Chapter 10: Nace: Letters
Nace Pololanik: Letters
Place in the 61st Hunger Games: 23rd Place
March 11, 354th Year of Panem, 67th Hunger Games
Hi Daddy!
Mommy told me to rite this for you. She said to rite you letters every month. She gives me a prettie blue pen to rite it with. We put it by a rock in a big field with other rocks. Your rock even has your name on it. I tought that was cool. I ask Mommy wear are you and she says you went on vakashon. Can I come to vakashon with you? I can spell my name now. Mommy gives me bubblegum wen I spell it right. I like the green one the best. What kind of bubblegum do you like?
I love you Daddy,
Rudolf Pololanik
April 9, 354th Year of Panem, 67th Hunger Games
Hi Daddy!
My first tooth came out! I look funnie when I smile. Mommy pulled it out. I cried because it hurted. We learned our numbers and letters at skool. I can cont to 60! Is that a high number Daddy? We learn about historee too. Mrs. Gorski said it is importent to know about our countrie but I do not like it. When will you leave vakashon? You have been gone for a long time. Mommy cries at night a lot. Come back so she can be happie.
I love you Daddy,
Rudolf Pololanik
August 14, 354th Year of Panem, 67th Hunger Games
Hi Daddy!
Today was very speshal. We had Reaping Day. The older kids were sad that it was Reaping Day. Mommy cried in the morning. The two kids who got to play for something called The Hunger Games cried too. The pink man on stage was verie happie. He even kissed them on the cheek! What is The Hunger Games Daddy? Is it when you eats the most food and win? Mrs. Gorski tells us to date everything with it but she never tells me what it is. I ask Mommy and she gets angry. I cry when she yells at me. She tells me not to ask her agan. Can I play in The Hunger Games? I always go to bed hungry cause Mommy never cooks dinner. I would eat a hole shepard pie and win. Do they give them pie in the Hunger Games? I am still waiting on you to come back from vakashon.
I love you Daddy,
Rudolf Pololanik
August 26, 354th Year of Panem, 67th Hunger Games
Hi Daddy!
Lisabeth was crieing in klass today. I asked her why she was crieing and she said her brother died in The Hunger Games. Karsten laufed at us. He is verie mean and I do not like him. He likes to bullie us a lot even when Mrs. Gorski tells him to stop. He said you died in The Hunger Games! Mommy slapped me when I asked her abot it. She is angry everie day. Why would you die in The Hunger Games Daddy? I thought you were on vakashon? Please rite back to me. You are not picking up my letters by your rock. Do you not like my letters?
I still love you Daddy,
Rudolf Pololanik
January 8, 357th Year of Panem, 70th Hunger Games
Hey.
So I don't really know why I'm writing this. I haven't written to you in like, what, three years? I know why you haven't answered any of my letters. Surprise, surprise, you're dead. Mom finally broke down one day and told me when I was seven. One day before dinner I asked where you really were. Instead of beating around the bush, she put the knife down, stopped cutting the tomatoes and flat out told me. You weren't on vacation. You weren't coming back. You were dead. Till this day she refuses to tell me just how you died. I'm not sure if I want to know. Besides, I have bigger things to worry about.
Mom pretty much forgot about you. She's seeing this skinny, smelly dude now. Laurens Giese. What type of name is that? He expects me to call him Dad. Even wants me to take his last name. Mom already has. Please. I barely know the dude and I already hate his guts. Coming in long after the scheduled curfew, sitting on the couch watching Hunger Games reruns, not making a dime for himself. Mom still loves his sorry ass. Oops, sorry that I cursed Dad. (Do I even call you Dad? You are dead.) He's ripping us off Dad, sweet-talking Mom for money and stealing from her when she says no. I caught him twice in her coin jar. Laurens beats Mom too. She yells at me when I point out the bruises on her arm and chest, so I don't say anything anymore. I don't want to stress her out.
