song –youtube dot com/watch?v=CNtcZaBhSD4

Chapter 10 - Declaration

What a horrible week this has been. Every night I have been outside Bella's house surrounded by all the stench of whatever Cullen happens to be there as well, not to mention being mentally tortured knowing that Edward stays in her room every night.

Now that school is out Sam is really getting intense with the fight training, we have spent hours and hours every single day with drill after drill. There was something coming and I know that Sam could feel it. Truthfully, I could feel it too. You could call it your gut instinct or sixth sense, whatever, it was on red alert. As if to confirm our suspicions Brady and Collin both joined the pack. The pack has never been this large before and the only explanation that The Council had was that something big was coming and we needed to be ready.

While I completely agreed about needing to be ready, and I didn't mind the extra training, Sam and I could not agree on Bella at all. He did not see her visits as being substantial proof that she was back under our protection and refused to even acknowledge my being there as part of my wolf duties. He didn't care what I did in my "free time" as long as it didn't interfere with his plans. So I spend all day training with Sam and every night over at Bella's, getting little to no sleep at all.

When I was able to sleep I was having horrible dreams of Bella as my enemy with pale white skin and bright red eyes. She would be hunting throughout the reservation or Forks, people everywhere would be screaming. She gave no regard to women or the elderly, everyone was simply a target and she was the hunter. I would see my pack brothers attacking her, dismembering her body, piling the pieces together, and burning her beautiful face until it turned to black ash. Other times she would come directly to my own home and I would feel her presence before I saw her. She would be crouched ready to attack me, or sometimes knelt over the body of my dead father.

I had been asleep for about an hour when Embry and Quil came and woke me up.

"Come on, Jake you're late." Embry said, shaking my shoulder.

"Ugh." I groaned.

"Jake, do you really think that you are protecting her, when you can hardly function." Quil said, frustrated.

"I'm doing what I have to do." I sneered.

They both shook their heads, but kept their mouths shut. The three of us had gotten into a huge fight over me overextending myself. I wanted their help, but they sided with Sam, and in all honesty I was furious with them both. So without further acknowledgement we all went outside and joined the group for our usual training. I was a brute force when I am angry and determined, and after almost tearing Jared's leg off Sam decided that I needed the rest of the day off.

The moment I was home I crashed into my bed, I had been asleep for two hours when the phone woke me up.

"What?" I answered angrily.

"Jacob?" Bella answered. "Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah," I answered through a huge yawn. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to see if I could come visit tomorrow I don't have finals, but I don't know . . ."

"That sounds great." I said perking up. "It would be great to see you."

I heard her whispering, I assume to Edward because I could hear him as well. "Okay, Edward will drop me off at the boarder."

Of course he will, "I'll see ya then."

After hanging up I decided to take a shower and really wake up. I had one day to get ready for Bella's visit, I knew I needed to make the most of it. While showering I began to think, everything had been so fantastic when she was able to attend the bonfire, I could tell that she had slipped back into the person when it was just the two of us together every day. I wish that she realized how much she really did love me, I could see it in her eyes when she looked at me. Her face would soften and I could tell that she was happy, relaxed, safe, and at peace.

If she wasn't aware of her own feelings, was it possible that she wasn't aware of mine? I felt like EVERYONE knew how much I loved Bella, but maybe I hung out with people who could literally know my thoughts too much and it wasn't as clear as I thought.

I got out of the shower, dried myself off, and got dressed. I have decided that I needed to tell Bella and actually speak the words out loud, how much she means to me. I wanted her to know that life is worth living and that she is making the wrong choice. I didn't want to just spring all that on her at once, but find a way to bring it out one step at a time. We were meeting in the morning so we would have all day together. I wanted to ride our bikes so that she could remember what it felt like to be free and to have fun. There was a pond that had been special to my family, my sister's and I used to play in it and I can remember Bella playing with us there as kids. It wasn't far from where we normally road our bikes and we could go for a walk and I could take her hand as we walked. I found it great that she still let me touch her when we were together, we could sit close together by the pond and I could tell her everything.

For once I was actually in a pretty good mood, so I decided that I needed to fix things with my brothers. Quil and Embry forgave me easily, we have been through too much and they really understood. I have been a pain in the ass to deal with lately, so I agreed to cover Jared's shift for biting him and patrolled the rest of the evening. I stopped by the house and ate everything in the refrigerator, two hamburgers, some spaghetti, mac-n-cheese, and a bag of chips from the pantry. Then I went over to Bella's to watch her for the night. Afterwards I went back home and got my dad ready for the day and we ate a huge breakfast together of eggs, bacon and toast.

It was finally time to meet Bella so I jumped in the Rabbit and went to the boarder line, once again arriving early. It was sort of getting ridiculous that I couldn't pick up Bella myself or her drive her own truck. What did he think we would do, chase her tires, try and bite them? I wanted to make sure that everything would come together when I told Bella that I loved her. She had to already know that, but I felt like it needed to be said. Maybe there would be some light bulb moment where she would finalize realize that she did love me too.

