I disclaim. I own nothing.

AN: This chapter gave me a bit of trouble, still didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted, at least the first half didn't. But I couldn't sit on it any longer. There's a lot of Abel and Ben in the first part and I thought why not have photo references to what I imagine them to look like so...

Abel .com/masonm1; Ben .com/koenig13

Chapter 10

It seemed that both Jax and Tara were true to their word. Clay had indeed let up some and allowed the boys to actually have a life. And Tara spent near every waking moment at the hospital. The nights she came in late, she slept until she was practically running out the door to go back to the hospital. Other mornings she left so early, the new day was just barely started.

The weekend run he told her was suppose to be a quick overnighter, turned into a three day, two nighter. He'd called Tara, hours after she'd been expecting him to be home, and explained what had gone wrong. Because she'd been sleeping, she hadn't been able to guard her emotions, and she was clearly pissed off. And Jax thought she may have been a little afraid.

It was that, the fear he hadn't heard from her even while he was locked away, that had him pushing his bike to the limits to get home the minute the job was over. He pulled into his driveway just as Gemma and Neeta were strapping the boys into Tara's SUV.

"Hey," Jax saw that the Cutlass was gone, knew Tara had it. Didn't like how hard he had to convince himself she was just gone to work. "What's going on?"

"Boys have an appointment today. Just a check up." Gemma was quick to assure him. "Tara had to get to the hospital early so I'm going to take the boys over, but she'll be there for the appointment."

Jax was tired, felt as if he'd been dragged behind his bike instead of having ridden on it. But he needed to talk to Tara, needed to hold her and his boys. "I'll follow you."

"Jackson-"

"I'll follow you." His voice was firm, cutting off her argument.

They arrived at the hospital in no time, but even that short ride knocked both boys out. When he took them from their carseats they stirred, fussed a bit, but eventually settled back down. Not knowing who the boys' doctor was or where he was suppose to go, he let Gemma take the lead.

They met Tara in the hallway, she was speaking quietly to another doctor. When she heard their approach, she looked up with a smile for Gemma. When she saw Jax, there was a moments confusion, before she gave him that quick unexpected smile that he knew was just for him. She ended her conversation with the doctor before making her way towards them.

"Hey," She placed a hand on Gemma's shoulder in greeting but continued to Jax. She pressed her lips to both boys temples, then to Jax's mouth. Her hands came up to frame his face. "Figured you'd be face down in bed."

"I'll drop when you do." He kissed her again, but angled away when she started to take Ben. "I got them."

They got in to see the doctor immediately, Jax was sure that had more than a little to do with Tara's position at the hospital.

"You must be daddy?" The doctor was an older woman who looked liked everyone's cookie baking grandma. Behind her was another younger woman he assumed was a nurse. "Nice to finally meet you, I'm Dr. Langley."

"Jackson Teller." Because the boys were still in his arms, Jax simply gave the doctor a nod of greeting.

"You wanna bring them over, so we can get height and weight."

It was at this point that Jax stepped back and was surprised when Tara remained on the side of the room with him. The boys were stripped, placed on a scale, laid out on the table. The nurse took their vitals, the doctor listened to their heart and lungs. All questions were directed at Tara, the whole thing was a lot calmer then he figured it would be with his kids. Actually he was just beginning to doze off when the entire atmosphere in the room changed. Jax noticed the doctor pull out a couple syringes and medicine vials and already knew this would be bad.

"Who do you want to go first?" Dr. Langley asked Tara.

"Abel." Tara lifted Ben off the table and placed him in Jax's arms. She laid Abel down, stood over him until she filled his vision. "Hi, Abel."

"Hi, Momma!" Abel's face split in a grin, reaching out he grabbed a fist full of Tara's hair to pull her in for a kiss.

The grin on Tara's face was nearly as wide as Abel's. "Where's Abel?"

Abel pointed to his chest. "Right here."

"Where's Mine?"

Abel glanced over at Jax and Ben, small hand shooting out. "Right there."

"Where's Momma?"

"Right there." He gave Tara's hair another tug.

"Where's Daddy?"

Abel looked over again, smile still in place when he pointed. "Right there."

A smile identical to the one Abel wore spread across Jax's lips. Neither of the boys had yet to say anything that resembled dad or daddy, but it was enough that they knew who he was, even if they didn't understand. And it wasn't until the doctor was moving away that Jax realized the shot was over and what Tara had done.

She continued to smile and talk to Abel as she redressed him and handed him to Jax before taking Ben. "You might want to take him out, Abel's a bit of a sympathy crier. And I have yet to find the distraction that's going to keep Ben from crying."

Out in the hall Jax learned that Ben didn't so much as cry during his shots as scream bloody murder. And he was still crying, though not as loudly, when Tara carried him out of the room.

