This chapter is much later than anticipated, and I'm sorry for those of you reading it for the delay but I did have a legitimate reason, my computer kind of broke, and as this chapter is much longer than the rest I wasn't able to hog anyone else laptop for long enough to write it, alas I have a new computer and with that a new chapter so here it is, also I know this story has an M rating but just as a customary warning to cover my back and shield this from innocent eyes it should be noted that this story does contain adult content and mature themes, anyways enjoy and don't forget to R & R
Chapter 10 – What You Left Behind
It was the night of first meetings, one of those where the best friends meet the new boyfriend of their beloved friend and scrutinise him almost incessantly while the beloved friend waits on tenterhooks for the verdict. Tonight I was meeting Emmett the friendly giant that Rosalie seemed to have a great fondness for. I was also meeting Edward, a slightly newer edition to Bella's life that she had not told me about because apparently I've been somewhat of a neurotic mess of late and could not be trusted to react sensibly to my friend's happiness. I have to say I was minutely offended that I was considered so absorbed in my Jasper related woes that she didn't want to bring it up. I think she felt guilty that she had found a someone, or maybe found, and that I was living in my past. I told her I was happy for her and truly I meant it, the distraction of boy talk with my nearest and dearest was very welcome. I could revel in the newness they were experiencing, the part where there's all the expectations in the world and no one shits all over your naivety, cause in actual fact just because the happy ending isn't always realised doesn't mean it's not attainable. And tonight I was championing love for the sakes of my friends, I was on the love bandwagon so to speak and I was singing its praises, it was the least they deserved for putting up with me.
Dashing out the door in record time, I pulled up to Kate's so she could taxi it with moi, we were being each other's dates for the evening. I saw her approach the car and give me a little frantic wave. I grinned enthusiastically. This is what I needed, time with my friends to immerse myself in my friendly duties. She hopped inside.
"I believe you are my hot date for the evening Miss Garatt, and I have to say I'm not at all disappointed." I gave her an exaggerated wink and she laughed that hearty laugh that belonged solely and uniquely to Kate.
"Not looking to shabby yourself there Ali, you better not be looking to score tonight and ditch me." I giggled. We both knew that was unlikely.
The journey to the bar was spent musing over what we would make of the new additions to our friends lives. We were setting the bar high but only because our friends deserved no less than male perfection.
Our eyes searched the room, figuring we'd just look for the burly guy that would be ogling Rose. She had described him as huge no less than a dozen times so we just proceeded to look for the muscle bound lovely that had captured her heart.
The search was short lived as we happened upon them by the bar. Rosalie turned to us with a smile that looked genuine with an undertone of anxiety; I expected she was just nervous we wouldn't like him. She shouldn't have worried.
"Well I'm guessing from your minute proportions that you're Alice, you're the one I have to please or you're kicking me in the nuts right? And you're Kate I expect you're the one who'll be pinning me down while Alice hands my ass to me correct?" We both laughed leaning in for the usual hugs and air kisses.
I liked him already and a sideways glance at Kate said she did too.
"You're assumptions are correct, and don't let the fact that I'm qualifiedly a midget fool you, me and Kate will tag team your ass good and proper if don't toe the line, although I have a feeling you do just fine."
We chatted for a bit by the bar until Rose said that they already had a table with Bella and Edward so we should head on over. Emmett then turned to me and Kate with a mischievous grin plastered across his face.
"So here's the thing I'm kinda a busy body and I took it upon myself to bring some man candy for you ladies to fight over, his names Peter, except it looks like there's more than enough to go around cause apparently Edward had the same idea and felt like playing cupid too so in essence we set you up but with the best of intentions."
He finished with a slightly nervous smile, however I couldn't be mad, his efforts although pointless were harmless enough and I figured I would entertain one of the said gentlemen for the evening if it made him and Rose happy, who knows it might not even be torturous. Me and Kate tentatively approached the table now with a little more reserve than before.
I saw Bella chestnut tresses through the busy bar and pushed the few feet to the table. I slung my arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek as we exchanged hellos. Then Rose called over the chatter as Bella and I muttered giddily, our brief exchange cut short, Rose took it upon herself to proceed with the introductions.
"So ladies obviously you know our dear friend Bella but this is Edward" He nodded his head and greeted us with more modesty than Emmett had, but he was no less friendly.
"....And this is Peter, he and Emmett have been friends since the dawn of time apparently and he works here in New York as a Sports Broadcaster." She offered Kate a wink, guessing my blind date was up next.
"...And this Jasper, him and Edward used to go to college together and stayed in touch pretty much ever since, Jasper's a photographer currently working for FLAW magazine, which means you and Alice have already had the pleasure of meeting." I stood in shock looking at him, practically catching flies, when it occurred to me than he wasn't. He wasn't surprised at all, which meant either he was completely unflappable or he knew I would be here as his prospective blind date, I suspected the latter.
