Wow! Guess you still like this story - thanks so much for your reviews as well as all the new alerts I've gained. I hope the next coupla chapters fill in some of the blanks in our character's lives...

Please note, in order to fit with the timeline, everyone is 5 years older than in JE's world...

Anyway, please R & R, you know it makes sense!

Connor's POV

Bit by bit I've let the monster in me rule my life.

Rather than locking it away after each mission, I've allowed it to hang around a little bit more each time. Finding it harder and harder to force it back into its cage.

I am no longer more man, I am more animal.

What have I let myself become?

For years I was a good guy. Great brother to Lauren. Dutiful son to Wilma and Harry. Faithful husband to Megan, well nearly husband, we never quite got to the justice of the Peace to make it official. Then came the day when it all went wrong and my life as I knew it was blown away.

Literally.

It was eight weeks after the fateful mission where I saved Manoso's life. The fool had gotten a laceration on his ankle, rookie mistake and one I was really surprised he'd make. After all, he'd been special ops for about a year by then and had already started to build up a rep for himself. Anyway, the cut got infected which was to be expected in the middle of a rainforest and I had to drag his sorry carcass back to civilisation. Easier said than done as he went into toxic shock on day two of my rescue operation.

Anyhow, back in the US I returned home and quickly reverted to the fine upstanding pillar of the community I had always been. Well, that was until I put everyone I cared about on a plane and sent them to their deaths.

I should have been with them.

I should have insisted the training I had to attend wasn't as important as the trip of a lifetime to Europe.

I'd made a shed load of money from the ops I'd undertaken so had decided to splash out and send my family on the trip of a lifetime. They'd all been so excited when I told them about what I'd planned. I told them it was my pleasure. That I wanted them to experience a bit more of life. Turn some of their dreams into reality. That I wanted Mom and Dad to be able to look back in a few years and remember with fondness all the things they'd done while they were still young enough to do so. That Lauren needed to see a bit of what the world had to offer so she would know why she was studying so hard to get a good job. That Megan needed to experience first hand a few of the places we would explore in more depth on future vacations.

That was probably the worst good idea I have ever had and, let me tell you, since then I have had plenty…

Sigh…

Mom and Dad had a wonderful time and did so many of the things on their to do list. My sparkling, vibrant, full of life sister, Lauren met a guy in London and hinted that she was falling in love. I kick myself when I think how old she'd be now – 29, nearly 30 – maybe even with the guy she'd just met. Sadly we'll never know whether it was just a wonderful holiday romance or whether there was anything more to it, they never got a chance to find out. What a fucking waste!

Sigh… again…

Megan and I had talked regularly and texted constantly while she was away and she'd given me a complete run down on the places she wanted to take me back to. We'd even decided it was time to get our papers in order and go see a judge. You see while she was away she found out she was pregnant, just over 6 weeks, and for the first time in my life everything was mapped out before me and I kinda liked it.

Ok, so I fucking loved it!

Admittedly the idea of being a parent thrilled and freaked me out all at the same time. But I knew, just knew, that this was it for me. I was in this for the long term and I couldn't wait to hold my woman in my arms and never let her go. Once we'd shared our news we decided to add one more leg to the trip, so I booked an internal flight that would take them all down to LA, where we'd rendezvous with Megan's parents and do it. Tie the knot. Complete and start a new life together.

So, back they all came, full of excitement, happiness and love. They picked up their last plane – from Boston to LA…

United Airlines 175…

September 11, 2001…

I got one final text that morning from Megan, it read "Thank you for our wonderful trip, know that our last thoughts will be about love, not about what is about to happen. Don't hate us for leaving you. I'll always be in your heart so will our child, remember us but when the time is right move on and love again. For me. Please?. Megan-belle. Xxx"

So we never got our happily ever after and I shut down completely. Everything I cared about was gone. I went on the most dangerous missions, came back a little more broken every time and let my humanity slide with each return.

I'd been working for Manoso for six months when my world died on that plane. I was running Atlanta, very successfully might I add, but slowly and surely I pulled away from his influence, subtly altering my environment as I did so. The Boss never picked me up on it. The figures spoke for themselves. All was well. So I guess he was happy to let me carry on doing my own thing.

About a year after 9/11 I started gambling and drinking to hide from the demons which still threatened to eat me up each night as I struggled to find peace in the dakest hours.

Eventually, I used up my own not insubstantial inheritance, after all I was an orphan so had gotten quite a pot full. Once it was all gone I began to eat my way through my own savings and when they were depleted, about a year ago, I started to cook the books on a couple of the bigger Rangeman accounts so now I had additional almost limitless funds to keep on with my unhealthy lifestyle. The files that Stephanie, Chase and myself have just finished going through are the worst ones though all the others I'd stashed in 7 have been skimmed to a certain degree. I know I'm fucked but I can't stop. I'm in too deep.

I probably owe Rangeman close to a mil with no way of paying it back.

