Hey all! I hope you've all had a lovely weekend and HAPPY EASTER AND HAPPY PASSOVER!
I took a little longer than expected, I know. Forgive me? :)
You may not all get the answers you want, but I hope you all understand what I tried to do with this chapter.
I don't want to take up too much time so, without further adieu, here's the next chapter!
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Fix a heart
Even though I know what's wrong
How could I be so sure
If you never say what you feel,
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Mina stared at herself in the large mirror of the master suite bathroom. She eyed her choice in pajamas and wondered if it was too revealing or not. A simple black tank top and orange polka dotted shorts adorned her still slime figure. Chewing on her bottom lip, she eyed the bedroom through the mirror. He said he didn't expect anything, but would he try?
Shaking her head, golden tresses moving heavily around her, Mina tapped the counter with her finger nails. "He said he wouldn't so he won't. That's it Mins." Nodding her head, she moved towards the bedroom and made her way to what she assumed would be her side of the bed.
While the morning sickness wasn't as horrible as the doctor's thought it would be, the anxiety of the situation before her seemed to heighten the twisted feeling in her stomach. Breathing deeply, she grabbed her bottle of lavender lotion that she placed on the night stand and began her nightly ritual of applying it to her arms and legs-humming herself a soft tune.
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The darkness of the sky seemed to fit the inner turmoil Malcolm felt as he stared out the massive windows overlooking the ocean. Sipping the scotch he held, he eyed the hallway leading to his-their bedroom.
He had told her that he didn't expect anything tonight. A part of him hated himself for those words while the other part suggested he take the guest room. Sighing, he sipped the scotch again and brought his other hand up to rub the right temple.
Finally being able to breathe, Malcolm thought about everything that led to this point: Him kissing her a few years ago in her parent's kitchen. Her flaunting herself in Vegas. Him drinking and allowing his self-control to slip, thus bringing them to the situation they were in now.
While her parents were taking it as well as they could, Malcolm knew it would be some time before Jed accepted their marriage. He couldn't blame him really. He knew he would feel the same if the roles were reversed. But he did what he needed to do to make the situation right.
Eyeing the hallway again, Malcolm cursed lightly at the predicament he placed himself in: to sleep beside her every night and for once in his life, be unsure about the woman beside him. He knew it would be difficult to not to touch her. Not to kiss her.
Placing his forehead against the cool glass, he wondered when he would be able to hold her, to touch her, to experience the perks of the marriage bed-with her; when she would be ready to enjoy this part of marriage with him. And would she want too? The last time she screamed at him to never touch her again. He realized his words had been harsh and untrue. He had been angry at himself-angry for taking the innocence of his best friend's sister. Angry for enjoying it. Angry for wanting to repeat it over and over again.
Shaking his head, he glared out, wondering when his thoughts had decided to betray him. Him wanting to touch her was the reason they were here. Taking the last sip of his scotch, he moved to the kitchen and placed his cup in the sink. Eyeing the hallway, he made his way their bedroom.
The soft scent of lavender reached his nose the moment he walked through the door. Turning his head towards the bed, he watched as she seemed engrossed in a song, humming and singing lightly while applying lotion to her legs.
"Do you prefer that side?"
He watched as she jumped, a small yelp escaping her lips as she stared up at him. She seemed unsure as she bit her bottom lip.
"I wasn't sure what side you slept on. I can move if-"
"You're fine. I prefer to be closer to the door."
He watched her nod, her eyes trailing to the dark gray comforter, seeming to be absorbed by it.
Sighing slightly, Malcolm moved to his dresser and pulled his sweat pants out from the top drawer. Moving to this closet, he changed quickly, hanging the pants back up and tossing the shirt in the hamper that sat against one of the walls.
Walking back out, he ignored the slight gasp that escaped her soft lips as she eyed him, shirtless.
"If it makes you uncomfortable I can put a shirt on."
He watched her cheeks bloom as she shook her head, her voice portraying a much older, a more mature tone, "I think we should be able to wear whatever makes us comfortable at night."
He felt his head nod as he eyed her choice. A part of him hated himself even more for not expecting a real honeymoon with her as she quickly finished applying her lotion and stood to pull the covers back.
He waited until she slipped under the covers before he followed, turning the lamp light off as he did.
The room was engulfed in darkness, the half-moon offering little light to flow through the windows that weren't obscured by the dark curtains.
He could almost feel her body heat, even though she lay a good foot or more away from him. He swore under his breath at the situation-at being so close to her, yet, not allowing himself to touch her. It was for the best, at least for now, until their lives calmed down from everything that had happened in such a short period.
