Note from Adillae: Hello Everyone! Again, sorry with the late update! I got sick again and landed myself back in the hospital, and from there I had to be flown up to a New York hospital. I just got out today, so now I'm snowed in up here at my Aunt's house AND my grandparents are over visiting. So 'busy' is the understatement of the year! Thankfully I managed to find some writing time and some internet and the product is this chapter! I've been speaking 99% Romanian since my grandparents are here, so I'm sure this chapter doesn't flow as well as it normally does because of the translation but I'm still proud of it :)
So sue me for being a romantic and wanting Katniss and Peeta to be happy, but this chapter is (mostly) full of fluff and happiness. I just think they deserve to finally be happy and I think that they would eventually find that happiness with their children. Maybe that's just me seeing the silver lining, but I can see them making it in the end, you know. And oddly enough, Pearl is turning out a lot like my little sister Aekley :)
Please review and all that jazz, they have been keeping me company in this boring old hospital room with only one small window that just shows me more snow. Your comments make me so happy! I don't own anything, yatta yatta.
I hope you have a fantastic week that is filled with love and joy. Enjoy!
Sper căaveţio săptămânăfantastic, careeste umplut cuiubireşibucurie. Bucuraţi-vă!
A soft breeze blew through the window, making Peeta's hair tussle slightly. It smelled of the last honeysuckle of the year, crisp, clean and sweet. I nestled further into Peeta's arms, lying in the in-between state of sleep and awake. Peeta was playing with the ends of my hair, his arms protectively around me like always. Our legs were tangled together and I'm not sure whose was whose.
"Pearl was able to climb all the way out of her crib today." Peeta said after a long comfortable silence that was filled with the rustling of the leaves outside. "Only 13 months and she is like a little monkey. I knew she would climb like you." He chuckled.
I smiled, picturing Pearl zooming through the trees with a smile on her face. "As long as she can paint like you, that's all that matters." I told him, whispering as I looked up at him, a smirk of sorts on his face. I kissed the corner of his mouth as the wind blew again, cooling off the slightly warm room.
"Oh, I forgot to tell you. Your mother called again." He said after he gasped quietly. "She really wants you to call her back."
I bit my tongue, trying to hold back any mean retort that I might have in me. Mother, hiding away in District 4, not even contacting me until she heard about Pearl through the grapevine. I was angry at her for abandoning me especially when I needed her the most. At first I sent her a letter, but she never responded. I waited a while and then tried to call her, but she never answered. After that, I was too stubborn and hurt to care anymore. If she wasn't going to make an effort, then I wasn't going to. I completely cut her from my life, and it seemed like it worked for both of us. But somehow, she found out about Pearl. I'm suspecting Greasy Sae told her. Then she wouldn't stop calling, writing letters that I never opened. She was dying to see her, but I held my ground. If she wasn't going to be there for me, she wasn't going to be there for Pearl. Peeta tried to talk some sense into me, but he stopped once he saw how adamant I was. We had moved on, and now there was nothing left between us.
"Katniss, she sounds so desperate." He whispered, he warm breath tickling my face. "Would it really hurt to just call her back? Just one time, just to see what she wants—"
"Yes Peeta, it would." I interrupted, harsher than I what I intended to sound like. "Can we just not talk about it?"
"Sure." He breathed, rubbing my arm soothingly, leaving a trail of goose bumps behind him even in this warm room. "All I'm saying is that you can't hide from each other forever. Just think about it."
I didn't feel like arguing with him, he had done nothing wrong anyway. I just nodded and agreed with him since that would be easier, while inside my head I told myself I had already made up my mind. He seemed to be pleased though, sighing softly as the curtains over the window fluttered in the breeze.
"Mama?" I heard a voice say suddenly from the door as Peeta and I sat up quickly in bed. Pearl was standing by the doorway, tears shinning in her eyes as she crawled into our room.
"Pearl, honey, what's wrong?" I asked her, even though she wasn't able to form complete sentences yet. She knew a few words, but other than that she just liked to babble, stringing lots of sounds together to form what she thought were sentences.
She pulled herself upright using the bed and I could see she was crying. Those eyes were looking back at me with such pain and hurt, tears flowing down her face. It was almost too much. Her dark hair was slightly ruffled; she must've had a nightmare.
