Can't Fight the Moonlight
Chapter 10
Authors Note: Wow loads of Kurt hating going on from last chapter, and people wanting to protect Elliott. A few worries for Elliott and if he will survive this. My friend did suggest posting up I was going on a six week holiday and wouldn't be posting, but I thought I might get murdered lol. And now, to Kurt's point of view, don't judge him too harshly my dears.
Kurt couldn't find Starchild anywhere, rang him, emailed, and even turned up at his front door. Nothing, not a single sight or answer. He started to panic a little, Elliott never took himself offline or hid from the world. He was far too much of a people person to stay shut away for longer then a few minutes. Clearly Kurt had cut him far deeper then he had thought possible.
Fear clenched at his heart, worrying if the guy was okay or not. He'd never forgive himself if he was the reason that Elliott gave up on life. The jaded past the guy had suffered was clear on his arms, Kurt knew if the man he loved committed suicide then he would follow very shortly afterwards. He may have only known the guy a short while, but he already knew he could never live without him. There was an emotion between then so strong, he had never experienced anything like it before. He had to be with this guy, if he knew Elliott was okay, then maybe just maybe he would be okay too. He was his oxygen, his life now.
How he had risked throwing that all away over something as stupid as a silly fight and a pathetic cover band he would never know. A band that he didn't even really care that much about to start with, just wanted to feel alive again just for a moment. A Madonna cover band was never gonna make it back in Lima Heights yet alone in the big apple with all the incredible talent there!
Kurt had been such a fool, and he knew it now. Perhaps it was too little too late however, there was no telling that Starchild would ever talk to him again. The man he couldn't live without, but could Elliott live without him? That was the real question here, not Kurt's love for him!
In the end out of sheer desperation Kurt headed back to the bar they had first met in, hoping for a peak at his glittering glam god. Oh he got one alright, a wasted Elliott propping up the bar downing lines of shots. He looked like hell, hot sexy hell, but still hell. He came up and was about to tap him on the shoulder, but just as he got there Starchild was called to the stage. So this was an open mic night? Kurt had never even known the bar did them. The guy was in no fit state surely? How could he sing? The guy barely looked able to stand?!
I can't hear the sceneries Love songs, they kill me
Of constant tragedies
Of what I meant to feel no more
'cause I'm already dead
And I just cannot bear
To hear another word no more
They kill me... Now
Love songs are killing me
Are killing me... Right now
Love songs are killing me
Are killing me... Right now
Damn this boy was hurting, even through the stage persona and the drinking the tears on his face betrayed the real emotions. Clearly earlier that day Elliott had been trying to impress, now the cut loose sexual beast was just phenomenal. Kurt had to stifle a moan as he watched the microphone receive a hand and then a long lingering dirty blowjob. Trying to not imagine those hands or lips touching his sensitive areas. Damn this man was hotter then Hades, he felt himself stiffening watching the show. Thoughts of fixing this flew out of his mind as all he could think of was taking Elliott to bed.
Oh good lord, he was touching himself in front of everyone. Actually groping himself through his tight trousers, stroking down the side of his enormous length. Kurt whimpered with need watching. Oh god now he was humping the floor again. The guy was torturing him, he was going to die! The sprawled sex god lay on the floor soaking up the applause. Kurt found himself cheering at the top of his lungs with everyone else. Damn it, this guy deserved every inch of this and more.
He lost sight of him, as Starchild was called to the inner circle to talk. He went to the bar watching the stairs carefully for him to come back down. Sinking a few shots as he waited, realizing belatedly as they hit his empty stomach that he hadn't eaten since lunchtime the day before. Rats they were going to kick in more then a little too fast for his liking. Not that it stopped him following them up with a good strong triple rum with hardly any mixer.
Was that guy gonna be up in the gods level of the bar forever? He was just getting in the mood to get seriously toasted when Elliott finally appeared. Kurt drained the glass and cut quietly through the crowd to tap him on the shoulder. Long moments they stared at each other in a terrible silence, the taller man's face unreadable. "Hi." Kurt choked out, "Can we talk please?"
Elliott grabbed him and pulled him out into the alleyway, the door slamming shut behind them loudly. "So talk." He growled. Pacing the alleyway as best as he could, a little unsteady on his high heeled boots.
Kurt bit back tears, "I shouldn't have said those terrible things about you at the audition."
Starchild snorted, "Yeah well you did. Gotta go find myself work as a drag queen now!"
"No, damn it no!" Kurt stumbled over, "I just couldn't have you in the band, and I didn't want anyone to know…."
Elliott interrupted him, "Don't even think we are gonna continue the conversation of me being too OTT for your stupid lame Madonna cover band. I have better things to do, like drink the bar dry. Several bars dry maybe."
"No that's not what I mean, damn it baby just let me finish a sentence." He snapped.
Another low growl, "Fine continue it if you must."
"I was scared." Kurt mumbled, "I still am."
Elliott gave him a strange look, "I don't understand."
"I've never been centre stage, always ignored because I am gay, femine, my voice never broke. Even back in Glee club Finn and Rachel were always the stars and I ran backing every single time. I thought New York would be different a fresh start. Then I didn't get into school where I wanted to, Rachel got into Funny Girl, Santana into commercials, Finn died and I had to find a way to go on without my brother and best friend. The band was meant to boost my ego back up a bit and then you were so damn fabulous I knew that I'd just be stuck in the back ground again unnoticed." He confessed.
"Oh so all this is some petty jealous crap, so mature!" Starchild snapped, moving to go back inside the bar.
Kurt grabbed his arm to stop him. "Yes and no, damn it. I didn't want to not be good enough for you! I didn't want you to realize I am just a second rate pansy ass singer. I didn't want the band to realize about us and treat you badly because of me. I didn't want anyone to know I'm falling in love with you." Fresh tears streaking his mascara down his face, "I love you, Elliott or Starchild just the way you are, I never want you to change." He murmured more quietly.