gain power. I mean, I could understand in a way, I had almost killed his vessel after all.
I tried my best to think of random stuff, adding some humor and bad jokes to my situation just to keep me calm enough and somehow sane! I did not want to fall into another panic attack, especially with Orochimaru performing fuinjutsu on my body. The arts of fuinjutsu were a delicate matter. One wrong stroke and I could end up a frog for all I know.
We stood like that for at least an hour, every inch of my body covered in black ink. Now though… now would come the scary part. Him activating the fuinjutsu.
With quick hand seals, he slammed his hand on my chest (that shit hurt!), the now glowing squiggles written on my body quickly being swallowed into his palm.
Once devoid of any markings, Orochimaru simply smirked (fucking creepy!) and allowed me to wear my clothes again.
I grabbed my clothes so fast, dressing in lighting speed cause, I was sure my face could not hold it out any longer being this beat red. Orochimaru simply looked amused.
Fucking hell, Orochimaru's pedophilia is growing by the year!
"So… what was all this about?"
Orochimaru smiled.
"I performed fuinjutsu on you. The art of sealing. It's very similar to a diagnostic jutsu Aika-chan. However, normal diagnostic jutsu's do not tell the state of the chakra nodes, nor do they say what type of chakra they produce. I had to develop it myself just for you and I am very satisfied with the results. You are officially off your medications."
So, this whole shit was to check if I was healed?
Well, at least the whole torture did not go to waste after all. At least that's something.
I sighed in relief.
I would live a little longer then… No ending up as immortality guinea pig for me.
"We'll be doing intensive chakra training starting from tomorrow on. And also, be prepared for a step up in your training in general Aika-chan. You have impressed me with that performance you did on the spar, but it did not escape me that it was also sheer luck that left you mostly unscathed.
Taking risks is a must in a ninja's life, but too big of a risk might leave you for dead before you get the chance to disable your opponent. And we don't want all that hard work to go to waste now, do we Aika-chan?"
I swallowed hard and simply nodded. At least I could finally begin with chakra training. It was long overdue.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on the point of view) after Orochimaru handed me my new schedule (which honestly didn't look much different from my old one except for more meditating and chakra training), he had designed them in such a way so that mine and Kimimaro's training would not interlude with one another.
Meaning I would barely catch sight of the boy. Did Orochimaru want our relationship to be sour or what is he playing at? Maybe he was pissed off after all about the whole fact that I almost killed his vessel?
Whichever it was, I certainly was disappointed. Cause that would have been my only chance to bond with Kimimaro, to apologize enough for him to forgive my… mistake.
Well, since the opportunity to actually make a friend obviously went down the drain, I guess I could concentrate more on training since apperantly it was going to be harder than previously… If Orochimaru was to be believed of course (and you SHOULD believe what Pedo Snake says most of the time)...
As if I'd been doing anything ELSE this entire LIFE! I think this is the punishment I got for procrastinating a whole lot in my previous life. This entire thing SUCKS.
WHYYYYY did I have to be born in SOUUUUUNDDDDD?
It was not the first time I would ask myself that question. My life would have been so much easier if I simply had been born into Konoha. Befriend Naruto, take Sakura's place, get Sasuke to stop being stupid and emo… It would have been PERFECT.
But no. I HAD to be born right next to fucking Orochimaru! Get him to EXPERIMENT on me, making a wonderful test subject and potentially, if anything happens to Kimimaro before Sarutobi takes away his jutsus, I'd most likely end up as his new vessel till Sasuke was ready.
Great.
Simply great.
WHYYYYYY DID I HAVE TO BE BOOOOORN IN SOOOOOUUUUNNDDDDDD?
Unfortunately, I could not change my life now. Unless I wanted to kill myself and risk being reincarnated again but without my memories intact. Yeah, no, not happening. I never was someone to commit suicide anyways. I might not fear death, but I do fear pain. And death can't be anything but painful (I'd know that).
So here I was, in my room, questioning what deity thought it was funny to fuck with me and certainly NOT looking forward to training tomorrow. Cause I had a feeling Orochimaru had something painful prepared for me. Something I hoped would not kill me. Something I hoped would not make me regret allowing myself to get attached to Orochimaru as much as I have.
Cause it always sucks when the people you like stab you in the back. And isn't that a certainty to happen with Pedo Snake…
Yeah. I'm fucked.