I quickly swooped her up into my arms, as she cried louder, babbling away incoherently. I looked up at Peeta; his eyes were filled with such sadness as he reached out and rubbed her back gently. We had never dealt with this before. Pearl had never cried like this; she had never seemed upset before. I was trying to remember what mother had done for me, for Prim, but I was coming up blank. What was I supposed to do with her?
Peeta seemed to notice my confusion and slowly took her from my grasp, holding her tightly against his chest. Her head was leaning on his shoulder as she grabbed onto him tightly, eyes red from crying and nose starting to run. I pulled open the drawer of my nightstand and grabbed a tissue, messily wiping her nose and her face as Peeta whispered reassurances to her. She had been crying so much that her babbling was coming out in chunks and in-between gasps of air, her sobs making it hard to both breathe and talk. How were we supposed to know what happened when she can't tell us?
She reached a short chubby arm out to me, grabbing onto my hand as her sparkling blue eyes leaked more tears down her angelic face. Her grip on my hand was so tight it almost scared me.
Peeta was drawing shapes into her back, and this seemed to calm her down more than anything. I could tell her eyes were getting heavy, her grip on my finger would slowly get weaker before she was jolted back into her death grip. Peeta seemed to notice this too, and he laid her down in-between the two of us. She took her free hand and grabbed Peeta's hand, now holding onto both of us like we were her lifeline. Her eyes were glossy and red, and she had definite tear tracks down her cheeks. Her neck was soaked, and I took out another tissue and tried to dry her a little so she would at least be more comfortable.
"You can sleep right between Mommy and me. We won't let anything get you, alright?" Peeta whispered to her, brushing a hand over her hair as she nodded. She seemed to understand. "This is the safest spot in the world, right here."
My Peeta, my boy with the bread who always knew what to say. I had to smile a little bit at least, knowing that she had the best father in the whole entire world. She was so lucky, and so was I. I seemed to be falling in love with him all over again, however silly it seemed. Peeta was still shushing her, using his free hand to rub her stomach calmly. Her babbling was reduced to a whisper, and I could only understand one word.
Scary.
I looked up at him, wondering where she would've learned that word, but he seemed just as surprised as I did. Looking down at her in her yellow nightgown that was wrinkled and wet from tears, her dark hair knotted and her bloodshot eyes still filled with tears, it took every ounce of strength I had not to cry. This was my little girl, this was a part of me, and she was scared. She wasn't supposed to be scared; I had been scared enough for her in my life. She was supposed to have a happy, care free life. I could tell by the look in Peeta's eyes that he was thinking the same thing.
She soon fell asleep, one arm attached to each of us as if she was completing the circle. Peeta still rubbed her stomach gently and I still smoothed her hair even though we knew she was asleep, it was almost like we were afraid to stop.
Peeta placed a small kiss to my forehead, just barely brushing his lips against my warm skin as I looked reassuringly into his eyes. He gave me a faint smile in return as he looked down at Pearl who seemed to be peacefully asleep and he sighed in relief.
"She's alright Katniss, go to sleep." He breathed.
I looked down at her tiny sleeping body, her chest rising and falling calmly. "You too, Peeta." I whispered, leaning over Pearl to press a kiss to his warm lips, pulling away too quickly. "Goodnight." I told him quietly.
"Goodnight Katniss." He replied softly.
I closed my eyes that were heavy with tiredness and eventually falling asleep; Peeta, Pearl and me all together in a messy heap on our bed. I never wanted this moment to end; all of us snuggled together, savoring each other's touch and warmth.
I must've been more tired than I thought since I awoke to bright rays of sunshine streaming in through the open window. I stirred, reaching my hands out to try and feel Peeta or Pearl, but all that greeted me was an empty bed. Soft screams of happiness and the pattering of feet from downstairs made its way to my ears as I smiled, throwing the covers off me to get dressed in a simple shirt and pants. My hair was being difficult this morning so I stuck it in a long braid that reached halfway down my back, just wanting it out of my face.
