Chapter 10

Tumbling to Earth

EPOV

I congratulated myself on my fine plan and visualized slicing my sword into Victor, ripping into his flesh to remove that smug smile. I had never purged from my mind the self-satisfied smirk he wore on his face as he watched me bear the suffering of my bonded at the hands of the fae. I would enjoy teaching him about the consequences of short-sighted plans.

As I walked to the kitchen to get a true blood, I felt my child becoming a maker. It was a most magical time for us and I leaned back on the counter to appreciate the feeling. This would not be my first 'grandchild', but the first I would have in close proximity. Miriam seemed worthy, she was certainly a good match for Pam and she was extraordinarily talented, but I was mildly concerned about how her ailing and drug-filled body would respond to the change. Pam's blood was powerful, having been made by me, and I knew I should have confidence that her child would be strong.

I heated the blood and returned to the office on my way to the hidden door of my secure sleeping chamber, for my first satisfied rest in many weeks.

I realized that my Sookie must have just heard my voice mail because out of the blue, she sent me the sweetest dose of love through the bond. I stopped to enjoy the sensation of warmth in my heart where the bond resides. She would be coming home to me soon.

On impulse I selected two books to bring into my sleeping chamber, The Art of War by Sun Tzu and Niccolo Machiavelli's Il Principe. The first covers the basic premises on how to wage war, command troops and maintain morale of a country and the second instructs rulers on the proper way to govern a country. I had read both already, but enjoyed re-reading some favored passages and the notes I made in the margins. I had taken to making notes and placing the date alongside them to see how my perception of the author's ideas changed with my experiences over time. It was from these notes that I gained the most insight.

I was passing my desk when I felt a trickle of fear from Sookie making it's way through the bond. I can't count the number of times in the last month alone that I have felt her fear, but each time and especially since the fae kidnapped her, the onset of her fear tortured me with visions of this being the one time she wouldn't be lucky. I hoped vainly that she had simply averted a typical driving accident or seen something in passing that frightened her, but it was not to be…

I froze as her fear grew suddenly into terror and despair. I had felt terror from her before, just like the fear…but despair…no, never despair, not since the horrible night that she had given up on her life, when I had been unable to save her from her fae tormentors. She always had some hope, anger or intensely focused thoughts as she acted on a plan of action, but not tonight. Tonight her despair took hold of something in my chest and squeezed.

I quickly identified her location. She was just north of New Orleans, on Route 10. I had passed this area many times on my way to New Orleans; it was mainly swampland. It made sense, this is the stretch of highway she should be on if she left Bon Temps around 2:00 AM.

Her terror mounted.

Futilely I looked outside, ready to leap to her aid, but my body had already told me that it was too late to leave the house and I knew that even if I did, I could not reach her in time to help her at this distance. Where the fuck were her guards? This must be a premeditated attack to strike at her when there was no way I could get to her to help, but surely her guards would come to her aid at any moment. I waited a second, but her fear and despair continued to grow; they were not helping her. I had to do something, but first I needed to know more about what was going on, so I directed all my attention through the bond to identify exactly what was happening.

As I focused, her emotions became clearer and I could sense her actions. My mind filled in the holes and soon I had a picture of what was happening to my bonded.

The pictures brought me to my knees.

My Sookie was crashing through a swampland, tripping over roots and stumbling into holes. She was running from something or someone that absolutely terrified her, but also to someplace that she perceived as safe…trying desperately to get to that safe place. I could not fully understand this detail and then was distracted from it as she was hit from behind and slammed to the ground, face first. Pain shot through her back, knees and neck and then an even greater pain began to build through her chest as she fought for breath.

She was being suffocated or strangled and was completely unable to breathe!

No! Please, I reflexively begged the gods I had forsaken so long ago. Please do not allow this to happen! I had never begged before, not even for my own life, but now I lifted up my request to every god I had ever heard of, hoping that one would hear me and help her. Of course there was no immediate answer, and all I could sense was the excruciating pain and fear flooding my bonded.

I forced myself further into the bond than I had ever gone, leaving my body behind. I had tried to do this when she was taken by the fae, but had been unable to make the connection with her, I had surmised that my failure had been due to the silver that was restraining me and sapping my strength and muting the magic that animated my body and mind. I ached with the hope that I could get through to her this time, as her peril was now even more acute than it was that horrific night.

I knew instinctually that entering the bond so far was extremely dangerous and would be fatal if the connection was lost with me inside, but I had to help her. I pushed and pushed, focusing on her emotions and her pain until I was right in her mind. The bittersweet torture of being with her so intimately threatened to incapacitate me, when the terror of losing her was so intensely real.

I forced myself to act. Fight Sookie! I roared. She knew I was there and I felt her connecting with me. What she sent me filled me with impotent rage…she was sending her love and regrets for our lost bond and future. Sookie! Stop this! Fight! You will fight! I tried to order her as I would Pam, but it was ineffective, she was unable to comply. The force restraining her was too strong and she was already much too weakened to act.

