For the record, I started writing this chapter 2 weeks after the last update (or the 11th for those that can't do calendar math). How long until it's actually posted is another thing altogether.

Let's actually close out the saga with this one, shall we?

P.S. Shout-out to Xomniac and This Bites! Hands down the best SI I've ever read. Though I'll always treasure My Life In One Piece by fuyutaro son for introducing me to the genre.

Enjoy my first double-digital chapter!

Zoro was not an idiot.

Or rather, he knew he was not a retard. His brain was not smaller or in any way more damaged than the average person. He had no history of concussions (though one had to wonder about those 2000 times he'd blocked Kuina's bokken with his head). He hadn't gotten a very thorough education as a child, but Koshiro had made sure that he at least knew the birds and bees and how to read and count. He never applied his intelligence, but that wasn't to say he had none.

So, given that Zoro was no stupider than the next guy, why was he so often compared to or lumped in with the (pre-training-from-hell) Luffy?

First off, he was stubborn to a fault. Even if he knew he was wrong, even if he knew the odds against him were hopeless, he'd still pursue his given course of action to the death. His persistence hadn't become quite so hazardous to his health until he'd joined the crew, but it had always been there. In arguments, in daily life, in drinking contests, Zoro refused to back down. This inability to yield, in a world of compromise, marked him as a freak. And since people didn't want to admit that this kind of integrity to his beliefs was a strength they envied, they denounced it as a foolish flaw.

Second, he was simple. No, not slow, just simple. He didn't needlessly complicate his life. Who needed to know all the minutiae of politics and the balance of power? Why break down everything into ever smaller, more technical parts? What good did philosophic debate or agonizing over ethical conundrums ever do anyone? Zoro had no need for any of that. The sun rose and set. Seasons changed. Alcohol was the gateway to paradise. And a man only needed two things: his balls and his word. Other than how to swing a sword, that was basically all Zoro needed to know in life. So whenever Zoro heard and saw people all but losing their heads over pointless abstract ideas like 'government' or 'economy' or 'personal hygiene', he could only shake his head at how much stress and worry they went through for no reason.

Accordingly, since Zoro had not spent his life amassing schema regarding how the world worked like most people, he had picked up and assimilated a few things as 'fact' that simply, well, weren't. When it came to his health, Zoro honestly believed that if it didn't kill him, then he was okay. And all the nagging Chopper and now Kaya had ever given him over 'taking it easy' or 'keep your bandages on' was just a bunch of coddling. And clouds were just part of the 'sky', the thing above his head that changed every day. When Nami had first gotten sick from the Kestia and Zoro had been left to steer Merry, he'd just picked the cloud in front of them and tried to keep her straight. Nami raving about how clouds 'move' or 'change shape' was either the ravings of illness or some esoteric idea cobbled together from all her weather books. But 'knowledge' and 'intelligence' aren't necessarily the same thing. A child could be told all their life that the sky is green, and whenever they see that color, they would naturally associate it with 'green'. Just because the rest of the world insisted that it was blue didn't make the child dumb; it just meant they were misinformed. And really, how could anyone be really sure that everyone saw the sky as blue? Or that it truly, objectively was in fact colored blue? What is 'blue', really?

The point was that just because Zoro believed in things others didn't, it didn't automatically make him an idiot, though that was the most common conclusion.

But the third, biggest, and most obvious facet of Zoro's character that made people question whether he had two brain cells to rub together was his sense of direction.

Or his spectacular, illogical, unholy lack thereof.

The cause was unknown, and might forever remain so. Chopper had never gotten his hands on an MRI, so he never got to take a look and see if Zoro had a few wires crossed in his head. All the booze hinted at an explanation, but Zoro was sober most of the time he got lost. Plus, if he was so deep in the bottle that it had damaged his brain, he'd have other, more glaring health problems, and probably would not be fit enough to do all the insane physical acts he could. Short-term memory loss might fit the bill, but Zoro had no trouble remembering names and faces of people he just met or being aware of the world around him. Early onset Alzheimer's didn't work for the same reason. Some of the misapprehensions he'd picked up on how the whole idea of 'direction' worked (see, "North is up") were probably a factor, but Zoro failed to follow even those rules consistently.

Whether it was any of these things and their possible combinations, something not thought of, or simply divine will, the ultimate observable phenomenon was that Zoro could get lost following someone down a clear straight road.

So there you have it. Zoro was not an idiot in the classical sense, being capable of a perfectly average amount of logical reasoning, but he was a bull charging "forward" without knowing or particularly caring why. Thus, barring an extensive argument over semantics, Zoro was, for all intents and purposes, an idiot.

A dumb-ass, a goober, slack-jawed, a pud-whack, witless as the day was long…

You get the idea.

And as much as Zoro himself would like to dispute this, his current circumstances didn't exactly help his case.

It was ridiculous really. He had Observation. He knew what her aura felt like, albeit with about two and a half more years of growing. His range was such that he could sense half the city without too much strain. He had ACTIVELY SET OUT not to run into her!

So why, for the love of all things great and small, was he watching one Master Chief Petty Officer Tashigi cut down two indignant pirates with more balls than brains?

Were Zoro not a staunch apatheist, he might think someone up there had it in for him.

The as-yet-unacknowledged greatest swordsman on the planet heaved a sigh as he watched the ditzy girl trip trying to come out of her stance. And lo and behold, her glasses slid along the ground only to come to a stop against his boot. He might not believe in gods, but he was suddenly open to the idea of ghosts. He could practically hear Kuina and her cocky, mocking drawl. 'Hmph, a boy afraid of a girl? How pathetic. The strongest in the world, and still so weak.'

Zoro grit his teeth. He wasn't afraid of the Marine girl. She just evoked a big complicated knot of emotions every time he saw her face or heard her speak. And while Zoro would literally rather die than back down in combat, 'feelings' were another thing entirely. Like most men, he adopted a 'why confront something when you can avoid it' attitude to any problem that required inner reflection or tackling psychological hang-ups. He'd planned on never seeing the woman at all. Or if he had to, without that whole 'you lied to me' thing that led to her swearing a vendetta against him.

But it seemed that just wasn't meant to be.

He could have just slipped away before she put on her glasses, but that would be too much like running away. Now that he was there, he might as well face it head-on.

So he reached down, picked up the corrective eyewear, and held them out to the woman patting the ground like a brainy college kid who'd read too many mystery novels. "Here," he grumbled out.

"Oh!" Tashigi grabbed at the tan blur and felt hard plastic. She slipped the frames over her eyes in a motion all but reflex at this point, sighing with relief as clarity returned to her. She looked up to see whoever got off their ass and helped her instead of just watching her flail. "Thank you very—"

Tashigi's words died in her throat.

Her first, wild thought was that it was some kind of mask. The kind kids use to scare each other on Halloween. But then the mouth frowned and the eyes narrowed, and Tashigi realized that it was really the man's face. His horrifically scared face. More lines than she could count riddled the surface, clearly the work of a knife or some other kind of blade. The most obvious was the one that went from the curve of his left cheek all the way up to the temple, coming within millimeters of nicking the eye along the way. At least five lesser cuts crossed paths with it, and about a dozen minor ones. Her view was blocked by a wide-brimmed hat, but it looked like a couple of the larger cuts even went into his hair line, leaving harsh paths of scar tissue that stopped seemingly natural green bristles from growing ever again. But cuts weren't the only damage, oh no. A jagged puncture wound stood out on his right cheek, as if he'd been shot or stabbed and the knife twisted. A good chunk of his nose was just gone, as if he'd been in a guillotine and moved back a few inches. Burns stood out around his mouth and jaw, like he'd tried to kiss a fire.

Tashigi's eyes tracked down, and saw just as much damage on his arms and the part of his chest exposed by his robes. It was like a kaleidoscope of pain, a tapestry of suffering. This was a man who had been to Hell and back.