I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen where Peeta and Pearl were making breakfast. Every single window in the house was open as Pearl sat on the counter wearing a green sundress, legs hanging over into the sink while Peeta was making pancake batter. He was handing her empty egg shells and she took them gladly, throwing them into the sink with a huge smile on her face. He continued to whisk the batter together, adding certain ingredients as he handed her bits of fruit that he had cut up just for her. She laughed every time he handed her something which made Peeta smile so happily that it gave me butterflies. Every once and a while he'd lean over and plant a kiss on the top of her head which made her shriek with laughter. She seemed to be telling Peeta some sort of story, babbling away continuously, none of it making any sense but she seemed to be very proud of herself. Peeta just nodded every once and a while, like he was listening to her gripping story and she went on and on, stringing together random sounds and bits of words. She never really grew out of the babbling stage.
I couldn't help but smile as I came out from around the corner, wanting to just sit and watch what was going on in front of me. Pearl waved happily at me from her spot on the side of the sink as she stuck a few pieces of strawberry into her mouth, kicking her legs wildly. Her blue eyes were twinkling and she looked as if nothing bad had happened last night.
"Good morning Mommy." Peeta smiled, pouring pancake batter onto the griddle on the stove. It smelled heavenly.
"Good morning." I smiled back, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before going over to Pearl and swooping her up into my arms. "Good morning, Pearl." I told her, giving her a big kiss on her forehead that makes her giggle. Her mouth and hands are sticky with strawberries, her lips and teeth bright red but she still insists on giving me a sloppy kiss. I laughed as I wiped off the strawberry residue onto my hand, going over to Peeta and wiping it on his cheek. He makes a noise of fake disgust before rubbing his cheek onto mine, spreading strawberry everywhere.
"Ah, Peeta!" I shriek as I try and squirm out of his arms as Pearl giggles uncontrollably, watching the two of us with a sparkle in her eyes.
All Peeta does is smile back at me before licking the fruit off my cheek and I squint my eyes, trying not to laugh since that would just cheer him on.
"Peeta!" I laugh, trying to push him away, but he releases me freely after a few moments to go flip the pancakes. I can't stop smiling, my heart still fluttering slightly as I walked over to Pearl's high chair, placing her carefully in it and going over to the stove to cut some pancake for her. She continues to babble on in her chair and it quickly turns to singing.
"You better not start that Pearl, or some boy's going to fall in love with you." Peeta smirked as I looked up from cutting pancakes. The look in his eyes gave me chills all the way down to my toes, making me shiver slightly as I felt his warm hand lightly touch my elbow. He placed a gentle kiss to my temple, murmuring something I couldn't quite understand into my skin before returning to his pancakes.
We were still broken. The nightmares still messed with our minds during the night, making us confused about what was real and what wasn't. We still needed to hold each other; we still helped each other with our flashbacks and horrible memories. It seemed like more things were triggering them each day. None of that had changed. Peeta still had his episodes, but nothing was as bad as the one that caused him to have to rebuild the display case in the bakery. Thankfully that was the worst one. They weren't happening as frequently, but they still ravaged his brain every so often. We would never be truly healed. But for us, life was pretty great to be honest. We smiled so much more than before; we laughed and felt so free. I would never get used to the foreign feeling, but I never wanted it to end. Pearl brought such joy to a situation, no matter how troublesome. When nightmares, flashbacks, episodes or bad memories were haunting us, Pearl made us so happy.
Happiness. Something I didn't think that I could ever feel again, and yet it seemed to radiate from her mere presence. Everything she did made us smile. She was happy, healthy, giddy and mostly nightmare free. She made things brighter; she made things easier to cope with. She didn't know why sometimes Mommy and Daddy would cry, scream, shout, sing and cling onto each other, but she was always right by our side when something happened, always there to bring comfort. It's like she knew an episode or a flashback was coming; it's like she had a sixth sense. Whenever something was about to happen, she would start to sing, always the same little song she made up. She would cling onto our legs and would stay there the whole time no matter how much we wanted her to leave and not witness what the Capitol had done, but she wouldn't budge. She stayed there and helped us through it. She was perfect.
"Katniss?" I heard Peeta ask as I jumped out of my daze. He was holding out a plate of pancakes to me, a slightly concerned look in his eyes that I quelled with a smile. I took the plate gratefully as I set it on the table, giving Pearl her bits of pancake. She clapped her hands wildly before she started to eat with her strawberry covered hands.
Breakfast was delicious of course and was filled with laughter and smiles. Pearls laugh was addicting and when added with the ongoing game of 'footsie' Peeta and I had going on under the table, I could hardly keep a straight face. How some things have changed.