Money is getting real tight. We've never had it good but it's down to the wire now. The main plant in Ampere, the sector we live in, are cutting back hours, why I don't know. With all the lights the Capitol uses, you'd think they would have enough work for every person in Panem. Not to mention the winter being pretty rough this year. There's only so much a tattered coat, hand-me-down boots, and lukewarm water can do. Mom has found odd jobs here and there but it's not enough. Laurens is one screw up away from being fired from his janitor job at the schoolhouse, so he's no help either. Plus Nana and Papa are too sick to work now. We had to hire a nurse for them since both are bedridden. That's why I took up a shift at the old factory down the road packaging batteries. Wake up before the sun rises, go to work, eat the slop they give us, go to school, pass out at home. You get chump change but it's enough to have something in my belly. I do Mrs. Gorski's shopping whenever she needs it too. Her eyesight is getting bad and I always was her favorite. Isn't that something: I'm nine-years old and I'm the one putting food on the table.
I had to rip off some cardboard to write this. Used the same pretty blue pen Mom gave me too. Pen and paper are luxuries. Hell, soap is a cause for celebration. Oops, sorry again about that. I'm a tired, angry, sad, hungry kid with a miserable mother, abusive live-in rat, and dying grandparents. When will it end Dad? When will it end?
You know what. Forget it. Dead people can't help me. No one can't help me. I don't care anymore.
Rudy
September 1, 357th Year of Panem, 70th Hunger Games
So I found out how you died. Just a few minutes ago actually. Had to write this down on a napkin I took from Grey Gregor's, the diner a few blocks down. Laurens was doing his usual: gargling cheap beer, laid out in front of the TV. I decided to take a peek of what he was laughing at. It was the Games. Mom never lets me watch them, slapping me if I'm caught looking at anything past the required viewings. She was out cleaning some rich family's house so I thought, 'Hey, why not?' If Laurens was good for anything, it would be knowing the Hunger Games. The dude's an expert on it. Can probably say every Victor in order of win. Too bad the only time he can stand me is when he's drunk. He's actually nice once you get a few drinks in him, and by nice I mean he limits the name-calling to four times a day.
So I plopped down on the dingy couch we found in a dumpster and actually had some "father-son" bonding time. This year a Career went bonkers, the Four girl. Showing her balled up crying in the tall bushes of the Arena, they replayed the scene of her district dude's head getting chopped clean off. One good swing of an axe and POP! I screamed. Laurens laughed. Then Caesar and Claudius cut to the 61st Hunger Games. The Cornucopia scene. One lone boy scrambled to the horn only to quickly meet his end. While Claudius compared his death to the Career kid's, I couldn't help but be fascinated by the boy getting done in with the gigantic axe. Light brown hair, dark eyes, short, slim build. He looked just like me! I thought 'Is that…..no way. No. It couldn't.' My suspicions were confirmed in a typical Laurens-fashion.
'Boy,' he mumbled, popping open yet another bottle of beer. 'That's your daddy right there. The one getting killed. He wasn't the smartest thing around. Now I see where you get it!'
I was too shocked to shoot an insult back. That's it! That's why Mom wouldn't tell me how you died. Or how the adults give me that sympathetic look and a few leftovers whenever I come around. They knew I was the child rendered fatherless by the Games. How did I not notice?
I don't know how I feel about this. To be totally honest, I'm angry. With you Dad. Actually I'm pissed the fuck off. Just you and that other girl stayed. At least she had a reason. Not you though. You were so stupid Dad, so stupid to just waltz on over to the Cornucopia. Did you not see everyone else leave the bloodbath? Because of you Mom and me have to slave in the factories. Because of you I don't play with my friends anymore. I don't have friends. Because of you Mom had to fill in the void you left with pathetic men like Laurens. Who knows just how many stragglers have been in and out of this hole in the wall when I was younger. Laurens just stayed here the longest. Nine years later and she's still bitter over what happened. She takes it out on me you know. I never understood why until now. You embarrassed yourself, us, and District Five with such an easy kill. No better that I'm your splitting image, a living reminder of what her life used to be. Of when she didn't have to cry herself to sleep while some scraggly drunk did things to her. I hear them late at night Dad. Laurens doesn't bother being quiet.
I'm crying as I write this out. I'm crying because I don't think things will get better. I know things won't get better. Mom just got home and Laurens's begging for some money already. I really don't know why my life is like this. Why me? What did I do?
I hate you Dad. I really, really hate you.
Expect this to be the last letter I write to you Nace.