Tashigi felt her gorge rise. This was wrong. Something about all those wounds, that destroyed flesh, sent the sound of sandpaper across a chalkboard through her mind. Her intellectual side promptly told her that she should feel nothing but horror and sympathy for one who'd gone through such torture. But something deep down, in the part that was still just a hairless ape banging stones and trying to survive, screamed dangerdangerattackhideRUN! It looked like a man, but it couldn't be. No one could endure all that and live. Whatever this thing was, it was not human. So it must be a threat, and threats must be dealt with or YOU. WILL. DIE!

And the scariest part? All of the scars, every single one, was pink, fresh, not fully healed. Whatever the bloody blue hell had happened to this creature, it had happened recently and all at once.

And then it spoke, and the illusion shattered.

"Your stance is too tight. Widen your legs, keep your elbows relaxed, and don't hunch your shoulders."

Tashigi was shocked at how normal he sounded. Despite the ruin he had become, his vocal chords seemed unaffected.

Then the words actually processed, and Tashigi's jaw dropped. What? What right did he have to critique her technique? How did have the gall to just walk up to her and tell her how to wield a blade?

But he had already turned and started to walk away.

Tashigi got to her feet and chased after the man. She didn't bother to call in the incident with the two ne'er-do-wells. With patrols so high after Vice-Admiral Garp arrived and promptly took over Captain Smoker's command, they'd be noticed and picked up within ten minutes. She came within striking distance of him before calling "Excuse me!" in the tone she used for newbie grunts that thought they could boss her around given her gender, never mind the fact she was the highest enlisted rank there was.

The man paused and looked over his shoulder. Even just a fraction of his face was enough to provoke reflexive repulsion. But Tashigi swallowed her distaste and spoke. "Why did you say that to me?"

The man raised what used to be his right eyebrow, but was now more a raised ridge of fibrous tissue with a few stray hairs. "I don't read the news. Is it now illegal to offer someone advice?"

Tashigi bristled. There was nothing really condescending in his tone, but the total calm in the face of a fairly pissed military officer implied he didn't see her as a threat. Body language could be as demeaning as words. "And who are you to criticize my swordplay?" she challenged.

He turned around to face her fully. As he did, Tashigi belatedly realized he was armed. Three different katana hung at his right hip. He laid a hand on their hilts, not overtly threatening, more like a reassuring habit. "I know a thing or two."

Were Tashigi not mentally reviewing her Named Blade index, she might have been overanalyzing how his tone was more understated humility, not pedantic mocking. "Wado Ichimonji… Yubashiri… Sandai Kitetsu!" Tashigi could barely restrain herself from grabbing them from the man and drawing them to see the beautiful blades hidden by the scabbards. Though that probably wouldn't be the safest course of action. Then her natural Marine suspicion kicked in. "How did you get your hands on three Named Blades?"

The man narrowed his eyes. "I didn't steal them, if that's what you're asking. Wado was given to me by my sensei. Yubashiri and Sandai were gifts from a salesman."

Tashigi narrowed her eyes. "The Sandai Kitetsu alone is worth a million Beri. You expect me to believe he just 'gave' them to you?"

The walking haunted house prop shrugged. "He said meeting a true swordsman was payment enough. You can ask him if you want. I believe he's the one you left Shigure with."

The marine woman felt her stomach drop. "How did you know that? Have you been following me?" Tashigi felt her ire rise, along with a shadow of that fear she'd had since she was twelve and realized she lived in a world filled with people taller, stronger, and bigger than her that saw her as nothing but an object.

The man gave her a smile that he might have meant to be reassuring, but the effect was quite the opposite. "Like I said, I know a thing or two."

Tashigi shelved that for a later date. "We've gotten off topic. What made you walk up to me and criticize me like that?" The chip in her shoulder flared up. "What, you think that just because I'm a woman that I'm a worse swordsman than you?"

The man scoffed at her. Scoffed. She reminded herself that Marines do not attack civilians, but his next words shocked her to her core. "Your gender has nothing to do with it. Your stance was too tight. I would take issue with anyone not swinging a sword properly. If you're going to call yourself a swordsman, you should do it right. That goes for every man, woman, child, or beast that picks up a blade."

Tashigi realized her jaw was hanging. She closed her mouth with a snap, which was about all her brain could handle at the moment. She was so accustomed to sexism that its lack threw her off. "Oh," she managed.

"If that's all, I'll be on my way." He turned to go.

Tashigi gathered herself. "Wait!" The man paused, and Tashigi fought to keep her stature from becoming too sheepish. "I want to apologize. I misjudged you and overreacted. There's a lot of people who look down on swordswomen, and I've taken to assuming the worst. I shouldn't have accosted you like that." Tashigi gulped. "Oh my, and I haven't even properly introduced myself. I am Tashigi, Master Chief Petty Officer of the Loguetown Marine Base." She bowed and held out her hand.

The man's eyes were blank and unreadable for a few seconds. Then he held out his own hand. "Roronoa Zoro."

Tashigi expected to feel disgust when her skin met his, but his palm seemed mostly untouched. Rough from calluses, but nothing out of the ordinary. It was also pleasantly warm. His name rang a bell just as she pulled away. "Oh, so you're that Roronoa Zoro? The bounty hunter who uses three swords at once?"

The man grinned nicely, but his eyes remained guarded. She couldn't really blame him. Marines and bounty hunters had an uneasy relationship at the best of times. One could argue the whole point of wanted posters was to get bounty hunters to try to do what Marines couldn't, and some Marines took issue with the implication they couldn't do their job. Plus, she hadn't done the best job hiding the occasional wince or grimace as her eye noticed some new flaw in his visage.

"I'm actually out of the bounty hunting business."

Tashigi smiled brightly. "Oh, that's good! It's a dangerous business," she said, pointedly eyeing his scars. "You'll be much better off with some honest work." She hesitated, but decided she'd already put her foot in her mouth and might as well continue. "It's also a good thing for your swords. It's a shame that such works of art be used for petty violence." She clutched the loaner she'd gotten from Ippon-Matsu to her breast. "The 12 Superior Works, the 21 Great Works, and the 50 Good Works. It disturbs me to my bones that so many of those fine blades are in the hands of pirates and bounty hunters. Why must the world be so cruel to them? The swords are crying. That's why I have sworn to not rest until every Named Blade is out of the hands of evil people!"

Zoro shrugged. "Well, 'evil' is a strong word. You can't blame people for their circumstances, or using what tools they have."

"It's a disgrace! Things of beauty twisted into instruments of destruction. A sword should only ever be raised to keep the peace! Instead, they're used to perpetuate the cycle of violence that has gripped our world."

"I actually think it's a good thing."

Tashigi gaped at him in disbelief. Zoro shrugged and elaborated. "I agree with you that swords are beautiful, even artistic treasures. But they are inherently weapons, forged to cause harm. Hoarding them to hang them up on some wall is not honoring them, it's disrespecting them. A blade can only sing in the midst of battle, clashing against its brothers and sisters. So it's for the best that so many are handled by pirates. There's no other profession with so many chances to find yourself in a fight for your very survival." Zoro then grinned. "Besides, last I checked, the World's Best Swordsman was a pirate. Are you saying he's doing swords a disservice?"

Tashigi swallowed the angry words that welled up in her throat. "Well, let's just agree to disagree. I'll respect your opinion, no matter how much I disagree with it." Tashigi frowned. "But if you truly believe that it's the duty of swordsman to use them in combat, why would you quit being a bounty hunter?" She blinked as she realized the most obvious possibility. "Does it have to do with what caused… that?"

"What exactly?" he asked. Tashigi grit her teeth. Were it not for the guileless way he said it, she would think he was teasing her.

"Your… scars."

"Oh." He actually chuckled. "No, not at all."