Peeta started to wash the dishes as I lifted Pearl out of her chair, syrup and strawberries all over her face. I brought her to the sink and set her down on the edge as she dangled her feet in the soapy water that Peeta was using to wash the dishes. I wet a washcloth and tried to clean her squirming face which was quite the difficult bath. For some reason Pearl wasn't a fan of baths. She liked being dirty, she liked playing outside in the dirt and mud with Peeta. Getting her into her bath was a small battle in itself, the only way to make her like it was to make it a bubble bath since she liked to see Peeta give himself a bubble-beard.
I couldn't help but smile as Peeta took Pearl in her arms and begun flying her around the room like she was an airplane, making the sound effects as she held her arms out, giggling loudly. They settled on the couch as she grabbed a book, thrusting it into his arms as he giggled.
"Would you like to hear the story too, Mommy?" Peeta asked as Pearl whipped her head around to give me a hopeful look.
"No, I'm going to go hunting for a while. You two have a good time." I smiled, giving each of them a kiss. "I'll be back for lunch." I yelled behind me as I shut the door, my bow in hand.
The walk to the woods was calming and soothing. Hunting made everything feel right; it was what I was meant to do. I was meant to be in the woods with the trees and the animals and the fresh air. It was a beautiful day, and now I know why Peeta had all the windows open. The breeze smelled heavenly and wasn't too chilling; the sun was bright and warm but not too scorching. The trees provided just enough cool shade, their brown leaves rustling in the breeze, a few fluttering down to the ground. Birds were singing cheerily and squirrels were scurrying across the grassy floor, not knowing that they would be dinner tonight. My bow felt at home in my hands as I brought it back, letting an arrow go and hitting a rabbit straight in the eye. I sighed, taking in the smell of the forest, my forest.
I managed to shoot a few more rabbits and a couple squirrels before I decided to head back, noticing how high the sun was and remembering my promise to be back for lunch. The walk back was as uneventful as the walk there, but I liked the quiet streets better than the bustling ones when I was walking home. Sometimes crowded streets made me nervous. They reminded me too much of the Capitol and the bombings.
I rounded the corner to the Victors Village and was amazed by how nice our house looked. They used to just look like empty houses with no life to them, just walls and doors and windows. Now however, with all our windows open, clean white curtains blowing in the breeze, a nice garden of Primroses in the front next to a table and a few chairs, Pearl's ball lying on the ground, it looked like it had a life to it. I could hear the shouts of laughter and giggles all the way from the street, and I could see Peeta chasing her through the open windows. The house was alive.
And so was Peeta. He was more alive than I had ever seen him. He had a little child to be brave and strong for, he had someone to teach and someone to share the kind of affection I could never give him, the warm love of a child. He almost always had a smile on his face; he was always so eager to show her something new or see her face when exciting things happened. He was wonderful with her, and they had such a strong connection.
"Mama!" I heard Pearl say happily as I opened the front door and walked into the fresh, cool house, sliding my hunting jacket off my shoulders and laying it on the chair. She was attempting to crawl away from Peeta, but he picked her up easily and covered her in kisses and tickles, making her wriggle and giggle.
"Hi Pearl." I laughed, giving her a quick kiss on the head as Peeta brought her into the kitchen and set her on the counter. "What did you guys do while I was gone?"
"Well we read a few books, attempted to clean the living room but just ended up playing hide and seek and tag." Peeta smiled, looking over at the counter where I had just set my game. "Looks like you've been busy too."
I nodded, flipping a few stray hairs out of my face. "It's such a nice day, it was almost too easy. At least we have dinner for the next few nights." I told him, starting to skin a rabbit and prepare it for dinner.
"I'm glad." Peeta smiled, brushing a few fingers up and down my arm, leaving a trail of goose bumps in its wake. "I'll get started on lunch." He told me, pulling a few cheese rolls out of the bread box and slicing some fruit. Pearl eventually climbed off of the counter and crawled over to her blocks on the floor and began to play, babbling the whole time. The way she managed to climb around without hurting herself was still a surprise to me. Peeta was right, she was a little monkey.
