Chapter 10 – Prescriptions

As Hiro's Dad grew sicker and more incapable of ferrying Hiro around, he was given more freedom to do as he pleased. He hung out with his friends after school and after practices, and often looked to hang out with Ivan as he worked in his little shady drug selling business. At least Ivan let him have the odd cigarette, but he knew he wouldn't be able to get much out of him, since Ivan had decided to become something of a surrogate older brother for Hiro.

"What ever happened to Adam, anyway?" Hiro asked, taking a drag of his cigarette. At the name, Ivan frowned and knocked the cigarette out of Hiro's hand, stubbing out the cigarette with his foot. Hiro coughed out the smoke and huffed. "Hey man, not cool."

"I don't get why you're smoking. Your Pops is dying of lung cancer, for God's sake."

"Yeah," he shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets and leaning against the brick wall, "Maybe it's my way of coping."

"Smoking. Ruining your lungs. The same thing that's killing your Dad," Ivan said, taking a drag of his own cigarette, "That's sick, dude."

"You're not stopping me."

"I just did."

"Well, you'll still give me one if I asked."

"Not anymore, because it's sick."

"You're mean," Hiro huffed, "I'm 15 now, I can think for myself."

"You're barely a child," he said, "You're kind of a teenager, which means you're still young and dumb."

"You're only like, what, 20? You don't have the right to judge."

"I grew up quickly, kid."

"Me too."

Ivan sighed, "Look, I don't see why you wanna hang out with me. I'm technically a criminal."

"Well," he said, shrugging, "I wanna do what you do."

"Be a criminal? Your Dad would hate that."

"My Dad is dying," he replied, shrugging, "I've come to terms with that. He can't control my life from the grave."

"Don't you feel guilty?"

"Kinda, but," he sighed, "I need to feel something, Ivan." He grabbed the front of his shirt, just in front of his heart, "The mood stabilisers just make me feel numb, and I've cried my eyes out every other night since I heard about my Dad, Ivan. I need a thrill. I can't get it from anything else. I play sports and stuff, but the thrill only lasts for a few moments, and then I remember I'm never gonna make it as anything other than a school player." He shook his head, sighing, "I need to feel something."

"I ain't gonna give you drugs, if that's what you're asking," Ivan stated plainly, "I sell drugs, alright. I don't do them, I don't condone them, and I don't like drugees. If you're gonna become some drughead, we can end this friendship."

"We're friends?" Hiro asked.

Ivan rolled his eyes, "Whatever, kid."

He sighed, folding his arms in front of him. "I'm gonna miss him."

"Your Dad?"

"Yeah, he's great. It sucks that good people gotta die."

"Mm," he shrugged, "You wanna do something fun?"

Hiro's eyes immediately lit up and he pulled away from the wall to look up at Ivan, eyes gleaming. He grinned and asked, "What kind of fun?"

"Let's rob a store, yeah?"

"Oh my God, really?"

"Yeah, but it's discreet, alright? You take it, put it in that giant hoodie of yours," he nudged him in the stomach with his finger, "And then we leave. Don't kick up a fuss or else they'll suspect stuff."

"What're we stealing?"

"No cigs. Those are only over the counter."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, your stupid plan was what got you into Juvie."

"I thought I could get away."

"You had witnesses. You never leave cowards who will snitch."

"I'd never snitch on you."

Ivan smirked and raised a hand to mess up Hiro's hair. "You're a good kid. Come on. We're gonna steal some snack, yeah?"

"I want some chips."

"We can get that," he said, chuckling. He began walking off, and Hiro rushed after him and grabbed his arm. Ivan didn't mind having the little Asian boy clinging to him. In fact, it made him feel powerful, being able to assert so much authority and influence over this other person. He had Hiro wrapped around his little finger. It was like having a henchman who would risk his life for your sake.

Ivan lead him to a store down some road Hiro had never been on. They entered, and Ivan told him to go to the back and pick out some things and slip it under his hoodie. He nodded and began discreetly to pick out some chips and chocolate bars. He was thankful for having a huge hoodie on him, since they were very useful for the whole hiding things thing. They walked out of the store with the cashier not even realising they had swiped at least half of the back shelf. Hiro was grinning from ear to ear as they left, buzzing with excitement from breaking the law. He broke into a run and headed down to the alley they often met up at, and Ivan chased after him, though unable to keep up with the energetic boy's pace.

