Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.
I'm glad the previous chapter was so 'well' received – sorry for those who thought they'd die of shock.
Thanks for all the great reviews!
Clothes were shed in rapid succession; there was no flirtatious unveiling, no gentle caresses and definitely no foreplay – it was simply sex…quick, needy and somewhat impaired by the amount of alcohol flowing through their veins.
It was a relatively short encounter in comparison to other experiences either had had but Olivia summed it up as 'nice' as she rolled into Fin and closed her eyes. He smiled, the last time someone had called sex with him nice, he'd been in high school. Still, nice was better than being alone in his bed yet again.
Meanwhile Casey had woken up crying and alone in Olivia's apartment. Desperate for the comfort of her friend she searched the apartment twice for signs Olivia had been home, she found none. She checked her cell and then the answering machine –there were no messages.
Sitting on the sofa, with the legs folded underneath her, she dialled Olivia's cell desperately hoping she'd answer. With each unanswered ring Casey's heart began to beat a little faster, when the voice mail option came on she left an urgent and brief message. "Liv, call me PLEASE!" she managed through her sobs.
Casey then called the precinct and to her dread was told Olivia had left just on 6:00pm and had not returned. An overwhelming sense of fear began to consume her, if John could up and die on her so suddenly there was nothing to say the same wouldn't happen to Olivia.
With a trembling hand she scrolled to the next number.
"What? It's fricken 3:00 am! This better be goddamned worth it!" came the growl down the line.
"Sor…ry El…I could..n't…" Casey gasped.
"Casey? Is that you? What's wrong?" Elliot was suddenly wide awake and very scared.
"Is Liv…is Liv with you?" she asked, taking a deep breath, praying he'd say yes, feeling he'd say no.
"No! What made you think…" he began before the real situation dawned on him. "Casey, can't you find Olivia?" he asked, his voice more controlled than he felt.
"No…I woke up and she's not here, she hasn't been home, she hasn't left any messages, she left the precinct just after you, she …she…" Casey spewed out in a rush.
"Casey, honey, take a breath…I'll be right over." Elliot threw his sweats on and was out the door before Casey had hung up the phone.
As he sped his way to Olivia's he tried her cell and just like Casey had to leave a message – his message was a little less emotional and a lot more explicit.
"Olivia Benson, where the hell are you? You ring me the instant you get this or so help me I'll….!" He hung up not quite knowing what he'd do. He rang the precinct himself, not wanting to take Casey's word for it, she'd been correct. He rang Fin's cell but got no answer and left no message. He rang several other numbers, none helped.
By the time Casey opened the apartment door for him, he was just as concerned as she was but he was determined not to let her know it. Casey, relieved just to see someone else, threw herself at him and wrapped her arms around him, clinging tightly.
"Hey, hey, Case," he soothed, stroking her hair and walking her back into the apartment so he could shut the door. "It'll be okay, it will. Shhh" He gently rocked them. It took a while but finally Casey calmed and detached herself from him.
"I'm really sorry, El," she said, running her hand across the tear stained patch she'd left on his top.
"That's okay, I needed to take a shower anyway," he laughed, trying to add some humour into the darkness of the night and their moods. "Now," he continued, leading her to the sofa. "What happened?"
Casey sat beside him and held onto his hand. "I had a bad dream and when I woke she wasn't here. Do you know where she is?"
Elliot shook his head. "She's probably on a job," he lied.
"Yeah but would the precinct have said that?" Casey countered.
"Depends on whether she reported in," Elliot explained, knowing Casey wouldn't buy it. "Or she could be at Simon's, he rang earlier today." She nodded, that was feasible "Anyway, I'm here now, you want to tell me about your dream," Elliot asked, quietly.
"It was just about John," she smiled sadly.
"I figured as much," Elliot replied, squeezing her hand.
"It wasn't a bad dream, in fact it was quite wonderful," she said. "We were at Blauvelt and we were getting married and junior here…" She patted her stomach. "Was a little girl and made the most gorgeous flower girl. Livvy was the bridesmaid and it was just so perfect and I woke up. Then it hit me again that John's gone and I'll never have that, and this pregnancy is so early I may not get my little girl and I went to find Liv and …" She stopped.
"And Liv was gone too," Elliot finished off her thoughts.
"I mean if John could go so suddenly there's nothing to say that Ol..."
"Don't go there, Casey," Elliot interrupted, though his mind was already long there.
"I don't want to think that way it's just…" her voice trailed.
"Casey, Liv will be fine. There could be a hundred explanations as to where she is tonight. She's been having a tough time too…maybe she just needed a break," Elliot said trying to comfort her but it backfired.
"I'm sorry El; I know I've been a big imposition on her. I know I should have gone home. I know…I know..." Her tears started again.
"No, Casey," Elliot put his arm around her, "That's not what I meant. Did she tell you my news?"
Casey looked up at him confused. "Your news?"
"Kathy's pregnant…and it's mine." Guilt was written all over his face. "It's me she's having a hard time with – not you."
Not long after Elliot convinced Casey to return to bed, promising her the moment he heard from Olivia he'd wake her. She was soon in bed asleep again. Elliot settled into the armchair and, despite his determination to stay awake, sleep got the better of him.
Morning rolled around quickly and Fin and Olivia woke to the shrill ring of the alarm. For a moment Olivia couldn't work out where she was, opening her eyes she caught sight of Fin's arm crossing over her to switch it off.
