Crash Diet

Ch. 10

"And you're sure that it was Kirby?" Master hand spoke. A meeting in the meeting hall was being held with all of the smashers that weren't evil and had enough dignity to want to help Kirby as opposed to sleeping in (which, by the way I don't get to do now that I'm filling in as narrator) about what could be done in the current situation.

"Well," said Keeby, annoyed after repeating his story several times already, "Judging by the fact that it looked like Kirby, smelled like Kirby, and the narrator said it was Kirby, yeah, I'm pretty darn sure it was Kirby."

"Well, that's… uber bad times 3." said Master Hand, unknowingly confirming what Lucario had said.

"So what're we gonna do about it?" asked Toon Link.

"Not much we can do" answered Master Hand. "You see, if my calculations are correct, we have exactly," He looked at himself as though he were wearing a watch, "6 hours, 47 minutes, and 29 3/8 seconds before the army, that was somehow built in a closet, attacks."

"Okay, that's clear," said Shiek as he stood from his seat "But are we going to stand and fight, or run around in circles in fear?"

"Um, I'm all for running around in circles." said Olimar as he trembled in his chair."

"See, that's my point!" said Shiek as he transformed into Zelda. "Do you all want to sit here like a bunch of Olimars?"

"NO!" Cried the entire group… including Olimar.

"Then when they come, will we stand our ground?!"

"YES!"

"wa , sorera wo hakai shiyo u ！ hoshi no kābyiwareware no yūjin desu ！(Let's destroy them! Kirby is our friend!)" Marth yelled energetically. Everyone stopped and stared at him. "nani ？ naze , subete no watashi wo mitsume te nani desu ka ？ watashi wa kirei da kedo , anata ni wa kono jiki de wa nai watashi ni uttori suru ！ wareware wa , kōgeki no junbi wo suru hitsuyō ga ari masu ！(What? Why are you all staring at me? I know I'm beautiful, but this is not the time for you to be admiring me! We need to prepare for the attack!)" Ike whispered something in Master Hand's ear… even though he's a hand and shouldn't technically have ears.

"Um, yes we should prepare," Master Hand said. "Let's start by separating into two groups…"

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MEANWHILE…

Everyone stared at Kirby, all of their mouths open wide enough that you could probably fit a basketball in each of them, to say the least. "Everyone! Stop staring at the weapon and get back to doing nothing in particular!" yelled Jigglypuff, even though his own voice had an edge of nervousness. Nobody moved. "Move it people and/or humanoid creatures! Move! Or so help me I will… do something that you all would most likely consider a threat to your wellbeing." still, no one moved. "Hey look, a distraction!"

"Oh yeah? What kind of distraction?" asked Dark Link

"Free donuts and rolls from Pichu's Bakery in" he pointed vaguely to the other side of the room, "that general direction."

There were murmurs of compliance throughout the room. "sorede ？(Well?)" asked Dark Marth "nani ga anata wo ma~tsu te iru ？ watashi tachi ofuni iku to unchin wo kyōyō shiyo u ！(what are you waiting for? let us go off and extort the fare!)" Shouts of enthusiasm came from all around, and they all charged off to the area that Jigglypuff had pointed to, even though there was no food to be found.

"Wait," Jigglypuff said to Dark R.O.B. as he moved past. "You need to fix this wall that Kirby destroyed. Get to it!" R.O.B. moved towards the newly created hole in the wall.

Jigglypuff grabbed Kirby and brought him into the chamber mentioned in chapter 8. When they got there, Jigglypuff took a long look at the new Kirby. He looked about the same. He was still the same pink puffball thingy, same big, red feet, same stubby arms, but he looked different. His eyes were wild like fire, and his expression looked bleak. "Kirby…" He couldn't think of one specific thing to say, so he just asked the first thing that came to mind "… You blasted a hole in my wall. Why did you blast a hole in my wall?"

"…"

"I'm sorry, that was a dumb question, it was probably that stain. It always did look terrible on that wall. I-"

"Why?" Kirby replied, his voice now a dark monotone.

"Why? Well, there was this freak accident while I was making a smoothie and Mewtwo-"

"No. Who are you to do you to this to him?"

"Why did who do what to him-who when?"

"Stop doing that. This may be a humor story, but right now I need you to answer me. Why did you do this?"

"Kirby, what are you talking about? That machine must have wiped out your strength. You should rest. You should get something to eat.-"

"I'm not tired…"

"But surely-"

"I'm not hungry." At that exact moment in time, 62% of the logical universe was immediately destroyed. Boom.

"Dgnijhnap… nzecndikdephib…foopathsuohnbwaaaaa?!!! But you're Kirby! You're always hungry! It's your trademark!"

"I was Kirby. You changed me. You took away what made Kirby Kirby. Why? Who are you to take away a life?"

"I'm the main villain in the plotline, and I did it for my own personal gain."

"More specifically."

"The."

" 'The' what?"

"That's the name you may call me by. Or you can continue call me Jigglypuff."

"Hmph, you're right. Fine. I'll do your dirty work and fight, just because brawling itself would be child's play to me now. I shall go prepare. Oh, and by the way, I'm holding you responsible for the mass destruction of a majority of the logical universe. See you in exactly 6 hours 41 minutes and 52 seconds. And have some answers ready."

"Fight first, then I'll give you answers… later." That's likely "Narrator, who asked you?!"

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