"So, have you heard from Jou since then?"
"No, I haven't." I reply. "And I really don't plan to."
"I believe that as much as I believe Marik will sell his motorcycle." She responds, staring at me with much skepticism.
"Stranger things have happened." I shrug.
Ishizu rolls her eyes at me so hard, I fear they might stick upward.
"Well, how does he act around you in class?"
"I wouldn't know. I've been avoiding him." Since my scene at the Chigau cafe about a week ago, I have managed not to speak to Jou even once. I arrive at the last possible moment to the morning meeting and leave at the earliest opportunity. I eat my lunches outside in the parking lot with Valon. I did self-study during Human Nature and Ethics, and I am the first one out the door at the end of class. Now all I had to do was keep it up for about one and a half more years before I graduate, and I'll never have to speak to him again.
"You need to stop dodging the people you like." Ishizu advises, and I cringe.
"I don't like him."
"I don't like Marik's motorcycle or his tattoos, but I accept them."
"Of course - he's your brother."
"Family has never meant anything to you before, so I fail to see why you would bring that up as a topic point." Ishizu counters, and I feel my eyebrow twitch. She always had me at every turn. "I think you should give him a chance, Mai. He sounds like a sweet guy, and he's cute to boot. That is a difficult combination to find."
"I have given him a chance." I said, stacking the poker chips by color. "He thinks I'm sick."
"How would you know?"
"Because I can read minds." I tell her for the umpteenth time. Ishizu is the only one who knows about my ability because she's the only one I could trust with it. Of course, she only really half-believes me, which is fine.
"Your intuitiveness can only go so far. You are not correct about things all the time."
"I know what I heard. It's not just that, anyway. He's cautious around me - like I have a disease that he'll catch if he's not careful."
"What am I thinking right now?"
I stare into her blue eyes, letting my mind reach out and take in enough of her waves to hear the message. I shrug and say, "You think I'm a beautiful woman, that I'm thinking into it too much, and that any guy would be proud to be with me - but you don't know Jou like I do." I shake my head. "He thinks I'm weird, sick, and now he probably thinks I'm nuts, too. That's all there is to it."
"Well, I think you are just making excuses not to go after him." She says, picking up a box of papers and heading to the door to leave the office. I press my lips together, wondering how she is able to take control of a conversation so completely. "Life will not wait for you to make up your mind, babe. Don't let something good slip you by just because you are scared." My face is blank, not because I'm hiding anything, but because I feel blank. Wiped out. I offer her a long sigh as my answer, to which she tsks at before she exits - letting the door swing shut behind her.
I give a ragged sigh, pushing myself up and out of the office chair, and enter the busy lounge. A Latino whistles, and I look over to his somewhat familiar face. He comes in here often but I forgot his name. Something with a K, I was sure - but beyond that, I had nothing. Nor did I want to remember him, honestly. He is rude, always makes passes at me, and acts like he is tough.
"Oye, ¡Mamacita!" He cries, right on cue, and I brace myself. "¿Por qué no vienes a tomar una copa conmigo, eh?"
I bite my tongue against all the nasty insults that came to mind; I value my job too much to risk losing it over some guy who thought he was hot stuff. Instead, I opt for a pasted smile and say, "No puedo, Papi. Tengo mucho trabajo por hacer." He gives me a lecherous pout, that is completely ridiculous, and I speed walk to the other side of the bar before I could see anymore lewd images of myself in lingerie come from his brain.
By the time I get to school the next day, the pink tree is nearly bare. Petals cling very sparsely to the twisting branches, but the wind - which has picked up since last night - will take care of those stragglers soon. The nice part of fall is almost over, getting ready to give way to the dark cold that will soon set in. I'm by the window, looking at the tree standing outside, remembering that only a week before, I had been standing on the surface of a sea of pink petals, waiting for Jou. Had been feeling a simple, happy way. But now I wonder if I'll ever feel like that again. Suddenly, everything in my life is complicated. It's as if the tree had shed all of it's petals as a message to me: Be careful what you wish for.
