Someone suggested a recap, so here goes:
Fred, Jasper, Alice, Edward and Bella just arrived at the Cullen's house after illegally crossing the Canadian border. Aro is interested in Fred's gift and wants Carlisle to learn what he can about it and report back before Aro and Fred have a face-to-face in Volterra.
Stephenie Meyers' characters… you know the drill.
Esme stood just inside the doorway. We each hugged her on our way into the house, where it smelled of cookies baking. She always spoiled me like that. We each took a seat at the dining room table.
"This is my wife, Esme," Carlisle said to Fred. The two shook hands, but Fred was distracted by sounds coming from the family room.
"Is that Super Mario I hear?" he asked in wide-eyed wonder. He seemed drawn toward the sound like a moth to the flame.
"Dude, you like my man Mario?" Emmett asked in his best California surfer voice.
"He's the best. I like some of the newer games, but there's nothing like the classics," Fred responded.
"My thoughts exactly. I'm Emmett, by the way. The brains behind this organization."
"You probably already know my name. Fred," he said, offering his hand. Emmett reached to shake, but Fred pulled his hand back and slicked it through his hair. "Too slow…." he said with a smile.
Emmett sucker punched him in the gut, Fred slapped Emmett upside the head and they started to tussle until Esme called a stop to it. "Not in the house! If you boys want to wrestle, take it outside!"
Neither of them seemed to want to continue enough to go out, but I was pretty sure the rough-housing wasn't over. Soon the two guys were sitting side-by-side playing video games.
"Not another boy in the house! Esme, we're outnumbered again!" Rosalie whined as she walked through the back door, obviously having just come from the garage. She was wearing coveralls, hair in a ponytail, and sporting some grease on her face.
"Hey, babe. This is Fred," Emmett said without looking away from the TV screen. "Fred, that's my wife, Rose."
Fred glanced back to say Hi, but when he caught sight of her, his mouth froze open. He did a double-take of epic proportions. I half expected his eyes to pop in and out of his head like on the cartoons to the sound of an 'ah-OOO-gah' horn.
He jumped up in an instant and took Rosalie's hand, kissing the back of it. "Very pleased to meet you," he whispered in awe.
"Get back over here, dude," Emmett called to Fred, completely unaware of Fred's fawning over Rose. "I can't get to the castle unless you come with me. Rose, honey, did you fix the Jeep yet?"
She rolled her eyes. "Yes, it's running better than ever, no thanks to you."
"OK, cool," Emmett said, still concentrating on his little Mario character. Fred, on the other hand, was concentrating on Rosalie, who was currently scowling at her oblivious husband.
Edward, Alice, and Jasper were snickering amongst themselves, and I didn't have to be a gifted vampire to know why.
"So, FRED," Rosalie cooed in an exaggeratedly sexy voice, "it's so nice to meet you. I've heard quite a bit about you and I SO look forward to learning more. Oh, but I must look a fright! I really do need to make myself presentable for company."
She batted her eyelashes at him. So help me God, she did.
"You don't… need to do anything on my account," Fred stammered. "I think you look… perfect… just the way you are."
"Oh, you're SO SWEET to say so," she responded bashfully, stealing occasional glances at Emmett.
"Not at all," Fred continued. "I think you may be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life."
"Yeah, my Rose is a real looker," Emmett casually added. "Hey, do I need to start this game over as a one-player?"
"Go ahead, Fred. You wouldn't want to miss your GAME on my account," Rosalie sighed after another attempted barb at Emmett failed to hit its mark. She reached out and shyly touched Fred's arm, then turned to go upstairs. Fred watched after her in amazement.
He returned to the game, but continually peeked back at the stairs.
"Pay attention!" Emmett hollered as Mario got knocked off his Yoshi. "I've never met a vampire with such bad reflexes."
"Sorry," Fred mumbled. "I guess I'm just easily distracted."
Esme brought milk and cookies for me and joined the rest of us at the dining room table. Of course, the regular argument started almost immediately.
