DISCLAIMER: I didn't create the characters of Sam and Dean. I did create Tiffany… and I apologize profusely…
FORECAST: Chances of Sammy Peril High with a scattering of Angry!Protective!Dean and Light schmoop showers throughout the Chapter.
Sam made a desperate grab for the railing as his flailing limbs tried and failed to regain his balance. His tiny hands caught nothing but air and then his small body was toppling forward.
As the sharp hardwood edges flew up to greet him, his panicked mind could only wonder if he would bounce as high as the Pooh Bear once he hit the floor.
CHAPTER 10-
"SQUEAK!"
It was the distressed cry of a tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff that caught Dean's attention first. Seeing the plush toy bounce on impact up to his eye level, he instantly wondered what had caused Sam to finally loosen his death grip on the friggin' bear. He looked up just in time to spy his brother's fragile form teetering precariously near the top of the stairs before losing his balance all together and falling forward.
"SAMMY!" Dean was up the stairs in a flash, catching Sam around the shoulders and lifting him up before he could slam head first against the steps. He swept the smaller boy into his arms and carried him the rest of the way down to the landing.
"I gotcha! I gotcha!" he repeated over and over as he squeezed his brother tight; all previous thoughts of the lovely and talented Apollonia obliterated by the defenseless and breakable Sammy, "You're ok! You're ok! Right? You're ok?"
"ACK! Oxygen. Oxygen would be good right about now," Sam winced in the bone crushing embrace. He giggled nervously as Dean eased up but continued to hold him close, "Been a while since I took a header down a flight of stairs without a poltergeist giving me a shove first."
"Dude, not funny," Dean set Sam down then put his hands on his knees trying to slow his breathing, "You almost gave me a heart attack! Jeez, I really did forget how hard it was to earn the title of World's Most Awesome Big Brother at this age. We've both gotta be a lot more careful, Sammy. The last thing we need right now is a trip to the Emergency Room…"
Dean stood up straight suddenly eyeing Sam with a sly smile.
"On second thought, a trip to the Emergency Room is exactly what we need!"
"Excuse me?" Sam blinked.
"That's our ticket out of here, Bro," Dean beamed, "Scary Poppins in there might not care about taking us to a safe house or even to the Park, but she's not going to deny us a trip to the Hospital if you're having a genuine medical emergency!"
Sam stood gaping up at his brother.
"So… you want me to throw myself down the steps?" he asked cautiously.
"Don't sweat it, Small Stuff," Dean said glancing around the room until his eyes fell on a pencil holder full of colorful markers, "I got a better idea!"
He snatched up a fat red magic marker and removed the cap, handing it to Sam.
"Am I supposed to swallow this?" Sam furrowed his brow, looking down at the object in his hand.
"Just hold still," Dean said.
Before Sam could question him further Dean took the marker and began dotting big round spots over every inch of the younger boy's exposed skin.
"DUDE!" Sam howled in protest.
"I said hold still!" Dean grabbed at his squirming sibling, "It won't look right if you smudge the Pox!"
"The what!" Sam yelped as Dean flipped him onto his butt and started decorating his bare legs.
"Chicken Pox!" Dean announced, continuing his art work, "Very dangerous to children your age! She's gonna have to drive us straight to the Hospital and then we'll be surrounded by doctors and nurses and security personnel. Gordon won't be able to touch us!"
"Are you insane!" Sam raged, "She's never gonna fall for this!"
"Sam, we're talking about a girl with more hairspray than brain cells between her ears. This never fooled Dad, but to her, it'll look like Chicken Pox. Now act sick!"
"Will this stuff wash off?" Sam whined, grabbing onto the fallen Pooh Bear as Dean took him by the other hand and led him towards the living room.
"It did last time," Dean shrugged.
"What last time?" Sam gasped, "Wait...What did you mean this never fooled Dad?...Dude! You've done this to me before?"
"What can I say, Sammy," Dean smirked, "I was an overly creative child at this age and you were my Muse!"
"You… How could you… Why would you… I swear to God, Dean! You will so pay for this!"