The morning gathering is starting late today, for some reason. People are milling around me, and their voices - both verbal and not - blend in with the thoughts of my own mind. It was like an ocean in the background. Waves ebb and flow back and forth, washing over me like warm water, making me feel calm. Usually hearing the thoughts of other people all at once feels like torture, but now, as I stare out as the tree and think about nothing in particular, it doesn't seem important. It's rare, but today I let all the vibes come and go as pink petals fly from the tree.
I feel a tap on my arm, and I startle back into reality, twisting to see Jou looking at me with a half smile that made his mouth look lopsided. But, yet, there was something serene in his gaze - like he'd just witnessed a beautiful, once-in-a-lifetime event. The quiet, calm feeling is gone and my shoulders tense.
"I've been looking for you." He says.
"Oh?" I wonder, not sharing that I have been doing the exact opposite.
"How are you feeling? You were pretty upset at the cafe."
"Yeah - no. I mean, I'm fine. I don't know what happened. Sorry about that, by the way."
"No need to apologize." His eyes squint a little. "We're old friends, right?" I can hear that he's thinking really hard about me. He's imagining himself in my situation. He hurts for me. For some reason, it makes me feel as if I'm not alone. As though Jou magically climbed inside my head, looked at my life, and took stock. "You're mom dying. That's pretty major." He continues. "You should have said something. I wouldn't have pressed you about the stupid character assignment."
There's something so genuine about him, that it makes me honest.
"Yeah, it is major. But I'm not upset with you about the project."
His hand rests on my upper arm, but I don't shake him off.
"Listen, you're a tough woman. You'll push through this." His eyes twinkle. "Even though your little."
I raise my eyebrow.
"Hey, hey. I am not little."
"You're shorter than me."
"By, like, five centimeters!" I hiss.
"You must be little if I can do this." He says, stepping closer to me and resting his chin on top of my head. My heart nearly stops, and I stare at his neck. It's such a bizarre gesture that I freeze. "Y'see? It's pure science."
"How high are you raising your chin to do this?" I ask.
"Enough to make me look really stupid." He says, sounding gruff. I feel vibes of embarrassment coming off of him. "I look like a chicken staring up at the rain." I expect him to move away after admitting how dumb he looks, but he doesn't. He stands there, against me, with his chin on my head like it were perfectly natural.
"Jou, I-" I'm cut off by his large swallow. His adam's apple bobs against my head, and I mash my teeth together, realizing that he was acting like an idiot on purpose. "Um..."
"How was your night?" He asks, casual.
"Good. Got hit on, dealt cards, served drinks - the usual. Yours?"
"Hmmm..." He pretends to think as his fingers tangle into my thick curls, stroking. "I played video games and trimmed my toenails."
"Your toenails, huh?" I wrinkled my nose. "How did that work out?"
"Not so great. They tasted horrible."
"Eugh. God, Jou." I groan, but I'm also laughing a little when I step away from him. "Gross." He's laughing, too, but I notice that his face is deep red. Why did he act like a fool if he was going to be embarrassed about it?
"Anyway," he says with a goofy grin, "the assignment is due next Tuesday. Do you want to meet up and work on it?"
"Fine. But not at Chigau." I answer, wincing.
"Hey, give me your number." He suddenly says. I blink and look back at him, unsure. His eyes shift from me, then away, then back. He digs in his pocket and holds a pen to me. "...Please?"
Not thinking, I take the pen from him and grab his hand, holding his arm out. I write the digits of my number on his forearm carefully so he can't misread them before handing back the pen. His smile is so blinding, that I let go of his arm quickly as if it burned me.
"I'll call you." He promises. I nod, numb, and watch as he jogs back to his group of friends. Honda grabs Jou into a head lock, and Yugi pats his arm. Anzu smiles and waves at me, and I give a little wave back before I can stop myself. What on earth just happened? Did I seriously just give Jou my number? For about ten seconds, I'm unexplicably happy. I wished I could have stood there like that with Jou for a whole hour - close to him with my eyes shut, listening to him breathing. But, in reality, it had only lasted a moment.
As suddenly and quietly as a real snake, Kendra's there next to Jou. Obviously, she saw the whole thing between Jou and I - from the hand on my shoulder, right to the exchanging of numbers. Kendra doesn't want me getting close to Jou, it's apparent from the expression on her face. After a glance at me, she tugs on Jou's shirt sleeve, demanding his attention. He turns to face her, and she wraps an arm around his neck, pulling his head down to whisper in his ear. I don't know what Jou does after that - I've already turned my gaze away from the group. I don't want to know whether he pulled away from her. I don't want to know if he flirts with her. I don't want to know anything more than what I just witnessed.