Tashigi felt her eye twitch. He seemed awfully nonchalant about whatever torture had marked him for life. "Then why?"

Zoro smirked. "Well, it's kind of hard to be a pirate and a bounty hunter at the same time. I'd be arrested every time I tried to turn in a bounty. So I decided to become a full-time pirate."

"Oh, that makes sense… I… guess?" Tashigi trailed off, the frightening reality of his words sinking in.

Time froze.

"W-w-what?" Tashigi stammered.

The man in front of her was…

Roronoa Zoro tipped his hat to her. "Nice to meet you, Tashigi. Remember to open up your form a little."

Tashigi felt ice fill her heart. He'd toyed with her. Come Hell or high water, HE. WOULD. PAY.

Tashigi moved to draw her blade, but before an inch had left the sheathe, the filthy pirate had swung his arm and somehow kicked up a stiff wind. By the time she had blinked the dust from her eyes, he was gone.

Usopp hummed to himself as he browsed the contents of the junk shop. "Sogeki no shima de~ umareta ore wa..."

This was the fourth such shop he'd scoured that day. He'd spent much less time at Love Love Pirates than he had in the original timeline. He'd realized by Arabasta that most of the stuff was total junk. There were one or two hidden jewels in there though, so he'd endured the presence of that super creepy salesman. How he hadn't feared he wouldn't leave the shop without being raped last time was beyond him. There was only so much youthful ignorance and enthusiasm could mask. The man made his skin crawl for the full six minutes he'd been in the shop.

From there he'd gone to a pawn shop, and from there to a novelty shop, and now he was in what was basically an indoor junkyard. The owner hadn't made any attempt to organize his stock, basically throwing it all into a giant pile in the storeroom. Usopp could have been stepping on gold jewelry for all he knew as he waded through the morass.

"Um, Usopp-sama? What exactly are we looking for?" Larry asked. He and the other two stooges had been designated leaders of the group of Buggy pirates assigned to run all of Usopp's purchases back to the ships. Moe and Shemp's groups had already been sent off with bags upon bags of whozits and whatzits. So far as Larry could see, there was no rhyme or reason to the collection of doohickeys, but who was he to question the genius who had made Captain Buggy a living weapon?

The sniper and tinkerer extraordinaire as jerked from his self-aggrandizing tune. "Anything that looks like it has lots of moving parts, accomplishes some unique function, or has some hidden purpose. Anything interesting, really."

Larry nodded, not really understanding. "Right. And just what are you going to do with all this… stuff?" That was really the only noun that encompassed all the miscellanea that had met Usopp's approval.

Usopp grinned, and Larry suddenly understood how the man wasn't fazed by Kaya-sama when she had a 'moment'. He was an even bigger crazy than she was. That glint in his eye should come with a government health warning. That was probably one of the cornerstones of their love, actually. Complimentary insanities. "Make you mooks into an army worthy of the Grand Line, of course."

"I s-s-see," Larry managed. He lifted a cuckoo clock to find a kind of Matryoshka doll of wicker baskets, all nestled within each other. "Pardon my asking, but if you wanted to arm us, shouldn't we have gone to an armory or weapon shop?"

Usopp rolled his eyes. "You guys already have enough of those things. Besides, they're so ordinary." Usopp pushed out his tongue like he was trying to get rid of a bad taste. "Everyone knows what to expect from a gun or a sword. I want to make things that are unique, that no one has ever seen. Ergo, things they don't know how to deal with. By the time I'm done, every single one of you will have more gadgets and gizmos than a billionaire vigilante with a flair for theatricality and some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And the captains and officers will possess apparatus of such awesome power they'll go down in legend." Usopp paused. "The apparatus, not the people. Who cares about those guys? They're just vehicles for my awesome creations."

Usopp cocked his head. 'Huh. I'm starting to sound like that Vegapunk bastard. Is Kaya becoming a bad influence on me?' Usopp was suddenly seized by a feeling of bone-chilling terror and absolute judgment.

'… Mistress, I am sorry for my sins because I have offended you. I know I should love you above all things. Help me to do penance, to do better, and to avoid anything that might lead me to sin. Amen.'

The feeling went away.

Usopp sighed. "I'm going to pay for that later." A dopey grin covered his face as thoughts so explicit and obscene that to describe them would result in this chronicle's deletion filled his head. "Not that that's a bad thing, hehe." Odd as his nose was, it bled the same as any red-blooded male's.

"Usopp-sama! I think I found something."

Usopp shook himself out of fantasies of his utter boss of a girlfriend. He turned to see what Larry was talking about, only for his jaw to drop to his chest, retract a little, then dislocate to reach his shoes.

Larry cleared some of the debris hanging from his find. "Damn, I didn't even know they came this big.

Drool started to spread in a puddle across the floor.

"This rig doesn't seem standard. You think it's old and that's why it's in here?"

Stars began to float and twinkle in the air.

"I mean, it's weird, but I don't think it would actually be very practical."

"Larry," Usopp cut in. "If I wasn't under standing orders not to do so with anyone else unless Kaya was there to watch, I'd kiss you."

"What?" Larry asked, turning only to be shocked at the clear signs of Usopp's amazement. "What's going on here?"

"You brilliant, lucky bastard," Usopp breathed, not taking his eyes off the gift from the gods. "Do you have any idea just how unbelievable a discovery this is?"

"Um, no. That's why I asked. Why, what is this thing?"

Usopp turned his head away from the optimum viewing angle of the marvel to look Larry in the eye. Judging by the creaking of his neck, it was difficult. "That, my friend," Usopp said, manic glee in every inch of his face, "Is a Queen Den Den Mushi."

Usopp took only long enough to see Larry realize the enormity of this event. Then he went right back to ogling the newfound treasure. A snail as tall as he was, it's shell appearing to be uniform grey at a distance, but up close was revealed to be a million shades of green, blues, reds, browns, and purples blended together so finely that it was hard to tell where one shade ended and another began. On the side of its shell, instead of the usual rotary button rig, was a collection of knobs and slides. The transceiver that stuck up from its other side was not a standard antenna, but a dish with four prongs holding up a cylinder. A small latch door was set on the rear of its shell. The slug itself seemed curled up in its shell, but Usopp knew that it would be the softest shade of pink.

Queen Den Den Mushi were the pinnacle of both modern communications technology and the snail hierarchy. 'Queen' was a misnomer, since it wasn't female, but hermaphroditic. Each one was capable of reproducing with itself, producing every single breed of Den Den Mushi there was. It maintained a telepathic link with every snail it ever made. And if those snails should reproduce on their own, it would be linked to their offspring, and so on ad infinitum. To have a Queen was to have access to an unparalleled network of information. Their appeal was also in their rarity. There was estimated to be less than a hundred Queens in the whole world. The reason was because they could only produce another Queen at the end of their natural lifespan, and the newborn Queens would usually bond with the first creature to give them food. This is why they couldn't just be stolen; they would actively rebel against anyone they didn't like trying to use them. Most every Den Den Mushi was passive and willing to work with anyone, but Queens were made of stronger stuff. And the rigs humanity had developed just tapped into their natural telepathic abilities, they weren't mind control machines. Queens were invaluable tools, jealously guarded by their owners. Last Usopp heard, most of them were in the hands of the Marines and World Government, with maybe half a dozen belonging to major international corporations. And given how well-organized they were and their ability to evade Government capture, it was speculated that the Revolutionary Army had at least one.

In short, a Queen Den Den Mushi was worth its weight in platinum and 10-carat diamonds. And Usopp was looking at one in a rinky-dink Ma-and-Pop junk store tucked into a Loguetown alley.

Miracles do happen.

Usopp wasn't particularly worried about it not liking them. If Luffy could tame rogue Sea Kings with a look, he should have no problem with what was possibly the friendliest species on the planet.