"Do you want to go get Pearl and set her in her chair? Lunch is ready." Peeta smiled as I put my clean knife away and walked over to where she was stacking her colorful blocks on the floor. She didn't have many toys; she only played with a few things and didn't always need to be entertained. She could entertain herself by just climbing or singing or watching. Thankfully she wasn't too difficult. I grabbed her gently in my arms as she knocked her tower down, laughing as the blocks fell to the floor in disarray.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door, and it caught me off guard. No one ever visited us here except Haymitch or Greasy Sae, and both of them would know to just come right inside. Fear started to trickle into my veins and I knew I was overreacting. Would it be someone with cameras? Would it be someone who had a part in the rebellion? Or would it just be someone from town? I glanced at Peeta, not sure what to think, but he didn't seem to be too concerned.
"Katniss could you get that? My hands are full." He shouted from the kitchen as I clutched onto Pearl tighter, slowly making my way to the door, afraid that if I touched it I would get electrocuted. I took a deep breath and heaved the heavy door open.
"Hey, Catnip." The deep voice said as I met Gale's cool grey eyes, shocking me so much I almost forgot to breathe.
Gale. Gale? What the hell was Gale doing here in District 12, let alone at my house! He was supposed to be a big shot back in District whatever, I'd lost track and honestly didn't care. He stood there with a smile on his face and it almost made me angry.
Gale. After the rebellion, I cut ties with him. Some part of me blamed him for Prim's death, and I was still too hurt and childish to completely understand our complicated situation. He was my hunting friend, he was just my friend and he had betrayed me. He had made those bombs that took Prim away from me forever, and even though I knew it wasn't completely his fault, I couldn't help but place all the blame on him. He called me constantly but I never answered; he wrote me letters at least once a day, letters that I never bothered to open. I knew what they would say: I'm sorry, forgive me, I didn't mean to, I miss you. Crap that I knew he didn't mean, he would just tell me to get on my good side again, a side that might lead to love. But he didn't understand, he doesn't understand. I need Peeta, not him. I realized that it was never meant to be him. He eventually stopped trying to get a hold of me and I stopped caring, a relationship that seemed to work for the both of us. He had to know that I was with Peeta; he had to know about Pearl. Even if he didn't, why wait all this time to come see me? I'm sure he was off with some pretty girl that would look good next to him and his big shot job he probably had now. He just made me frustrated.
Something about him, even just his presence, leaves me with a feeling of desperate survival. So much of my childhood was spent with him trying to barely get by, hunting to support our families, living from day to day. It was pure survival. He made me feel childish, he made me feel immature and inexperienced, and I hated the feeling.
"Gale?" I managed to choke out stupidly, as Pearl went immediately silent at my side. She was looking up at him curiously, like she didn't know what to make of him. She wasn't always the greatest with strangers, and Gale was definitely a stranger to her. I felt Peeta's warm hand on the small of my back and I let out an internal sigh of relief. Peeta would know what to do; he would know what to say.
"Hi Gale, haven't seen you in a while." Peeta smiled, reaching out a hand that Gale shook gratefully.
"Yeah, yeah it has been a while. It's nice to see you again." He replied, and I felt a flicker of anger. So Peeta and Gale were all friendly and on good terms, were they? Had they settled something without my knowledge? Did they converse behind my back?
"Would you like to come in? We just made lunch." Peeta offered, and Gale nodded, a smile on his face.
"Yes please, I would love to." He said as I stepped out of his way, his large body brushing past me into my house, making the cheery cool feeling it had seconds ago completely disappear. Gale in my house… Peeta's house, our house… It didn't feel right. Gale and Peeta never mixed well in my head, not even now.
"Who is this?" Gale smiled as he reached out a finger to Pearl's cheek, brushing it slightly. She cocked her head to the side, still trying to read him, to decide if she liked him or not.
"This is Pearl." I told him quietly as I found the will to shake out of my daze. I set her down in her chair and gave her a plate of fruit and bread that she started to eat, still keeping a wary eye on Gale.
"So, what's new?" He asked, thanking Peeta as he set down a plate of fruit and bread in front of him.
What's new? After all these years of no conversation, no communication whatsoever, and you show up at my house and ask 'What's new'?
He must've understood my facial expression since he reworded his question. "What are you doing now? What are your lives like?"
I tried to open my mouth, but words wouldn't come out. I felt… I didn't know what I felt. I was confused. I looked over at Peeta for help, and he quickly saw all the distress in my eyes and opened his mouth to answer.
