I yawned, then then tried to bury my head more into the warm, hard surface I was laying on. It was a futile effort, but still I tried. It was so peaceful, quiet and tranquil. My hand slid over the metal of Ironhide's chest, slight whines escaping from where my sweaty hands stuck to the metal. This was all he was, metal, tires, tubes, things I could repair.

No!

No, I can't think like that, he's a person! He has thoughts and feelings and desires. Shaking these melancholy thoughts out of my head, I could only stare at the old Autobot I was laying on. Mutiple scratches and dents decorated his chest, evidence of the many fights he had been in. I should repair them, but he probably wouldn't like it. He often said how proud he was of his battle scars. Looking at his face, he had so many different aspects.

A scar was evident on the right side of his face, I longed to know what it was from. His optics were a dull blue right now, the color they were when he was recharging or surfing the web. How often had those eyes been looking at me? Filled with dissapointment, happiness, anger, joy and possible longing. How many times had my name gone through his processor? I had never had someone depend on me as much as he did. I had never have someone depend on me period.

Weapons were clearly evident all over him, yet he was always so... kind when he was with me. He could have intimidated me, scared me, even chased me away! And yet, he didn't. Sometimes I think that he didn't depend on me, maybe I depended on him. Even my own father had never been so close. Ironhide... even his name was something I'd cling to. It made it seem like he could do anything, conquer any foe, complete any challenge.

I guess you could say he was the first real, complex relationship I had. And probably will ever have. Let's just pretend that I meet a boy, what do I tell him? I live on a secret military base inhabited by giant robots and am watched over by one? I'd get thrown in an asylum, yep. No relationships for me. My Dad, it was more like we were close friends than family. With Ironhide though, I had never had someone so concerned for my safety.

People assumed just by looking at me and what I did, I was strong. The truth is, I'm not. Physically, I am. But mentally, I'm still a very insecure person. I am able to hide it though, a flash of a smile, the way I hold myself. Just those small little things can make people believe the opposite about you. I had lied and manipulated people into believing that I had so much self confidence that it was hard to believe it wasn't coming out of my chest.

My confidence left me when I was about seventeen. It was the first date I had ever had. We went to a movie, had dinner, and it was generally a good time. He had driven up to my house, and just when I thought he was going to kiss me, he hit me. I never reported it.

Usually the fact that I'm about 6'1" and built like a door will frighten people off, but I wanted people to be more scared of me. I never wanted to be hit again. That's why I went into mechanics, you can be intimidating to people because you do what they can't do themselves. I had become a master doing this. But, the Autobots. They were the first people, robot, beings I had been open with.

Optimus had seen I lacked confidence, he did what he could to make me have more of that quality. The Twins knew I needed to have fun so they let me join in their pranks. When I needed some thinking time I easily found it with Sideswipe and Jolt. Feminine companionship was Arcee, Chromia and Flareup's job. Ratchet was like an older brother, always making sure I was safe. But Ironhide, I couldn't explain. I traced doodles in the dirt that coated his chest while contemplating this, highlighting dents, a few wash me's included.

"Alisha, you're awake. Are you feeling better?" Ironhide intoned, I clambered up closer to his face. His optics now were their regular bright blue, trying to gague his emotions all I came up with was care.

"Yeah Ironhide, I'm fine." I could hear regret in my voice, sadness evident in my tone. I didn't want him to hear this.

"You do not sound fine. What's wrong? Is it the Twins again?" He asked, concern clearly coming through his vocal processors.

"No, no it's not the Twins." I said with a weak laugh. "I was just thinking, that's all."

"What were you thinking about?" He asked, his body relaxing once he realized I was in no immediate danger.

"Just, you're kind of the first real relationship I've ever had." I was immediatly embaressed, flushing a beet red.

"And that bothers you?" He asked, optics dimming slightly.

"No! Ironhide, God no. I love being with you guys, you're pratically family! I was just being stupid and sentimental for some reason." I hurridly explained, hoping this would make him feel better. His facial plating moved into a slight smile and his optics brightened.

"We all get stupid and sentimental sometimes, when you were gone yesterday I know I was. You're also the first real relationship I've had in a long time." He said, just a taste of nolgastia in his voice. I pressed myself further onto him, one of his hands resting by my side.

"What was the first one?" I asked, curious about who it was.

"It was Chromia, when she first came I thought perhaps I had found someone to be with. Somebody who could care for me and I could care about. I told her and she did not return my feelings." He lost his smile, his optics dimmed and his body sagged slightly.

"Ironhide, you poor guy. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." I hunched over, my head hanging between my shoulders.

"No, I'm glad you did. I needed to tell someone." One of his fingers rested on my shoulders, I looked back at him. He had a smile on his face.

"I'm just glad you're here." I said resting my head on my hands and looking at him. He immediatly brightened up, Autobot optics holding my human eyes.

"As am I Alisha, as am I."

"And you know what else?"

"What?"

"You need a bath."

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