"...Can we-uh-look at the animals instead?" Castiel asked quietly. He was fidgeting with the end of his shirt nervously, looking up at the others with hopful eyes. He really didn't want to get sick in front of them. It would be very embarrassing.
Balthazar, Benny, and Dean all looked at him as though he had just suggested they should go commit a murder.
"You wanna go look at the animals?" Benny scoffed.
"Yes."
"Cas, dude," Dean laughed awkwardly, "that's uh...we're not going to look at the animals right now."
"We'll let you pick the first ride, Cassie," Balthazar patted his shoulder lightly, "how about that?"
"Well..." He sighed, his eyes grazing over all the different rides surrounding them. They all seemed to have the same purpose-spin you around as fast as they can until your brains probably turn to goop. Castiel couldn't decide which one looked the least harmless without seeming like a big baby. "How about...that one?" he pointed the pirate ship. All it did was swing you back and forth, and it didn't seem like it went very high.
When he offered it the others seemed keen to his idea, so it seemed like he had made a good decision. The seats on the ride were big enough for all four of them to sit inside one, Castiel sat in the middle next to Balthazar and Dean. According to Benny, Castiel had apparently picked his favorite ride and made them sit at the very end of it. Cas thought to himself that if he had known this before he may not had picked it.
Once everyone else who had wanted to go on this ride were seated, the carnie running it pressed a switch and the boat started to slowly swing back and forth. Castiel didn't think this was so bad, and he wondered why Benny liked this ride so much. It seemed like an easy and slow one.
Castiel had thought wrong.
With every swing the ship was getting higher and higher. Every time it swung back Castiel felt his stomach drop in fear of falling forward. His hands latched onto the bar in front of him tightly and he pushed himself back against the seat. Balthazar laughed at him. Benny was sitting with his arms waving in the air, shouting with glee.
"Don't laugh at me!" Castiel hissed at his cousin.
"You're the one who picked this ride, darling." Balthazar replied.
"Don't be scared, dude," Dean said into his ear next to him, "I don't really like this ride either. Just close your eyes, okay?"
Castiel immediately squeezed his eyes shut tight, and clamped tighter onto the bar in front of him. Closing his eyes did help a bit, but his stomach still dropped every time he felt them being swung forward. He squinted open one eye to look over at Dean, to see if he was also throwing his hands in the air like Benny was or laughing like Balthazar was. But Dean had his eyes closed too. His face was scrunched up in displeasure, and his hands seemed to be refusing to let go of the bar as well. Castiel closed his eyes again, his heart pumping with warmth.
When the ride ended Castiel felt very dizzy and nearly tripped over his own feet going down the steps off the ride. "I think I'm seasick." He said, making the others snicker.
"Yer fine, land lover," Benny slapped him hard on the back, "shall we find another ride, boys?"
"Do you know if Gabriel and Sam are done with their ride yet, Cas?" Dean asked him.
Castiel fished his phone out of his pocket to look for any messages from Gabriel. "They haven't texted me. So I'm going with no."
"We'll go on another while we wait for them then." Said Dean.
"How about The Himalayas?" Balthazar pointed to a ride on the far end of the lot. It a silver structure painted with neon yellows, greens, and pinks. The background was painted to look like the snowy mountaintops of the Himalaya Mountains. On the inside were carts-also in these colors-lined up in a circle. The ride was already going at the time and the people sitting inside these carts were being whirred around the structure in a never ending circle so fast that the carts were being tilted to the side, as loud pop music played over their screams.
Castiel wrinkled his nose, unsure if his stomach could handle that.
"C'mon, Cas," Dean patted his shoulder, "this ones fun! It's not as bad as it looks, I swear."
Castiel worried on his lip. He trusted Dean, so he believed him that it was fun. But he wasn't sure if Deans definition of fun was the same as his. He went along with the others anyway.
These carts only sat two people per cart, so Dean sat with Benny, and Balthazar sat with Castiel. Cas felt a twinge of jealousy towards Benny, but he brushed it aside when the carnie came around to make sure that the bar was locked in place for Balthazar and Cas. When the ride started, it was started slow like the pirate ship had. But the pace quickly picked up and Castiel felt his arm being squished against the side of the cart as it turned from the speed.