"Well I still run the bakery and Katniss hunts about every day, and any other free time we have we spend with Pearl." He told him simply, giving Gale a smile. I hated this small talk, but I didn't know what to say, all my words were getting lost inside my jumbled head.
"That sounds wonderful, I'm glad things are back to normal." He smiled back, taking a sip of water that I wanted to knock out of his hand. Having him at my table just felt wrong.
"So what are you doing now Gale?" I asked, my words coming out harsher than I thought, but I didn't care too much what he thought of me now. He didn't mean anything to me anymore other than childhood memories.
"Well I'm working in the new defense department with Beetee, and long story short it's going very well." He smiled, his eyes meeting mine for a split second. I knew he didn't want to talk about it anymore since he knew I blamed him for Prim, and saying anything else would just set me off.
The rest of lunch passed in simple conversation mostly between Peeta and Gale while I sat trying to figure out my feelings. I was confused to why he was here, confused to why he even wanted to see me. I thought I had made myself clear with not wanting to see him anymore… But I had realized that it wasn't his entire fault and I did feel slightly bad for just shoving him out of my life since after all, he was Gale.
"Katniss, do you want to go for a walk? You know, talk about some things?" Gale asked me after we had cleaned up lunch. He didn't seem very composed, and that worried me.
I looked over at Peeta, hoping he would make up some excuse for me not to go, but he just smiled at me and took Pearl out of her chair. "I think I'll go put Pearl down for her nap. You two have fun." He smiled as he gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked up the stairs. I tried not to let it seem that I didn't want to talk to him but Gale, even after all these years, knew me all too well and could still read some of my emotions.
We walked out the door and I hoped he couldn't hear my head buzzing from my rapid thinking. I decided to let him set the topic since Peeta wasn't here to save me with speaking. It seemed like he wanted me to talk first, but he eventually caved once he realized I wasn't going to say anything. He looked the same, his dark hair and grey eyes and the stereotypical Seam look we both shared. For a second I longed for my childhood of hunting in the woods next to him, his scent of leather and pine bringing back memories. His smell used to be so comforting to me, back before the games, but I realized that I longed for the smell of cinnamon and strawberries.
"I'm glad you have put your life back together. Things seem to be working out for you." He starts off vaguely, and I felt his eyes travel over my face. I tried not to blush as I thought of an answer. I came up blank so I just nodded.
"You seem happy." He added, kicking a rock out of his way. "And Pearl is just adorable."
"She's perfect." I answered simply, trying to avoid his face.
"And I'm glad to see that—"
"Why are you here, Gale?" I interrupted, the words seeming to burst out of my mouth.
"I just wanted to see how you were doing. You never answered any of my calls or my letters—"
"And you didn't take a hint?" I yelled.
He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Katniss, you're my friend, I wanted to see how you were! Is that such a horrible thing?"
"You're my friend?" I shouted, stopping dead in my tracks. "Last time I checked, friends don't kill their friends sisters!"
He stopped too, his grey eyes full of pain and regret. He looked down at the floor, his dark hair blowing in the slight wind. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out, just a rush of air. "I'm sorry about Prim Katniss, I-I didn't know…" He trailed off. "Is that why you didn't answer my letters?"
I blinked the hot tears out of my eyes, crossed my arms and looked up at the blue sky. This time I was the one that didn't have an answer.
"I was worried about you! I wanted to make sure you were alright! Is that such a horrible thing! You were writing to your mother, you were calling her! Why couldn't you have done the same for me?" He shouted as anger boiled up inside of me again.
"How did you know I was writing my mother?" I asked him, shocked that he knew.
"I went to visit her Katniss, I saw the letters myself!"
So mother let Gale come stay, but not me? What was that supposed to mean? This was only making me more confused, I didn't need to have this conversation right now. I turned around and started to make my way back to the house, but Gale followed me, pulling me back.
"Katniss I'm sorry, I'm so damn sorry about everything alright! I just, I love you okay, and I had to make sure that you were alright if you weren't going to answer my calls or letters!" He said, his voice breaking.
"Gale…" I started, sighing, wishing he hadn't said it. He confirmed my fears. Did he come to win me back, even though I had Peeta and Pearl now? Was that his real reason for coming? "Gale, don't say that…" I trailed off, avoiding his glance.