"Yeah me and Jazz go way back." I said glaring at Rose with a certain degree of venom, I soon switched my gaze on Bella whose eyes soon shifted. Kate was clearly not in on their little ruse because her eyes were searching mine for an explanation.
I trained my eyes on Rosalie.
"Hey Rose I notice that everyone around this table is liquored up, hows about you and me go get some drinks for me and Kate." I gave a smile to the company round the table and shoved Rose in the direction of the bar. After we scrambled our way to the queue I turned to her so she couldn't avert her gaze.
"Sneaky much? What's with the set up? I mean if you wanted this night to be the most awkward one on record we could just leave Kate with a bottle of Gin in hand until she starts telling Emmett how her biological clock is ticking and she wants her some babies like she did at her office party. However I have a feeling that this night may just top that one in its general fucktardedness."
"Ali you're a writer I expect you to express yourself a little more eloquently than that, and in answer to your question it didn't start as a great master plan."
She sighed.
"Here's the deal, Emmett wanted to set up the friends I'd been going on about for weeks in an effort to score brownie points with you guys and when I broached the idea with Bella she suggested Edward could bring a friend as well cause he's kinda shy and it might help him to have a buddy here to back him up and he'd mentioned that an old friend of his had just come back into town and he's a great guy blah blah blah, so anyways the plans were already set when Edward let on who this friend was and we figured that maybe it would give you chance to talk, and rekindle and you know.....have lots of sex and babies?" She said with a hopeful tone.
I tried my best to keep the mask of anger firmly placed on my face but in the back of my mind I figured despite the mess that this evening had swiftly become maybe we should get the talking underway. At least now I couldn't back out, although I wasn't sure if that was a good thing.
----∞----
It had been 55 minutes, 55 minutes, and Jasper had not said one word to me. And yes I timed it. Instead he was charming the pants and panties off of the entire table while making glances at me as if to make it explicit that he was very aware that I was here but that he'd handed over the ball and left it very much in my court. Except my court wanted no part in that ball, my court wanted him to take charge again, in the fashion that I had grown so accustomed to. Kate had been giving me nudges, not subtly either, to try force me into Jasper's vicinity. Edward began regaling days about how Jasper used to have these marathon pool games where they'd challenge unsuspecting people in their local bar to a game and play for money. One accusation on Edward's part that Jasper cheated and they smack talked their way over to the pool table for a rematch, Emmett and Peter in toe, throwing promises of being right back over their shoulders.
"This night had so much more drama than I had anticipated" Kate breathed out.
"Ok Ali I've been patient, in fact I've been more patient than someone should expect of such an impatient person as myself but can you just give me the full Jasper lowdown? We've just spent an hour being dazzled by his fabulousness and watching the pair of you make blatant sex eyes with each other so please tell me what he did that is so bad you aren't dragging him out of here right now to go have wild monkey sex at your apartment."
Bella sounded like she'd been holding in that very speech for the past hour and possibly even longer. Three pairs of eyes were trained on me.
"He's not this terrible person, I never wanted you to assume that, and if I fill you in now please try be discrete and avoid looking over at the table every 2 minutes...Kate I'm talking to you, I said discrete not stare at Peter's ass."
"What? It's a nice ass." We all nodded in appreciation while taking in the sight.
"Well as you know already we were living together and very much in puppy love and before we knew it, it was the end of senior year and College plans were being finalised etc. I'd got a number of offers, and a scholarship for a school her in New York but I decided to go to Washington instead because me and Jasper had both got in there and as lame as it was to do the whole his and hers college experience I felt like I'd only just found him, I wasn't all that ready for the distance just yet, the transition from living with him to being in separate dorms would be a big enough shock to the system without deciding to put that kind of mileage in our way. So anyways I guess you could say it started a couple of weeks before prom."
Flashback....
I was walking with Jasper by my side as we left school, I'm stayed later as I did most days to do extra work on the school newspaper. The scholarship which I had declined from New York had said that they were particularly impressed by my work on the school paper and the local newspaper; just because I had my acceptance in the bag I saw no need to not see my responsibilities through till the end. Jasper waited for me some days while others I insisted he go home. Today was not one of those days.
I was heavily absorbed in one of the posters garnishing the magnolia walls when I was disturbed from my thoughts by a jean clad Jasper sitting himself heftily on the desk littered with paper.
"Ready to go little'un?" Brought out of my haze only to be dazzled my his Cheshire cat grin. I grinned back hoping it came of somewhat alluring rather than goofy as I had suspected.
Back at the apartment I thought I'd voice my thoughts to him. The thoughts being specifically that he had not yet asked me to the prom and being his girlfriend I had assumed it was a given but there had been no mention of it.
"You know the proms in two weeks and I was just wondering if you were...you know...gonna ask me?" I looked up quickly through my lashes to gauge his reaction. His shoulders seem to be hit with a wave of tension. And a brief frown captured his face.