"It's amazing!" Hiro exclaimed when Ivan finally reached the alley, panting, "Look, Ivan, look!" He took out some of the goodies he had grabbed, grinning, "Ah, that felt so good! That was amazing!" He pulled open a bag of chips and began munching on them noisily, "I'm amazed, this is amazing!"

Ivan grabbed a chocolate bar from Hiro and began eating it. "Yeah, well, it's free food," he said, shrugging, "But, you only do this with me. Or else you'll get caught, alright?"

"I'm not that dumb," he said with a mouthful of chips.

"Yeah, you are," Ivan stated, "You need to have someone take care of you, and since your Dad is dying, that's gonna be me. I'm gonna take care of you."

"That's real nice of you, Ivan," Hiro laughed, "Don't you have a brother to take care of or something?"

Ivan's eyes narrowed at the mention of his brother. He loomed over Hiro and folded his arms across his chest, "Don't mention him, understood, little Hero?"

"Okay, okay! I don't get why you're so hung up about it!"

"He's left to go make his music."

"Lame," Hiro said, shrugging, "It's fine."

"I'm on my own, now, you know," he said, "Living out in here, sleeping in shitholes. It sucks."

"You have me, you know."

"You still go home to your Mum and Dad."

Hiro sighed, shaking his head, "Not for long."

Ivan shook his head, "Sorry."

"It's fine," Hiro replied, shrugging, "Look, Ivan, I've gotta go. I've got counselling in half an hour." He pulled out a few bags of chips and chocolate bars from his hoodie and passed them to Ivan. "See you around, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"And how are you today?" Mr Hawkins asked, smiling, "You look pretty gleeful, don't you, Hiro?"

"Yeah, I hung out with Ivan today," Hiro replied, grinning. He could no longer swing his legs freely as he sat on the chair, as his toes would graze the floor. He had been growing taller, but only slightly. He was waiting to hit his growth spurt already. "It was really fun."

"I'm glad," Mr Hawkins said, "So, what's it been like at home?"

Suddenly, Hiro's expression changed. He looked sad, troubled, and just overall unhappy. "It's fine," he mumbled, "Fine."

"I don't want to probe into things if you don't want to talk about it, Hiro."

"Dad's doing okay," he explained, "Mum's, I'unno. She's never around. The divorce is going through next week. Then I'll have to stay with my Mum."

"And you can't stay with your Dad?"

He shook his head, "I'd rather kill myself than have to live with my Mum. Then at least I could join my Dad."

Mr Hawkins' expression turned serious as he said that. He stood up to walk over to Hiro, kneeling down in front of him and placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "Hiro, remember what happened when you threw yourself off the roof?"

Hiro looked away, then shook his head, "No."

"Your Dad was so worried about you. He cried, and I don't think he got much sleep in those weeks. Your Mum was stressed too. They love you."

"My Mum doesn't," he said, rubbing at his eyes to stop the tears, "My Mum hates me. I hate her!"

Mr Hawkins put a reassuring arm around the boy, who just began to cry. "When my wife died, it was hard on me, and my children. I know this is a really stressful situation for you to be in, but you can always talk to me about it."

"I hate my Mum," he sobbed, "She's never there for me, and she calls me a freak and a psycho."

Mr Hawkins frowned, "Does she?"

He nodded, "She's really mean, and Dad doesn't like how she talks to me. I don't want him to die, why does he have to die?" Soon enough, Hiro was shouting, "Why does Dad have to die? I hate this, I hate everything!"

He pulled the boy into a hug and held him as he cried, his entire body shaking as he sobbed. "It's alright to be angry," Mr Hawkins said, "It's what you do with that anger that's important. You can't let the anger consume you. Have you ever thought about going for a run while you're upset?"

Hiro nodded, then mumbled through his sobs, "I ran away from home once."

"I remember that, but that's not what I meant. You see, running and sports can release chemicals, which help you to feel happy."

"I try running and playing sports," he sobbed, "It doesn't help. I can't feel anything anymore." He pulled away from Mr Hawkins and grabbed at his shirt in front of his chest, sobbing, "I can't feel anything but anger, and sadness, and everything else I do is just not real."