"Milk?" Jasper complained. "Esme, I promised I would never attack Bella again. You don't have to give her milk as insurance."
"You can't have fresh-baked cookies without milk," I retorted. "It's like peanut butter without jelly." I'd obviously used the wrong metaphor because there were blank stares all around.
"Bella's right, you guys," Fred chimed in from the other room. I gave him a 'thumbs-up' but the rest of them groaned. "Well, of course I think it's disgusting now, but it hasn't been that long since I was human…"
"Oh, give the little newborn his milk," Emmett mocked in a high-pitched girly voice. The next thing I heard was Emmett yelling "OWWW!"
"Probably be a good idea to remember the little newborn is stronger than you," Fred jabbed
They went back to playing and we continued to laugh and tease each other at the table, but I knew all of us were sitting there for the same reason – to watch the fireworks when Rosalie came downstairs.
In less time than should be possible, a freshly-showered, well-coiffed Rosalie strutted down to the living room wearing skin-tight dark jeans, a low-cut silky red tank, and red stilettos. I always knew she was gorgeous, but she'd even outdone herself this time.
Alice whistled loudly, causing Fred to turn at the noise. Upon seeing the radiant Rosalie, Fred jumped up, but didn't move otherwise. He just stood there, gawking like an imbecile. I didn't know if vampires could go into shock or not, but if they could, he had.
"Wow," he whispered. "You look… well… you look… there are no words…."
"Gosh, thanks Fred. You're very sweet!" she gushed. I mouthed the word 'gosh' to Edward. He just smiled and shrugged.
"Emmett is the luckiest man in the world," Fred whispered.
"No, I'm not!" Emmett yelled. "I can't even get a decent second player! I thought you were gonna help me here. You coulda been a contendah," he said with a terrible Brando accent, the same terrible accent he used to quote from The Godfather ad nauseum.
When nobody laughed at his stupid joke, except him of course, he finally turned to see what everyone was staring at. "Oh, hey, babe. You look hot. Doesn't she look hot?" he asked Fred.
"Ummm… yeah," he gulped. It was a good thing for him vampires couldn't blush. Or sweat.
"But you probably already figured I'd have a hot wife. I mean, look at me!" he crowed, flexing a few of his many massive muscles.
Emmett just grinned as several of us rolled our eyes, including Rose. "You're such an idiot," she glowered.
"Yeah, well you married me, so who's the bigger idiot?" he teased. "Hey, Fred, I'm gonna go check out my Jeep. Gotta make sure certain people fixed it right," he stage-whispered, 'secretly' pointing at his wife. "You wanna come with?"
"Naw, I'm fine here. You go ahead without me," Fred answered.
"Suit yourself," Emmett said dismissively. "There's some pretty fine lookin' machinery out in the garage…"
"I'm busy looking at the fine things in the house," Fred said with a wide grin, his eyes never leaving Rose.
"OK," Emmett laughed. "Your loss. Hey, Rosie, keep Fred here entertained until I get back." He swatted her ass on his way out the back door.
"Fox, take good care of the henhouse, will you?" Jasper whispered to those of us at the table. I knew Fred and Rosalie would have heard it, too, if she hadn't been preoccupied with seething at Emmett, and if he hadn't been preoccupied with her in general.
Now, I was no mind-reader, nor could I see the future, nor could I read people's emotions, but I didn't need any of those skills to recognize the look in Rosalie's eyes. She was plotting, and if Fred wasn't careful, he was going to be in the middle of a war zone.
"I'll see you later, Fred," Rose purred as she sauntered up the stairs. She didn't look back. She didn't have to.
"You want to mop up that venom on the floor there?" Jasper taunted. "Maybe put your eyes back in your head?
Fred seemed to shake himself out of his daydream, then joined us at the table. "You guys didn't tell me your sister was… so…" he sighed.
"Married? I think the word you're looking for is married," Alice interjected.
"Yes, but is she happily married? Emmett didn't even pay attention to her. If she was mine, I would worship the ground she walked on…" Fred said dreamily.
