Hitsugaya lay on his couch and counted the seconds on his clock. The caravans had left as soon as the match ended, transporting Hanatarou and his next challenger to their starting point far out east. Only one day had passed. He fixed the gauze on his head and began to feel under the cushions.

There were sympathy cards piled by the doorway. He got flowers and chocolates and stuff too of course, but that was hardly worth the dear price he had paid in defeat; complete, humiliating and inconsolable. The disturbing vision still haunted his dreams. The Eskimo suit, the stripping, the cleavage and the emergency resuscitation; it was horrible. All the while he could see the flashes of cameras and the victorious Hanatarou being lifted from the ring… while he was carried away on a stretcher.

He pulled out the bottle of sake Matsumoto kept for emergencies and uncorked it between his teeth…

"That was quite a fight you had there Hana-chan." Said Kuukaku, gently patting him as he sat next to her. Hanatarou bobbed his head a bit in response, but remained silent with weary eyes.

Isane was busy at his feet with 8th seat Ogidou, making sure Hana's arms and legs were safe from the ice damage from the previous day's battle. Yes, it had been quite a fight. The women's association made a killing with the videos alone.

Hana was still traumatized from the event, not because of the brutality that suddenly burst from him, but because only at the end did he realize that he had just ripped his pants off in front of the whole of Seireitei. In front of Isane, Kuukaku, Hinamori and Nemu to only mention a few. And now he had only one day before his next challenge, against 2nd Division Captain… Soifon…

Soifon walked into the head caravan. It was beautifully, if not extravigantly furnished inside and had to be pulled by several giant boars. She knelt by in front of the main chair. "You summoned me commander general Yamamoto?"

Yamamoto nodded and beckoned her to rise. "We have a problem, Soifon Taicho…" he spoke drearily.

"Yes, we do." Agreed Soifon. A flicker of her eyes betrayed her intent. "Do you wish my special forces to… arrange to have the problem disappear?"

"Assassination is not an option." Said Yamamoto sternly. "His death alone cannot atone for the shame he has brought upon us all. These trials were meant to restore dignity, honor and pride! But Yamada has turned it into something horribly warped." He opened his eyes ever to slightly. "He must not defeat another captain. He must not put any more to shame by his antics…"

"What do you wish me to do then, sir?"

"It is simple." Replied Yamamoto. "There will be almost no rules in the next challenge. You may use any weapons as you may wish and without restraint if you should so desire…"

"I see…" bowed Soifon again. "Thankyou sir. It shall be done." And she shunpoed away to sharpen her blades… 'I will enjoy this…'

Hanatarou rested in his caravan and thought about the next task to complete. It wasn't getting any easier. The next challenge would be a race back to Seireitei along 100 miles of country, forest and towns against one of the fastest Shinigami alive. Hana was sort of looking forward to a day or two of adventurous trekking, until Yoruichi revealed that Soifon could cover the distance in less than three hours. It was a blessing and a curse when Yamamoto revealed the rules (or lack thereof) and Kuukaku, Yoruichi and Ganju were immediately occupied with devising a madcap scheme to see him through. All Hana had to do now was to wait and see what his friends had in store for him. His doubt was only just outweighed by his trust in them.

There was a knock on the door. Hana was almost afraid to answer. "Uh, c-come in?" he ventured.

The visitor was altogether unexpected, walking in confidently in business attire and getting straight to the point. "Yamada Hanatarou, sign my contract and I'll make you the most popular and the richest man in the whole of Soul Society!"

"H-hisagi-san?" gawked Hanatarou. "What are you talking about? And w-why are you wearing sunglasses and that funny hat?"

Hisagi tipped his reporter's hat and plonked a briefcase onto the table. "I'm talking about stardom Hanatarou. Fame, riches, glory and women! All of it!" his eyes gleamed behind his sunglasses.

"E-e-eh?"