I was lost in my own thoughts when I looked up and saw Edward and Bella just sitting in the car, I didn't think they had been sitting there for long, but I hadn't been paying attention. I gave the horn a couple taps.

"That's impolite," Edward growled.

"That's Jacob." What can I say, she knows me well. She got out of his car and gave a little wave as she got into mine.

"Hey Bells." I said cheerfully, trying to make up for the exhaustion that I felt. I had tried to take a nap before coming here, but I was too wound up and couldn't sleep.

"Are you all right, Jake?"

"Just tired." I said while yawning. "What do you want to do today?"

She looked at me for a moment before answering. "Let's just hang out at your place for now. We can ride our bikes later."

"Sure, sure," I said, yawning again. That sounded like a perfect plan.

I parked the Rabbit in the garage and then Bella and I walked inside the house. Dad almost always had the TV on when he was home and so it was strangely quiet when he wasn't home.

"Where's your dad?" Bella asked.

"Over at the Clearwaters'. He's been hanging out there a lot since Harry died. Sue gets lonely." I sat down on the couch scooting to the side to make room for Bella to sit next to me.

"Oh. That's nice. Poor Sue."

"Yeah . . . she's having some trouble . . ." I hesitated, wishing that I had answered more simply. It was hard keeping Seth and Leah being in the pack a secret from Bella, I just wasn't used to having to keep things from her. "With her kids." I added.

"Sure, it's got to be hard on Seth and Leah, losing their dad . . ."

"Uh-huh," if that was their only problem it would be so much easier to deal with. I picked up the remote and flipped the TV on, nothing looked interesting and I yawned again.

"What's with you, Jake? You're like a zombie."

"I got about two hours of sleep last night and four the night before." I stretched my arms and shoulders the joints cracking as they flexed, one arm landing on the back of the couch and I slouched a little to my head could rest against the wall. "I'm exhausted."

"Why aren't you sleeping?" She asked.

I was really irritated at Sam and I knew it showed on my face. "Sam's being difficult. He doesn't trust your bloodsuckers. I've been running double shifts for two weeks and nobody's touched me yet, but he still doesn't buy it. So I'm on my own for now."

"Double shifts? Is this because you're trying to watch out for me? Jake, that's wrong! You need to sleep. I'll be fine."

"It's no big deal." That reminded me of why I was out there, making me more alert. "Hey, did you ever find out who was in your room? Is there anything new?"

"No, we didn't find anything out about my, um, visitor."

"Then I'll be around," I relaxed again, closing my eyes.

"Jake . . ." she started to whine.

"Hey, it's the least I can do – I offered eternal servitude, remember. I'm your slave for life."

"I don't want a slave!"

I kept my eyes shut. "What do you want, Bella?"

"I want my friend Jacob – and I don't want him half-dead, hurting himself in some misguided attempt –"

That wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for. "Look at it this way – I'm hoping I can track down a vampire I'm allowed to kill, okay?" Suddenly it was way too quiet, and I opened my eyes looking for her reaction. "Kidding, Bella." I never dreamed she would be protective of allvampires. She turned her eyes to the TV, but I knew she wasn't really watching. "So, any special plans next week? You're graduating. Wow. That's big." My voice was flat, amazing how something that should have been so exciting was completely ruined. I closed my eyes again trying to keep some of that pain to myself.

"No special plans," she said cryptically. I wonder exactly what she meant by that. Had she changed her mind or was there something else slowing her down? "Well, I do have to go to a graduation party. Mine." She made a disgusted sound and then continued. "Alice loves parties, and she's invited the whole town to her place the night of. It's going to be horrible."

The entire town was going to be over at the vampire's house, that seemed a little odd. They were certainly taking the "human charade" way too far. "I didn't get an invitation. I'm hurt," I teased.

"Consider yourself invited. It's supposedly my party, so I should be able to ask who I want."

"Thanks," I said sarcastically, my eyes closing once again.

"I wish you would come," she said knowing it wasn't going to happen. "It would be more fun. For me, I mean."

I really liked that Bella wanted me there. "Sure, sure," I mumbled. "That would be very . . . wise . . ." I tried to stay awake and really be able to enjoy Bella's company, but her being next to me was really comforting. I have been so stressed lately trying to protect her, knowing that she was right here allowed my mind to finally relax and went completely unconscious.

I felt something move against my arm and I sprung to my feet looking around. "What? What?" I asked, disoriented.

"It's just me, Jake. Sorry I woke you."

I looked back at the couch, confused that Bella was there. "Bella?"

"Hey, sleepy."

"Oh man! Did I fall asleep? I'm sorry! How long was I out?"

"A few Emerils. I lost count."

I flopped back on the couch next to her. "Wow. Sorry about that, really."

She brought her hands through my hair, smoothing it out. "Don't feel bad. I'm glad you got some sleep."