Somehow I thought I'd find a way to sort it all out, just like I pretended with my humanity. Each time I went to the casinos I thought "tonight's gonna be my lucky night" but it never was and I always walked away the poorer.

I always thought that somewhere, up there, Megan was looking down and protecting me, being my guardian angel. In fact there were a couple of times when I thought it to be true, but I never expected my real guardian angel to come flying outta nowhere in the way that she did.

...

Manoso told me I was getting a woman come visit the team.

A woman!

Shit!

I haven't talked and I mean really talked to a woman since Megan. I've fucked a whole battalion full of them, what can I say. The woman I tend to attract are the pretty, ornamental ones after sex with a dangerous and seemingly wealthy man, but I can't remember actually talking to a female in over ten years.

Then she turned up, threatening me with her goodness and honesty. Stephanie was everything Megan had been and everything I no longer had. Boy, was I pissed! I put her up in the worst accommodation the building to offer and fed her to the wolves. Her stunning of Chase was priceless but even then I thought I could chase her away and return to my pain and misery and carry on using my own men as an extension of my own despair.

How wrong was I, huh?

When Stephanie sat down in my office and explained about how she thought I was feeling I could have cried. How the hell did she read me so well? The bullshit merry go round had gotten faster and faster and now I couldn't get off. She was right, I just wanted the damned thing to stop. But when she went into attack mode? Fuck. me...

I nearly creamed myself.

I'd heard rumours about her and the Boss but just thought they were that but when she got all territorial as if Rangeman was somehow hers and I was destroying her baby, I could see that perhaps there really was something going on.

Again, I could have cried!

I mean Manoso is the most closed off bastard of us all. He may be good to look at and have a reputation for knowing exactly what to do with a woman between the sheets, but other than that? Pretty little ornaments. What can I say?

The plan she came up with was a fair one and for the second time in less than ten minutes my impression of Stephanie Michelle Plum changed. Yeah, I do know her name, all of it, and her birthday too. I even know she has a grandmother that should be registered as an illegal weapon…

Anyway, I'd better make a start on all this paper. It's not as bad as it all looks, well apart from the handful of accounts I've truly fucked Rangeman over on.

I need help. Not just with the mess I've made at Rangeman, but with my heart and my mind. The moment she offered her assistance I knew that somewhere deep within me the man I used to be still lurks, buried away beneath the agony and shit that I have let my life become. I may not make it out of tomorrow alive, but least I know that I will have had someone want to stand in my corner. Perhaps with Stephanie on my side I might just make it out alive…

Sigh.

Steph POV

I watched Connor leave with a heavy heart. It was gone two in the morning and we'd just finished going through the accounts he's really done a number on.

I still don't know what on earth has led us to this point, but Rees said not to push it. If Connor wants to tell me, he will. I may not be able to stop Ranger from killing him, but it would be nice to know what turned a good soldier with a great sense of honor, into the untrustworthy scumbag that he is now.

From what Les and Rees have all told me, he used to be a good man and tonight, underneath all the bullshit bravado, I thought I saw glimpses of the guy they told me saved Ranger's life and served his country with courage and determination.

They told me he was on a mission in some godforsaken jungle when he saved Ranger's life. Neither knew the ins and outs of the story, but apparently Connor carried him for three days back to civilisation where he was treated for some nasty disease he'd picked up in a cut on his leg.

Actually, Ranger really has only one really ugly scar, just above his left ankle. I bet that's the one they were talking about.

But now?

Now Connor reminds me of a caged, wounded animal that's just been through life saving surgery. Not able to determine whether it's a good thing that he's where he is or not. Les said to stay clear and Chase told me he can get violent if pushed so to be wary round him. I would love to know what the hell happened to change him into a man who would bite the hand that feeds him, but I've kept my curiosity at bay.

Chuckle…

Can't believe I'm not snooping and digging, but something tells me I need to let Connor come to me. He's started to give me his trust and I'm not gonna throw it away. My spidey senses tell me he needs me more than he realises and I plan to be there for him, regardless of the outcome of the meeting with Ranger tomorrow.

Ranger…

Sigh…

Why can't he need me like I need him? I want our friendship back. He's been there for me this week, yet again coming to my rescue in my darkest hour. But will he pull away again when this is over?

I love him so much and I need him in my life. This separation has all but killed me. I have tried to put him out of my head and my heart. The former I've managed to some degree because of how busy I've been, but the latter?

Nah.

Not a cat in hell's chance.

Everything I've done has been centred round my hurting heart. I want him to fill the void he left when he walked out of my apartment.

Sigh.

Shit! Can't believe I'm crying! I'm so weary. Of everything! I want to go back to how it used to be. When I first met the man in black. When things were simple. When my life was complete without Batman in it.

Crap! Where's a kleenex when you need one? Sniff.

Sniff.

Deep breath…

Anyway, it's now two thirty in the morning - the last time I was awake at this time was during the DeChooch deal.

Sigh.

Anyway, better get some sleep before the shit hits the fan tomorrow.

I'm tired, it's late and Ranger's bed awaits.

Now, where did I put my big girl panties?