"Put your arms up, Cassie!" Balthazar shouted over the music, flinging his arms into the air as he said this.
Castiel was unsure for a moment. This ride was more fun than the pirate ship, and he wasn't feeling his stomach drop, so that was a good sign. He liked this ride much better, he decided. So he did as his cousin told him to and picked his hands up off of the bar and flung them into the air. Balthazar cheered for him, and Castiel laughed.
He was happy that he was getting the chance to enjoy himself like this.
It had been such a long time since he had gotten to. He didn't quite realize it-and would probably still deny it if it was brought up-but his mother had kept him so sheltered he had never really got to experience these simple pleasures.
When Castiel was younger every time he would try to explore and discover new things his mother would be two steps behind him to knock out anything he had picked up out of his hands, fretting that it was filthy and dangerous.
The reason it had taken him so long to convince her to take him to a fair was because every time he asked she would pull out a long speech about how the rides were dangerous because amateurs set them up and took them down, and the animals were disgusting, and the food was horrible for you, and all the rides did was make you loose your brain cells and vomit. When Castiel did vomit, the whole way home she went on and on to him and his siblings about how she had told them so.
Castiel didn't want to admit it, but he was happier when his mother wasn't around.
When Castiel thought the ride had ended, he had been mistaken because the carts started to go backwards. He jumped slightly when realizing this, and his hands latched back onto the bar. Balthazar laughed at him and said, "You really don't get out much, do you, Cassie?"
Cas gave him a squinted, side ways glare for that comment.
When they got off Benny was trying to drag them off to the Fireball. Castiel was able to squirm out of that one for a few moments because Balthazar had said that it wouldn't be fair to Gabriel because he had wanted to go on it as well, but he still hadn't returned yet with Sam, nor had he texted Castiel to tell them that they had gotten off the ride like Dean had told them to do.
Dean was getting slightly anxious, so to calm his nerves the group went to go walk past the ride that they were supposed to go on.
"Maybe it's a long line," said Balthazar, "I bet they're just getting on right this second. We'll probably see them."
But when they approached the Twister, there didn't seem to be much of a line at all. They watched the riders swirl around in their seats, looking for a flash of brown shaggy hair and dirty blonde-but Sam and Gabriel were no where in sight.
This did not subside Deans anxious nerves what-so-ever.
"Call your damn brother." He said to Castiel.
Cas pulled out his phone and called Gabriels phone, holding it up to his ear and listening to it ring a million times before going straight to voice mail. He hung it up and told them, "He didn't answer."
"Now where the hell did those two go?" Benny asked the group.
"Well, now, they couldn't have gone far," said Balthazar, holding up a hand as though it would help calm Dean down and stall his temper, "we'll look around for them."
Dean spun on his heel and began leading the way not a second after Balthazar had offered up this idea. Benny, Balthazar, and Castiel obediently followed suit, panning their eyes over every nook and cranny in which it would be possible that Gabriel and Sam had wondered off to. They were just beginning to make their way back to were they had started without any sign of the two when they heard a petrified cry echo around the lot.
"De-ean!" Sams voice carried through the air and hit their ears at once.
The four boys all turned their heads at the sound of it, and they spotted Sam sprinting towards them, his flannel flapping behind him. There was no sign of Gabriel around him.
"Sam?" Dean had an expression of panic on his face as he hurried forward to meet his younger brother. When they met in the middle Sam threw his arms around Deans middle, making his brother stumble slightly backwards.
"Sammy?" Dean tried to push him off so he could look at his face, "Sammy whats the matter? What happened to Gabriel? Did you two get separated?"
"No," Sam refused to let go of his brother, "I-it was Azazel and Alistair, Dean! Azazel and Alistair and Zachariah too!"
"What?" Deans eyes went wide as he picked up his head and scanned the perimeter around them for any sign of their three rivals. He looked over his shoulder at Benny and Balthazar, who had started glaring through bodies in the crowd in search of Azazel, Alistair, and Zachariah also. "What happened, Sammy?"