Usopp leaped over the detritus in his way to stand beside the Armada's new best friend. He tapped lightly on the shell with his knuckles. "Hey. Hey, beautiful. Why don't you come out, huh? I want to get a look at you. Please? Pretty please?"

Usopp heard a faint hum. Then, with a sort of schlock sound like pulling a plunger out of a clogged toilet, the creature within the shell emerged.

Usopp felt his stomach drop.

She was in bad shape. Her skin was wrinkled and spotted and so dry. Her tongue hung out of her mouth, wagging with the wind, looking for some kind of moisture or food but too weak to find any. Her eyes sagged on their stalks, bloodshot and unseeing. Her breathing was heavy and wheezing, like each inhale and exhale was a struggle. She was obviously starving and dehydrated, maybe sick if the white film on her tongue meant anything.

The sniper's blood began to boil. He wouldn't describe himself as an animal lover. And most people saw Den Den Mushi as little more than bugs or an appliance no different than the refrigerator. But it was impossible to spend any appreciable amount of time around Gaimon and not learn to appreciate that humans were far from the only significant form of life on the planet. This was a living creature, deprived of its basic needs and in pain. It was cruelty, plain and simple.

Usopp's face hardened. "Larry, give her your water. Slowly, don't want to overwork her. I'm going to have a… word with the shopkeeper."

Larry nodded silently. He'd yet to see Usopp actually fight anyone seriously, but the way he could stand unashamed next to Captain Luffy and Zoro-sensei told him all he needed to know. He almost felt sorry for the owner. Then he looked at the Queen again, and his lips thinned.

Almost.

Larry uncorked his canteen and tilted it just so that it dripped slowly into her gaping mouth. She coughed whenever she tried to swallow more than a sip's worth, but slowly and steadily she got the precious necessity of life. As he did this, patting her on her disturbingly slimeless head, Larry listened to the confrontation happening on the other side of the wall in the shop proper. He didn't need to try too hard. Usopp seemed to have temporarily reached Nami-in-a-temper levels of volume.

"WHAT EXCUSE DO YOU HAVE FOR THE HORRIBLE CONDITION OF THAT POOR CREATURE IN THERE?!"

"Blah blah, blah, blah blah blah blah."

"YOU FORGOT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THAT'S ONE OF THE MOST PRECIOUS LIFEFORMS IN THE WORLD IN THERE! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU EVEN WENT BACK THERE?"

"Blah, blah blah blah."

"YES I WANT TO BUY IT, YOU IDIOT! THOUGH AT THIS POINT I SEE IT MORE AS A RESCUE!"

"Blah blah blah blah, blah?

"ARE YOU TAKING THE PISS? SHE'S SICK AND DYING! LIKE HELL I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THAT MUCH FOR HER! FOR ALL I KNOW SHE COULD KICK IT BEFORE WE GOT HER TO MY SHIP!"

"Blah, blah blah blah –"

"YES I KNOW WHAT 'CAVEAT EMPTOR' MEANS, YOU LOWLIFE LIAR!"

"Blah blah."

"OH, SO IT'S LIKE THAT, IS IT? WELL IT BEHOOVES ME TO REMIND YOU THAT ABUSE OF A TYPE 'B' CREATURE IS PUNISHABLE BY UP TO 2 YEARS IN JAIL AND/OR A 25 MILLION BERI FINE! SO SHOULD I JUST TAKE THIS TO THE RELEVANT ATHORITIES OR ARE YOU GOING TO STOP BUSTING MY BALLS ON THIS?"

"… Blah?"

"Glad we could come to an understanding."

Usopp reentered the storeroom, backed by the rest of the Buggy crew. "She's over there, boys," he pointed, perfectly jovial and convivial. His voice wasn't even raspy.

Larry shook his head. The Straw Hat crew were something else.

It took a few minutes of shoving to clear a path, unheeding of the sound of breaking glass or crumbling metal. It was a challenge to work out how to lift her, but Usopp managed to coax her to retreat into her shell. The unmistakable expression of fear on her face as she did, like she didn't know if she would come back out, put steel in all their spines. They each shot the owner a nasty glare as they hauled the half ton of gastropod out of there.

Larry hid a grimace. The Buggy crew had been training the longest, but this thing was still freaking heavy. "You coming with us, Usopp-sama?"

The man shook his head. "I ordered a shipment of chemicals before I left Gecko. It should have arrived by now. I'm going to pick it up and drop it off before making for the square."

Larry frowned. "The merchant docks are on the other side of town. You sure you'll make it in time."

Usopp raised a brow as if to say 'really?' "1000 Beri says I'll beat you guys to the ships."

Larry remembered just WHO he was talking to. He'd seen Sanji, with legs of titanium, go from one end of the Merry to the other in the time it took to blink. And he'd heard the man admit that Usopp was probably faster than him in a pinch. "No bet."

Usopp grinned, and vanished.

Sanji sucked deeply on his cigarette. A full inch of the roll turned into ash. Out of courtesy, for he was a gentleman above all, he took it out and tapped the burnt tobacco off onto the street so as to not risk any getting on the merchandise in front of him. He focused and blew the resultant smoke out through his nostrils, appreciating the burn in his sinuses. Then he put the smoldering stick back in his mouth and locked it in place with a quick maneuver of his tongue.

"Let's go over this one more time," Sanji bit out, holding back the urge to introduce his heel to the fishmonger's skull. "You're selling these fish at 800 Beri per pound. But you have a deal where 20 pounds go for 15000. You have 99 pounds of fish here. Instead of just letting me round up and give you 75 thousand for 100 pounds, you want me to pay 60 thousand for 80 pounds and then 15,200 for nineteen pounds piecemeal, for a total of 75,200 Beri."

"That's correct, sir," said the flat-faced man before him.

Sanji took a drag down to the filter. "It's 200 Beri, man. That's, what, one extra beer at the bar tonight?"

The man smirked. "If it's such an insignificant amount, why bother holding out on me?"

Sanji resisted the urge to chew the butt. That would be a bad habit on top of a bad habit. To resist temptation, he pulled out a silver canister and deposited it to join the other corpses of the cigarettes he'd smoked that day. One thing living out at sea taught you was to use every resource. He'd grind them up into mulch for Nami-swan's tangerines later.

"You know, you're hardly the only stall here," Sanji bluffed, gesturing around at the bustling fish market.

The man shrugged. "Then go buy from someone else." But there was a taunting tilt to his eyebrows. "Though I doubt they'll have adolescent East Mackerel."

Sanji grit his teeth. East Mackerel was a notoriously fickle fish. In youth, it had a delicate texture and full flavor, but once adult it toughened up and lost most of its potency. The trick was to get them just before they reached maturity, when they were the biggest size and still retained their taste. They would make a good celebration dish, suitable for, say, surviving Reverse Mountain and reaching the Grand Line. But Sanji's pride as a haggler refused to cave.

He tried a different tack. "Are you sure you weighed them right? Some of these seem awful big. You positive it's not an even hundred?"

The man laughed. "Actually, it's 98.973, but I decided to be nice and round up."

Sanji felt his eye start to twitch. "You're really not bending on this? It's just two coins."

The man matched his stare without blinking. "75,200 Beri. Take it or leave it."

A beat. Two. A temple vein pulsed.

"Fine, penny pincher." Sanji counted out the bills and dug into his wallet to find two 100 Beri coins. The man grinned and put them into his lockbox while Sanji asserted his authority as personal chef to the future Pirate King to make two Baratie cooks behind him heft up the fish and pack them into bags of ice.

They had already gotten meat, flour, spices, and other essentials. Now the Baratie crew had come to the Loguetown Fish Market, revered for its variety and quality. Zeff and Sanji obviously didn't have to carry anything, which left the burden of carrying enough supplies to feed a small army to the cooks. Zeff had cut off their whining by decreeing the whole thing an exercise. If their legs so much as wobbled, they would get a double shift on the pedals.