He eyed the ceiling as he realized that not only a week ago he was lying in this same position, remembering their one time together and hating himself for wanting to repeat it. Now, as she lay within reaching distance, her womb carrying the child they made in a moment of passion, he found his body responding.
Groaning, he flipped to his side, facing the door and trying to block out her scent.
"Malcolm?"
Her voice seemed to cut through the tension that encompassed the room. He felt his body tense and hating himself for wanting to hear her say his name a different way.
"Yes?"
It was silent for a few more seconds as he felt the bed dip lightly, her body turning towards his.
"Nevermind."
Her defeated voice had him turning towards her, his eyes searching out for hers in the darkness.
"Mina, you can say what's on your mind."
He heard her soft sigh as she pulled her knees up in a crouching position.
"It's just….I feel like everything has happened so quickly. Like I haven't caught up to everything yet. I mean, why? Why did you do this? Because I'm pregnant? You didn't have to marry me, we could have just rai-"
"Mina. This is the right thing to do."
He felt her sit up, seeing her silhouette in the light from the moon.
"You keep saying that! But what if it's not? What if we're not happy? What kind of life would that be for our child!?"
Her anger was evident, her body shaking lightly. He sat up and reached for the lamp, flicking the light on.
Her eyes were red-rimmed, tears threatening to spill out as her bottom lip quivered. He hated himself for putting her in this situation, for witnessing her sadness. Why couldn't she just accept that this was right? He normally could talk his way through a situation, but with her, he felt his words leave him. He couldn't explain why it was right-it just was. Simply because. Why couldn't she understand this?
Seeing her anger turning quickly into sadness, into doubt, he didn't realize what he had done until his hand had already reached out and graced her cheek gently, his touch softer than he had ever done before. He felt her body tremble slightly as her eyes slid closed.
When she didn't pull away or ask him to stop, he moved his body closer to hers, his rational thoughts leaving him completely as he took in her scent, felt her warmth.
"Malcolm?"
Her eyes opened as she gazed into his eyes, searching for something. Dipping his head, he heard himself moan as his lips connected gently with hers. He nipped them softly, the taste identical to their previous kisses, intoxicating him. He knew he could never admit it out loud, at least not yet, but the night they had made love wasn't because of the alcohol in his system, but because he couldn't find it in himself to stop. Blaming the alcohol had just been his excuse at the time, realizing afterwards that he shouldn't have lost control.
Just like now as her lips moved over his, nipping as she went, he found himself unable to stop as his hands trailed gently down her smooth arms, gripping the fabric of her camisole. Wanting to feel her again, he allowed his hand to travel beneath the protective layer and trace soft patterns on her warm stomach.
Feeling her muscles contract at the touch, he couldn't help but grin as he trailed kisses down her neck. When they had moved positions, her body beneath his, he wasn't sure, but their kisses became more passionate, more eager as his hands continued to travel, lifting her camisole up and over her head.
Their first time had been in haste, he realized with embarrassment. He had always been the confident one, but with her, he had felt like a teenage boy again. But now, he wanted to make sure she was loved right-that she knew this was right.
Feeling the softness of her thigh, he lifted up towards the band of her pajama bottoms and moved them down slowly, his lips still seeking hers with a hunger he didn't realize he had.
A muffled moan escaped her lips as he lowered his hand that had taken up residence in her silky strands and trailed it gently down her body.
"No…please."
He felt her hand stop his before it reached its destination, her soft tug stopping him completely as he lifted up and into the beautiful blue eyes of the woman below him.
"Stop. Please."
His body went rigid at her pained plea, so full of uncertainty, of doubt.
Their breathing was heavy as silence reigned, his body still placed above her own. He realized his mistake as she turned watery eyes away from him.
"Mina, I'm sorry." Moving off of her and grabbing her pajama bottoms, he turned away as she slipped them back on. Another moment passed as he heard her camisole slip back over her head.
"Mina, I'm sorry, I.." He stopped. What could he really say? He told her already that he didn't expect a honeymoon, that he didn't expect anything from her. Not till they moved past the awkwardness; not until they became comfortable around each other. Rubbing his face, he flung his legs over the edge of the bed and then wrapped his hands around the back of his neck.
What was he thinking? Oh, that's right, he wasn't. Not with her this close.
"Malcolm?"
He felt the bed give slightly on his side as she slipped beside him, her feet dangling off the side.
"Malcolm, please, talk to me."
Sighing, he sat up and turned towards her, "What should I say? I told you I wasn't expecting anything and then I go and try…"He stopped himself.
He eyed her as she bit her bottom lip, "I…" she swallowed, her face turning scarlet by her next words, "I enjoyed it. I just, I'm so confused right now. I don't, I really don't know what to make of everything. The last time we spoke, after, well, "she moved her hands around and he couldn't stop the slight grin at her inability to say the words. He decided to help her, "After we had sex."