Sam started babbling a million miles a second, it was almost impossible to keep up with what he was saying. "We-we got off the ride and Gabriel wanted to get some cotton candy so-so I went with him and...and we saw Azazel and Alistair and Zachariah and-and they recognized me from when we egged their house, and they tried to get after me but-but Gabriel stopped them, and Alistair told him he better get outta the way or else he was gonna hit him, and when Gabriel didn't move he hit him and Gabriel punched him back, and I just-I ran off to find you 'cause I knew Gabriel-"
"Okay, Sammy, okay," Dean said calmly, peeling Sam off of his waist to look him in the face, "breathe, little brother. Take a breather. Show me where you left Gabriel."
Sam nodded, bundling the ends of his flannel in his hands and twisting them nervously. He turned on his heel and headed back the way he had came, leading the four others in the direction of which Gabriel was possibly defending himself against Zachariah and his cronies.
Castiels lungs were filling with anxiety at the thought of his older brother standing up against three other boys. Gabriel was tough, but he didn't know how well Alistair, Azazel, and Zachariah could fight. Maybe Gabriel was in trouble. What if the police had to come and break them up? Then Gabriel would be in even deeper trouble.
As Castiel worried, Sam lead them towards the animal barns. Dean frowned at the back of his little brothers head as he saw where he was taking them. They turned a corner and Castiel recognized the back of a dark blonde head. Sam froze in his tracks abruptly while the others looked for a sign of the rivals. It was obvious to say that everyone seemed a bit confused.
"Gabriel?" Balthazar called, "Are you all right?"
"Oh, yeah," he said, not turning around, "I was just playing some games. I won a prize."
"Thats-uh-great, Gabe," said Benny, "but what happened to Azazel, Alistair and Zachariah? Sam said-"
"Don't you wanna see what I won?" Gabriel interrupted him.
"What?"
Gabriel spun around on his heel to show off a giant clown plush being hugged to his chest. It was very big, one of the grand prizes. It had fuzzy, scarlet-red, curly hair corking out of its white head, and a blue hat with silver stars sat cock-eyed on top of it. At the very tip of the hat was a round yellow puff ball. A white wrinkled collar lined with blue at the edges stuck up around its neck. This same sort of material lined the ends of its sleeves, and the ends of its pants. It wore a jumpsuit in which on one side was solid, bright blood red, and the other side was striped with red, yellow, and blue. Its face sported the classic painted red smile. Its grin looking far too wide for its face. Its blue eyes were round and its eyebrows were nothing but yellow triangles. An oval red nose sat smack in the middle of its face.
"Oh, Jesus Christ." Dean breathed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and his thumb. His eyes squeezing shut.
"Don't you like it, Sammy?" Gabriel held it out in front of him, its red nose inches away from pressing right up against Sams. Gabriels face was plastered with a shit-eating grin that he always seemed to wear when he thought he was pulling a hilarious joke. "I won it for you."
Sam stood wordlessly, his eyes as round as dinner plates as he stared back into the blank eyes of the clown doll. His jaw lay hung open before he finally let out a horrified scream that cut through their eardrums. He kicked up the dirt from under him trying to get as quickly to Dean as he possibly could, tucking himself behind the protection of his older brother, and shoving his head under Deans jacket to hide himself.
"Gabriel!" Benny, Balthazar, and Dean all shouted at him at once.
"What?" He asked, frowning at them all for being shouted at. He looked a little hurt and confused that Sam had hid from him. "What'd I do now?"
"Sams afraid of clowns, you ninny!" Balthazar took the clown doll and whacked it upside his cousins head. "Out of all the toys you could have chosen you had to pick this one?"
"Hey, how was I supposed to know?" He glared at Balthazar, swiping the toy back, "It was just a joke!"
"Just get the damn toy out of here before my bother has a heart attack," Dean rolled his eyes, trying to coax Sam out from under his jacket, "jeesh."
Gabriel left to get rid of the doll. Dragging it along the dirty ground and looking sullen as he did so.
"Why is Sam afraid of clowns so bad?" Castiel wondered aloud. Sam wasn't just acting afraid of clowns, like, they're-just-really-creepy-looking kind of scared, he was acting absolutely terrified of them. He was so afraid he was still refusing to come out from under his big brothers protective wing. He was acting as though he had gone through some traumatic experience involving these circus clowns.