"Everything okay?" Gemma asked, she held a cup of coffee in one hand a sandwich from the cafeteria in the other. Seeing Tara's hands were full she dropped the sandwich in Tara's lab coat. "You eat that later."

Tara nodded, clearly taking the order for what it was.

"The boys are strong and healthy." Jax told her. "Just like their old man."

"Of course" Gemma smiled as she ran a hand over Ben's hair. "They come from strong stuff."

Tara was walking them out when they were approached by a doctor. She had tried to direct them in the opposite direction, but it had been too late.

"Dr. Knowles, a moment."

"Sure." She turned to Jax. "I'll see you at home later."

Jax realized he was being pushed out. Was going to argue with her, when the approaching doctor stopped him.

"You must be Jackson, I'm Dr. Grayson." He held out a large, dry, hand to Jax. "I'm Tara's doctor. You are?" He smiled kindly towards Gemma.

"Gemma. Jackson's mother."

"Dr. Grayson, can we do this later? Jax has to get back to work and the boys need to get home."

Not sure what it was she was trying to hide from him, Jax frowned. "I got a little time."

"This won't take long, Dr. Knowles." He smiled kindly, ignoring the glare Tara sent him. "My nurse just told me that you canceled again and I was just wondering when you planned on rescheduling."

"I've been a little swamped, I'll make another appointment when my schedule permits."

Recalling her episode at the bar-b-cue and the headaches she always seemed to be having, concern spiked through Jax. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Tara was quick to answer before Dr. Grayson could. "It's just a follow up."

"Than make the appointment." His voice was firm, broking no argument, and earning looks of surprise from both Tara and Gemma. It wasn't a tone he usually took with Tara. But something hadn't been right with her. And he didn't like that she was clearly avoiding what was supposedly a simple appointment.

"Fine." Tara's hand went to her brow, it was a gesture he was seeing her make all too often lately, as if she were trying to push away the headache that was forming. The pager on her hip went off and Jax could have sworn she flinched at the sound. "I have to go. Love you." She kissed Ben's cheek. "Love you." Then Abel's.

Jax grinned when her eyes met his. He knew she was pissed at him, but he wasn't going to apologize for making sure she was taking care of herself. "Love me?"

"God knows why." But she leaned in to kiss him as well. She gave Gemma a smile before starting up the hall where she was immediately met by Margaret.

Sadly the boys appointment was the most time they spent together over the next couple of days. He didn't know how much she would be willing to listen to him when it came to her schedule, but it was just getting fucking ridiculous and Jax felt something had to be done. Hell he knew it was bad when the guys were willing to forgo medical treatment for their more serious injuries in order to allow her to rest. Not that she had many hours left over for that.

If there was one good thing Jax could say was coming out of Tara's hectic schedule, it was the time he got to spend alone with the boys. They still preferred Tara to him, hell they preferred Tara to everyone, but their eyes were starting to light up when he stepped into the room. And when they cried, and Tara wasn't around, they reached for him.

"Hey," Gemma stepped out of the office, shouting over the music they had blaring in the garage. "I got a repo list."

"Can't you send Irish?" Opie asked. Jax was sure that if he'd been talking to anyone else it would have been a demand.

"Irish is with a customer. Miles, Phil." Gemma waved the list until Miles accepted it. She gave Opie a concerned look before going back into the office.

Jax looked up from the exhaust he was working on to glance out at Aiden. He was leaning against a spiffy little Roadster, the owner was giving him a look like she couldn't wait to drop her panties for him. "You really don't like him." He glanced over at Kozik who was working on a engine with Tig. "None of you."

"What's there to like." Kozik didn't bother to glance up.

"Kozzie's right." Tig glanced out of the garage. "He's a shithead pretty boy. I don't trust him."

"The guy is use to being big shit." Opie stepped away from the bike to stand in the open garage door, arms crossing slowly over his chest. "Guys wanting to be him, pussy being thrown at him."

Jax frowned. They had come across guys like this their whole life. And between the two of them Opie had always been better about ignoring them. He'd held a quiet contempt for them, but never such open hostility.

"He comes here," Opie continued. "Expecting the same thing. Thinking he can get whatever he wants. That's going to make him dangerous, brother."

The frown only deepened, but before Jax could say anything else the Cutlass turned into the gate. She pulled up just behind the Roadster, her laughter cutting through the noise as she and Lyla stepped out. She was still in her scrubs, bag tossed over her shoulder, her hair pulled up in a ponytail. But it was Lyla's clothes that had him battling back a grin. She was in a pair of slim black slacks and a red long-sleeved top that was buttoned up to the collar. Jax didn't know how long it would take for him to get use to that.

"Tara," Aiden stepped away from the customer and right into Tara's path. "Got a minute, luv?"