Sanji maneuvered through the crowd to stand beside his adoptive father. He was definitely a better one than his real one. Sanji shot down the thought and tucked it into the little black box that was his early childhood. He was not the third son of the Vinsmoke Family. He was just a chef on the greatest pirate crew in the world.

Much as it vexed him at the time, it was probably for the best his bounty poster was just a sketch. His 'family' might recognize him if they saw him, never mind that they hadn't seen him since he could count his age on his fingers. Though Sanji had never seen his updated bounty poster before The Ambush, so maybe they finally got a photo. Which might have brought up a few issues, since they were in the New World at the time.

Sanji sighed. The whole period right before they'd been thrust into the past was a real mess. When Sanji and his group had ignored Luffy's order to go on to Zou, shit had gone DOWN. They'd managed to survive the encounter with Big Mom's ship by the skin of their teeth, but Caesar had been kidnapped in the confusion. Law had been pissed when he found out, and he'd declared the Alliance officially over. Luffy, torn up over losing a friend but unwilling to blame his nakama, had decided they should quietly sail away in the night instead of sticking around to revel in Dressrosa's liberation. And two weeks later, they were in the past.

Sanji shook himself out of moping. That time was over. Now was the time of the Armada.

The blond focused on what Zeff and Myassa were arguing over.

"I know it's your favorite snack, but you can't deny it's an acquired taste," Zeff said in the tone of one trying to explain to a child why they couldn't have their favorite toy.

"Is essential to life on sea. Puts salt in blood. Besides, helps potency. Very important," the brawler turned commis argued.

Zeff fiddled with the end of his mustache. He turned to Sanji. "Oi, eggplant. Would that captain of yours eat pickled herring?"

Sanji snorted. "I've seen him eat wax paper. It's all the same to him, really. Why?"

Zeff hooked his thumb at the man carrying two full haunches of beef on his shoulders without complaint. "Cause this idiot is insisting we get some, and I'm getting tired of arguing. If the wannabe king eats it, the rest of those brats will eat it without complaint."

Sanji sighed. "Look, Myassa, if you want to buy a little to make for yourself, that's fine. But it's a serious diuretic, and the men are already training twice a day. We only have so much clean water, let's not increase the demand, okay?"

If it were possible for a hardened thug to pout, Myassa accomplished it. "But I already bought vodka!" he protested.

The chef and his former sous exchanged hidden grins. "Oh, I don't think that'll go to waste," Zeff consoled.

Their attention was grabbed forcibly by the outraged shout of Patty. "You call this fresh-caught? I know for a fact this fish is only found in West Blue! Stop trying to push this shipped-in crap and show me some honest East Blue stock!"

Zeff sighed. "It's like herding howler monkeys, I swear," he muttered to himself as he went to do damage control, Sanji tagging along.

They found Patty arguing with a man twice his size, with a far friendlier expression than the cook had at the moment. "An-chan, I assure you, these were caught off the coast just this morning."

"Do I look like an idiot?" Patty held up a green fish with a wide jaw. "This is West Grouper, don't try to deny it! It's from the other side of the world, not local waters!"

"What you fail to appreciate, you miserable excuse for a cook," Sanji spoke up, "Is the unique nature of Loguetown. It's right by the Grand Line, where all the rules go out the window. These fish probably got caught in a deep ocean current, pulled through one of the holes in the Red Line, and wound up here."

Patty turned and snarled. "Stop talking out your ass, kid. It doesn't work like that."

"Actually, that sounds about right," Zeff stated. Patty turned to regard his boss in horror. "If you paid attention to what your eyes were telling you instead of what your mind thinks is true, you'd see that these fish were swimming just this morning. There's no signs of being shipped or packaged at all. As one of my cooks, I thought you would be able to assess the quality of your ingredients."

"Um, well, Owner Zeff, you see…" the man floundered.

Zeff ducked his head sharply to bonk him on the head with his hat. "You need to open up your mind a little, Patty, or you'll be in for a serious shock once we get to the Grand Line. Now say sorry to the nice man and pay for the fresh-caught West Blue fish."

Hanging his head and grumbling under his breath, Patty paid the perpetually smiling fisherman.

"It's things like this that prove All Blue isn't just a myth," Sanji said to Zeff.

The New World veteran turned to leer at his apprentice. "There's nothing wrong with being optimistic, but a few scattered schools in the wrong ocean are hardly proof that a place where every fish can be found is possible."

Sanji grinned conspiratorially as he lit a fresh cigarette. "Let me tell you my theory," he began. "Reverse Mountain is the key to All Blue. Waters from all four seas rushing towards and commingling at one point. Naturally, those waters carry fish with them. When the reach the peak, what happens to them? They don't go down the route into Paradise, or else All Blue would be around the Twin Capes and hardly a fairy tale." Sanji turned to face the distance "No, I think they fall over the other side. Into the New World. And before you say they couldn't survive the fall, it's not like the canals are the only breaches in the Red Line. Fishman Island is proof of that. There must be tunnels below the surface, simple erosion would explain that. And if they should let out on the other side of the mountain…"

Zeff felt his eyes widen without his conscious command. An old hope, weathered and beaten by age, fluttered with new life. "Then that would mean…"

"All Blue is around Raftel," Sanji asserted with confidence. "Or at least near the end of the New World. Given how few survive to see that far, it's no surprise that only a handful of people would have found All Blue. Just a story, told through the ages until it was mere legend." Sanji turned to look at his mentor, his eyes alight with childish excitement. "It makes sense, doesn't it? So it's just as well you're catering for the future Pirate King, shitty old man. You're riding shotgun towards your dream." Sanji blew out a cloud, which through some secret known only to chronic smokers was shaped like a fish. "It it's not there, I'll have to scour the world to find it. Which works out, since Nami-swan's dream is to draw a map of the world."

Zeff raised a brow. He was used to seeing a nosebleed or at least a perverted gleam to the eye whenever Sanji so much as thought about a woman. When he mentioned the navigator, his cheeks went pink and his face just seemed… happier.

"You sweet on her? More so than you are for every woman you see, I mean," Zeff asked offhand. Not like he really cared about the eggplant's love life. But the same rules applied regarding his kitchen, whether he was with the straw hat boy or the thief girl.

Sanji looked away. "My heart belongs to every lady in the world. As such, I can never promise to be loyal to any of them. And no lady deserves any less than a man completely and utterly devoted to her. So I shall settle for being but a passing knight, chivalrous and kind, a slave to all, and so traitorous to none."

Zeff snorted. "A fancy way of saying you're a letch afraid to commit."

Sanji sighed. "I'm not denying my faults. I'm acknowledging them. I'm weak to the wiles of women, this I know. I could never be sure I would resist temptation, no matter how sincere my affections for one special lady. So best that I stick to bachelorhood. The only heart at risk of being broken in that case is my own."

Zeff scratched his lip. His mustache could get rather sweaty at times. "Whatever, brat. It's your life."

Sanji nodded. Then he called out without looking "Carne! You find what I asked for?"

The sunglasses aficionado walked up to Sanji, staggering under the weight of a colossal fish balanced precariously over his shoulder, along with three bags of other supplies. "I couldn't believe it, but you were right! They did have a Blue-finned Elephant Tuna! Never thought I'd get to see one of these in real life."

Sanji grinned, then looked up at the sky. It was clear and sunny, but there was a gathering breeze. Some far off white clouds seemed to be picking up speed. "Treat her like a lady, you hear me? And get ready for a hasty exit when you get back to the ships. After Luffy gets done at the execution platform, things might get a little frantic."

And just like that, Sanji vanished. Were one to have a high powered magnifying glass on hand, they might have noticed ten tiny dents in the concrete he had just been standing on.

Carne gaped. "How does he do that?"

