Chapter Nine

Alicia lay on her stomach, it was about the only comfortable way to rest. She felt exhausted, the experimental drug was working its magic and all she really wanted to do was sleep. If not for Elisabeth's questions every five minutes she probably already would be taking a nap.

But Zoe had come and presented her with a dinosaur and proceeded to curl up beside her; ignoring her mother's protests. Elisabeth was staying close, worrying over the drug in her system. Alicia however was feeling very comfortable and little Zoe curling up with her was nice. Shifting to her side to hold the little girl Alicia smiled as the child snuggled into her chest.

"At this rate you can take her with you when you go home." She met Elisabeth's gaze with a guilty one, the woman laughed.

"It is really nice, I like kids but it's never been much of an option." If she had a child she would probably spoil it rotten now.

"I think that option is more available than you think; there are certainly men in the colony who would be willing to help you with it." The woman teased, she rolled her eyes; her job was enough to keep most men at a distance. "Just maybe not the one you want."

"Which one do you want?" They both looked at Zoe, the little girl looked at her innocently. "I think you should have your pick. I could ask."

"No. Zoe, go play for a bit; you can come back later if Alicia lets you." Elisabeth shooed her child away laughing at the protests, Alicia grinned as the little girl climbed off the bed. "You know you are her hero."

"Not much of a hero, spend too much time drinking." She sighed, she'd seen that at the memorial service; everyone knew now.

"You and I both know that is not true. Your memory will get better but you need to forget the stupid things."

"I remember the whiskey." She smiled sadly, the whiskey was one memory she was sure of; she only had bits and pieces of everything else. "I'd like to forget."

"Talking helps, and I will listen." Elisabeth moved to sit beside her.

She swallowed hard, she wondered if it would or not; it might help her sort out what was missing. They both paused as they heard Zoe in the hall; this was not something for a child to hear. As the little girl's voice carried and another joined it Alicia stiffened.

"What are you up to Zoe?" She recognized the Commander's voice, she didn't want to know why he was here.

"Lieutenant Washington wants a baby, I'm gonna find the man she wants. She wants one." The child reported happily and Alicia felt horror curl inside of her as Elisabeth started laughing; mouthing an apology.

"Is that right?" They could hear the amusement in his voice.

"Will you make a baby for Lieutenant Washington? I think she would like it a lot." No, the girl could not have worse questions; but she did. "Is it hard to make a baby?"

Zoe sounded so innocent and as they both dissolved into giggles, Alicia was horrified and relieved when they heard Jim Shannon intervene as male laughter floated into the room.

…

It was the happiest he had heard Wash in a long time, her laugh brought a slight smile to his face. The child's antics were adorable and he couldn't agree more with Zoe; she would be a good mother. And against his better judgement he was sure that making a baby with her would be pleasurable; he couldn't think about that much more. Not if he hoped to face her.

Leaving Shannon to handle his daughter's questions he opened the door to the bedroom. Both women sat on the bed, he could see laughter in their eyes. Elisabeth excused herself quickly and just as quickly the light went out of Washington's eyes.

"Feeling better Wash?" He settled onto the other bed, he wasn't giving up on her.

"Fine Sir."

"Feeling motherly are you? Or horny?" He decided to test the waters, before any of this he would have gotten a rye grin and some line; she'd taken her share and knew how to give it back. Today he got a dark look.

"None of your business."

"Understood. Look Wash, I'm not your favorite person right now but you know you are in no shape to be making career choices. You're not even back on your feet yet." He leaned forward to rest his chin on his hands, she had given up avoiding his gaze; instead she glared at him.

"If I can't do the job to standard then I'm not doing it. I want out." She knew he referred to her remark as Elisabeth helped haul her to her feet; but she didn't cave. That was good, she was shaken he thought but the soldier was still in there.

Nodding slowly Nathaniel considered his next words carefully. If he pushed the issue she could easily shut down on him; if he didn't he would have to wait even longer. "Your memory of the occupation, it is spotty."

"Enough of the gaps have been filled in, and the colony made it clear." Another curt response. "If you want it in writing I'll do that but I'm not coming back. I more than qualify for a medical out; just let me go."

"Not going to happen, Wash we need you and you know that. The colony didn't even know you survived, they were surprised to see you at all." He wasn't giving her an out, she only had another four years before she'd put in her twenty and if she was truly unhappy then they could have this fight again.

"Why?" Her brows knit and brown eyes softened, he knew she would care about the colony; these people were her family.

He reached out, touching her for the first time that she was aware and not pulling away. "I only wanted to protect you, Wash we haven't heard from the Phoenix army or the Sixers and I want you to heal in peace."

She stiffened again but didn't pull away, his hand cupped her cheek; his thumb resting on her cheek bone. As much as he intended to look at Wash as a soldier, it was impossible to deny she was a woman and right now he wanted to protect her; to do everything that would make her furious.

"I remember some things, but pieces are missing." She spoke softly and he saw the pain that caused her; he was fairly sure of one thing she remembered.

"You remember being in that basement, and you remember me?" She jerked away, not looking at him; that was his answer. Nathaniel swallowed, she didn't need to say a word but he needed to do something.

She was a soldier, she was a strong and capable woman but she still needed to be allowed to step away sometimes; and he didn't know when he'd lost sight of that. He knew it with the others, duty rosters, holidays and incentive yet with Wash he had ignored it. His expectations of her were the same no matter what the day; and had been ever since they came here.

"I am sorry Wash, I am sorry for what I said and for what was implied. It is inexcusable and I know you; I should have known better. Be mad at me but do not walk away from the colony, we need you now more than ever and I have been reminded of that over and over today. I am sorry for my son as well." His child who he was meant to love had hurt those who meant a great deal to him.

When he had been assigned this project he had known who he wanted with him, it was a wonderful second chance and one they had such hope for. Yet it had a great cost and now it was in jeopardy, and this is one of the people he knew he could count on to help change that.

He wondered how long it was going to take him to earn back her trust, and support. She was a soldier who would take orders but he did not want any of his soldiers to take an order while hating him for it. At least not her, Washington was one of few people he truly considered a friend; she'd been by his side a long time. And he had hurt her badly. Nathaniel sat by hers a long time, silence between them uncomfortable but an unspoken battle was being fought; a battle of wills. He wanted to hear a few short words from her and she refused to look at him. Eventually it passed and he sat beside her trying hard to forget.

When he heard a soft breathy sound he glanced realized that Wash was sleeping. Her hair fell softly around her face and despite the bruises she was beautiful. She was young, strong, little Zoe was right; she deserved a man and a family. The pressure he put on her was not entirely fair. Gently he lay her down, surprised at how docile she was when she was sleeping.

Leaving her in the room to rest he stepped back out into the hall. It was odd, being around this family, it was something he had never really had. Not with Ayani, back then he was away more than he was home; uprooting his wife and son every few years to move them closer to a new hot zone.

He had cared for Ayani, loved her deeply, and always would but in so many ways she had never understood him. Their friendship had been much deeper than their passion, part of that was his fault; he had been away too much. They'd had their son within the first year of their marriage and he had united them. They had loved their child, and respected each other, but she hadn't understood his sense of duty or interest in history. Coming here would have terrified her.

Excusing himself from the household, he headed to his own place. He needed some sleep, with teams out to do some reconnaissance he could focus on getting Wash back. Starting with getting her to the Command Center tomorrow, the sooner she realized just how much they needed her the sooner she would come around.