Hisagi unloaded the suitcase contents and Hana was bewildered. It was packed with mugs, T-shirts, action figures and various CDs and DVDs; all with Hanatarou's face! "Hana-chan! Can I call you Hana-chan? Well you know how I am in charge of the news around Seireitei, the media and general entertainment? Well I've been investigating media in the living world and I can see a huge opportunity, a HUGE opportunity for us both!"

"You-you have me on UNDERWEAR?"

"It's called lingerie, but anyway." Said Hisagi, pulling out a cigar and chewing it. "You sell like hot cakes! In fact we sell your face on hot cakes! There is not a woman in Soul Society that doesn't know your name, your face or your… ahem… unique voice…"

"R-r-r-really? But, but why are you doing all this for me?" he asked. "I hurt you all very badly during the first task."

"Oh, that is water under the bridge Hana-chan!" assuered Hisagi. "But funnily enough I think that was when my eyes were open to the possibilities! My paper covered the fight and we were sold out in hours! When I saw your avid supporters, the popularity of the fight and your potential; in my mind I envisioned red carpets, spotlights and limousines! You have the makings of greatness in you!"

"M-m-me?"

"Believe kid!" smiled the lieutenant. "Like I said, there is HUGE opportunity out there for us, and all we have to do is reel them in! Not only merchandise, but shows, movies, parades, concerts and maybe even musicals!"

"D-don't be silly!" yammered Hanatarou. However, he couldn't help but look at the Hana-med-kit with interest. "You… y-you are joking… r-right?"

"Hanatarou…" smiled Hisagi greedily. He set up a screen and DVD player from his suitcase. "How much do you know about human 'stars'?" and he pulled out a few documentary DVD's, from Jackie-chan to George Clooney.

"Taicho! Taicho! Are you in there?" Matsumoto peeped through the window, but couldn't see anyone there. The paperwork on the desk was touching the ceiling. "Taicho?"

"Matsumoto-fukutaicho!" reported three shinigami from 5th division. "We have finished scouting our designated area. What are our orders?"

"What? Oh, just go home for today or something…" said Matsumoto dismissively, waving her hand.

"Um… It's eleven in the morning…" spoke the man uncertainly. "We've only been working for two hours this shift."

"And we've not scouted anywhere really," said another. "And it has only been around the tenth division area."

Matsumoto glared and the men backed down. She sighed. "Then go scout the gate or something."

"Um, which gate?"

"Oh, I don't know! Surprise me!" she snapped. "Now GO!" the men bowed and fled quickly away. Matsumoto looked through the window again and furrowed her brow. She wondered if he had already assigned a replacement for her. She hoped he was alright. "Taicho?" she called again, but with dying optimism. "Toshiro…?"

"You mean he only has to wait two minutes before he has enough money to buy a CAR?" gasped Hanatarou. "That's… th-that's insane!"

Hisagi looked at his sparkling wide eyes with triumph. "Yes Yamada, we are only one signature away from bringing modern media to this backwater world! And you shall be the brightest star in its sky!" and he handed Hana the pen and paper. Hanatarou gulped and the pen trembled in his hand.

"M-maybe…" he hesitated. "Maybe I should talk to my friends about this?"

"Oh come on Han-chan! You can trust me!" he put an arm around Hana and whispered in his ear. "And just think about it. Think of all the things you can get them when you're rich. Wouldn't you like to do that? For them?"

"I-I really would like to do that..." smiled Hana, thinking of all the good he could do with such wealth. He could finally pay them back for all the kindness they had given him. "B-b-but…"

"But what? What is there to think about?"

Hanatarou swallowed hard and gave the paper reluctantly back. "I really can't do this yet. Not while I have so many things to do…"

"But this is the peak of the hype!" argued Hisagi, almost whining. "This can mean the difference between hundreds and thousands!"

"Thankyou Hisagi, but I cannot accept your offer."

"Listen Hana, can't we arrange a-?"