"Yeah I was meaning to talk to you about cause the thing is I never had any intention of going. It's not really my thing; in all honesty I was hoping to avoid it if that's ok with you. I mean if you want to go with a friend that's cool, but I think I might miss this delight."
I didn't quite know what to say. It was one of the few times we were not on the same page. It felt odd, like his explanation left more than a little to be desired. He was the school's football captain, the fact that he's be in attendance was sort of an unwritten rule. Then it occurred to me, he was expected to attend, and the person on his arm, his date for the evening, was supposed to be the head cheerleader or someone that gleamed, someone that was envied. Not Alice Brandon, newspaper whiz kid and all around nobody with the drunken estranged father. Why would someone like Jasper want to tote me round for the night, I was hardly the trophy he would have imagined on his arm.
As prom came and went and I tried my best to silence my fears, graduation had stumbled upon us and before I knew it we were sorting out hats and gowns, particularly for me because every gown they made swamped my tiny frame, while the teachers were running through a dress rehearsal with the senior year after school.
I was in one of the art classrooms on a little stool as a friend of mine Angela was currently seeing to it that my gown would not trail so immensely that I wouldn't fall, or stumble or generally do something that ended with me face first into the carpet. Angela and I weren't incredibly close but we'd sit together at lunch and she was always so kind and considerate, as was being proven by the time she'd taken out to help me with my attire. After we agreed that it looked at least in proportion on me now, I gathered up my stuff so I could get to the main hall for the run through of the following evening. We'd been given a specific seating order because some of us were given prizes for things like contributions to the school and acknowledgements of sporting achievements.
Making my way through the halls I heard voices, one in particular I recognised as it belonged to Jasper, the other was one of his jock friends, if you could even deem them friends.
"So what's the deal with you and that Brandon girl, I mean I see you two hanging out at school all the time, you're not like dating are you cause it wouldn't have thought she was your type."
"Why do you want to know Tyler?"
"Well the thing is I've been hearing things about her dad, apparently he's like a major league alcoholic, you know the type, I just wouldn't want you to get mixed up in all that. You're not exactly cut from the same cloth you and her, I mean your dads Carlisle Cullen for fucks sake and her dads....I don't know, he's the guy begging for change."
"He's not homeless Tyler, he's just fallen on hard times, look seriously it not your concern, me and Alice are friends so just leave it ok."
And I backed away, slowly at first and then I had started into a run until I was far away from horrible reminders about my dad and that word...friend. I leaned against the outside wall of the school gym with my breath heaving from running. Memories whirled around me as I saw them now with new insight, without the rose tinted hue that had obscured them previously. Nobody at school knew we lived together but that was just so I could avoid questions about my dad, but then again it was Jasper who had first suggested we not broadcast it. We didn't hold hands or act like a couple at school but we were barely in each others' classes and we both devoted so much time to extra-curricular stuff that we weren't even in each others' company long enough to indulge those kinds of fancies. I had always assumed he wasn't one for PDA and why do it in public when I could have him all to myself in the apartment. It could all be explained and rationalised away but there's a danger that you can be so quick to dismiss things that you don't see what's actually going on.
He hadn't defended me like a gallant knight, his attempt was pathetic and dismissive at best, he hadn't really defended my father, not that he fully deserved any defence but more than that he had failed to call me his, to claim me.
I wouldn't tell him I'd heard, I'd look to be invading his privacy, plus I was embarrassed as silly as it seemed. Embarrassed that I had these fantastical ideas of being embroiled in some epic love story whereby he swept me off my feet, and he had but right now it felt like he'd dropped me...hard.
The summer passed and things seemed to be making progress, he would be more obvious about us in public, still not a spectacle but there seemed to be an acknowledgement of us at least, but it didn't fully silence the nagging thoughts that plagued my mind.
College started and we decided to stay in the apartment rather than live on campus because it was convenient and in truth I wanted to be with him, I had read this as a sign that he also wanted to be with me.
It was a month or so into freshman year when we were out having lunch at the cafe on campus which was open to the public as well, I was trying to cheer him up as he'd seemed down of late and I'd stumbled upon him having heated debates a couple of times on the phone with someone I assumed to be his mother. We were sat sharing a mammoth pile of nachos when I noticed a very well dressed women entered the glass doors, her eyes searched the room, I recognised her.
I looked down trying to place the glamorous woman, scrambling through images that cluttered my head, it seemed to bother me that I couldn't solve the puzzle, it was niggling at me when I noticed that Jasper had looked up and stopped eating. He immediately looked down and hid his beautiful face as if every women's eyes weren't already trained on him, making me jealous, making me need the hand, the hand to hold. It was at these times that I needed a gesture like that, that said I don't care how many women eye fuck me I only have eyes for you 'you tiny midget you'. The hand never came instead he pushed back from the table abruptly.