"Uh," Tara glanced over his shoulder at Jax. "Can it wait? I just-"

Making his way out of the garage Jax didn't bother shoving Aiden aside, simply stepped around him to slip an arm around Tara's back. "Sorry, Irish, but I get first dibs."

"Dibs?" The distaste at his choice of words were clear in her voice, but Tara's arms still found their way around his waist.

Jax brought one hand up to frame her face. "You know what I meant." The words were spoken against her lips. And the kiss had nothing to do with Aiden, but everything to do with the fact that Jax felt he hadn't seen her in days. "What's going on? You done for the day?"

"I wish." She kept her mouth on his, body pressed close. "We were scheduled for a minor same day, but it had to be pushed back. Way back."

"Couldn't they just reschedule?"

"Anyone else could and would, but this patient is Jacob Hales' granddaughter." Tara rolled her eyes. "Jacob had Margaret clear my entire schedule so I could be the primary."

Jax tried not to laugh at the very obvious frustration she was feeling. "So what happened?"

"Kelly Simmons-Hale happened. She fed the kid."

The fact that she made someone feeding their kid sound like a crime worthy for capital punishment had his lips curling in a smile. "Kelly Simmons." Jax remembered her, then again it was hard to forget the blonde leggy emptied headed Kelly. They had a thing, a very brief thing after Tara left. But Jax knew Tara's beef with the pleasantly simple Kelly had nothing to do with him. The two had never gotten along, almost as if one's very existence offended the other. "What did she fed her?"

"Everything. I don't know what time you plan on heading home, but if it's too late can you call Gemma. See if she can relieve Neeta?"

"Yeah, no problem." Jax's hand slipped beneath the scrub top, fingers dancing absently over her tattoo. "So what were you two getting up to?"

"I'd been hounding Tara to come with me to picked out her maid-of-honor dress. Probably would still be wearing her down if whoever Kelly Simmons-Hale is wasn't a total idiot." Lyla informed him. "But we finally got it done. And if you don't mind me saying, Jax, your old lady is smoking."

Jax pulled back slightly to smile at a clearly exhausted Tara. "Oh yeah?"

Tara gave a tired smile, her head dropping down to rest on Jax's chest. "Lyla picked it out." She said by way of explanation.

"How much time you got before you have to get back to the hospital?"

"Six hours." She burrowed in closer to him. "I was hoping to sleep for a couple of them. But if I go back to the house and the boys see me…"

"Sleep would be a pipe dream. Why don't you go lay down in the clubhouse."

"Thought you'd never ask." She heaved a sigh of relief, before pulling out of his arms. "Wake me in two hours. I did want to spend a little time with you."

Jax watched her walk into the clubhouse before turning to head back into the garage, damn near ran right into Aiden. "I'm sorry, Irish." His grin was wide, smug, and anything but apologetic. "Maybe you can get that minute when she wakes up."

He let her sleep a little longer than two hours. It had been a struggle for him because he had missed her, needed to spend time with her, needed to be inside her. But ever since the bar-b-cue, he'd wanted to take care of her. Wanted to show not just his brothers, but Tara as well, that she could count on him. Actually the only reason he was waking her up now was because Chibs had gone out for food. And feeding Tara had been high on everybody's list.

Jax made his way into the clubhouse ahead of everyone else. Piney was already at the bar and he gave him a pat on the shoulder in greeting. Heading to the back he passed Aiden and couldn't help but wonder when the fuck he'd gotten pass everyone. But quickly put it out his mind, as he imagined a number of ways he could wake Tara up.

Going to the room that had been his, Jax was surprised to find it empty. He went to the bathroom, it was empty as well, he turned to stare at the bed as if Tara would somehow appear. With a frown, and just a hint of panic, he made his way out into the main room of the clubhouse.

"Hey, Piney, did you see Tara go out?" Though Jax wasn't sure how she would have gotten past him. Anymore than he could figure where she went with the Cutlass still there.

"No. She's in the back laying down."

Jax shook his head. "That's what I thought, but she's not in my room."

"Jax," Opie approached him, voice low. "Check the room I usually use."

"Why-" But it hit him almost instantly, Ima. He knew Tara probably spent a lot of time wondering just what he done with the porn queen in that room. And knew the odds of her ever setting foot in there again were completely nil. "Fuck. Just fucking great."

"Come on, brother, can you blame her."

That he couldn't. That he knew if he ever found out she was with another man in their home, he'd burn it to the fucking ground, only made it worse. "No I can't." He made his way back to Opie's room feeling sick to his stomach. What he'd done, there was no undoing, and he had a feeling the blowback from it was hardly over.

When he opened the door to the dorm room, he expected to find Tara still asleep. But she was sitting up in the bed, fumbling for the bedside lamp. Jax went to her immediately, catching her trembling hands in one of his and reaching out to turn the lamp on himself. "Hey, hey, Tara. What's wrong?"