He watched her nod, her golden hair moving gently. "Everything just went downhill."
Malcolm heard his own sigh. This was his fault, her fear. He spoke to her so harshly afterwards, afraid because it meant something to him and if she had allowed him too, he would have repeated it over and over that night. He was also angry and took his frustration out on her that night. Angry that he felt the way he did: angry that he allowed his self-control to slip. Angry that he wanted to repeat it: Angry because he felt like he desecrated something so sacred, so precious, and betrayed the trust of his friend.
"Mina, I need to apologize for the way I spoke to you that night. I let my self-control slip, I was angry at myself and took it out on you."
"Your self-control?"
He chuckled slightly as he placed his hands on each side of him and gripped the comforter, "Yes. I have very little around you."
He watched her cheeks burn even more, "So, you wanted to have sex with me that night?"
He closed his eyes. His mind trying to regain control of his body, "I was angry because I betrayed the trust of my friend. Because wanting you wasn't right."
He felt her body stiffen, "It's not right to want me?"
Shaking his head, he opened his eyes and turned towards her, "That's not what I'm saying. What I did wasn't right. Betraying a trust."
A frown graced her beautiful features, "But I wanted it too. What we did has nothing to do with Jed."
"No. But I was supposed to watch out for you, to help protect you from men who would take advantage of you."
Her eyes narrowed, "So you think you took advantage of me?"
Groaning, Malcolm stood from the bed, running his fingers through his hair. She was a frustrating woman. Why was spitting everything out so difficult around her?
"No. I wanted you-I wanted you since the moment we kissed in your parent's kitchen. But I was supposed to watch out for you. I betrayed Jed's trust by kissing you-by touching you-by everything. I took my anger out on you because the moment we were done, I wanted to repeat everything. I acted out of selfishness and here we are now because of that selfishness. And out of selfishness I wanted to touch you again, even after I told you I didn't expect anything."
He watched her brow crease, her mind running over his words.
She looked up finally, her blue eyes clear.
"Why does it have to be selfishness that makes you want me? Why can't it be out of love that makes you want me?"
Swallowing, Malcolm felt his words leave him again. She wanted his love-just like what she stated before. How could she be so sure that she loved him? She was still so young.
Rubbing his face, Malcolm sat back down beside her, "Mina, I don't know how to put it into words the way I'm feeling right now. You were right, everything has happened so fast." Speaking quickly due to her shocked face, he went on, "I don't regret the choices I've made. What we are doing is right. Right now, I just ask that you accept me for what I can say now. I care for you, deeply."
He watched her swallow as she turned her head away, her eyes shining with tears once again. Why did he bring her such unhappiness? He just wanted to see her smile but he couldn't form the words he knew she wanted to hear.
"Alright."
Her soft response had his heart aching. He had repeated many times to her that she was a child who couldn't understand such things-yet, here he was not being able to understand these things himself. He was a fool.
Bringing his hand up to touch her cheek once again, he felt his blood heat up as she moved into his touch. At least he could be honest about something as his hand cupped her face and turned her towards him,
"Mina, I won't lie. I do want us to enjoy the pleasures of being married, but I won't pressure you into anything. When you're ready, let me know."
Her soft nod had him leaning down and offering her a soft kiss on her lips before he sat back up again. A feeling of completeness covered him as she stared up at him. Her eyes seemed to be asking something as her lips stayed silent. He realized he understood though; she was asking to be loved.
"Why don't we try and get some sleep. We're not going to figure everything out tonight."
She simply nodded again as she turned and crawled back to her side of the bed, his eyes watching her movements. He had to swallow roughly to stop the thoughts that traveled through his mind.
Turning the lamp light off once again, Malcolm stared at the ceiling as his eyes adjusted, his hands behind his head. Feeling the bed dip beside him, he turned his head to watch Mina as she scooted closer to him, her movements unsure.
Moving his arm out, he kept it open as she eyed him. He kept his voice soft as he spoke, "You can come here, Mina."
Feeling her hand slid up his chest as her head rested in the crook of his arm, Malcolm had to close his eyes and take a few deeps breaths, his body responding so quickly to her touch, to her proximity. He felt his heart ache.
Wrapping his arm around her petite shoulders, he couldn't help but have that feeling of completeness wash over him again. Turning his head slightly, his kissed the top of her forehead.
"Sweet dreams, Mrs. Gunner."
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So...
Thoughts? Opinions? Reviews?
What did we gather so far from a Mr. Malcolm Gunner? Is he as confident as Mina thinks he is? Does he love her?
-LAla