"Morning," she mumbled and then yawned, her head fuzzy.
"Morning Liv," Fin replied, lying back down beside her. "How'd you sleep?"
"Very well." Olivia smiled; it had been her best night's sleep in a very long time. "You?" she asked.
"Real good," Fin replied before adding, "It must have been the company."
"Must have been," Olivia said, reaching out and taking his hand. She knew last night's encounter had been fuelled by alcohol and desperation but aside from the hangover she was now experiencing she had no regrets. Elliot's baby news put an end to any thought of love and romance ever, now it was just a physical act of want "Um…Fin…this might sound like a stupid question but what do we do now?"
Fin brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it "Now girl, we get up and go to work. As far as this…me and you…I have no idea."
"Me either," Olivia replied, staring up at the ceiling. "It was nice though."
"Very nice, Liv, but we both know we're not…" Fin began.
"It doesn't have to be about love, Fin. It can be about companionship or friendship or just plain sex. I mean we're both consenting adult, it's not as if it'd be anything serious, just sleepovers every now and then." She arched her eyebrow questioningly.
Fin smiled, regular sex with a beautiful woman whilst not in a committed relationship, he'd had worse offers. He knew this wasn't Olivia talking but neither of them had been themselves lately and besides, this could be what they both needed.
Raising her hand again to his lips, Fin quietly said, "You, Olivia, have a deal."
On the way over to Olivia's so she could shower and dress for work, they discussed the finer details of their new and unusual arrangement. There'd be no obligation on either side at any time, it could end whenever one wanted out, sleeping over was optional and no one else was to know. Their deal finalised, Fin pulled up in front of Olivia's apartment and parked the car. He followed her upstairs and offered to make tea while she took a shower.
Olivia turned the key in the lock, pushed the door open and was stunned to see Elliot asleep in her armchair.
"Hey Elliot," she called out, waking him. "What are you doing here?"
He opened his eyes and was instantly on his feet. "God, Liv, where the hell have you been? Casey rang at 3:00 am frantic because you hadn't returned home, so I came over. I called everywhere looking for you." He looked at Fin, seeing him for the first time. "Fin, what are you doing here?"
"Not that it's any of your business but I slept over at Fin's," Olivia said, moving past him towards the bedroom.
Elliot looked from Olivia to Fin and back again, he shook his head, she couldn't possibly have meant that the way it sounded. He looked at Fin again, no, there's no way he and Olivia would have slept together, and hadn't Elliot, himself, spent several nights at her place just sleeping? Confident with his own determination, he nodded to himself. He looked back at the closed bedroom door.
"Since she's okay, I'll head off," he said to Fin. "Are you going to drive her in?"
"Yeah, man," Fin replied, a hint of relief in his voice. Sleeping with Olivia was one thing, standing in the room with the man who she loved and who desperately loved her was something entirely different – deal or no deal.
Hearing someone in the room with her, Casey stirred. She rolled over and pried open her sleep deprived eyes.
"That you Liv?" she mumbled.
"Yeah Casey, it's me," Olivia replied, sitting on the edge of the bed. Casey sat up and stared at her friend unsure as whether to be angry at her, relieved she was alright or sorry that Olivia had seemingly lost the man she loved more than anything.
"I'm …I'm so sorry Liv," she finally said embracing her friend and holding tightly.
"What for? I'm the one who's sorry I should have let you know where I was…I wasn't thinking…I should have been here for you," Olivia said quietly.
Casey shook her head and unwrapped her arms. "No, we're both dealing with loss and we're both doing it our own way. I was just really scared last night – I thought I'd lost you too. I thought I'd be all alone or worse alone with this one." She looked down at her belly. "Livvy, I don't know if I can do it alone."
"Case, you are…Casey, look at me. You're not alone – I'm here, Fin and Elliot are here, nothing in life is guaranteed but if it's at all humanly possible we'll be here for you." Olivia said, her own deal with Fin ensuring she wouldn't be alone either. Casey drew in a few deep breaths and blew her nose.
"I'm going to go home today, Livvy," Casey finally said, "I think we need to get back into routine…"
"Are you sure?" Olivia asked, given the conversation they had just had.
"Yeah – I need to get it together and you…need time too. Don't you?" Casey said and Olivia nodded sadly.
For the next month everything continued along a similar line. Each person trying to find a way to get through the pain of losing a close friend whether it was through death or circumstance. Each one went to work daily under a veil of sorrow, trying to make themselves and their colleagues think all was well, each one of them failing.
Casey returned to work trying to get routine back into her topsy-turvy world. Not that long ago she'd been alone in the world with nothing but her friends to keep her company. Then when her relationship with John developed she had begun to think she'd never be alone again. Now, she was, or at least would be for the next six or so months. While she was beginning to welcome the news of the pregnancy she was terrified she wouldn't cope and not wanting to be someone who wasn't in control she did the only thing possible. She threw herself into her work with the same enthusiasm as a first year lawyer. If her friends hadn't been so caught up in their own pain they would have seen through the façade.
Elliot and Olivia slipped into a version of their former relationship when they were partnered together, but more and more, one of them was alone and the other with Fin. The situation wasn't ideal for anyone and Don had spent many a night awake contemplating the future of the SVU. It pained him to see good people, his good people, struggling so much. He knew the traumas went beyond the death of John Munch but he was at a loss as to how to help them, he was the captain of a sinking ship and if he wasn't careful the ship would be smashed on the rocks of these troubled times and all would be lost.