"Hisagi-san. I am not interested."

For a moment Hisagi hesitated. He looked to Hanatarou and noticed he had stopped shaking and had stopped stammering in his speech. His eyes didn't yearn pitifully, but they stared at him… stared hard at him… Hisagi took the paper quietly. "I see…" he sighed.

Hanatarou pitied him and poured him a cup of tea with the Yummy Yamada Tea Set. "M-maybe I'll sign later. You never know." He smiled. "It-it is a lot of money isn't it?"

Hisagi's smile returned to him and he began to eat another cigar. All was not lost. "It sure is Hana-chan. I really look forward to doing business with you in the future."

"Thankyou Hisagi-san." Bowed Hanatarou happily. They clinked their tea cups and toasted to the successful survival of Hanatarou's next challenge. Then suddenly there was a quick rapping at the door.

"Hanatarou! Hanatarou-san!" called out Rikichi urgently outside. Hana rushed over to see what he wanted. "Unohana-taicho wants to speak with you!"

"I-is there something wrong?" stammered Hanatarou, terribly worried. "What happened?"

"I don't really know, but Isane-san and the rest of the 4th squad are really worried, and your taicho has refused to speak with anyone but you! Hurry up!"

Hana packed his medical sash and leapt out of the caravan. "Thankyou for the tea Hisagi-san!" he called back. "I'll speak to you later wh-when I can!"

Yoruichi looked at the plans. Ganju tried not to look at the plans. Kuukaku tried to burn the plans. "ARE YOU BOTH MAD?" yelled the one armed woman. "Do you want Hana-chan to die?"

"That is entirely up to your expertise Kuukaku. I can't stay here because of the message from the mysterious SSS wanting me to return to the real world; so you are in complete control now." Said Yoruichi. "I know how you feel about him, but I know Soifon, and I know the seriousness of Yamamoto in keeping the status quo. This may be the only way for him to succeed."

"But at this angle…" muttered Ganju. "At that speed and all by himself, will he be able to hold it all together the entire length? That would require quite a special piece of work." He looked at the worry all over his sister's face and mimicked her.

Yoruichi looked at them seriously and thumped her hand on the table. "We have come a long way together, and he has faced and overcome awesome difficulties that by even the most insane disc jockey he should have lost! It mustn't end here. There is no backing down. Kuukaku!" the women stared at each other intensely. "You must help him!"

Kuukaku stood up with the plans in her hands. Ganju fidgeted in his seat. She spoke quietly. "Baka… I never intended to abandon him now." She walked out and down the stairs. "Ganju! Hurry up! I'll need some help, and you can learn a thing or two!"

"R-right!" answered her brother obediently and he scampered after her. "Thankyou again Yoruichi-san." He called back as he left. "And say hello to that dandelion head Ichigo!"

"I will, and good luck." Said Yoruichi in cat form. She leapt away to report back to Urahara shop.

Renji was sitting down, reading the latest magazine from 8th division, particularly delving on the fourteen page article on Hanatarou's latest conquest. Byakuya, who had now given up trying to purge Renji's interest on the subject, sat meditating in his calligraphy. In such a state, he was quite aware that something was going to disturb his afternoon… and it was getting closer…

Renji finally sensed the spiritual pressure and sat up on alert. "Do you feel that taicho?"

"If you weren't reading that useless drabble, then you might have sensed it earlier." Replied Byakuya with sting. The captain handed his paper and inks to his servant and got his sword ready. "See that our subordinates don't get caught up in this. In such a state, he might actually kill them…"

"Who?" asked Renji. He concentrated harder, but was still clueless to the identity of the aggressor. "The reiatsu spikes from a common shinigami right up to your level… maybe even higher." He admitted with a gulp. "Is there more than one?"

Byakuya glared. "Just do as I order before anyone gets hurt."

"H-hai!" answered Renji, and he leapt out. He was thrown back in by a large block of ice. "Agh!"