"Hiro, I understand it must be tough—"

"Why can't I be normal?" he asked, "Why did I have to be born like this?" He balled his hands into fists and thumped his chest, "I'm a freak, why? I just want to be happy."

"Hiro, you know if you really do feel as if you can't feel happy," he said, "There are medications, you know, which can help you to feel happier, or less depressed. I think the mood stabilisers you're taking are suppressing your dopamines too much, so its harder for your body to rewards itself for doing things you like."

Hiro just stared at him, "What?"

"I'm going to write a letter to give to your doctor, and you can go visit him, and he should change your prescription."

"Don't I need my Dad?" he asked, then he looked down, "I can't go alone."

Mr Hawkins took Hiro's hand and smiled, "Come on, we can go together, how about that?"

Hiro smiled the tiniest bit in return, "Okay," he said, nodding, "Okay."

They walked down the street towards Hiro's regular doctor who gave him his prescription medications once a month when he went to ask for them. When they arrived, Mr Hawkins told Hiro to sit in the waiting room as he went to speak to the nurse. Eventually, after what felt like hours to Hiro, Mr Hawkins returned with a new bottle of pills, which he handed to Hiro. He grinned and slipped it into his pocket, taking the counsellor's hand again.

"Thank you," he said, "What are these?"

"Anti-depressants," he said.

"I'm not depressed."

"Well, Hiro, you may not feel depressed but you say you can't feel happy, right?" he asked, and Hiro nodded, "These should help, okay?"

"Okay."

Hiro returned home that evening and rushed immediately to his parents' room to see his Dad, who was lying in bed, reading a book. He hopped onto the bed and went up close to his Dad, resting his ear against his Dad's chest. Tadashi smiled, stroking Hiro's head as he laid there.

"Hi Dad," he said, smiling as he listened to his Dad's heartbeat.

"Hello, Hiro. How was school?"

"Okay. I hung out with Ivan today, and then I went to Mr H, and then he said I needed new prescription meds," he said, lifting his head for a moment in order to take out the bottle, dropping his head gently back onto his father's chest and holding the pill bottle up, "See?"

"What are they for?"

"Anti-depressants, according to Mr H," he replied, "He says since I'm having trouble feeling happy, this'll help me. I haven't taken one yet, since I gotta take it with the rest of my meds."

They were silent for a while, and Tadashi just chuckled, ruffling his son's hair and kissing him gently on the head. "You'll be a good boy, right?"

"Mmhmm," he hummed, nodding, "I'm a good boy."

"No more of this stealing stuff?"

"I don't steal."

Tadashi shook his head, reaching into Hiro's pocket and pulling out a packet of chips, "I heard the crinkling, Hiro. I know you didn't buy this. I didn't give you any pocket money."

Hiro frowned, huffing, "Sorry, Dad."

"You can't take what's not yours."

"I was upset, and stealing it made me feel really good."

"Don't do it again."

Hiro shrugged, "I can't promise that, Dad."

Tadashi sighed, "Hiro, you know that when I'm gone, you'll be on your own. You'll have Mum, but she's not as understanding as I am, you know?"

"I know."

"Then, why won't you stop?"

"Dad," he said, "You wouldn't understand. It makes me feel really good. Like, really good."

Tadashi shook his head, kissing his son on the forehead once more, "I won't understand, no, but I do know it's wrong."

"Dad. Am I a bad person?"

"No, you're not a bad person," he said, "I know you're not a bad person. You've just made a few mistakes."

"Then why do I like doing these bad things?"

Tadashi wrapped his arm around Hiro and gently patted him on the chest, right above the heart, "It's because in here, you've got a monster. A monster that wants to crawl out and make you do bad things. Everyone has it, Hiro. Everyone has a monster they have to fight. Some people let that monster show a bit more."

"I don't want a monster," he said.

"You see, Hiro, the monster doesn't have to pay for his actions. You do. You pay for what your monster has made you do."

"I'll try to be good."

"Good," he said, "Hiro, go and eat dinner. Dad needs some rest."

"Should I bring up your dinner?"

Tadashi nodded, "Thank you, Hiro."

Hiro hopped off the bed and went to the door. He turned the knob and opened it, then turned back to his Dad, "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, my little Hero."

Note: Why is everything getting progressively sadder? Well, at least I've settled that Shiv is indeed maybe a bit of a kleptomaniac. At least Ivan's a nice guy. Right?