"Alice we need to go I'm feeling a little shitty, like I might me sick, can we just go home? I'm sorry to cut our time short." I immediately filled with concern, reaching to place my hand on his forehead to check his temperature but he flinched away, and I think I probably winced back at the rejection. We made a quick exit passing swiftly by the bemused glamazon.
It wasn't until I we got home that the penny dropped, hitting me square around the head.
"That was your mother!" I blurted out, without thinking. Without waiting for an answer I continued.
"You're not sick are you? You just wanted to get away without seeing her....so she couldn't see me." And my voice had lost all the strength it had harboured by the end of my statement, when I had connected the glaringly obvious dots.
"Ali don't ok? It's totally not that it's just I don't want to see her right now she's fussy and controlling, although not as much so as my father, and I don't want them coming in to my life and interfering."
"What do you mean 'coming into your life' they're your parents you can't exactly cut them out of it."
"I think you're proof that that's not the case." I stumbled back a little. I saw the panic in his eyes as he realised what he'd said.
"Alice I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that I just meant that you're proof that sometimes parents don't always have a right to be part of your life, sometimes they forgo that right to a place in your life. I'm not trying to compare it it's just I'm only just getting used to them being more involved in my life again since I started college so it's not that I'm hiding you away, you're not something to be hidden."
"Then don't hide me, let me meet her, your mother, let me meet her properly. Our little play dates often involved me scuttling off to your room, half the time I doubt she even knew I was there and I never once really introduced myself. So let me introduce myself as your girlfriend."
I waited anxiously to see if he would agree, granted I wanted to formally meet his family as his girlfriend but mainly I just wanted to see if he'd actually agree to it.
"Alright you will, we'll organise it, I'll talk to her and sort it out."
And that was how it was left, it had been a month.
I wondered around the apartment having a free afternoon which meant hours to fill my mind with all of those guilty pleasures on TV that I saved for when Jasper was out because even though he'd happily watch it with me I suspect his heart wasn't in it so I decided to make it a solitary activity. I was so absorbed in my mid afternoon viewings that I didn't even hear the phone ring. Alas I figured I would let the machine get it, but the voice that rang out caught my attention.
"Jasper honey it's me, I guess you know by now I came to visit you, well your hasty exit wasn't exactly what I was hoping for but I did kind of ambush you, don't think I didn't see that girl you were with when you made your get away, it's Alice right? Am I right in thinking she's more than a friend now? It'd be nice to meet her, maybe dinner? I'm in town on the 17th if then is good? Anyways let me know."
I sat bolt upright, this was the opportunity I had been waiting for, handed on a lovely silver plate. I was giddy when Jasper got home; I pretended to be busy so I could leave the room. I wanted him to hear the message on his own so he would have the joy of asking me himself. I waited down the hall as he proceeded to do his usual ritual of disposing of his coat and keys and checking his messages.
I heard the beep, I heard the message, then I heard his footsteps.
He greeted me as always with a kiss, pulling me against his chest. I kept waiting for it. Maybe he was bidding his time. I was patient, the evening drew on, it got dark, I got ready for bed still waiting. While brushing my teeth I heard his hushed voice.
"Yeah thanks for the offer but it'll just have to be me I'm afraid, yeah I know it's a shame, she wishes she could come and if she wasn't tied up with other things she would, she said maybe another time though, uhmm right, well I'll ring you to arrange it. Speak to you soon mum, yeah bye."
It was then stood there looking at my very unexceptional self in the bathroom mirror that I stopped waiting.
I was never going to me good enough, I'd never be the girl he showed off to his parents or anyone for that matter. In fact he had never introduced me as his girlfriend, not once, because after all I was only his girlfriend inside these four walls, behind the front door that shut out preying eyes, judging eyes that would look at him and me and think "got she's lucky to have caught him". I was Robin to his illustrious Batman. It had been one thing to not acknowledge me, it was another to lie to his mother just to avoid me embarrassing him with my mere presence.
I went to bed with my head muddy and I woke with a clarity that made me feel no better. I couldn't do this. I could be his hideaway girlfriend, the guilty pleasure he only acknowledged in this solitary apartment. He had all of me, shamefully so, he have ever last drop, I was his for the taking, I had thought I had him. I didn't.
Maybe he did want me, maybe even love me as he'd said but it wasn't enough for him to only love me inside this haven.
I swiftly made calls and was in discussions with the administrators in New York to see whether they could reconsider my acceptance, I told them that circumstances had changed and I could no longer be in Washington, it wasn't a lie. It wasn't enough not to be with him, to end it, because the thought of bumping in to him, of seeing him with another girl, I couldn't even face the idea in my imagination let alone the reality. He had been the only thing keeping me here and New York had been my dream for so long, a dream I gave up on for him, because I believed I would realise new dreams with him by my side. I had plans, plans that he shattered. I could see my future if I stayed. He'd carry on with me until he found the girl that would meet the approval of his parents and I would be forgotten and then one day I'd read the announcement in the local paper that they were engaged. I had to try and exercise some semblance of control.