Zeff narrowed his eyes. "I'm beginning to ask myself the same thing."

Luffy stood tall and proud, simply taking in the beauty of the scene.

It was here in this exact spot that, 22 years ago, Gol D. Roger had died by the sword before his disease could finish him off. Luffy could respect that. If one had to die, best to do it on your own terms, rather than from the whim of some invisible germ or defect of your body.

He pointedly ignored the part of his mind that was gibbering that he could just as easily meet his own end here today.

After all, death would be an awfully big adventure.

Luffy breathed deep, taking in the sight of Loguetown spread out before him. His mind felt clear for the first time in hours, now that he wasn't masking his aura/presence/voice/whatever anymore. Now it was just a matter of time until Gramps found him. And when he did, he'd enact his plan.

Luffy looked down into the crowd, hoping there wouldn't be any 'collateral damage'. Gramps was a Marine and duty-bound to protect civilians, but he might forget little things like that in the heat of anger. The pirate spotted a familiar head of green, though, and his fears were allayed.

It had been quite refreshing to talk to Bartolomeo without him falling down in worship at his every word.

(Flashback)

Luffy looked both ways before he crossed the street. With all his Observation turned inward, he wouldn't sense his Gramps if he were just around the corner. Seeing no one, Luffy moved forward to knock on an unassuming door.

A slide at eye-level opened. "What do you want?" came a gruff voice.

Luffy flipped the mental switch to go into 'Captain' mode. Gramps had always stressed the importance of attitude and bearing when entering a meeting. "I want to talk to your Boss," he answered.

"And why should he waste his time on you?"

Luffy cocked his brow. "You read the newspaper yesterday?"

Luffy distinctly heard a gulp.

The slide closed. Luffy tried not to let his nervousness show. The longer he stood here, the higher the chances a passing Marine would spot him. Given he'd seen at least five different people interrogated just for wearing a hat made of straw, no matter how little they looked like him (one of them had been black), Luffy didn't want to take any chances.

The door opened, revealing a bald man bulked up to the point it was obscene. Luffy wasn't impressed. That kind of muscle was mostly for show. Even if they were as strong as the size implied, their joints and full-body coordination surely suffered from the isolating exercises that made them that way. Luffy would have been surprised it this guy could touch his toes. And not surprised at all if he could break him over his knee without even trying.

"The Boss will see you."

Luffy nodded and walked in, the door closing behind him.

Luffy walked through a house with each room filled with goons. All of them eyed him warily. He ignored their mutterings. He wasn't here to start a fight. If they didn't start anything, nothing would happen.

Luffy reached another door. The bald bodybuilder knocked, and Luffy heard a sharp "Come in!" The bald guy opened the door and ushered Luffy in, then followed and closed it behind him. He crossed his arms and stood menacingly in front of the only exit. Or at least the only obvious one. There was always the wall.

Luffy regarded the man who in another life was his biggest fan. Green hair growing wild and untamed. No eyebrows, eye tattoos. Fur-lined jacket open over a leonine torso bearing another tattoo. And, most noticeable, a big gold ring through his septum. He was sitting in a swivel chair behind an oak desk, both probably stolen. Luffy decided to be polite and pretend not to notice the cold sweat that broke out the moment he entered the room.

Luffy nodded. "Bartolomeo, right?" He made an effort to say his name right. He had a feeling this version wouldn't be as cool with being called 'Fart'.

The mafia leader nodded. "And the infamous Monkey D. Luffy, I presume? Surprised to see you here. How'd you find this place?"

Luffy shrugged. "That guy you sent to collect protection money from the deli? Good at dodging patrols, not so much at looking for tails. Let me right to you."

Bartolomeo grit his teeth. "I'll keep that in mind." Then he barred his fangs in a smile that would intimidate weaker men. "Figured a guy good enough to get that high a price would be smart enough to not dock on an island fill to bursting with Marines."

"Surprised an operation like yours managed to last this long on an island full of Marines," Luffy shot back. This was pro forma, trying to one up each other, or so Gramps told him. "Let me guess. With your ability, you're the one person Smoker would have to actually work to capture. And since pirates started to steer clear, the people need something to remind them why they need the heavy hand of the government. So he, or someone up the food chain, decided to let you go on unmolested so long as you keep things small-scale. That sound right?"

Bartolomeo grit his teeth and turned a funny shade of red. Luffy belatedly remembered this guy had a serious temper. "What do you want?" he spat out.

Luffy sighed. "I figure you guys would want a chance to protect your city. For financial reasons, if nothing else. If people are busing paying hospital bills, they can't pay you, right?"

Bartolomeo narrowed his eyes. "You threatening my town?"

Luffy shook his head. "On the contrary. I'm warning you. There's going to be an… incident at the Town Plaza. People could get hurt. I was hoping that your men could clear out the people and stick around so no one gets suspicious."

Bartolomeo cocked his head. "What kind of 'incident' are we talking here?"

Luffy gave a sickly grin. "Let's just say that when the Monkey family has a reunion, property damage is to be expected."

Luffy was jerked from his memories by a buzz from the crowd below. Luffy watched with ratcheting heartrate as he saw a tall man in a grey suit push his way through the crowd, a full squadron of Marines following behind him. Well, time to face the music.

Monkey D. Garp walked past the fountain until he was at a 45° angle from the top of the execution platform. Then he looked up and pierced his grandson with a glare. A glare that contained all the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. "Luffy."

That one word was more effective than a blast of King's Disposition. It was like watching a ripple as people began to edge away from the Vice Admiral. The fury coming off of him was practically tangible. Luffy remained outwardly calm, though inside he was trembling as much as pre-timeskip Usopp. "Hey, Gramps. Wow, I can see your veins from here. Have you been taking your blood pressure medicine? You know Boggart wouldn't bug you if it weren't important."

"Brat," he cut off. He tapped his foot and sent a spider web of cracks into the pavement. "I'm going to give you one chance, one chance, to explain yourself. If I don't like your answer, I'm throwing you into Impel Down myself until I think you've learned your lesson."

Luffy tensed. This was it. Time to see if his desperate gamble worked.

Zoro shrugged. "Better than 11 percent. Let's hear it."

Luffy spoke like he was trying to convince himself as much as them. "Look, I got into this mess thanks to vaguely worded, technically true statements. Maybe they can get me out of it."

"What do you mean?" Nami demanded.

Luffy sighed, a pained expression on his face. "I'm going to play on my grandfather's deepest fears. And when I see an opening, I'm going to take it."

"I had an epiphany," Luffy said calmly.

Garp cracked his knuckles. "Oh, really? What was it exactly?"

Luffy breathed deep. Then he committed to hurt his Gramps worse than he ever had before.

"If I became a Marine, I would surely perish."

Garp grit his teeth so hard his dentist would notice cracks. "That's your excuse? You were afraid to get killed? Marines lead a dangerous life, I told you that from day one. You telling me I trained a coward?!"

"You misunderstand," Luffy interrupted. "I did not say I would die in battle. I said I would perish. Disappear. Or maybe, if they wanted to make a point of it, executed."

That drew Garp up short. "What the hell are you talking about?"

The Straw Hat that had seen so much shadowed its current wearer's eyes. "A healthy tree may bear a bad apple, but the tree is still seen as healthy. That one bad apple is just bad luck. But only a bad seed may grow from bad soil. Its nature is decided for it by the circumstances of its creation." Luffy looked into his Gramps' eyes. He didn't have to fake the regret weighing them down. "I may be your beloved grandson, Gramps. But nothing you do, nothing you say, nothing I say or do will change the fact that I'm his son."

Gramps looked down, a bad taste in his mouth. His greatest shame was being hurled in his face.