"Save it, Sick Boy. We gotta pull one over on Stupor Nanny in here first."
"Drawing on the baby," Sam grumbled, "So not earning you the title of World's Most Awesome Big Brother!"
"I said save it!"
*******
They found the teenage girl lying stretched out on the couch, smoking yet another cigarette and scattering ash over the hardwood floor. She had dragged the phone in from the kitchen and was twirling the long cord around her ankle as she stared transfixed at the television screen.
"Ohmigod, Debbie!" Tiffany squealed into the phone, "Like Purple Rain looks sooo tubular and Prince is such a total fox! I know he's a midget an' all, but he'll totally look taller on the big screen. Oh, what a bummer you like moved to West Virginia or we could totally go see it together… But this is totally bitchin' getting to watch MTV together again! Sooo glad Old Man Winchester has Cable!"
"Wow, you weren't kidding," Sam uttered, as Dean gave a solemn nod, "You mean to tell me Dad couldn't understand a word coming out of my mouth but he was able to communicate with Queen Dunderhead here?"
"…Oh, I don't know when I'll like get to come over here again," the girl went on, not even acknowledging the presence of the young Winchesters, "The Old Man said something like if his business trip was a bust he might need me to baby-sit next Full Moon or some stuff, but who knows when that is… Yeah, just one little rug rat an' he's a total spazz. I should totally lock him in the closet before Topher gets here so we can like make out in peace…"
Dean tugged at the phone cord, snapping his fingers in front of the girl's face.
"Whoa! Hey, no!" he said, "Someone here needs to cool it with the raging hormones besides me! Look, Sammy's sick. Real sick. You gotta take us to the Hospital right now!"
He nudged Sam who coughed pathetically, looking up at the sitter with extra sad puppy eyes.
"Say what?" the teen sat up suddenly, a look of extreme horror crossing her face as she finally took note of the tiny child standing before her, "Oh! My! God!"
For the first time since meeting his caretaker, Dean actually felt a glimmer of hope stirring inside of him. She had taken the bait. She was finally going to her duty, look after their needs and get them away from the house…"
"Debbie, I'm totally buggin' fer reals!" Tiffany shrieked, "This like extra rug rat just totally showed up out of no where! You mean there really are two little bratazoids running around loose in this house? No way! I can't believe Old Man Winchester actually spawned twice! He's like 100 or something, I'm shurr! Oh and gag me with a spoon already! This one's not even housebroken! Barf me out, fer reals!"
Both Sam and Dean's jaws dropped at once.
"Romper Room," the girl settled back down on the couch before lazily addressing Dean, "You are totally on Pamper Patrol. I don't do diapers! ... So, anyway, Debbie. Yeah, Topher is totally coming here straight after work an' he's buying me like a ton of new tuneskis! It totally rocks having a boyfriend working at the record store, fer shurr!"
"Dean, what the Hell!" Sam snapped, "What was Dad thinking? We'd be better off with a Shtriga for a sitter!"
"I'm not so sure she isn't a Shtriga," Dean said, raising an eyebrow, "I've definitely been feeling the life force drain out of me since I met her!"
The older boy shook his head to snap himself out of it and quickly got back to the matter at hand.
"Ok, Princess, off the phone, now! Goof off time is over. We're having serious medical emergency here! My Dad told you he thought Sam was coming down with something, remember? Well, turns out he's got Chicken Pox! Just look at him, he's covered in the stuff! Do you know how deadly this is to little babies? He needs a doctor! Now get your car keys and let's go!"
"As if!" the teen snorted, blowing smoke in the young boys' direction, "I don't have a car! I walked here, Lameoid!"
"Ok, then we'll have to get to a neighbor's house and get them to drive us," Sam insisted, tugging at the girl's arm, "Please, we've all just got to go now before it's too late!"
"UGH! Stop pawing at me, Sesame Street!" Tiffany whined, "I swear to God, Debbie. The little Winchester spawn is just as annoying as the bigger one but there's more slobber involved and he's talking in some dweebish language like he's E.T. or something. Like 'Phone Home', I'm shurr!"