"Beats me," said Dean, trying to pry his brothers hands off of his jacket, "We used to go to Plucky Pennywhistles all the time as kids. I guess that's where it started-now c'mon, Sammy, the stupid doll is gone now! Get off of me!"
"You swear?" Sams quiet voice squeaked.
"Yes, I swear."
"Pinky swear?"
"Yes, damnit, Sammy, I pinky swear! Now c'mon."
Slowly, Sam ducked his head out from under the jacket, and peered around Dean to look around for any sign of a wicked painted face, or a red nose. Seeing neither of those, his shoulders seemed to relax. But he didn't step out from behind Dean. Just as he was coming out from under the protective barrier of his brothers jacket, Gabriel was making his way back from throwing the doll away into the nearest trash bin.
Sam was giving him an evil glare.
"He-ey, kiddo," Gabriel greeted with a smile. When Sam didn't smile back, his face fell and he scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "heh. You're mad at me now, huh?"
"That wasn't a very funny prank, Gabriel. You told me we were gonna scare these guys! Not me!"
"What?" Dean barked, now frowning at Sam.
Sam pointed a finger at Gabriel, "It was his idea!"
"Throw me under the bus why don't ya." Gabriel huffed, "This little devil was the one who came up with the details! I just simply asked if he would like to set up a prank on you guys."
"So, all that stuff before," said Benny slowly, "'bout you seein' Alistar an' Azazel an' Zachariah...?"
"He was acting," said Dean, folding his arms over his chest, "and not very well I might add. I knew you were lying the whole time, Sammy. Work on your acting skills why don't you?"
Sam stuck his tongue out at him. "You still fell for it, jerk. You're just trying to be cool."
"Please," Dean rolled his eyes, "I knew you were up to something, bitch. I just didn't know what!"
"Yeah, right." said Sam.
"Hey, the kids got potential," said Gabriel, "I'll give him that."
When Gabriel spoke Sam turned to shoot him a glare before turning his gaze to frown at the wall of a concessions stand, his arms folded over his chest.
Gabriel suddenly swooped in over his shoulder, sporting an apologetic grin, swapping it from his trickster one he had just been using moments before. "Forgive me yet, Samsquatch?" He was trying to work his charm to get back on Sams good side. He had a special way with words in which he could talk his way into-or out of-almost anything. "I'll buy you a caramel apple."
Sam gave him a sideways glare before snapping his head to the other side to face away from him.
"Aw, don't be like that, Sammich."
"It's Sam." he said hardly, turning on his heel to walk away towards the animal barns.
Balthazar started snickering into his palm at the look on Gabriels face as he watched Sam walk away from him. His mouth was still hanging open from being cut off mid-apology. Castiel thought that Gabriel hadn't known that someone other than himself was able to contain that much sass.
"Looks like there's some tension in your love life now, huh, Gabey?" Balthazar swallowed a laugh.
Gabriels gaze turned to his cousin to frown at him darkly. He raised his fist to stick up his middle finger at him again.
"Now don't take it out on me, Gabriel!" Balthazar cooed, slinging his arm around his shoulder as they all made off to follow Sam to the animal barns. "Just because you and Sammy-Jammy are complicated at the moment, doesn't mean you should take it out on others around you!"
Gabriel growled at him, "Shut up." Pushing his arm away from him as he tried to catch up with Sam, calling after him to wait up. "C'mon, kiddo!" He was saying, "Cut me some slack here!"
Dean nudged Cas's elbow with his own to grab his attention. When Castiel turned to look up at him, he leaned to the side slightly to say in his ear, "Uh, does your brother really have a thing for my brother?"
Castiel laughed, "No, not really. It's just something that Balthazar found that picks at Gabriels nerves, so he likes to tease him about it. Gabriel just thinks that Sam is fun to hang around. To me, he still seems to be a child mentally, so I could see why he would like him."
That made Dean chuckle and shake his head. "All right. Great. I was afraid I might've had to kick the shit out of him for a minute there."
"Gabriel is harmless. Immature maybe. But harmless."
They watched as Gabriel did his best to get Sams attention. Although he was walking right beside him, Sam was pretending that Gabriel didn't exist. Gabriel was pulling out his best material in order to get a smile out of Sam.
"C'mon, I bet you don't know this one," he was saying, "singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera!"