"BYA-KU-YA!" roared a youngish voice outside. Waves of icy reiatsu and snowflakes blew through the room. The attacker was shaken and was unsteady on his feet. The wings on his back jittered and molted in spasms. Freezing the posts of the room, he disintegrated the structure into damp, brittle firewood, collapsing around the stoic captain Kuchiki. Captain Hitsugaya Toshiro took another swig from the wine gourd before hobbling forward again. "I need to… hic-talk to you!"

"Taicho!" yelled out several squad members behind Toshiro, 6th and 10th division alike. They ran in to restrain him from behind. "Calm down!"

"Idiotsh…" grumbled Hitsugaya, who used his tail to effortlessly slam all of them away into the garden ornaments of Byakuya's yard. "Incompetent, tactlessh piecesh of trash!" he growled. He flapped his wings and fell on his face. Cursing as he got up, he took another drink and threw a courtesy glacier at his colleague.

Byakuya didn't bat an eyelid and shattered the ice with a flurry of pink death. "You are drunk, captain Hitsugya…" he commented at last.

"Shut-up! Hic!" snapped Toshiro as he continued to stumble over the same rock, before simply walking through it. "I'm over a hundred-hic yearsh old! I'll drink if I bloody well want to!" and he put the bottle to his lips to demonstrate, but found it empty. He vented his frustration by converting the pond into a pillar.

"You want to fight?" asked Byakuya.

"Do you have anything to drink?"

Byakuya paused "… No."

"Then yesh!" said Toshiro. "You did it didn't you?" he pointed his fingers in Byakuya's general direction. "I saw you in the shtadium, hiding in the shadowsh! Hic! You went to see Yamamoto and got him to change the rules didn't you… hic…? DIDN'T YOU?" he was now yelling at him eye to eye.

Byakuya's nose crinkled as the blast of foul alcoholic breathe blasted his face. "And what if I did? I did not do anything wrong."

Hitsugaya tried to cut Byakuya, but ended up nearly killing Renji with an extremely wayward strike. "Nothing wrong? You said NOTHING –hic- wrong? YOU WERE AFRAID THAT I WOULD LOOSHE!" he screamed. Toshiro leapt at Byakuya and made another dragon shaped dent in the snow drift

"This isn't good for the grass…" comented Byakuya. "Please keep off it."

"Don't change the sh-sh-shubject you bastard! HIC! You saw that push Hanatarou gave and you thought he had a fighting chanshe against me! That's why you went to shange the rules! You're the reashon why I'm knee deep in sympathy cards and drinking shtale liquer fermented by the warmth of my Lieutenant'sh cleavage!" he went on tirade. "You cowardly –hic- piece of scum! I'LL KILL YOU!" he lunged again, this time getting beaten back by Byakuya's sakura.

"You were the one who got defeated in the end Hitsugaya." Warned Byakuya angrily. "It did not matter if the setting changed, there was no excuse for your loss."

"But it didn't have to end this way…not… hic… like this…" panted Hitsugaya. He screamed again and flew at Byakuya with claws outstretched, this time forcing Byakuya into a retreat. Small icicles pattered on the floor as tears dripped from Toshiro's emotional face. "If I was going to be beaten, then I wanted to be defeated with honor! I want to acknowledge skills and powers that beshted my own… But I did not, I DID NOT want to end up getting stripped half NAKED, getting westled by an ESKIMO, smothered in man-boobsH and become the centerfold for a (censored, censored, censored, censored, hiccup) MAGAZINE!" and he held up the picture of himself receiving CPR from a poorly clad Hanatarou. The position he chose to do so was also indescribably poor.

"All thoshe yearsh of training! Hic!" continued Hitsugaya, throttling Byakuya with his tail. "The highest straight scoresh in the academy examinationsh! First class kido, advanced swordsmanship and… hic- tactics! The youngesht captain in the history of Soul Socity! The boy geniush showing unrivaled potential from all his peers! ALL THAT EFFORT AND STRUGGLE FOR THIS?" he raised his sword over Byakuya's head, opening his defenses well and truly wide.