"I think she's pretty happily married," Edward contended. "You haven't had to listen to her thoughts for decades."
"Don't even go there, Fred," Jasper warned. "Emmett loves her fiercely and if he thought you were making moves on his wife, you might find yourself on the wrong end of a barbeque skewer."
"But he didn't even look at her. How could that be? She's just so… perfect."
We looked at each other and after about the count of three, we all burst out laughing, except Esme, who was looking rather defensive of her daughter. "Rose is a wonderful person. I won't have you making fun at her expense. I'll admit, she can be a little… overwhelming sometimes. Difficult, even… and once in a while she can be somewhat… self-absorbed… and haughty… but…" she trailed off causing us all to snicker before breaking out into laughter again.
"Wow, Esme, I don't think I want to know what you'd say in MY defense," Edward teased, "if that's the glowing report you give Rosalie."
She smacked his arm good-naturedly as Carlisle made his way over to the table from upstairs.
"I know you haven't been here long," Carlisle said as he put his hand on Fred's shoulder, "but I'm very curious about your gift."
"Carlisle? Curious? I can't even imagine!" Alice teased, causing us all to laugh at his expense.
"OK, OK… that's fair," Carlisle joked back. "I do tend to be the mad scientist around here. Anyway, I was wondering if you would be opposed to getting started. I thought perhaps Alice and Jasper, you and I could go out to the clearing and do some experimenting."
"Aw, Carlisle! I don't want to go! I already felt the effects of his so-called gift and I don't really want to do that again. Ever!" Alice said emphatically.
"I have to agree," Jasper jumped in. "That was no picnic. No offense, Fred, but if he makes us feel sick like that again, especially Alice, I'm not sure I could be held responsible for my actions."
"Now, why would you think I'd take offense at your thinly-veiled death threat?" Fred laughed.
"Sorry, man, but that thing you do is powerful awful," Jasper admitted with a slight sense of awe in his voice.
"Edward and I could go, too," I spoke up. "Jasper can keep Fred's emotions level so he can't emit such strong waves, and if he goes invisible, Edward can still hear him and I can see him."
"Thanks, dear," Edward replied dryly, "for volunteering my services, because you know how much I really cannot wait to be doubled over in pain again like I was before."
"All in the name of science, right Carlisle?" I said with a wink.
"Exactly!" he agreed. Edward rolled his eyes while the rest of us laughed.
"Alright. Fine. We'll go, but if he makes me sick, you're going to owe me," Edward grumbled.
I didn't know exactly what I would owe him, but since I wasn't sure I wanted to know, I didn't ask.
"Esme, are you going with us?" Carlisle asked.
"Hmmm… let me think," she said as she put her finger over her lips, pretending to be deep in thought. "Stay here and read my interior design magazines or go out to the clearing so you can use me as a guinea pig in your science experiment… That's a tough choice, but I think I'll stay here."
"Can I look at magazines with Esme?" Jasper asked quietly.
"Wow, guys. You really know how to make someone feel welcome!" Fred quipped to more laughter.
"Is Rosalie coming with us?" I asked
"No," we heard her yell from upstairs, the unnecessary volume for my benefit, of course.
"OK!" I yelled back, the unnecessary volume for nobody's benefit this time, but just out of habit.
"Edward, let's go see if Emmett wants to come with us." I gave him a bit of a sly look, which he returned with a confused one. "You guys go ahead. We'll catch up."
Once we were out of the house, I asked Edward, "Can anyone else hear us right now?"
"If you whisper directly into my ear, I don't think so," he answered, still looking confused. I had a plan for some fun, which I explained to Edward. His face broke into a wicked grin.
"You are truly evil, my love," he laughed. "Remind me not to get on your bad side." I took his hand and continued our walk to the garage.
…..~~~…..~~~…..
A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Like everyone else, I've been busy and really just haven't felt the muse. Then I finally got inspired again. Go figure! I'll try to make the next wait much shorter. Thanks for reading, and please review!