I procrastinated in the hope I would see some signs of change, that there would be some big reveal that proved he was everything I had needed him to be. I procrastinated until the 17th. For some reason, maybe because I'm a masochist I felt some morbid curiosity as to how he would excuse himself for the night, what would he say to evade me suspicion.
"Hey you fancy going out tonight just me and you?" I had said, waiting for the answer, dreading its inevitable insincerity.
"Wish I could Alley cat but I agreed to get together with some guys from my course for a few drinks and maybe some greasy food." He replied. And he smiled; he actually smiled at me as he was lying through his teeth. He lied with worrying ease, it reminded me so much of when my father had first started drinking and there were a whole host of easily delivered excuses, I had believed them at first, and the heart breaking thing is if I had not overheard where he actually intended to go I would have believed Jasper as well. I never thought him capable of lying. Not to me.
I would leave that night.
I couldn't stay.
New York had accepted.
I packed a bag.
I wrote a note.
It said I had been happy but that I felt he wasn't; that I knew this wasn't what he wanted and I didn't want to hold him back. It said that I had a right to be with someone who embraced me and that I couldn't find that with him. I had wished him the customary future happiness. Finally it said that I loved him more than he would probably ever realise.
I had snuck one last look at him, part of me wishing that he's stir and tell me I had it wrong, that he wanted forever with me, I knew he wouldn't. His beautiful face resting against the pillow, his lashes fluttered, I closed the door unable to hold myself together any longer if I stayed and stared, I turned before I had chance to reconsider, before I shredded the note and unpacked my things.
I reached the door, smelling his coat one last time before I left.
End of Flashback...
I looked around at the girls faces. It was Rosalie who spoke.
"She was so damn fragile when she got here, it's probably not the story you expected guys less drama and all that, but it was never about him being the bad guy, he just couldn't help her or protect her the way she needed. And she did need that from him. After her dad and..h..her mother she needed him to keep her safe from heartache and sadness, but he was too young and selfish, and I guess he fashioned as the straw that broke the camel's back."
I looked down while she spoke, it was true, and that's why I confided in Rosalie because right from the start she seemed to understand. Kate took my hand and spoke.
"That's so sad Ali, I always figured he'd cheated or done one of the cardinal sins but this is kinda worse, or more sad somehow cause I believe he probably wanted to love you in the way you needed but he got in his own way, if he'd been unfaithful we could have just written him off as a dick and had done with it but this explanation has me reeling...is there no way you can talk to him and forgive him? I mean like Rose said he was so young and stupid, when you're 19 you screw most things up, it's pretty much a life lesson in what not to do."
"Part of me, you know the insane part, thinks yeah, let's talk and thrash it out and maybe then we can be something more than this but the other part of me realises that those thoughts are just that little bit to hopeful."
"Oh shit they're coming back, pretend to talk about something" Bella uttered keeping her voice low.
"Another round ladies?" Emmett's voice boomed over our mock conversation.
"This one's on me, I want you to join me in a celebratory toast cause I just kicked Eddie boy's ass." Jasper laughed while clapping an arm around Edward's shoulder.
"Yeah well I'm out of practice, I bet you had plenty of time to brush up on your skills while you were swanning round Europe, some of us have real jobs Jazz you know." Edward flushed a light pink, revealing his embarrassment. His understated manner made him seem quite shy but as tonight had proved he could easily loosen up around friends.
"Deep burn Edward, but don't worry I'd love the pleasure of beating you again anytime you want a rematch." Jasper's eyes looked at everyone but at me, slightly jealous for the umpteenth time in the evening, I wanted those eyes trained on me.
"Hey Ali you fancy giving me a hand with the drinks?" That's when he finally looked at me, his full mega watt smile and sparkling green eyes searing in to me. I was so very, very screwed.
I offered him a smile as I lead the way to the bar, throwing my arms over the counter once I got there and managing to look at everything that wasn't his piercing green eyed stare.
Finally once I realised he was waiting for me to break the awkward silence that had muscled it's way in, I figured I'd take charge, better than always being on the receiving end of his choices, always caught off guard.
"So you're stalking me now? I have to say it's very unbecoming." I looked at him with the same degree of intensity that he was throwing my way.
"Well if Mohammed won't come to the mountain..." and I saw the edges of his mouth curl up in a grin.
"Well maybe Mohammed didn't fancy a trip to the mountain, maybe the mountain should learn to take a hint, did you ever think of that huh?" yes it was retarded, and yes it was slightly rude but fresh from my full disclosure with my friends I was feeling a little catty.
"You do know that what you just said makes fuck all sense right?" he chuckled; he was infuriating, why couldn't he just be offended and flounce off.
Then he moved to press his body flush against me, all that separated us was the thin fabric of our clothes. I barely contained a gasp.