Sam didn't even smirk.
"Geddit? Heh. You musta already heard that one..."
"Jeesh, Deano," said Benny, pretending to wince, "your baby bro can be pretty heartless. Won't even look at the poor guy."
Dean chuckled, "Yeah, Sammys a little bitch sometimes. Don't worry about it though, he's too nice to stay mad at someone for something like that for very long. If Gabriel keeps pestering him like that he'll cave in eventually."
"Don't feel bad for him," said Balthazar, "the little prat deserves it. Gabriel sometimes goes to far with those pranks of his. He's gotta learn those boundaries."
Castiel nodded in agreement with him. While sometimes Gabriels pranks and jokes were without a doubt hilarious, there were also times when they were just down right mean. Now, Gabriel probably didn't have intentions of hurting anyone's feelings, especially not Sams in this case, but it was about time that he started learning the proper way to apologize.
They entered the baby animal barn first. Sam hovered over the fence separating him from the piglets and their mother, standing on his tip toes to get a better look at them. Gabriel was right by his side. He was still trying to apologize by bribing Sam with food if he said something to him.
Cas rolled his eyes at his brother. Bribing Gabriel with food always worked wonders, but just because Gabriel would go to the ends of the earth for a sweet meal didn't mean that that was how everyone worked. Sam definitely wasn't the type of person to give in when food was involved.
Castiel went to see the cows. He liked how soft their fur felt on his palm, and the way the baby calf sniffed at his hand tickled. The calf was fairly young, it was still a little wobbly on its legs when it walked, and seemed to prefer laying down than walking around like the baby goats liked to do. While Balthazar was trying to lean over the gate to pet one, one of the kids hopped up to him and tried to headbutt his hand. Benny howled with laughter at him.
Dean squatted down next to Castiel and stuck his hand through the fence to pet the calf. "These guys are pretty cute, huh?" He smirked.
"Yeah," Cas agreed, smirking at the calf, "I used to want to live on a farm as a kid."
"Really?" Dean half laughed.
"Yeah. Mostly because I just wanted to live with a bunch of animals, and have a garden. I've lived in the suburbs all my life with only one dog. I wanted to have tons of animals and just...wide open space. You know?"
Dean nodded, "Yeah. A farm wouldn't be so bad. What do you want to do now?"
Castiel stood up and brushed the dirt off his hands onto his jeans, he shook his head. "I have absolutely no idea."
"Well, join the club, buddy. I can't believe I'm even still going to high school." Dean stood up also, brushing his palms off against each other an then shoving them into his pockets.
Castiel frowned at him. "What do you mean? You want to drop out?"
"Thought about it." he sighed, walking off towards the incubator that held hatching chicks behind a clear glass box so everyone could watch the tiny birds break through their shells.
"Dean!" Castiel said harshly, scampering after him, "You can't drop out of high school!"
"Oh, yeah? Why not?"
"Be-because!" he sputtered, "You-you have to get an education! If you want a decent job you at least have to pass-"
"Yeah, well, maybe it's not my decision, Cas," Dean snapped, his face now looking stone hard and cold. "Maybe I don't want to quit school, but I'm still too dumb to pass anything. Maybe I've got too much on my plate. I can't take care of my little brothers, Cas. I don't make enough money."
"I didn't even know you had a job." He said.
"Yeah, 'cause I don't yet." Dean sighed, pressing his back against the wall of the barn, "I applied for a job at the car garage in town. But it's going to be part time when school starts, and I'm not going to make enough. I would if I quit school. I would have more time to work at the garage and I'd make more money, and it doesn't even need a high school diploma I-"
"Don't." Castiel suddenly found himself gripping the ends of Deans jacket and was pressing him against the wall harder, "Don't you dare quit school, Dean Winchester. Are you listening to me? If you want Sam and Adam to have the best possible future than you need to finish your last year of high school. You're gonna grit your teeth and pass dammit. You're going to get your god damn diploma and you're going to set a god damn example for them. Got it?"
Deans eyes were wider than Castiel had ever seen them. His mouth was opening and closing wordlessly like a fish flopping on a deck after being caught. The world seemed to had gone silent.
