I woke up with my eyes stuck together. I had cried myself to sleep last night. How pathetic. I kept trying to remind myself. Chibs didn't like me. Chibs likes porn stars. I am not a porn star. But my brain kept reminding me that I liked him. And that bothered me.

I just kept repeating that argument over and over in my head. It didn't make me feel any better.

I started to get angry. I slammed doors, I slammed the fridge shut; I couldn't calm down. After a long shower, I picked out a depressing almost all black outfit, and caked my face in make-up to hide my swollen eyes. I headed over to my bar, expecting to see the club. Without a doubt, they were all hungover, and needed food. (Or more alcohol.)

I drove my motorcycle over. There was something about going for a ride that calmed me down and cleared my head. Sure enough, all the beautiful, black Harley's were parked outside. I walked in with a strange attitude of anger and confidence. My emotions were all over the place. And that bothered me. Why did I even care about Chibs? He was so much older than me. What could he do for me? I was independent, I didn't need anyone. I also knew I was lying to myself.

The moment I walked through the door, my emotions went from anger, to rage. My bar was turned upside-down. There were broken bottles on the floor, glass and puddles of beer everywhere, naked women lying randomly around the floor like Tetris pieces. Members of the club were upstairs and downstairs, passed out.

Chucky came out from the backroom kitchen and looked at me with sad, apologetic eyes. He already had a broom and dustpan in his hands.

I stomped over to the kitchen and grabbed a metal pan and a large wooden spoon. With all the force I could, I made an alarm clock from hell. I walked out of the kitchen banging the spoon on the pan as hard as I could.

"Everybody get the hell out!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

That's when the peaceful slumber ended. Everyone jumped in surprise and scrambled to their feet. The porn stars started embarrassingly covering their naked bodies and ran for the back door. The men in their Sons of Anarchy vests scrambled up and started zipping up their pants. Juice and Rat started walking towards the back door. I put my pan down and walked slowly across the floor, crunching class between my feet.

"You're not going anywhere," I glared up at them. "Start cleaning. Now."

"Yes ma'am." They mumbled.

I was so angry I was seeing red. I attempted to clean up the countertops when I heard strangely calm footsteps walk down the stairs. It was Chibs. He emerged calmly and slowly from the staircase. He did his signature move where he combed his hair back with both his hands and straightened his vest. He looked around the room that was now being cleaned and his eyes met mine. He smirked.

Why was he smirking at me? Almost exactly after our eyes met I heard a dreaded sound. It was the sound of stripper heels coming down the stairs behind Chibs. An overweight, blonde woman with smeared black make-up all over her face stumbled down the stairs, giggling like an idiot. Chibs saw her come down, and put his arm around her shoulder. She smiled at him with pink lipstick smudged on her yellow teeth.

I was glaring at her. I was just blatantly glaring at her. I knew I should've stopped, but I couldn't. She saw me glaring a black hole through her face and scrunched her eyebrows at me. She turned to Chibs.

"Why is your cleaning lady looking at me like that?" She said.

I lost it. I turned into a rabies-infected pit bull. I wasn't thinking. I only saw her awful face. I could feel my legs moving me towards her, and I threw my elbow into her left cheekbone. She made a pitiful sound of pain and fell to the floor. Chibs jumped out of the way, and I jumped on top of her, letting all my anger out.

"Holy shit." I heard a few men say in the background.

My muscles heated up more and more. Adrenaline and jealously and fire pumped through every inch of me and exploded from my fists. I could feel her long claws grabbing a chunk of my hair. I grabbed her arm, bent it and kneeled on it with all my weight. I heard a snap as she screamed in pain. I threw one more punch. I swung with as much force as I could and her head bounced against the hard, cold tile. She was knocked out cold. And my knuckles were bleeding.

I looked up, the club was chuckling quietly. I looked down at my victim and immediately felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. She was just a dumb whore. She didn't deserve this. Why where they laughing at this situation? It was not funny in the slightest.

"Get her out of here," I ordered at no one in particular.

I stood up, walked away and hid in the kitchen, holding my fist in my hand. I had turned into Chibs. How much longer could I take this weird limbo between not talking and showing obvious jealously?

"How much longer are you going to do this weird thing with Chibs?" Tara asked as she wrapped up my bruised hand.

"Jesus, Tara. I don't know what's going on." I sighed.

"Your bar and the clubhouse is all cleaned up. Just thought you out to know," Tara said, trying to cheer me up.

"Thank you," I replied.

Tara left my house that night, and I felt emptier than I had ever felt before. I was so numb. I couldn't turn on the T.V., I couldn't eat. I just felt guilty for everything.

I curled up on the couch hugging my knees. I stayed in this position for almost 2 hours when I jumped at the sound of soft knocking at my door. It was Gemma or Venus, bringing me a casserole or wanting to talk about Tig. I slouched to the door and opened it.

Chibs stood in front of me, with no cigarette in his mouth or sunglasses on his eyes. He just looked at me.

"Can I come in?"