February 2, 359th Year of Panem, 72nd Hunger Games
Hey.
So I know I said I would never write you again. I had kept with my promise too-just about two years since the last one. But some things have been going on. Good things. I had to tell somebody about it. I found a sheet of paper and the same pretty blue pen thrown under my bed and thought I'd give it a try again.
A few months after that last letter, we hit some real hard times. Like having-to-steal-from-the-neighbors- two-doors- down hard times. I thought making friends with the neighbors' kid and even bearing through her huge crush on me would be worth it. It was, for a little while. To make a long story short, she caught me sneaking out of her apartment with some of her food. The ugly witch; she had pantries full of the stuff anyway! Three whippings later and I've never stolen another can of corn again. Well, I never got caught stealing another can of corn again.
But on to the good things. Mom's job started giving her more hours after an accident took out five or six workers. An electrical mishap or something. Not sure if they died. I am sure that it meant more money for us, and more money means more food. Finally I can go to bed not gnawing off the ends of my pillow. Mom even got in good with the plant manager. He's come around once or twice. Pudgy, big-nosed guy. Likes compliment Mom too much. Laurens doesn't like him.
Speaking of Laurens, he's finally doing something with his life. He's straightened up at work, coming in on time and completing his tasks. Almost got Janitor of the Month. He cut down on the drinking too plus shaved that ugly beard of his, a damn miracle that was. The downside to going cold turkey is the horrible (well, even worse) attitude that Laurens has taken on. There's an argument every three seconds in this place. He's cooled it with me. A black eye and bloody nose will solve any disagreement. I stay out of his way, for Mom's sake. At least he's trying I guess. Still not gonna call him Dad though.
Since Mom and Laurens are getting more hours, I get time to pretty much be a kid. I have friends now, real ones. Ewan and Manfred are brothers and they're super cool. They live five floors down from me. They're a little better off than us, both their parents working in the solar factories across Ampere, but they aren't stuck up in the least bit. Those two seriously are the nicest guys you'll ever meet. Lars lives in the brick apartments close to the shopping area, the newly built ones. Though he's got a little attitude about himself, thinking since he's older than us and his place's got heating and air that that makes him the leader of our 'posse'. The four of us play outside, get in trouble. Just do normal boy stuff. Sports all day. I can play a mean dirtball. Mom isn't too happy with my new hobby. Neither is the living room carpet.
There's this girl too. Short black hair with a little headband right on the top. Always dressed in pretty skirts and white slippers with scruffs on the tips. I don't know her name. I don't even know what apartment she lives in. We cross paths when I'm heading to work every now and then. Four times we've caught each other looking. Once she smiled. I spotted some scars lining the side of her neck. I wonder what her name is? Ask her where she got those scars from. Why her eyes are so nice. Maybe I will, once I stop being such a wuss.
So that's what's all been going on. I'm sorry for pretty much cutting you out of my life. I was being really stupid. I miss being able to I talk to you. When I write these letters, I can be myself. I can let my tough-guy guard down. To actually be happy for once…I never felt this way before. I feel like I could conquer the world. I feel like I can win the Hunger Games! Okay, let me not jinx myself. My first Reaping is next year.
See you later Dad,
Rudy
August 18, 360th Year of Panem, 73rd Hunger Games
I gotta write this quick cause we're in a hurry. Today's Reaping Day. Mom went all out and bought me a button up and matching slacks from the market, "just in case". Laurens was more concerned with the money we were spending. It only took a month for his old ways to kick back in. He's still at the school but his drinking habit's got worse.
Dad, I'm scared. I need to be a man, but my name is in there four times. Food was getting low and we had run out of oil days before. This is already taken a toll on Mom. I'm your clone Dad, in the looks department. Like the dead walking. It was so bad she took off work and Mom never takes off work, ever. She doesn't know I applied for tesserae either. She thinks Mrs. Gorski gave us the grain and oil. It's better this way. If worse comes to worst, she won't blame herself. Having her husband and son go into the Games would be enough.
I know I'm just overreacting, that the chances of me getting picked are slim to none. But who knows what the odds will be for me (I refuse to repeat that stupid Capitol catchphrase). Twelve-year-olds do get picked. Not every year but often enough. And District Five is small. Everybody knows of everybody here.