Castiel had never felt such anger before. Dean didn't understand the importance of graduating high school, and he needed to get that through him. He needed to make sure that Dean understood. Nothing was more important to him than making sure Dean stayed in school. He cared too much about him to let him quit like that.
"Cas..." Dean finally said, raising his hands to clasp over his friends wrists, gently tugging them so that they would release his collar.
"Say you won't."
"I won't-I'm not gonna quit school..."
Castiel released him. He felt surprised at himself for his little outburst, and clenched his fingers into his palm to keep his hands from shaking. "Good." He said. "You-you better not. Or I'll have to come down from Illinois to kick your ass."
Dean let out a huff of air that sounded sort of like a laugh but not really. "Why do you care so much?"
"You are my friend, Dean." He said seriously.
"Why do you keep saying that like that? You say that like it-like it means everything. You act like you care so much about me and I don't get it. You act like you..." he trailed off, his sentence becoming lost in the still air. His lips remained pouted in an 'O', as his eyes flashed with a realization of something.
Castiel frowned at him, slowly bringing his head to a tilt by his shoulder. "Like I what?"
"Cas I need to talk to you for a second."
"You are talking to me right now."
"No-Cas, I-we need to go someplace more private."
"This is not private?"
"Hell no."
Dean took Castiels wrist and dragged him out of the baby animal barn and lead him through the rundown dirt path to the back of another barn where there were no people and no animals. This place was about as private as you could get at a family fair. Castiel continued to frown at his friend, puzzled as to why he had brought him back here. What could possibly be so important that he had to take him away from their friends just to talk? Was it so important that it couldn't possibly wait a few more seconds?
"What is it?" He asked.
"I just-uh-" Dean was blushing slightly, Castiel could see the pink on his ears and his cheeks. He was watching his shoe dig circles into the dirt instead of meeting Cas's gaze. "I needed to ask you a question...and I didn't really want anyone to hear your answer in case...you know I was just bein' an idiot and makin' a big deal out of nothin', and uh...it would have been really embarrassing if I...look I'm just...I'm just gonna ask you okay?" He drew a shaky breath, raising his hands to run them over his face as he bent backwards, craning his head towards the sky. He then straightened back up and finally looked Castiel in the face. "Okay. This is...godamnit why is it so fuckin' hard to say this?" He laughed awkwardly at himself as Castiel fell further and further into confusion.
Dean was rambling on and on about something that wasn't making very much sense at all. At least to Castiel it didn't. This didn't seem to have anything to do with their past conversation inside the baby animal barn, and Cas was wondering where Dean was going with this. What was getting him so flustered? He wondered if he would ever understand Dean.
"You're rambling, Dean." He pointed out.
"What? Oh-sorry-okay-fuck it-okay! Cas."
"Yes?"
"Do you remember-when we went to Ellens that one day? Do you remember that? It was the day we egged Alistairs house. Do you remember what you said to me at the restaurant? We were uh...we were just messin' around and stuff...you said...you asked me if it would be bad if you were flirting with me. Do you remember that?"
Castiel thought for a moment. He thought he remembered. It seemed like so long ago. Was it really only a week ago? That day in the diner seemed like years had gone by already since then. He wasn't sure if he could remember the exact conversation, but he thought he remembered saying something along those lines. He nodded.
"Do you remember how I-I said that it would be weird considering you were Catholic and...and you...I thought you weren't into guys at the time-I didn't...I didn't think you-I thought you were just jokin' around for the longest time-but then you came out as gay and I thought maybe, you know-but you know I didn't want to just assume 'cause I didn't want to be a dick, and then you get angry with me-and then 'Zar was goin' on and on' and I just...I didn't believe any of it but-fuck, Cas, do you like me?"
His heart felt as though someone had reached inside his chest and squeezed it with their bare hands. Did Dean actually just ask him that? This couldn't be real. He knew that any minute now he was going to be waking up in his bed back at that house with an empty feeling in his gut from this crazy dream just like he had with the other dreams about Dean. An uncomfortable heat rose from his stomach and crawled its way up to his neck and face.
Dean Winchester just asked him about his true feelings for him, and he wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to lie to him, but at the same time he did. He didn't know how Dean would react if he told him, and he didn't want to ruin their friendship like this. They were getting along so well. But at the same time, if Dean liked him back and he didn't tell him the truth, he could be missing out on something special. He wondered what finally gave him away to make Dean ask him this.