This could not be happening. I had everything worked out, our future was secure, and she was supposed to be safe. What was happening to her and why? Why was someone taking her life? My fears had been for her freedom and general well being, not for her life. She was too valuable and unique to destroy; everyone knew that…almost everyone. Who would wish to destroy her?

That couldn't matter right now. What mattered was thwarting this attempt on her life. I sent her all my strength, all my courage and my overwhelming desire and need for her to live, but what I felt from her terrified me. Resignation. She was resigned to dying and to losing me. NO, I growled, Don't you dare give up! But I was losing her, she was slipping away from me. Her thoughts were becoming unclear and her strength was waning. Please, Sookie, please don't let go…stay with me…please...

I had felt so many people die in my arms, sensed their life force slowly fading away to nothingness, I had even felt my own death, but all of those were nothing compared to feeling my bonded slowly slipping away from me. I had never been so helpless, so weak, so mad with anguish.

I cried out in my grief and held tighter to her within the bond trying to force her to stay with me until I felt her nudging me to leave. She sensed that it was dangerous for me to be here with her and in the last moments of her life, she was protecting me. Shame and despair engulfed me and I held on even tighter. I had not protected her but I would not leave her to die alone at the violent hands of a faceless monster. I would stay with her as long as I could.

I felt her weakness, her pain and I knew that she was truly lost. I pushed my own anguish aside and I tried to comfort her, whispering words to convey the depth of my love and devotion to her. Those words I so rarely spoke to her, the ones that bared my soul and put my very life at her feet, giving her absolute power over my heart.

I told her of the mysteries of our bond, how to me, being bonded to her was literally the equivalent of her being a part of me, of my very soul. I told her how she would always be a part of me, of how I was forever changed from having her in my life, in my heart, in my blood.

I explained for the first time that the love I felt for her enriched our bond and so made it different than any other. That when I said she was mine, I was saying that she was my love, my heart, my hope, my joy, my...

Please…I felt her weak request…go, and she pushed at me again. It was her final effort; I felt her life coming to an end. With a roar of despair, I released her, leaving my heart with her, and as my awareness returned to my own body, I felt a tearing in my chest that radiated throughout my entire being as the bond was snapped. I howled in pain and loss.

She was gone.

When I awoke at sunset, I was flat on my stomach, just inside the locked door of my sleeping chamber with my phone held to my ear by my right hand. Cruelly, there was no momentary reprieve from my pain. I was acutely aware of the events that had occurred just before dawn. Her absence screamed at me with a profound silence and my body ached from the tearing of the bond.

I pushed myself up to sitting and leaned my back against the door as I looked at the phone. My last call had been to Sam at sunrise, I must have been trying to get some help for Sookie. I knew it had been to no avail.

I called Pam and she answered with a sluggish response, "What happened?" she managed. I told her in a few clipped words what had occurred. "Where?" she said, sounding more alert. I gave her the location and I heard her turn on the microwave as she told me she was on her way.

My child would join me, prepared for a battle that had been lost hours ago. I was grateful for her company and for her strength and skill if it was required, but I knew there would be no need.

I forced my body upright, changed my clothes, which were bloody for some reason, and unlocked the door to my office. I was dully surprised to see the state of the room. The antique desk was broken into two pieces with one half hanging out the back window. One column of my bookshelves was collapsed and books lay piled haphazardly on the floor. In the center of the room was a puddle of blood, which I determined with one sniff, was a combination of True Blood and my own blood. Given the small bits of bottle mixed with the congealed mess, I determined that I must have crushed the bottle in my fist, cutting myself in the process. Next to the stain were two areas on the hardwood floor where my fingers had raked through the wood fibers, causing ten half-inch deep scars. At the end of one scar was a hole the size of my fist, which went through the wood of the floor and well into the concrete beneath. I had no memory of creating this mess but surmised that it must have happened while I was deeply connected within the bond.

Looking further at the floor, I saw shallow scars in the wood showing how I had pulled my body to safety as the sun rose. For a brief moment I allowed myself to wallow in my misery and I thought that I would have deserved to meet the sun on the floor of my office as I had allowed Sookie to die on the floor of some isolated swamp.

Alone, she had been alone…scared, hurt and alone. I should have been with her. I should have sent someone in the car with her rather than having worthless Weres watching her from afar. I should have been honest with her about the dangers she was facing. I should have gone after her the minute I heard from Sam that he too thought she was in danger. I should have, but I hadn't. I hadn't done a thing to protect her, but make feeble gestures. Once again, I disgusted myself with my ineptitudes.

I kicked the desk that was hanging out of the wall and it flew into my backyard, shattering on impact. Without thinking, I raced around the room, destroying everything I touched, lamps, paintings, sculptures. My hand closed around a book and suddenly I came back to myself. Frantically, I dug through my books, ruthlessly tossing aside antique volumes until thankfully I found what I was looking for.

