Immortal Tears

Chapter 9

Esme Cullen:

I wasn't sure how my family was going to react to my return. They still believed I was a murderer. So, Edward and I talked about it and decided that I should probably wait outside as Edward explained that I wasn't guilty, before I had to tell them all about my recent decision.

Standing outside the house on the porch reminded me of all the times that I'd waited for Carlisle to arrive home on this porch. I carefully leaned over the porch railing and looked at the garage down the path. I knew his car was parked carefully inside the garage, but I tried to imagine it was gone, that he would be back within the hour, that nothing had changed.

I heard Alice's small feet patter on the porch as she came up to stand next to me, watching me watch the garage. "Esme...I...I should have known...I'm so sorry." She said, her voice was soft and fragile, seeming to break with every new word that floated out of her mouth.

I softly shook my head, "No, Alice...It wasn't your fault. The Volturi are the ones at fault. But I suppose I understand where they come from," I replied softly trying to keep my composure. I knew I didn't need to, she probably saw a break down in my near future, but Aro will not take as kindly to such emotion later.

"I thought you were dead," Alice said suddenly. I looked over.

"Why would you think that?" I inquired as a frown played on my lips.

"I can't see your future anymore. While you were in Volterra I saw you in a room with Aro and you started to cry, then suddenly you just vanished. I had no clue what happened to you. According to Edward, Aro has a shield now. Which explains Aro vanishing from my visions, but, your still missing from my visions and you're no longer with the Volturi. Why?" She asked, curious.

I looked down at my hands, at my wedding ring. The diamond in the center shone brightly as the two sapphires gleamed beside it. I wasn't sure if I would be able to part with it. But, if I was to do anything with it, it needed to stay here. Where my heart was, where he was. Slowly I looked over at Alice. "Gather everyone at the table. I need to speak with you all."

Everyone gathered at the table in good time. I watched them all as they walked into the room. Edward and Bella, hand in hand. Jacob carried in Renesmee, while Rose and Alice laughed at Jasper and Emmett as the two men playfully punched each other. I couldn't help but smile. I was going to miss all of them so much it wouldn't surprise me if I cried every moment I lived in Volterra.

They all sat in their usual seats at our table. I had added two chairs for Renesmee and Jacob at least a year ago. Up until today those chairs hadn't been used for anything other then a happy family meeting here and there. Unfortunately, today, it wouldn't be a happy meeting.

Within a second, every eye was on me as I stood up from Carlisle's seat at the end of the table. My subconscious mind started to ebb at me, reminding me Carlisle wasn't here. "I don't think I've ever felt more alone, then how I feel right now, standing here in front of you all because Carlisle cannot," I looked up, hoping they could all see how much they all mean to me, and how much he did as well.

After a second I continued, "Even when my son died, that feeling of loneliness could never compare to how I feel and how I will continue to feel for the rest of my life. I say this not so any of you will feel any form of sorrow or pity for me, but instead so that you all understand how much I truly care about you...and your father, who...won't be joining us." I could feel my breath catch in my throat and I paused for a moment to compose myself before continuing.

As I did so, Rose spoke up, "Esme, I don't understand. You're here with us, you don't have to feel lonely..."

I looked at the table for a moment before continuing.

"I...I have confirmed that the Volturi are behind all the problems that our family has faced. But, Aro has proposed to me a solution. He said that if I leave all of you and go to live among the Volturi, then he will leave all of you alone," I stated.

Alice piped up then, "But Esme, you don't have anything that he would need."

I softly shook my head, "That's what I thought as well, but he noticed that I am apparently enough like Didyme, Marcus' deceased wife, and has a use for me."

"What is this use?" Emmett asked scowling, his protective tone was heart-rending.

I looked down at the table, staring at my wedding ring. "Aro wants me to marry Marcus, in hopes that I will pull him out of his depressed state, so he will be able to collaborate with Aro and Caius more efficiently."

Emmett slammed his hands down on the table growling, making me jump, but I still couldn't find the strength to look up. "No, I'm not going to let him do that, or let you throw your life away for us!"

"Emmett, I have to. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to any of you," I pleaded, finally looking up at Emmett. He looked back at me, his gaze so intense I almost started to cry. "I'm so sorry...But, I just can't stay. What if something happened to Rosalie, Renesmee!" I cried out as I gestured to my granddaughter sitting beside Jacob. Emmett flinched at the mention of Rosalie's name in that context.

"Are you sure you're willing to sacrifice that much Esme?" Jasper asked, watching me as he sent calming waves throughout the room.

I nodded. "I'm more sure of this then a lot of other things right now."

He nodded in reply, then he stood up and grabbed a wine glass that Emmett had knocked over in his exasperation, from the table. I frequently forgot about all the props I'd placed through the house, but they served purposes I suppose.

Jasper carefully lifted the glass toward me and nodded, "Esme, If there was liquid in this glass, I would make a toast to you. But since there isn't, I'll say this instead. I understand what you're doing and why. I understand how you feel. I know how strongly you feel you must do this, but if I may, I believe I can speak for us all and say that if you ever decide that you cannot do this, no matter what's happened or happening, we will welcome you back. If a war breaks out and we all die, so be it. I know you don't see it that way, but I would rather live my last moments together as a family, then live a longer life knowing a member of my family is suffering everyday, just to keep us alive. I'm not sure what Carlisle would say, but I'm sure he would want to see you happy, so...do whatever you feel necessary, but if possible, try to be happy."

I could feel myself slowly slip into Carlisle's chair. I nodded softly, but his words just swum around my head, making me dizzy. How could my family ever truly be together again when the rock of the family was gone, forever. I couldn't help but cry. What was I to say after a speech like that! I didn't want to leave! Never in a million years, but I could not, would not live with myself if I endangered my family.

After a long time of thinking and crying...but mostly crying, I found the strength to say the one thing I had never said enough when I lived with them all, but I knew it needed to come out now, one final time.

"I love you all so much. I'm so proud of all of you. I could never have had a better family then the one Carlisle gave to me with all of you. Thank you," and with that I stood up and went around the table hugging each of them one more time, saving Edward for last. Once I had hugged him I looked up at him and tried to smile. "Take care of them all for me, will you?"

He nodded. It broke my heart to see him and the rest of them so close to sobs over me. I wasn't worth crying over.

That night, I walked out of the house I had grown to love more than all the other houses I'd lived in, away from all the people I loved and cared about, suitcase in hand. The only thing I wasn't parting with was my ring (Alice wouldn't take it, she said that even though she couldn't see my future, she knew I would need a piece of him with me), and my memories. All of my precious memories that would have to last me an eternity. I just wish I could take away the pain and sorrow of my loss every time I thought about them. My beautiful family. They were definitely worth fighting for. At least they wouldn't have to fight with me.