Her touch was making me sleepy again, I yawn and stretched. "I'm useless these days. No wonder Billy's always gone. I'm so boring."

"You're fine," she assured me.

"Ugh, let's go outside. I need to walk around or I'll pass out again."

"Jake, go back to sleep. I'm good. I'll call Edward to come pick me up." She patted her pockets. "Shoot, I'll have to borrow your phone. I think I must have left his in the car."

She started to unfold herself to stand. "No!" I insisted, grabbing her hand. "No, stay. You hardly ever make it down. I can't believe I wasted all this time."

Her wanting to leave really freaked me out and reminded me of what I was suppose to be doing today, and I knew that I couldn't let her leave now. I stood from the couch pulling her with me and brought us both outside. The air was cool and it helped to wake me up, but I was really struggling with what to do. I wanted to make this time with Bella special, she needed to remember everything that we did together that made us, us.

"I'm an idiot," I muttered to myself.

"What's the matter, Jake? So you fell asleep." She shrugged, clearly not seeing why this was such a big deal.

"I wanted to talk to you. I can't believe this."

"Talk to me now," she said.

I looked her right in the eyes, I wanted to tell her my feelings for her so badly, but I didn't want to just randomly spill my guts. I looked back into the trees trying to get my thoughts together. "Look, I was planning to do this a little bit differently." I laughed, not sure why this has turned out to be so complicated. It was suppose to be easy. "Smoother, I was going to work up to it, but" - I looked up at the sky seeing how late it has become – "I'm out of time to work." I laughed again nervously, I was still dragging Bella around the yard by her hand as I paced around.

"What are you talking about?" She demanded.

I took a deep breath. "I want to tell you something. And you already know it . . . but I think I should say it out loud anyway. Just so there's never any confusion on the subject."

She planted her feet, making me stop. She dropped her hand and crossed her arms over her chest. That probably wasn't a really good sign, but I couldn't back down now. I looked her directly in the eyes.

"I'm in love with you, Bella. Bella, I love you. And I want you to pick me instead of him. I know you don't feel that way, but I need the truth out there so that you know your options. I wouldn't want a miscommunication to stand in our way."

She stared at me completely speechless. I don't think it is possible that she didn't already know how I felt about her, so her surprise must have been that I actually said it out loud. I don't know what I expected from her after I said those words, but silence wasn't really it. "Okay," I said, grinning. "That's all."

"Jake – " She seemed to choke on her words, trying to spit them out. "I can't – I mean I don't . . . I have to go."

She turned to leave and I grabbed her shoulders and spun her back around. "No, wait. I knowthat, Bella. But, look, answer me this, all right? Do you want me to go away and never see you again? Be honest."

I waited a little nervous, and it took her longer to answer, I could tell that she was taking my question very seriously. "No, I don't want that," she finally admitted.

I grinned. "See."

"But I don't want you around for the same reason that you want me around," she objected.

"Tell me exactly why you want me around, then."

She thought carefully. "I miss you when you're not there. When you're happy," she qualified carefully, "it makes me happy. But I could say the same thing about Charlie, Jacob. You're family. I love you, but I'm not in love with you."

I nodded, she didn't really say anything that I didn't already know. "But you do want me around."

"Yes." She sighed.

"Then I'll stick around."

"You're a glutton for punishment," she grumbled.

"Yep." I needed to touch her so I stroked the tips of my fingers across her cheek, she slapped my hand away.

"Do you think you could behave yourself a little better, at least?" she asked, irritated.

"No, I don't. You decide, Bella. You can have me the way I am – bad behavior included – or not at all."

She looked at me, frustrated. "That's mean."

"So are you."

She looked right at me and took a step back. "You're right," she whispered.

I laughed. "I forgive you. Just try not to get too mad at me. Because I recently decided that I'm not giving up. There really is something irresistible about a lost cause."

"Jacob." she looked right into my eyes. "I love him, Jacob. He's my whole life."

Not really what I wanted to hear. "You love me, too." I saw her start to object and held up a hand to stop her. "Not the same way, I know. But he's not your whole life, either. Not anymore. Maybe he was once, but he left. And now he's just going to have to deal with the consequences of that choice – me."

She shook her head. "You're impossible."

Suddenly I got serious. I reached out and took her chin in my hand directing her eyes into my own so that once again we looked at each other. "Until your heart stops beating, Bella. I'll be here – fighting. Don't forget that you have options."

"I don't want options," she tried to move her face but I didn't let go. "And my heartbeats are numbered, Jacob. The time is almost gone."

That is the whole point. "All the more reason to fight – fight harder now, while I can." I whispered. I hated thinking about her life ending. There had to be something more that I could do.

Author's Note – Yeah I know, I'm evil for stopping right there. I'm sorry.

FACTS

- I don't know that Jacob, Quil, and Embry got into a fight over Bella, but I find it a little strange that they didn't help him guard her at night. So that is where that came from.