"Yes, Dean. I like you." He said, his throat feeling tight. He turned his face towards the ground so he wouldn't have to see his reaction.
"You...you know what I mean right? Not in like a friend way?"
"Yes, Dean. I like you-not the friend way."
There were a few moments of silence in which neither of them said anything. Maybe it was longer than a few moments. To Castiel it felt like forever. His anxiety swirled around in his stomach like a tornado in those moments, the longer no one spoke the bigger the tornado grew. He waited for Dean to say something. He wanted something to fill this deafening silence. The noises of the fair weren't loud enough. He needed to hear Deans voice confirming that it was all right. He would have even taken Deans voice saying it wasn't all right-even though it would have hurt him to hear him say that-he just wanted to hear him say something instead of just standing here in this void of quiet.
To Castiels surprise, Dean started laughing.
It wasn't a sort of laugh in which it seemed like Dean was laughing at him, as though he were making fun of him. It was a kind of laugh that sounded like Dean was laughing out of relief. That he was so relieved that all he could do was laugh.
He placed both of his hands on Castiels face and squished his cheeks, making him look back into Deans face. He was laughing harder than Cas had ever seen him laugh. "Dammit, Cas..." He managed to sputter out between giggles.
"You...like me too? Not the friend way?" Castiel asked softly.
"Yes. Fuck-dammit, Cas. I like you too...not the friend way."
Before Castiel knew it, the corners of his mouth were beginning to tug up into a smile. He started laughing too, placing his hands on top of Deans as they held his face. A rush of relief flowed through him, making him feel as though he were on air. He was so glad that all that worrying was for nothing. This whole time that he had spent worrying, Dean had liked him back. He almost wished he would have said something sooner.
They laughed until their foreheads started touching. The bridges of their noses pressed against each other. Castiel had never been so close to Dean before, he didn't think he had been this close with anyone before. He was so close he could see all the different shades of speckles in Deans eyes that made them that particular shade of green. He could see exactly where the folds of skin were that crinkled when he smiled. He could count all of Deans eyelashes if he wanted to.
"...Dean..." Castiel said quietly.
"Mm...What?"
"Now what...?"
Dean started laughing again, moving his hands off of Castiels face and letting one fall to his side as the other ran his hand through his hair. "I-uh...well...Do you wanna...go on a date sometime?"
Castiel beamed at him. "I would very much enjoy going on a date with you, Dean Winchester."
"Awesome."
"Dean?"
"Yes?"
"Can this be counted as a date?"
Dean started laughing again and nodded, "I don't see why not."
Castiel did his best to imitate Deans saying, "Awesome." it didn't quite have the same effect. It was more of a 'Dean thing' to say.
Dean chuckled again, looking shyly back down at the dirt and saying, "Should we be getting back to the others now? If we're gone any longer they might think we were makin' out or something."
Castiel gave him a sly grin and said, "Would it be so bad if we were?"
Dean playful hit him in the shoulder before they journeyed back to the baby animal barn.
Castiels heart was pounding so hard in his chest it was impossible to ignore. The blood rushing through his veins was pulsing with adrenaline and serotonin. His brain was practically whirring with these happy endorphins he couldn't even think. He was actually on a date with Dean Winchester. This was actually happening? If this was a dream Castiel certainly didn't want to wake up. This was the most realistic dream he had ever had, and he didn't want it to end anytime soon.
Before entering the baby animal barn to join back up with the others, Castiel had a painful realization of what Gabriel may think of this. He hadn't supported the thought of Cas having a crush on Dean, he certainly wouldn't support him going on a date with him. He decided that he wouldn't tell Gabriel right away. It pained him to be keeping something like this a secret from his brother, but he wasn't going to tell him if he was going to be a dick about it.
The thought was pushed out of his mind when Dean looked over his shoulder and smiled at him, just as they were approaching the doorway to reenter the animal barn where the others were most likely just noticing their disappearance. "You wanna ditch 'em?" he asked in a whisper, like they were plotting something top secret.
Castiel grinned at him, and whispered back, "let's do it."