"I'm not saying it would happen right away," Luffy continued. "It might take a week; it might take months. Hell, it might be years. But sooner or later, they'll start to think it. That I'm a sleeper agent. Or that I'm leaking information. Or just that my goddamn blood is dirty. And it wouldn't matter if I was the Commander-in-Chief when it happened. They would kill me without a second thought, 'for the good of the world'. And there wouldn't be anything I could do to defend myself. For my sin," Luffy forced out, the words of a fanatic who had shattered his world echoing in his ears, "is existing."

Garp shook his head in denial. "No, no, they wouldn't do that!"

Luffy hardened his heart. "Baterilla!" Garp looked up in shock as he mentioned that taboo name. "Based on the rumor of a rumor, Marines spent over a year scouring the island for a sign, any at all, of a child of the Pirate King. Pregnant women were kidnapped to be put through blood tests. Infants were put through the most invasive, comprehensive battery of exams available. Any who resisted were executed." Luffy spat. "And if they had found such a child, he would have been murdered in his cradle. In the womb." Luffy narrowed pitying eyes at the horrified Garp. "This is how much stock the World Government puts in a person's bloodline. Do you deny it?"

Garp fought tears of anger, frustration, and guilt. "Luffy, you fool! I thought of all that! I cleared everything with Sengoku! You would have had a fair chance!"

"Ah, but Sengoku isn't the top of the food chain, is he?" Luffy fired back. "Even he must bow to orders from Kong or the Gorosei. And it's not like he'll be Fleet Admiral forever. Can you imagine how Sakazuki would react to news of his son in the Marine's ranks? His first order after being promoted would be my death warrant."

Garp felt like his world was crumbling. "Luffy, Kong's a good man. And I know people don't always understand why they do what they do, but the Gorosei are just. They wouldn't kill you just because—"

"Ohara. And Nico Robin." Luffy smiled sadly at the surprised look on his Gramps' face. "The Voice had told me a lot, Gramps."

Garp tried a different tack. "Sakazuki isn't the only one who could take Sengoku's place! He might never find out!"

"Ah, yes. I might be spared from 'Absolute Justice'. But that doesn't mean I'm safe." Luffy felt like his heart was breaking, watching his grandpa's fall to pieces, but he continued. For his nakama. For his nakama. "Kuzan and his 'Lazy Justice' would wait a decade after he heard the truth, but eventually he would act. And with that 'Unclear Justice' of Borsalino's, he might not even go for he. He would go for Dadan and Foosha for not lynching me when I was young."

Luffy shook his head, noting the sky becoming dark and gray. "I'm sorry, Gramps. I truly am. I know you believe in redemption, but your superiors don't. They only understand corruption. And there's not a single future where if I became a Marine I would not die." And it was the truth. The Voice confirmed it. Luffy had felt pity for his grandfather for the first time when he realized that. A great man he might be, and one with more experience than almost anyone, but he was still so naïve when it came to the ugly side of the people he'd sworn to serve.

"Luffy," Garp breathed out. He had to be lying. He had to. This couldn't be true. His hopes, his dreams, his utmost desire, his careful plans to ensure his grandsons be spared from the sins of their fathers… it couldn't all be for naught.

"I like to think I'm a decent guy, Gramps. But I'm not so selfless as to knowingly go to my death just so I might be able to help save people." Luffy looked up. "So, if the path of a Marine was barred from me, what else could I do? How can I live my life, in a world that does not want me to survive?" Luffy grinned, and prepared to fight. "That's when I remembered an old dream." Well, he'd never stopped thinking about it, but he did think about it the same day he found out the truth of his fate as a Marine.

Garp felt his stomach drop. "No… don't say it…" he begged.

Luffy flung out his arms and shouted with all the air in his body. "I WILL BECOME THE PIRATE KING!"

In that moment, Garp gave up any hope his grandson could be saved.

And in that moment, his guard was down.

Luffy grabbed the edge of the platform and launched himself at Garp. "Gomu Gomu no Bunker Buster!" he screamed, activating Armament: Tekkai as he went through the air. He hit his Gramps right in the chest with all the force of a meteor, sending up a cloud of dust. When it cleared, Garp was lying insensate in a crater, his grandson standing over him.

"I'm sorry, Gramps."

Then Luffy hopped out of the hole he'd created and faced the wall of muskets aimed at him. "Monkey D. Luffy, surrender yourself! We have you surrounded!" shouted an ensign with a megaphone, sounding remarkably steady given the spreading stain on his pants.

Luffy grinned. "No, you're surrounded." Luffy threw back his head. "EVERYONE, NOW!"

And with that, the Armada charged into the plaza from where they'd been hiding, and the world dissolved into chaos.

"Bara Bara Cannon," Buggy yelled as he shot his hands into the crowd of Marines.

"When I say One, Two, Jango, you will see friends as enemies and enemies as friends. One, Two, Jango!" The captain of the Black Cats smirked as the dozen Marines that had charged him suddenly turned around and began to attack their fellows.

Gin didn't bother to name his attacks. He just tore through all in his way like a sickle through wheat.

In the midst of all this madness, a tense standoff occurred between two swords…people? It was unclear what the proper term was.

"You dared to talk down to me, when you're worse than scum yourself?" Tashigi accused.

Zoro rolled his eyes. "Believe what you will of my character. I just wanted to give some helpful advice to a fellow swordsman."

Tashigi barred her teeth. "On behalf of the Marines, I hereby confiscate your Named Blades. In the name of Justice!"

"Yeah, not going to happen," Zoro stated.

The scorned woman, a fury worse than any hell could produce, narrowed her eyes. "Then I shall take them from your corpse!"

"Good luck with that," Zoro said around a yawn.

Seeing red, Tashigi drew Shigure, freshly sharpened and ready for battle. She hesitated when her opponent made no move to do so likewise. "What, I'm not good enough for you to use your swords?" she roared.

"Nothing like that. I'm just under strict orders from my nurse not to use any swords in any way, shape, or form." Zoro reached down into a downed Marine's hands and extracted a knife. "This'll do. It's a dagger. Completely different."

Tashigi had never felt so angry in her life. "You mock me, even now?" she demanded.

Zoro didn't even reach for his bandana. Though it would be awkward to take off his hat to put it on. Huh, maybe he should get a string attached like Luffy had. "No offense," he drawled, "But I'm more afraid of her than I am of you."

With a hearty battle cry, Tashigi rushed forward. She swung down in a textbook strike, putting all the force of her body into this opening blow.

Zoro made a simple sweep of his arm and deflected it, sending her sprawling past him.

Shaking her head, Tashigi regained her footing. She lunged at Zoro's back… only to hit open air as he turned to the side.

And so it went. Every move Tashigi made was dodged or made to miss. Throughout the fight, Zoro maintained his bored expression. He didn't even seem to be trying.

Finally, Tashigi went for a feint before slashing straight for his neck. Zoro used his dagger, holding it up in a block. Tashigi was stopped cold. All her training, all her effort, all her adrenaline and energy, and his arm didn't even bend. Then his other arm came up and knife-handed her wrists. She dropped her blade, the motion involuntary, and before she could blink she felt cold steel on her neck.

She narrowed her eyes through the rain and sweat. "You cheated."

Zoro grinned ironically. "Pirate," he reminded.

Tashigi resigned herself. "Get it over with then."

Zoro raised a brow, before removing the knife. He tossed it aside and faced her evenly.

Tashigi didn't know whether to be outraged or relieved. "Mercy? From a pirate? What, is it because I'm a woman?! I assure you, this is more insulting than flattering. It's custom to kill the enemy when you beat them, so at least offer me that much respect!"

"That's true. But I haven't actually beaten you," Zoro explained.

Tashigi gaped at him. "What are you talking about? You've disarmed me! How is that not a clear victory?"

"It's not a victory because this wasn't a true battle. Neither of us were at my best." Zoro fingered his eye scar. "I'm not fully recovered from my injures. And you haven't realized your full potential by half." Zoro grinned. "Go back to your training. Find your limits, and then surpass them. And when the day comes that you've become the best you can become, come find me. And on that day, we will fight for real."