When Jou had stood next to me, it had just been as a joke.
I feel shredded.
"Hey, there." A new voice says. Valon is there, grinning at me. But when his eyes glance over the way to Jou, I notice that there's hard edge to it. Evidently, he saw our encounter, too. I get a flash of an image from Valon - he, dashing and handsome, sweeping me off my feet and into a deep, passionate kiss. I squint at him, trying to actually see him. He has an angled face, with sharp cheekbones and a good chin. His teeth are white - not perfectly straight, but they look good. I notice his hair looks especially fluffy, and when I comment on it, he stands taller.
"I'm using a new conditioner." He volunteers. "Kendra talked me into it." He looks across the room at her, and she gives him a friendly smile before joining the conversation with Jou and Yugi again. "You should give her a chance. She's been great. I admit, the first time I met her, I was on the fence - but since being partnered with her for that character project, she's been really nice. We talked about hair trouble during the last assignment, and she was really encouraging."
"I'm not surprised she'd focus on something so shallow."
"It's not shallow." He says, frowning for the first time. "You try walking around with crazy, unmanageable hair."
I feel a bit stung, but he's right.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think about it that way."
"She doesn't have it easy, either. She's got some serious problems going on right now, you know? Do problems make you a bad person?"
"No." I pin him with an annoyed look. "Her personality makes her a bad person."
Our little pow-wow is interrupted by a clanging bell, and we look over to see Mr. Brian standing in the center of the room, smiling like he is a deranged elf. "Sorry for the delay!" He calls. "Anyone have any announcements to start us off with?" To my surprise, Kendra is the first to raise her hand.
"Starting next Monday, I'll be gone from school for two weeks, and I'm wondering if the people in my classes would help me out by getting the homework assignments to Valon? He'll be bringing them to me." She looks at Valon, who gives a thumbs-up signal back. I wonder what is going on between them.
Mr. Brian is delighted. "Anyone who can help, please see Miss Kendra after the meeting." He spins around. "Any other announcements?"
At this point, I'm not paying attention anymore. Valon is standing right next to me, and he leans over to speak into my ear. Unlike with Jou, he's not doing it as a joke. There is no ambiguity here. He genuinely wants to stand as close to me as he can, touch me when he can. He can't keep his body away from me.
"Do you want to come over to my house after class?"
The word "no" is already on my lips when I look over at Jou. Kendra's hand is resting on his arm, and she's talking to him again. And she makes him laugh. And he grins at her. A flash of something white-hot rushes through my veins and, suddenly, I'm not saying no to Valon at all.
I'm saying yes. And that I'd love to. And I'm smiling at him.
Valon lives in a small house. It's white and the grass around it is a dingy green. When we walk through the front door, I see that the inside is gorgeous in comparison to the outside. The living room is huge, with pale hardwood floors and a stately fireplace made of stone. The mantel is a deep brown, and at first I think it's made of a wooden log cut in half, but when I get closer I realize that it couldn't be. It's cold and hard to the touch.
"Petrified wood." Valon explains, showing me the top of the mantelpiece, which has been cut off to make a smooth shelf and polished to show the ancient wood grain. "It's from India."
"That's amazing." I run my hand over the surface, marveling. "It's beautiful."
The floor has a large red rug woven with elephants on it. The couch is a shapeless mound of soft purple velvet. I notice that there's no television. When I comment on that, Valon shrugs. "TV makes my brain feel like mush." He says simply, leading me into the kitchen. It's small, but homey, with granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances. Valon opens the fridge and pulls out a beer for each of us.
"Want to see my room?" He asks.
"How could I resist such an exciting offer?" I grin and follow him out of the kitchen. His bedroom is the second largest room in the house. The floor is white stone tile, and another exotic rug sits at the door, except this one is blue. His bed sits in the corner, blankets and pillows toppled over it. The window - wider than usually seen in a bedroom - is covered with soft green curtains, letting in a lot of light. Two beanbags are plopped in the corner, and between them is a stack of board games. One wall is dedicated to nothing but a bookcase, so full it looked like it was about to collapse.