"And I think we both know from past experience that Mohammed has enjoyed many a trip up the mountain." He said in a voice that resembled a growl, he was throwing the same retarded shit back to me that I'd said to him and somehow it sounded so appealing that I had to use all the self respect I could muster not to drag him to the exit and back to my bed.
"You never called. You've been avoiding me.....I missed you." He whispered into my ear, his lips brushed the crook of my neck. I closed my eyes and bit my lip and waited for him to completely overpower me.
They the barman intruded the moment by placing the round of drinks down in front of me. Jasper muttered a thanks and I just kept my head down.
I carried a random selection of drinks to the table as Jasper swiftly followed. I greeted my friends with a smile and placed them down.
"Guys it's been great but I have a big presentation to go to in the morning and if I stay out any later it's fairly certain I'll be pooped for tomorrow but we should do this again, really, Edward, Emmett it was nice to meet you, and don't worry you both passed." I finished with a smile while putting on my coat. I gave Rose, Bella and Kate hugs and turned to leave only to be greeted with Jasper's rigid face.
"Goodbye Jasper" I said averting my eyes.
"Actually I'm in that same presentation so I should probably be heading out as well, we can share a taxi, I'll make sure she gets home safe girls." He looked at my friends for permission to which they all nodded readily.
I shoved my way to the door just wanting to be out of his presence, away from the pull he had over me, barging through the door I felt the rain hit my face, cooling my flush cheeks.
I looked up to the sky, I felt him behind me.
His breathing was heavy. He strode past me to the cab that waited lined up on the corner. Pulling open the door he said. "Get in!"
Before I had chance to think about why my legs were carrying me towards the warmth of the cab, I was settled inside, grateful of the shelter. He gave what I presumed was his address to the driver. I guess we were dropping him off first, although I'm pretty sure mine was the first stop. As we weaved in and out of the busy lanes I trained my eyes on the raindrops adorning the window. The cab jerked to a halt while Jasper threw some money at the driver, more than was necessary, and got out.
I leaned for to the driver and said. "We'll be making another stop..."
"No we won't." Jasper had opened my door, grasping my hand and pulled me gently but with force from the car.
I ran beside him to keep up to his strides as we went through the doors of the lobby and over to the lifts, the marble floor spattered with a sheen of water nearly causing me to fall if not for his firm grip. Stopping outside the lifts only briefly before the gold doors opened to reveal plush red carpet and 3 walls of mirrors reflecting the sight of mine and Jasper's clasped hands back at me. Had it not been for the purpose with which he walked and the grip he had the gesture could have been mistaken for intimate. The doors pinged open to a black tiled floor which had seen several coats of polish recently and to a corridor of doors, we stopped outside his. He didn't fumble with the key, he didn't fumble with anything, he was Jasper the unflappable after all.
The apartment was beautiful, hardwood floors, high ceilings and open plan to emphasis the copious amounts of space at his disposal. While marvelling over the interior he dropped my hand to shake of his coat, walking the span of the open plan living room and dining room, only to sling it on the back of a bespoke armchair.
"So I guess you can add abduction to that stalking accusation." He said it with his back to me, I suppose it was meant to lighten the tension but his tone betrayed him and all it did was intensify it.
"You make it so hard Ali, all I want from you...damn it all I ask is to talk to you and you ignore me like a child."
"Well if I'm so childish why the hell would you want to talk to me?" he turned around, I had successfully grabbed his attention without even meaning to. His eyes were blazing, like something was brimming under the surface waiting to spill, or explode.
"Don't you dare turn this back on me, you're not squabbling with me just so you can avoid discussing this." He was approaching me, drawing nearer, it was intimidating but I had to stand my ground.
"It was ten years ago, what do you want me to say huh? I was 19 and impulsive and shit happens." My voice rose at the interrogation.
"BULLSHIT." He roared, and I can honestly say I have never seen anyone more angry in my entire life, put there was something else, something like hurt...and I knew I'd put it there. He continued before I had time to respond.
"You...left me." His voice broke and I knew I had to say something.
"You didn't give me a choice." Our eyes locking in that moment proved whatever had been between us ten years ago was still here.
Remembering the conversation with the girls earlier that night I found my own anger peaking and rearing its head.
"I wasn't about to be your hideaway girlfriend, now I'm sure many girls would have gladly been happy with that but I couldn't, I wasn't about to except the conditional affection you threw my way, not...not when I loved you so much, leaving wasn't even remotely easy for me, I waited praying you'd show some sign that I wasn't some consolation prize, some part time girlfriend, for indoor use only." At first he looked confused not seeming to process what I was saying, what I was accusing him of, but as he pieced together the sentiment behind my words his anger decided to make another appearance.
"When did I ever treat you like a consolation prize?" He was incredulous.