"Nothing." But she was short of breath. "Nothing, I just-"

"What?" Jax brushed her hair back, tilting her head back so that he could see her eyes. She had that wild frightened look in her eyes. Everytime he saw that look in her eyes he was struck with the urge to kill something. "Tara, tell me."

"Aiden…he was in here…he was looking for something for Gemma…" Her voice hitched before he watched her gather her control, taking several deep breaths even as she gripped tightly at his hands. "Josh, the first time I tried to break it off with him, I went back to my apartment. My windows and doors were locked…I don't know how he even... but I woke up with him standing over my bed. He kept doing it, even after I took him back. Said he thought it was romantic. Just scared the shit out of me. With Aiden...it was dark and for a moment I thought..."

"It's okay, babe." Jax pressed a kiss to her temple. "It's okay. Kohn's gone, he's gone." And not for the first time Jax thought how much it sucked that some people could only die once.

"Jax, Tara." Juice's voice proceeded the knock on the door. "Food's here."

"Come on," Jax gave her hands a tug to pull her off the bed. "Lyla said you haven't ate at all today."

"Lyla wasn't even with me all day." Tara mumbled as she slid her feet into her shoes.

His fingers gently brushed her tears away. "But she's right, isn't she."

Tara cut him a look, but wrapped her arms around his waist and said nothing as he lead her out of the room.

"Doc!" Chibs held up a Styrofoam food container. "I got your favorite, turkey club extra mayo and a double order of chips. And some of Fiona's toffee apple crumble."

Tara gave a pleased, deep throated moan. "I'd say I couldn't possibly eat all that, but I'd be lying."

"Come sit down, sweetie." Gemma pushed out a chair at the table where she sat. "Though I wish you'd eat something a bit healthier. Something that'll stick to your bones."

"It's sticking where it counts." Jax whispered in Tara's ear, his hand going down to cup her ass.

"Don't start something you can't finish."

"Who says I don't plan on finishing?"

"Hey, enough with the grab ass." Gemma interrupted. "Tara come eat. Jax, Clay's waiting for you."

With a nod, Jax gave Tara's ass one last pat before making his way into the chapel. "Hey."

"Can you make this quick? I'm fucking starving." Clay brought his cigar to his lips, blew smoke out languidly.

"Yeah, look, I was kind of hoping to take Tara out of town this weekend." Jax leaned over the back of one of the chairs. "We may just end up staying in, but I need three days. Three days with my old lady."

"What's on your mind, son?"

Jax pushed off the chair. He hated that his discomfort showed so clearly. But he'd never been in this position before and he was afraid. Afraid to fall into that weird fucked up zone Opie found himself in with Donna after he got out. Afraid that Tara was working herself half to death because she couldn't stand to be around him anymore. Afraid that everything he'd done to her after Abel was still between them. Afraid of losing her.

"Sometimes she looks at me…it's almost like she doesn't even know me. I have to make sure everything is okay with us, Clay. If there's an emergency, if I absolutely have to be with you guys, call I'll be there. But…" Jax made a restless movement with his hands, his anxiety and fear must have been clear on his face as Clay came over to place one large hand on the side of his face. "I need three days, Clay."

"Okay." Clay's voice was low, obviously understanding and sympathizing with what his step-son was going through. "Three days. You make things right with her."

When he stepped out of the chapel, most of the guys had found their way into the clubhouse. His mother and Piney was still at the table, but the chair Tara had been in was empty.

"Where's Tara?"

"She went to see if there was any orange juice." Gemma answered, her voice was easy but there was something like concern on her face.

"Hey," Opie stopped Jax before he could go back into the little kitchenette. Chibs was next to him. "We need to talk to you." Jax was impatient, through the window he could see Tara and Kozik. He thought they might have been arguing. Or at least Kozik was arguing and Tara was being reasonable. And Jax knew just how infuriating that shit could be. "What's up?"

"Tara...she's not getting better, brother." Opie began softly and drawing Jax's full attention. "She sat down at the table and she was fucking shaking, could barely keep her hands still. I'm not a doctor but I know that shit ain't right."

Something was wrong with her and they knew, they all fucking knew. But no one told him shit. His fist clenched at his side and he imagined driving it into this best friend's face. "What the fuck is wrong with her, Ope?"

"I don't know." And Jax thought that was a lie. That even if Opie didn't really know for sure, he had his suspicions.

"Why would she keep something like this from me?"

"Maybe she doesn't want to worry you, you know, if it's not serious." Chibs explained and Jax thought he was lying, too.

But Opie, when it counted, even when it was something he didn't want to hear, his best friend didn't pull his punches. Now was no different. "Or maybe she doesn't trust you anymore. Maybe you haven't given her a reason to."