I flipped open the familiar Italian volume and quickly found the page I was searching for. My fingers traced the words and then I literally trembled as I ran a fingertip over my side note dated April 5, 2004. I had known the irony of my finding the words of my heart in a poem in which the love interest has such a tragic ending, especially given Sookie's mortality, but I had been sure at the time that I would never see her end. Once again I caressed the words, "In quella parte del libro della mia memoria dinanzi alla quale poco si potrebbe leggere, si trova una rubrica la quale dice Incipit Vita Nova." A tear fell onto the page leaving a bright red spot just below the words. I placed the book open on the floor to allow the blood to dry, that was enough of a side note to punish myself with, I would never need any further words to help me remember the lessons of this day.

I chastised myself for my self-loathing and my momentary weakness, I was not a simpering fool who would take his own life, that is not who I am. Sookie would not be alive if I had died too and then the tiny part of her that lived within me would be gone as well. I could not allow that to happen. I would treasure any bit of her that I could.

So I would not mourn. No. I would determine exactly what had happened and then seek my revenge. I focused all my emotions on the thoughts of annihilating everyone who was even remotely involved in her death. The anticipation of a fight brought strength back into my body and mind.

I went to the kitchen and drank three cold True Bloods, wiped the signs of my momentary weakness from my face, grabbed my sword from it's locked safe in my closet and catapulted myself into the darkening sky just four minutes after sunset.

As I flew, I checked my voicemails. I had one message from Herveaux blathering on about some excuse involving his incompetent pack members, I ignored his words; I would deal with them later. I listened more intently to the three messages from Amelia, each more agitated than the last with her concern that Sookie had not arrived in New Orleans. I would wait to call her until later to have her help with a reconstruction.

The last message was from Sam and his voice confirmed what I already knew. "Eric," he sighed deeply, "I found the site, but I can't find her." His voice broke on the last word. I must have been able to pass on more information to him than I realized. He swallowed and continued, "It's…I don't see how she could have survived…and I can't find her," he repeated. There was a long silence. "I'll stay here to protect the site until you arrive."

The line clicked and my determination to focus on my anger faltered as the emptiness grew larger in my chest, sucking on my energy and power. She was gone.

This was my fault. I had realized after speaking to Sam last night that she was in fact involved in something dangerous, but I allowed myself to be distracted by solidifying my position and our security. If I had gone straight to her, stopped her on her way south, I could have her safe in my arms right now. My fingers flinched as they sought her warm skin, her soft hair, the feel of her blood pounding under her skin. My lips tingled as I remembered the contours of her beautiful body, the warmth of her mouth and the delectable flavor of her blood. My heart, which had been warm and full for the first time in a millennia from the moment of our first blood exchange…my heart, the space where our bond used to reside, was empty and ached with her absence.

I let myself fall through the air a little, seeking release from this pain before I refocused my attention on my destination.

I had planned never to have to face this day. I had hoped that with time, she would see reason and consent to being turned, but if not, I would have devised a situation in which I could turn her without receiving her wrath. I would have her for all time…I had been sure that it was possible to keep her.

What I had known would be impossible was adjusting to existence without her now that I had become accustomed to having her as a part of my life, as a part of my being, and so I had been determined to never let her go.

Of course I had never told her that. I had never told her much at all, and now she was gone and her death was due in part to my withholding information from her. My fault.

I tried not to think about that lost future, its denial gave me pain that I had not felt since having to leave my human family when I was turned. Instead, I forced myself to focus on my rage. It was always easier to allow my rage to overtake me…however, the pain would not relent.

I reached again for the bond, but fell off a cliff into nothingness…it was completely gone.

She was gone…Sam's words finally made their way through my shock, he had said that she was gone…but where? why? and how?

I called out to her in the hopeless night, My lover, my bonded, my wife…where are you?

A/N:

Sorry all, I had to do it.

"In quella parte del libro della mia memoria dinanzi alla quale poco si potrebbe leggere, si trova una rubrica la quale dice Incipit Vita Nova."

"In that book which is my memory,

On the first page of the chapter that is the day when I first met you,

Appear the words, 'Here begins a new life'."

-Dante Alighieri, Vita Nuova c. 1293

I loved seeing the exchanges some if you are having, it's so much fun to get you talking and guessing. I especially appreciate you asking questions about the future and specific details. I often get caught up in the emotion and lose track of details, so it's good you keep me thinking (bet that's not hard to believe…angst much?).

I promise you that although Eric and Sookie's journey will be difficult and full of painful mistakes, they each will find their own form of happiness in the end (was that nebulous enough to keep you guessing?).

These two are headstrong, stubborn people who have thick scars that lead them to making poor and sometimes very difficult choices, but I believe that they have deep love as their foundation.

Let's hope it is strong enough to survive. ;)

The next two chapters are from Pam's point of view.