I heard his feet shuffle, and before I could register what was happening, he took my face in his hands and pressed my lips to his. They were firm and cold, not like Peeta's at all. They were foreign and had probably kissed a lot of girls back in whichever district he was in. They felt odd, especially when mixed with the leather and pine smell of my childhood. It was too much, my brain was overloaded with emotions. I wriggled out of his grasp.
"Gale…" I started again, wanting to pretend like that didn't happen.
He sighed again, his hands on his hips. "I'm sorry I… I just had to know that you are sure."
"What is that supposed to mean?" I shouted.
"Do you think you picked the right guy, Katniss? Did you even see a slightly possibility of a life with me? What if Prim was here, what if there was no bomb!" He questioned, the look in his eyes unreadable.
"I have Pearl now Gale, did you not even think of her!" I yelled at him and he rolled his eyes again.
"What if there was no Pearl! Before there was Pearl, if there was no bomb, would I even have a slight chance with you?" For a quick moment, he looked just like the Gale from before the games. He looked like we just came out of the forest hunting together, like he was a little boy again, my hunting partner. He looked vulnerable and only then did I notice the bags under his eyes.
"I-I…" I didn't want to think about this, I didn't want to think back to that horrible time of our lives. I had closed that chapter a long time ago and I didn't dare open it unless it was in my nightmares. "Gale, I'm sorry but I chose Peeta, I choose him. I love Peeta, and I love you too but it's not the same way…" I trailed off. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Even if I did blame him for Prim's death, he was still Gale and I knew that he wouldn't have done it on purpose, he was just an easy scapegoat. "I'm so sorry. I know you didn't know about Prim, I know it wasn't your fault—"
"No, it's okay. You had a right to blame me, I'm sorry. I just can't help but wish that sometimes life would've turned out differently for the two of us. I know you can't picture yourself with me and I respect that, but I still want to see you, Katniss. And I'm glad you're happy, because that's all I wanted, even if you weren't with me."
"I'm sorry for not answering your letters." I told him quietly.
"It's alright. I know it was a difficult time for you. And I'm sorry for just barging in unannounced, years later, but I just had to see you." He whispered.
"I'm glad you came…" I trailed off, not sure if I said it to make him feel better or if I really did mean it.
"I'm glad I did too. Just please, let's not be angry with each other. I'm more than happy with being just friends with you." Gale told me quietly.
I smiled up at him and nodded, the feeling of being friends with him again was oddly calming. It didn't bother me like I thought it would. "Just give me time." I breathed, and he smiled in response. "Are you staying for dinner?" I asked.
"I would appreciate it. My train doesn't leave until 9:00 tonight." he smiled down at me as we turned around and headed home.
We hadn't gone as far as I thought, and it didn't take us that long to get home. Gale filled the time by asking all about Pearl: what she liked, what she didn't like, her favorite food, favorite color, funny things that she did. I couldn't help but wonder if he wished she was his, but I couldn't think about that. I chose Peeta and I was very happy with my decision. I felt no reason to think it had been a bad one.
Peeta and Pearl were outside rolling a ball around and Haymitch was outside with his geese, throwing them bits of crumbs and watching them scatter after them. I could hear Pearl laughing about something and I looked over to see her crawl to the geese, petting their soft feathers. Her eyes were so blue and full of life and I thanked my lucky stars again that she hadn't turned out with my dull grey eyes.
"So Gale, are you staying for dinner?" Peeta asked, wiping his hands on his pants. It looked like they had been gardening a little too, and I figured Pearl would jump at the opportunity to get messy.
"If that's alright. My train leaves at 9:00, so I won't be intruding for too long." He smiled, a smile that Peeta returned. I was so grateful that they were civil.
"I'm going to start dinner." I told them, noticing how low the sun was in the sky, the light starting to bleed to pinks and purples. "Do you want to get Pearl washed up?" I asked Peeta, not envying his job. Peeta had a special way with her though, he could get her to take a bath where as I would spend the whole time being splashed. "Gale you could help too, if you wanted."
"Sure, that'd be great." He smiled as Peeta went over to grab Pearl, the three of them heading inside.
