A/N: Okay, so just for the record I made an error in chapter 7. I'm not going to go back and correct it because, well, I'm lazy. I referred to Cloud as Leon's husband. Just for the record, I meant to type 'soon-to-be husband'. They're not actually married yet, just to clear that up. It's probably a very minor point, really, but I wanted to make note of it here anyway to avoid confusion on the point. Well, this is just the kind of thing that happens when you don't re-read your work, right? Right. My separating lines also disappeared when I uploaded. Oops. I'll try to be more careful about that kind of thing from here on.

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts & Final Fantasy VIII

Pairing: SeiferHayner (with mention of others)

Notes: story 3 of 3. Sequel to "For What It's Worth"

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

In So Many Words

Chapter 9: You See Me

Hayner pretended to sleep. Seifer pretended not to know that Hayner was only pretending. Ever since their reunion, things had been tense. There was no other way to explain it. Sometimes, their fingers would brush by accident, or Seifer would catch Hayner's gaze just so and it made the teen's knees go weak. But since that day Seifer hadn't tried anything. Hayner knew he wanted to. He didn't, however, know what it was that he wanted. On the one hand, so much made some kind of twisted sense. The way he'd kept getting involved in Seifer's life—accepting wedding invitations, stowing away on a death trap of a gummi ship. He liked Seifer, not Zell, but him, himself. Hayner. But Seifer didn't see him that way. Seifer didn't see him at all. When he looked at him he was looking for someone else—he was just polite enough not to say so was all. It made Hayner sick to his stomach. On the one hand, he could accept Seifer's subtle advances, knowing they weren't meant for him. On the other he could turn them away and with them any slim chance he had with the older man. Sometimes he thought he should accept the advances and patiently wait until Seifer realized that maybe he liked him after all, not just Zell, but him.

…and he hated the weak part of him that thought like that.

So, it came to this: Hayner pretending to sleep, Seifer pretending not to know he was being avoided even within the close confines of the gummi ship. Seifer was sure, given enough time, Hayner would come around. But he was starting to feel a little impatient. To be so close…and yet not close enough. And as for Sephiroth…he still wanted revenge—revenge for taking Zell away from him…and revenge for giving him back, but only sort of. For all his machismo and egoism Seifer was feeling more than a little stressed out and confused. He'd thought it was simple—he'd get his revenge, find a small town, settle down somewhere quiet…and maybe eventually find someone to wile away the time with who he'd like a little but not love—not nearly as much as Zell, but someone who could maybe take his mind off of it all from time to time. But Sephiroth breezed back into his life with hardly a thought, told him the god-forsaken-honest-truth, and getting Zell back was just as painful as losing him had been. More, in some ways, because he'd been completely forgotten, because everything they'd shared was gone and now he had to somehow find a way to start over.

…and Hayner was being difficult.

And Seifer's priorities had become a jumbled mess. What was more important? Killing Sephiroth? Or getting Hayner to look at him the way he used to…back then…when he was someone else? What should he be doing right now? Hunting down his lover's murderer, or trying to get Hayner to look at him—to love him. Or at least, to think he loved him. Seifer didn't really understand all this nonsense about people with hearts and people without them. What did it matter? Even an imitation of emotion, if the person feeling it thought it was real, was just as good as the genuine article, right?

Before they'd left the land of dragons, Leon had given him this look that said 'if you hurt him, I'll hunt you down and kill you'. He did so while saying that Hayner wasn't Zell. Seifer made a scoffing noise. If Leon actually believed that, he'd never have made the warning. He was certain that Hayner had Zell's memories in there somewhere, up to and including the ones of him, and the ones of them together…he just had to find them somehow. Until then, he'd just keep pretending that getting revenge against Sephiroth was the only thing that mattered.

And Hayner would pretend not to notice it was a complete and total lie.

It went on like this for weeks—half-hearted searches, empty conversations. On the up side, Hayner's fighting skills were improving at break neck speeds—battling heartless was the only time anymore that he felt real. The way Seifer's eyes looked through him sometimes just made him feel completely transparent, and what was worse—Seifer knew all of his favorite foods—not just the obvious ones, the clothes he would like, and he could easily guess all of his favorite songs…not because he knew Hayner that well, but because he knew Zell. It left Hayner uneasy and he found himself subconsciously trying to change his habits—claiming he wanted iced tea instead of orange soda and acting put out that Seifer had guessed wrong, claiming he suddenly hated bands he'd liked his entire life. He felt like if he did anything else he'd have to admit that it was true and he very much didn't want to be what Seifer thought he was. He wanted Seifer to see him as an entity separate from the person he'd once been so obviously in love with. If he just sat back and accepted the things Seifer knew about him, it would be as good as accepting that he wasn't real. And if he wasn't real, Hayner figured, it'd be just as well for him to be dead.

BAM!

Hayner startled out of his thoughts as the ship jolted and rolled and Seifer cursed under his breath. "Wh-what…?!"

"Fucking heartless again."

"Why didn't you wake me?" Hayner complained, scurrying over to the gunman's seat that had somehow become his job even though he was only tolerable at it.

"…"

"Seifer?" What was with that expression? Seifer looked like he was sulking.

"Because I figured you'd just know, alright!" Seifer snapped. "You…always knew."

There were a few heartless ships that became the brunt of Hayner's frustrations at that answer.

"HE always knew," Hayner grit out, just barely resisting the urge to flail or start shaking with outrage or get out of the gunman's seat and just go beat the shit out of Seifer—primarily because he had no idea how to fly this thing.

"Stop trying to pretend you aren't one in the same!" Seifer snapped.

"Stop trying to pretend we are!" Hayner demanded. "You knew Zell inside and out, I get that, I do, honest! But I'm not him. Everyone's wrong. I'm just me and if you'd get your head out of your ass for five minutes maybe you'd see that! It's not him here with you, bastard. I'm all you've got! It's just me! Hayner! What do I have to do to make you see me!" As soon as the words escaped Hayner's throat he wished he could reach out into the stale air and swallow them before they reached Seifer's ears. That wasn't how it was supposed to go. He wasn't supposed to explode like that.

But the words shut Seifer up, or at the very least, change the subject. "We'll be landing in the Pride Lands next."

Hayner didn't say anything for a good five minutes. He didn't trust himself to speak, really and he was feeling incredibly frustrated. "…do you think we'll really find him there?"

"If nothing else," Seifer answered. "A silver-furred or feathered whatever is bound to stand out."

Hayner sighed. "Fine. Whatever. But the first time you try to sniff my crotch you're getting kicked in the head."

---

So, yeah, this chapter was basically an intermission/transitional phase. Really sorry that basically nothing happened. Next chapter will be better.

To Reviewers:

Leaf the Invisible: hah! Well, I won't tell him about the nickname if you won't. Glad you're enjoying it so far.

FREAKSHOW1: Well, if he wasn't, it would be a VERY SHORT story.

Merryweather: Well, feeling bad for Seifer was the main reason for writing a third fic, buuut…that doesn't mean I have to make it easy on him. I mean, how would I have my sadistic fun then?