Byakuya stabbed him, careful to avoid his vitals, then threw down and bound him to the spot with restraining kido. "You need to sober Hitsugaya Taicho." He said coolly. "You may speak to me when your manners return and when you understand the meaning of 'hangover'. Take him away."

The Kuchiki servants carried the sobbing Hitsugaya away to 4th division, leaving Byakuya to contemplate the icy tatters of his garden. He was so angry, he didn't even bother trying to help Renji out of the tonnes of rubble.

Hanatarou knocked on the door of his captain's caravan. "H-hello?" he felt the handle and it was unlocked. "Why hasn't anyone gone in to check on her?"

"Fear." Answered Ogidou plainly, before Isane could offer an excuse. 3rd seat Ieumera was left in charge back in Soul Society, so Ogidou spent his time shadowing and annoying his lieutenant.

"Respect!" snapped Isane, offering a less degrading explanation. "We just… w-well… We knocked and everything…"

"Just go in there and sort it out Yamada-sempai." Sighed Ogidou. "Death is the worst that can happen."

"OGIDOU!"

"N-no it's alright Koketsu-Fukutaicho." Bowed Hana. "I m-may be on trial, but I am still a member of the 4th squad, and I will continue doing my duties." He gulped. He turned to enter and ran into the door. He opened it and went inside.

"G-good luck Hanatarou…" said Isane meekly after him.

"You should have kissed him for luck." Whispered Ogidou.

"Ah?" yelped Isane, blushing. They then both heard the shattering of a vase and a trail of apologies from Hana.

"See."

"Oh..."

"It's alright Yamada-kun…" said Unohana. She sat at her table with some food set out. "Please take a seat. I wish to speak with you."

"A-ah yes! R-right away!" obeyed Hana. He quickly shoved the ceramic pieces to the side with his foot before assuming his seat at the table opposite his captain. "Are you alright? Everyone is worried."

"I…" began Unohana, but she couldn't quite say. "I will explain, but please… eat up. You haven't had lunch yet, have you?"

"No, I haven't…" admitted Hana, hungrily. Unohana gave him some more reassurance and he eventually started to tuck in eagerly. "Itadakimasu!" Unohana watched him with a smile, and after his third rice cake, he noticed shamefully that she had not taken a bite yet. "Ah, are you not hungry Taicho?"

"No, I have no appetite, thankyou Hana-chan." Said Unohana. "Please continue eating and I will explain. Time is of the essence after all."

Hana nodded and began to eat a bit slower, waiting to hear what his captain had to say. He also noticed the food he was eating was the usual assortment his captain ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It looked as though she had not touched any of her food at all.

"Hanatarou, do you know why you are a shinigami?" she asked at length.

"W-wasn't it because of my father and brother?" he asked timidly. He knew that a lot of his acceptance wasn't just due to his nice manners.

"They helped you, but that was not what caught my eye. It was something else, more… personal…" replied Unohana. Hanatarou listened attentively. "I saw… that you were like me..."

…

Author's Notes:

Listening to the new Bleach anime opening in a continuous loop. Thanks for all the encouraging reviews for the last chapter, that really helped me out a lot in my motivation. I never really saw the smothering bit as much of a work of genius until I re-read with your comments in mind. Thankyou so much!

Next episode will see Unohana's explanation to Hana about the selection of 4th squad members and the actual commencement of the next trial! What does Kuukaku have in mind to give Hana that winning edge? Will he be able to survive it to the finish line with Soifon at his neck? I hope so, or else this story isn't going to be much more fun!

The drunk Hitsugaya and the show-biz agent Hisagi will play a MAJOR part in the upcoming plot, so bear with them, as well as the so far allusive... SSS.