Pearl was still slightly wary about Gale, and she kept one eye on him for the entirety of dinner, looking up at him every time he laughed or talked with confusion in her eyes. Conversation seemed to flow between the three of us, and that wasn't a normal thing that would happen to me when it wasn't just Peeta at the table. Gale told us more about his life, and he even told me about my mother. She was in living in District 4 and was helping with a new hospital, just trying to keep busy. I didn't want to hear anymore about her, and I think Peeta could tell since he switched the conversation back to Gale's new job.
When he had to say goodbye, Pearl managed to give him a faint smile and a kiss. He looked touched as he handed her back to Peeta, who then shook hands with him.
"Thanks for stopping by. Come see us again soon." Peeta smiled, cuddling a sleepy Pearl in his arms.
"Thank you, it was nice to see you again."
"By Gale." I told him, nodding my head. I hoped he didn't step forward and hug me, but I could tell he didn't want to push it and I thanked him for that.
"By Catnip, thanks for everything." He said as he opened the front door and stepped outside into the brisk air. "Answer my calls from now on." He smiled and I nodded, watching him walk to the street and make a left, walking to the station. I felt Peeta's warm hand on the small of my back as I shut the door, not exactly sure what I was feeling. Relief? Confusion? Happiness? A mix of all three?
"I'm proud of you Katniss, you didn't kill him." Peeta said a faint smile in his voice.
I couldn't help but chuckle. "Did you know he was coming?"
"No. He surprised us both." Peeta answered, and I knew he was telling the truth. It was stupid of me to think that they concocted this plan behind my back. "It was nice to see him again though. It's nice to hear about what he's done." I felt his hand slide into mine and we walked up to Pearl's room together, my mind still whirring about the events of the day. The kiss was weighing heavily on my mind no matter how much I tried to push it out. I felt guilty. I was angry at Gale for making me feel this way, especially when I was obviously with Peeta.
Pearl was asleep by the time we changed her into her yellow nightgown and laid her in her crib. She held onto Peeta's fingers so tightly that we had to pry them off of him, even in her sleep. She looked so calm and peaceful, probably dreaming about happy things. I kissed her warm forehead and followed Peeta to our room, my palms starting to sweat when I thought about the kiss. I promised myself I would never keep anything from Peeta, but I didn't want to make him upset. Plus, talk of me and Gale might give him a flashback or an episode, and I certainly didn't want any of that right now.
Peeta sat down on the edge of his side of the bed, throwing his shoes on the ground loudly and sighing. "What a day! Pearl actually cooperated with her bath though, that was definitely a plus. She was too busy giving Gale a weird look to remember that she didn't like baths." Peeta laughed, and I realized I would be deceiving him if I didn't tell him.
"Peeta, Gale kissed me today." I blurted, squeezing my eyes shut, afraid of what would happen next.
To my surprise, I heard him start to chuckle softly. I opened one eye just barely, enough to see if I had triggered anything, but he just sighed, still sitting on the edge of the bed.
"I figured he would try something." He laughed quietly, getting up and walking over to me. "I'm not mad." He added once I opened my eyes all the way.
"I-I…" I opened my mouth, feeling like I owed him clarification, like that he started it and I pushed him away because it felt so wrong, but he just laid a finger over my lips and shushed me.
"You don't have you explain. I trust you." He smiled and I couldn't help but jump onto him, pressing my lips to his longingly. They were so warm, calm and so incredibly wonderful. I sighed, knowing that I was meant to be with Peeta, the smell of cinnamon and strawberries filling my nose and making me smile. He lifted me up and spun me around once before setting me gently on the bed, his lips trailing fire across my cheek and down my neck. He was so warm and welcoming, and instantly washed away any fears I might've had about the day. I sighed again, bringing his lips back to mine and curling his hair between my fingers. I shivered as his warm hands slid down my body and landed on my hips making a little hum of sorts escaping my lips. I lost track of time, the two of us just kissing each other's fiery skin until we were out of breath and too tired to continue.
He smiled and gave me one long, passionate kiss before rolling off of me much to my protest. "Goodnight, Katniss." He breathed, wrapping his strong arms around me safely.
"Goodnight, Peeta." I whispered back, happier than ever that it was Peeta next to me and not Gale. I didn't need Gale's hatred, his rage and his pine tree smell. I needed Peeta, his cinnamon scent, his love and his kindness, his warmth and his words. The only one that would ever understand what I went through. Not Gale. My Peeta, My husband, My boy with the bread.