Is this how you felt your first year? Or the year the Capitol chose you out of the thousands to die in front of Mom's eyes? Like the old saying goes: like father, like son.
Any second now Laurens will burst in here and drag me away. I gotta go Dad. This might be the last time we talk. If so, then I'll be seeing you soon. If there is anything after death.
Wish me good luck.
Love you Dad,
Rudy
November 11, 360st Year of Panem, 73rd Hunger Games
Obviously I didn't go into the Games since I'm writing this. I'm not a ghost Dad (Now I kinda wanna be a ghost. That'd be so awesome!). An eighteen-year-old got picked. He cried when he was dragged up to the stage. He cried when the Careers found him second day in. At least they were merciful.
Mom finally kicked Laurens out for good. Come to find out he's had a girl on the side for the past five months. Mom can put up with a lot, but cheating must be the dealbreaker. So the guy I've had the displeasure of associating the term "father" to is finally gone. Left about a month ago and haven't step foot in here since. Not even a week after she ended things with Laurens, Mom's boss swooped in to save the day. I thought he was a total slimeball (he still kinda is), but he isn't so bad. He thinks candy will win me over. I'm not nine. Dirtball and candy will win me over. The dude is Jannik Lindquist. Another weird name.
Oh, and I finally know the name of that pretty girl. Franciszka. Her voice is real soft too. Lars makes fun of me for liking her. He's just mad that I found her first. None of the girls at school want him. Says he smells like rotten fish, which he does.
Love you Dad,
Rudy
January 8, 362nd Year of Panem, 75th Hunger Games, 3rd QQ
The two from District Twelve were here a few days ago. I'm not sure how I feel about them. They seemed different from the other Victors that come here. More nervous than the rest, especially the girl. What's so fiery about her? The blond dude accidentally took out our girl. Luzia was the best tribute District Five has had in years, and we aren't known for being real contenders. But something so weird happened: everyone was excited to see them. Peacekeepers had to threaten the crowd with open fire. District Five never cheers for the Victors, our own included.
There's been talk of change coming. Uprising. Rebellion. Manfred says we're gonna raid the Capitol and take over. Ewan thinks the Quarter Quell will be the Hunger Games to end it all. Lars swears he heard a kid whispering about District Thirteen. It's all talk. It has to be? I mean, a rebellion? District Thirteen? What can a bunch of factory workers do to the Capitol? Cut off their electricity? How scary. And District Thirteen was blown to bits. HP Augustus is taking things serious. He's ordered double the amount of Peacekeepers and set the curfew to 8 PM. The sun has barely gone down by then.
If there really is gonna be an uprising, which I seriously doubt there will be, then it's about damn time. 75 years of this madness. Why couldn't it have happened fourteen years ago?
Love you Dad,
Rudy
December 27th, Month 4 of the Mockingjay War
The Rebellion was true.
District Five has been thrown into chaos. The entire country is going insane. Factories are shutting down. People are getting killed. Peacekeepers are being overpowered. You don't walk outside alone. They're attacking people. Both sides. A gun is put to your head: Capitol or Rebels? Say the wrong answer and they pull the trigger. They aren't kidding. Faraday and his wife were executed in front of City Circle a month after the Quarter Quell was interrupted. He was the oldest Victor in Five. What harm was an elderly couple gonna cause? It happened to Jannik too. They shot him one night when he was closing up the factory, right in the temple. Mom hasn't been the same since. She doesn't talk anymore.
We lost the apartment last week. Couldn't afford it with no money coming in. Franciszka's parents were kind enough to take us in. We're sorta dating now. I would rub it in Lars's face, but he's been missing for a few days now. Ewan too.
Dad, I'm sorry for being such a brat over the years, for ignoring you and almost erasing you from my life. I need to make it up to you. I'm thinking about joining the rebels. Do you think it's a good idea? It won't take long for me to learn my way with a gun. I'm small too. Be good for getting away from Peacekeepers. The Capitol already snatched away my father and father-in-law. Revenge is necessary. Inevitable. I want to make you proud. I need to make you proud. Whatever happens, I hope you are.
I hear gunshots downstairs. Someone's screaming. I gotta go.
I love you Daddy,
Rudolf Pololanik