"Oh I don't know maybe when you decided against ever holding my hand or acknowledging us in public, or maybe it was when you virtually denied being with me to Tyler, or when you decided you were too embarrassed to be seen with me at prom in front of all your jock friends and their counterpart blow up doll girlfriends with shit for brains. Or maybe it was when you lied to your motherbecause it was easier than to acknowledge you were with the daughter of a drunken lunatic. And if you want to know what did it, what made me leave, the fucking straw that broke the camel's back, that all but broke me, it was when you lied to me, all the other stuff paled in comparison to that. You looked at me and just lied like it was second nature, now go ahead lie to Tyler, and the assholes at school, lie to your mother for all I care but you will NOT lie to me, I saw you in a whole different light in that moment, you immediately became the guy who could break my heart, who broke my heart."
I wasn't till I took a breath that I felt the tears cold, running down my cheeks.
"The irony is I probably could have stayed if I'd loved you less." I said with a humourless chuckle.
He looked wounded, no longer indignant, dismounted from his high horse. His eyes scanning the floor, searching for something. The cool air of the apartment dusting my tear stained cheeks, making me shiver, and feeling very on show.
"And in all those months, while you were busy jumping to your own conclusions you never thought to ask me why? You were busy hurting and I could have taken it all away if you had just asked." He was calmer now, tentative even, I expect still shocked at my outburst.
"I didn't want explanations Jasper, despite how plausible your answers may have been, I didn't want you filling my head with bullshit just to get me to stay."
"Since you didn't think to hear what I had to say then I think it's about time you hear it...I didn't go to prom because despite being the golden boy I hated school, every minute of it, you were the only thing making it bearable. And I knew what they thought, my supposed friends, I knew what they thought of you, if you and me would have gone together to prom or clarified what Tyler was saying you'd have been in for a world of shit from them all, they were vicious, gossiping vultures and I wasn't about to throw you to them, to make your school life a living hell, like they'd made mine. When the shit hit the fan with my mother's affair they were...less than forgiving let's say, and I knew admitting to us meant everything would come out, not just about you and me but sooner or later someone would figure out we were living together and questions would be asked and your dad's problem wouldn't be a secret anymore. It may not have seemed gallant or brave but in all honesty I thought I was protecting you, from them, and from my world.
"And that goes for my mother as well. One night after you came round my dad called me into his office and decided he wanted a little chat we me. He told me that he saw the way I looked at you and it wasn't to be tolerated-" He looked down before continuing, seemingly embarrassed, it peaked my interest; I waited for him to go on.
"He said he'd allowed us to be friends all the while it seemed harmless but he didn't want me with you, apparently one night at the hospital he'd been asked to stitch up some guys arm, not his usual bag but he was doing rounds, the guy had got into a bar fight, some of the nurses explained to my dad that he'd been here before after numerous other drunken brawls brought in my some person or another, the guy was your dad." He paused; I started to understand where he was going with his little trip down memory lane.
"Once he found out you were his daughter he started to watch me closely, he said he didn't want our family name tarnished anymore than it already had been, I hadn't understood what he'd meant, until a few days later when I found out about the affair. I didn't want you anywhere near that man, if I let you meet my mother that meant he'd find out, that would have meant an end to the apartment, to the haven where I could forget the world and be with you. To him it was never personal it was reality, he thought girls like you were meant to stay in some stuffy little town, seeing out their days stacking selves with some ungrateful husband. He didn't see how brilliant you were, how brilliant you are. I was scared he would frighten you away, ruin things, I wanted to keep you safe from his ignorance, but selfishly I didn't want you to see him and think that the apple didn't fall far from the tree, in case you thought it wasn't worth the risk and left me. The irony huh?" He finished with a bitter smile.
I felt light headed. There it was the other side I never thought I'd hear. All the things we'd left unsaid that had we said them earlier, had we quashed each others' distorted versions of events a decade earlier maybe things would be strikingly different. All the things he'd said, I would never have considered them and I knew why.
"I don't think I ever considered, in all those months that there would be an explanation that meant that you still loved me, that you really loved me. It was easier to believe that the beautiful boy from round the way never gave a shit to begin with, it made more sense, I mean why would you have wanted me?" I was tearing up again.
He approached me, his concern contorting his features into a pained expression. He held my gaze, and I was trembling.
"You were the most perfect thing I ever laid eyes on, from the first moment I read one of your articles in the paper I was enraptured, I'd wait every week for the Sunday paper to come out so I could read your column. You were so tiny and beautiful, I wanted to protect you from everything and anyone, including my father, and the jocks, and from the wrath of their blow up doll girlfriends." He said with a smile, and he was incredibly close now, and even with my staggering heels I barely reached above his shoulder. His proximity still having the same effect on me that it had when I had been only an inexperienced teenager.
"You were everything, you were mine...you still are." He challenged me with his steely light eyes, gauging my reaction.
I slowly pushed up on my tip toes, leaning in to him, inhaling him unashamedly. I matched his gaze. "I'm yours? Prove it!"