Tashigi couldn't believe what she was hearing. Was he… complimenting her? Encouraging her to beat him? It made no sense.

"Of course, I can't risk you stabbing me in the back, so…"

Tashigi suddenly felt like a battering ram was thrust into her solar plexus. Her lungs were suddenly out of air, and she descended into darkness.

Captain Smoker, the 'White Hunter', Navy HQ Captain and Commander of the Loguetown Marine Base, faced his opponent. "I'm afraid your journey ends here," he growled.

Luffy stuck his finger in his nose up to the knuckle. "Whatever you say, Smokey."

The chain smoker felt his last nerve snap and launched his fist forward from his body. "White Blow!"

Luffy tilted his head to avoid the fist, then reached up and grabbed the smoke. And squeezed.

Smoker was brought to his knees at the blinding pain of his wrist being not just broken, but crushed. The next thing he knew, harsh metal was going down his spine and into his pants. All of a sudden the strength fled from his body and he realized what happened.

As he collapsed, he looked up at the grinning pirate. "Damn you," he managed.

Luffy shrugged. "Hey, I could have stuck that Seastone in a MUCH more uncomfortable place. You're good, Smokey, but nowhere near my league. Better luck next time."

Luffy walked away from the transmigrant of Javert to survey the battlefield. He debated letting his men fight it out and gain experience or just blast them with Conqueror's and hit the road.

The choice was taken from him when something, not Observation, just pure reflex and instinct screamed at him to DODGE!

Luffy jumped to the side. It was a good thing he did. The blackened fist that went through the space he just occupied would have turned his bones into dust.

Luffy looked up in horror. "Gramps?! But I knocked you out! Your voice went quiet…" Luffy trailed off as he saw the blank white of his grandfather's eyes and the tiniest of snot bubbles hanging from his nose. "Are you kidding me?! You're not even conscious and you're trying to kick my ass?"

His Gramps' unconscious response was to spring at him.

Luffy took to the air, trying to Geppo away from the ground zero that was the inevitable result of Garp fighting. He was snatched from the air by something even faster, and Luffy found himself slammed face first into the execution platform.

"LUFFY!" Nami shouted from where she was casually electrocuting some hapless Marines.

Luffy felt the horror and worry spread through his various crews as he heard the creaking of bone and muscle that told him his Gramps was winding up. 'Huh, so this is how it ends,' Luffy thought. Conqueror's wouldn't work, his Gramps wasn't even awake. And he had no leverage in this position. He was helpless.

Luffy felt a sense of peace suffuse his soul. 'Aw, well. At least I know they can take care of themselves.' "EVERYONE!" he called out, beginning his last proclamation as Captain. "Sorry." He looked up, grinning like a loon. Time to see what came next. "BUT I'M DEAD!"

A lightning bolt that dwarfed any that Nami could possibly struck down from the heavens. The entire execution platform was consumed by blue fire. It collapsed to the aside, reduced to mere burning wood and scorched metal. A straw hat floated down through the air, only to be caught by a tan hand.

Luffy stuffed Hat back on his head. "NEVER MIND!" he shouted.

Siam and Butchi looked at each other. "Makes sense he's our new Captain, wouldn't you say?"

"I hear you brother. He's got more lives than all of us put together."

Richie huffed in relief. Chief Bellyscratcher was unharmed. The pride would remain intact.

Pearl hung his head. "That does it. I got to get over this stupid phobia. If the Don can walk away from that without blinking, I got no right freaking out over a few drops of blood."

Luffy looked back at the burnt husk of his grandfather. He had no doubt they would meet again. Hopefully when he was in a better mood.

"Everyone, let's go home!" he shouted. He didn't think they'd meet any resistance along the way. Most of the Marines had thrown down their arms and held up hands in subjection after seeing him shrug off a few billion joules.

Speaking of which…

Luffy paused as he was walking along the main street behind his men. "Thanks for the save, Dad."

In a flash, Monkey D. Dragon appeared before him.

He grinned, a much harsher smile than Luffy had inherited from Garp. "I was only doing what any father should do."

Luffy shrugged. "Fair enough. Though mind telling me why this is the first time we're meeting?"

The Revolutionary's eyes grew sad. "I wanted you to grow up safe, free from the dangers that follow me constantly. As you know, any association with me can only hurt you." He looked away. "And, to be honest, a child was a distraction and weakness that I, and therefore the world, simply couldn't afford."

Luffy nodded. "Makes sense, I guess."

Dragon raised a brow. "That's it?"

"I'm not going to blame you for me being alive. That's stupid. You are who you are, and that's that. And I never felt like I was missing anything, so I won't hold your absence against you."

Dragon looked like a weight had dropped from his shoulders. There was still plenty there, but even a little relief felt great. "Thank you."

"I've done nothing you need to thank me for," Luffy countered. "Not that I'm complaining, but why'd you take time off from saving the world to see me off?"

Dragon grinned. "I wanted to see what kind of man you are. Pirate King is fine with me, by the way. I planned to just observe, but now it seems I can ask you myself."

Luffy quirked his mouth in a half-smile. "I'm a guy of simple taste. As long as I have meat in my belly, my nakama beside me, and the freedom to go where we will, I'm good. All that stuff I told Gramps about the Marines is true, but I also just wouldn't be able to stand life as a soldier. I'm not one for taking orders."

"Ah, the bane of generals and statesmen everywhere: an individualist." Dragon looked up. "You and your men will have a tailwind. Godspeed."

"Thanks." Luffy walked a few steps, then paused. "Oh, wait. You know how you can make up for 17 years of missed birthday presents?"

Dragon looked back. "How?"

"Have Sabo at Nanohana in Arabasta in 24 days."

Dragon had to strive not to drop his jaw. "Why?" he questioned. He'd heard Luffy mention the Voice, so it wasn't beyond the realm of possibility he'd investigated his father's operations. But why would he be interested in his second?

Luffy grinned nostalgically. "It's been… ten years. I want to meet my brother again."

Dragon's eyes widened as he connected the dots. He'd known Sabo came from the same island, but he'd never guessed…

"I'll see it done."

"Oh, and let me guess! Mystical Zoan fruit, Azure Dragon of the East? Power over the storms and lightning?"

But Dragon was already gone.

Luffy huffed and pursed his lips. "Jerk."

It was with jubilance that the Armada sailed away from Loguetown. It was raining buckets, and the wind was blowing something fierce, but none of that mattered in light of the excitement/fear of setting off for the Grand Line. Granted, there was almost a mutiny when the men refused to man the lines in favor of ogling Alvida. But Nami and Kaya set them straight… mostly Kaya.

Luffy grinned wide enough to split his head in half when he spotted the guiding light. "Men! Break the casks! Everyone get a drink, right now!"

"We're a little busy at the moment, you know!" Cabaji shouted, feeling almost naked without his unicycle as he shuffled along the mast of the Big Top.

"Don't care! Captain's orders!"

Zeff sighed. "I'll get the glasses."

With a lot of near-miss spills, every man eventually had a glass full of some form of alcohol.

Luffy grinned at his crew. They would always have the memory of their own personal ceremony. This was for the Armada. "TO THE GRAND LINE! TO ONE PIECE! TO LIVE WHAT WE DREAM!"

"KANPAI!"

Boom!

Done!

I'll admit, I did start writing this on Jan 11, but I only got as far as "Second, he was simple." Most of this was finished in one big rush over the weekend because I swore to myself that I would post by March. Thank the inexact spin of the Earth for Leap Day.

Luffy's guess at the end is my own personal theory for Dragon's powers. Don't quote me on it.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to eat the Panera chocolate chip cookie I have been using as incentive and wait for the flood of reviews. Good day… I say good day!