"He said we need to get to a neighbor's house," Dean translated tersely, "Now move it, Little Miss Marlboro!"
"Oh, like what neighbors?" the teen rolled her eyes, "Everyone in this lameoid town is totally at work or in Summer School this time of day. No one's ever here except me and like Old Lady Moseley and she totally split last night."
"Oh, well, that's just great," Dean spat, "At least now we know what your qualifications for child care provider are… You're the only friggin' person around!"
"Wait, no neighbors?" Sam looked to Dean, his face paling beneath the red dots, "So… there's no one else who could help us? No one who could take us some place safe or protect us from Gordon… or even from Tiffany! The closest thing we have to a responsible adult for miles and miles is a girl who decided a fishing net would make a great halter top?… Oh God, Dean… I think I really am gonna be sick!"
He crumpled to the floor, moaning as he rocked back and forth with the Pooh Bear clenched in his arms. Dean flew into action, unsure now how much of Sam's 'illness' was still just an act.
"For God's sake, woman!" Dean shouted, "He's fading fast! Do something! Call 911! They had 911 back in '84, right? Call an ambulance! Hell, call a pizza delivery boy! Anyone who can take us away from here!"
He grabbed at the phone, struggling to pull it out of Tiffany's grasp.
"Hello, Debbie!" he screamed into the receiver, "Debbie in West Virginia, can you hear me? My baby brother is very very sick. He's delirious with fever and developing an unnatural attachment to a friggin' bear! Your friend is a moron, Debbie! Talk to her! Tell her to call 911! Save us, Debbie! Save us!"
"Knock it off, fer reals, Romper Room!" Tiffany jerked the phone back and shoved Dean to the floor, "This is like a very important conversation, an' stuff!"
Dean crawled back up to the couch and pushed his little face right into the babysitter's.
"You listen to me you walking Surgeon General's Warning!" he seethed, "Your only purpose on this planet right now is to take care of John Winchester's kids! My Daddy owns every weapon known to mankind and he can field dress a chupacabra in 45 minutes flat! What do you think he'll do to you when he finds out you've been drinking his beer, making long distance calls and refusing to get his critically ill child to the hospital? DO YOUR JOB!! GET US SOME HELP!!"
The girl made a long exasperated groan letting her head fall back dramatically over the couch's arm rest.
"Oh, God, Debbie, lemme call you back!" she huffed, standing up at last, "Rug Rat # 2 is like dying or some stuff!"
She marched off towards the kitchen, untangling herself from the long phone cord as she went. Dean sank down beside his brother wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
"It's gonna be okay, Sam," he said, still shaking with leftover rage, "She's gonna call for help. Get us out of here. Get us to some people who can watch out for us. Keep us safe 'til Dad gets back. Gordon'll never find us... You okay? Feel better now?"
"Um hmm," Sam nodded his spot covered face beaming at Dean appreciatively, "That was an impressive outburst, Dude."
"What can I say," Dean gave a lopsided grin, "I've always been a smooth talker with the ladies."
"Oh, bitchin' idea, Debbie!" Tiffany exclaimed, "I think Old Man Winchester did like mention something about that... Catch ya later, Gator. Ciao!"
The Winchesters watched in puzzlement as their babysitter hung the phone back up on the kitchen wall. But instead of picking the receiver back up and dialing 911, she stomped off towards the bathroom. Moments later she returned carrying a long slender object in her hand.
"What is that thing?" Dean asked suspiciously.
"Baby thermometer," she answered, making a bee-line for Sam.
Before either brother could utter another word the teenager scooped Sam up off the floor and quickly flipped him head over heels.
"AHHHH! DEAN!" Sam cried, reaching out as he dangled perilously in the air. "HELP!"
"What do you think you're doing?" Dean roared, trying to grab hold of Sam's hands. "Let go of him! Why aren't you calling an ambulance?"