The utterance barely made it out my mouth before he crushed me up against the door, his lips connected with my own and we both groaned. His teeth gently tugged at my bottom lip, the way I liked it, he hadn't forgotten. Then a swipe of his tongue along my top lip, tracing the curve, I rewarded him with a moan that I didn't care to contain. My tongue met his, and it was so surreal and wonderful and hot, and every part of me was on fire. The kisses we passionate, anything but tentative, his hands that had been clutching at my waist were swiftly making their way down my back, grazing over my ass only to pick me up, I quickly wrapped my bare legs around his strong torso. The layers of clothes became infuriating once I felt his straining erection pressing into my centre. I needed skin. Apparently he did too, because he began pushing my jacket off, discarding it to floor.
He pushed away from the door carrying me to what I presume was his bedroom, although I was too lost in Jasper to notice. My eager hands found his top button, and I made quick work of the rest, ripping the shirt away from his chest. Pulling back from him to gaze at him fully, my eyes trailed from his lightly tanned pecks down his contoured stomach, to the trail of hair that led to his cock, which was currently straining against the fabric of his pants. I dismounted from his tall frame, my hands reached out to touch him, to the beautiful soft skin that stretched across his powerful chest. Running my hands down his defined abs I dared to venture lower through the dusting of hair.
My hand didn't waste much time with his buckle, I unclasped it and tugged his pants and boxers down in one pull. He kicked of any remaining garments as I stared hungrily at his body, at his cock, that stood proud and thick from between his strong thighs.
Finally separating my eyes from his body I gazed back up at his face, his smile mischievous.
"You gonna stand there and eye fuck me some more, or are you gonna do something about it?"
Before I had the chance to show my mock outrage he pulled me in for another passionate kiss. I shoved him back feeling bolder. Grasping the hem of my dress, I lifted it over my head revealing the lace underwear underneath. His eyes gave me a long once over before I lifted his chin with my fingertips.
"Now whose eye fucking who huh?" he grinned at me before pushing us down to the huge king sized bed.
He loomed over me, all power and muscle and warmth. His mouth moved from my own to my neck, where he peppered feather light teasing kisses from my ear to my collarbone. His mouth soon made its way further south as his tongue licked between the valley of my breasts, causing a moan to once again leave my mouth. He looked up at me with a glint in his eye that was unmistakably Jasper.
"You know these past weeks I've wanted you so bad, I don't think there was a time when I didn't go home and have to jack off thinking of you, just like this, smooth and perfect, laid out before me, that little moan you have, I remember it. I think it's my favourite sound in the whole fucking world."
He was inching down as he spoke and I could barely process what he was saying for the anticipation and the visuals he was giving me. His hands pulled on the sides of my underwear slowly pulling them from my body as he softly blew on my centre, loving the soft moans it provoked from me. Then he touched his lips lightly to my hipbone, trailing his kisses down to my core. Then when I thought I couldn't take the teasing anymore he licked from the bottom to the top of my centre, his skilled tongue then circling the clit, then sucking it between his supple lips. He knew exactly what worked for me and he was using it to his advantage, and definitely to mine. He continued his oral attack on me before I simply couldn't take it anymore. I pulled him up to face me.
"What's the matter Alley cat don't you like it?" He said teasingly. His Cheshire cat grin firmly in place.
"Oh I love it, but I want you inside me when I cum." The grin wiped off his face, and he growled. He forgot that he wasn't the only one with a dirty mouth.
All but ripping off my bra he swiftly replaced the delicate lace with his strong hands, teasing the nipple and causing us to moan simultaneously. I could feel his cock, hard and thick against my body but I needed more, I needed him.
Then in a painfully slow motion he pushed into me, looking right into my eyes his hand gently nestled in my hair. It became too much for us both as our eyes fluttered closed. Our sweat covered chests heaving against each other, our arms wound around one another feeling every single inch of him against me and inside of me.
He questioned my eyes to continue, with my confirmation he started to thrust slowly inside me, his lips once again sought out mine. His thrusts quickened as my hands gripped his ass to push him deeper and faster, unable to get enough.
I felt it build starting in my stomach, where it spread.
"Shit Jazz, oh fuck." My eyes fluttered closed, losing all control.
His hand made its way between us finding my clit, rubbing circles on it, urging me on as he grunted into my neck. Then I lost it, as I moaned out and my walls clenched around him spurring him on as he groaned loudly into my neck again, and thrust one last time before he collapsed on top of me. His head still sheltered in the crook of my neck, he whispered.
"Fuck Ali I love you....that was...fuck."
We both gasped for air as he rolled off me only to pull my tiny body into his huge frame, encompassing me inside his strong arms, and that's how sleep took hold of me, with me safe and sound in his arms once again and his whispered I love you playing on my mind.
Hope this chapter was worth the wait, and as always any thoughts would be appreciated, coming up next the morning after :) x