"This room is cooler than my entire apartment." I breathe, and Valon chuckles, throwing himself onto one of the bean bags. I sit in the other, letting my head lounge back on it.
"So what's your story, Kujaku?" He asks, taking a swig of his beer.
"Actually, I have a better topic." The beer is a low-quality brand. "Why is Kendra missing two weeks of school?"
Valon looks uncomfortable. "As much as I would love to answer, I can't. It's top secret. I can't go behind someone's back like that."
"Not even a hint?"
"Not even."
I sigh loudly, and take another drink.
"Are you dating Jounouchi?"
I choke on my beer, spilling it a little.
"What?"
"Kendra wants to now if you're dating him. Aaah...but I wasn't supposed to tell you she asked."
"It's none of her business, anyway."
"But I want to know, too." He says, leaning forward. "Are you dating him?"
It would make me feel bad to outright say no, so instead I say, "If he wants to go out with her, he can."
"Okay, good." He quickly adds, "Because Kendra wants to date him."
"Well, what's stopping her?" I huff, thinking of her smooth ivory skin and pretty, black hair and her smoldering brown eyes. I think about the way her soft body rested against Jou's this morning. Of course Jou will go out with her. Who wouldn't? She was pretty, petite, and willing. Hell, I'd even date her if she asked and I didn't know she was such a bitch.
"Well, as long as you're not interested in him." Valon says very casually, taking a sip of his beer. He's being so careful not to watch me that I know watching me is exactly what he's doing. He's trying to get me to talk about how I feel about Jou. He wants me to tell him that I don't like Jou. That I hated it when Jou touched me.
The room gets dim. A cloud must have rolled over the sun. I look over at Valon, trying not to be obvious about it. He glances over, and he turns pink when he sees me looking at him. We're quiet, and he licks his bottom lip a little. Is she waiting for me to kiss her, or...does she want to? He thinks. I blink slowly. Did I? I wasn't sure. Valon's emotions and thoughts are much easier to descipher than Jou's. With him, I'm in complete command of my feelings, and it feels much safer. Shouldn't a boyfriend make you feel safe rather than scared, anyway? Valon sits up and leans over on his elbow, still watching me. Our faces are very near each other. He tilts his head, still trying to figure out what he thought I wanted.
Fuck it, I think, closing my eyes. Waiting.
When his lips touch mine, they're warm and a bit rough from the dry weather. I press my mouth back against his, licking his lower lip softly. His fingers dig up into my hair, and he gently tugs my head back, opening my mouth up for more exploration. His breath is hot against my lips, and he was making tiny, cute noises. We kiss for a long time, and I try to really get into it, but I can't. Not when I keep imagining Kendra kissing Jou. When he pulls away, we're breathing heavy. I can tell he's turned on, and not just because of the wild, erotic images flying through his mind, but because he looks so helpless. Like he's trying to force himself to calm down. He closes his eyes like he's in pain, but it's not pain. He flops back onto his beanbag, breathless.
"Sorry." He mumbles. I raise my eyebrows.
"It's okay."
He covers his face with his hands, hiding.
"Why did I just apologize?"
"I have no idea." I answer. He laughs.
"Do you want to go on a date with me?"
I open my mouth to speak, but everything inside me locks up. What am I doing? I ask myself viciously. How can I expect to ever have something with Valon if I keep thinking of the past? What was I supposed to do in this situation? I don't want to lead Valon on, I don't want to hurt him, but I really do think I could have something with him. Eventually. If I gave it time. Do I ask him to wait for me? Do I look into his hopeful eyes and say that we should just be friends? Or do I just let this play out, see where it leads us? I can fall for Valon. I know I can. If only I could stop thinking back to Jou.
But I don't have a chance with Jou. If Kendra wants Jou, she'll get Jou. No matter how nice he is to me, or how much I like him and want him to like me, every so often I hear from Jou exactly how he really thinks of me. With Valon, I've never had to wonder. He likes me, and he makes sure I know that he likes me. There is no guesswork. Everything is laid out and simple, and it's that what I want?
"Sure, Valon." I say. "I'll go on a date with you."
"Cool." He grins big. I feel my chest tighten slightly.