"Yeah right! Like I'm gonna get busted for a crank call! As if!" Tiffany sneered as she jostled Sam in her arms and kept him out of Dean's reach. "I'm gonna take the brat's temperature first to make sure he's not like totally fakin' it!"
"UGH! Dean!" Sam groaned, squirming in Tiffany's grip, "Blood... rushing to head... Contents of stomach... may follow!"
"Of course, he's not faking it!" Dean insisted, fearfully hovering beneath his brother in case the crazy bitch dropped him, "And you're gonna make him even sicker shaking him around like that, damn it! Why are you holding him upside down?"
"Like Duh," the girl scoffed as she patted her hand against Sam's diapered behind, "Baby thermometer goes in this end, fer shurr!"
Sam's eyes snapped wide open.
"OH, GOD NO!" he screamed, kicking and flailing in the teen's grasp, "NO! NO! NO! LEMME GO! LEMME GO! LEMME GO! NOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"Ohmigod, kid!" Tiffany snapped, "Hold still! Do you want me to like totally break it off in your butt or some stuff?"
"STOP!" Sam shrieked, "NO! JUST... DON'T!...I'M FAKING IT! I'M FAKING IT I SWEAR! TELL HER DEAN! TELL HER PLEASE! DON'T LET HER... NO! HELP! DEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAN!!!"
Dean couldn't believe it had all come down to this. The last thing he'd expected when he woke up this morning was to be negotiating a hostage situation while a chain-smoking Madonna wanna-be threatened his younger brother with a rectal thermometer.
"All right! All right!" he shouted over Sam's hysteria, "He doesn't have Chicken Pox! It's just magic marker! Now just please! Drop the thermometer and gently hand the kid over to me!"
Tiffany eyed the pleading young boy before her cooly, poor Sam still hanging limp and inverted in her arms.
"You total booger bucket!" she hissed, "You were gonna like make me call 911 on a bogus alarm! As if! That's it I'm totally locking you both in the closet 'til Old Man Winchester gets home!"
"Big problem there," Dean said, desperately, "Gordon Walker is gonna get here long before Dad does!"
"Oh, again with the Gordon Walker," Tiffany huffed, grabbing Dean's arm with her free hand as she wrangled both children towards the hall closet, "When he gets here, I'll totally tell him where to find you an' stuff, fer reals!"
"NO! No please!" Dean cried, desperately digging in his heels, "We'll be sitting ducks in there!"
"Dean…" Sam said weakly, gazing upside down into his brother's eyes, "Save yourself, man. I'll puke on her shoes! You make a run for it!"
"There's no such thing as toddler martyrdom, Sam!" Dean snapped, "All right! Look lady. We'll be good we promise! We're just acting out 'cause... 'cause... 'cause we're hungry! That's right! Dad told you to fix us breakfast, didn't he?"
"Ohmigod!" Tiffany snorted, "I didn't think he was like serious!"
"Yes, just put Sammy down so you can fix us something to eat. Then we'll be quiet and stay out of your overly teased hair for the rest of the day!"
The teen seemed to consider this a long while.
"Ok, like whatevers!" she said, "Ohmigod! Babysitting is so totally hard!"
She spun on her heel and stomped off towards the kitchen still carrying Sam with her.
"Deeeeeeeeeaaaaannnn!" Sam called out as he disappeared around the corner.
Dean hurried after them, his mind racing to figure out his next move. God help them both, but he wondered if they would survive long enough for Gordon to kill them.
To be continued…
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shout out to The Banana Nut Muffin who called Tiffany "Queen Dunderhead" in an earlier review. It gave me such giggles as I was working on this chapter that I stuck it in. See? The reviews are very inspiring and greatly appreciated! You readers are the best!
I love to know what you think of the story so far! I'm very good about responding to all the comments and I'm fully prepared to be apologizing over and over for bringing Tiffany into the world and putting the Winchesters in her care. ;-)!
And, on a different note all together. I usually like to keep things light and fluffy but I just want to send good positive thoughts and heartfelt prayers to everyone in Haiti or everyone who might have loved ones in Haiti. God Bless, you guys!