A/N: You guys! The reviews for the last chapter made me so happy, I'm glad you're enjoying the story! So I am uploading this chapter earlier than I usually do but I just really wanted to get it out here. This chapter is pure Natasha/Katarina, I would really like to hear what you think about it and if you liked it. Anyway read on, if you even bother to read this, and hopefully enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, just an obscene amount of comics ;)

Katarina felt more like death then she ever had before when she woke up, which considering the fact that she had actually died once must've been bad. Her throat hurt, her eyes were puffy and ached and she felt like she had let James' metal arm beat the crap out of her for days. The pounding in her head also sucked.

"How are you feeling?" Natasha said quietly from next to her, tightening her hold on Katarina.

Katarina nearly answered honestly, nearly told Natasha she felt like death but recalled Natasha had thought she was dead, had been told she was dead twice and decided against it. She shook her head, ignoring the pain, and pressed herself further into Natasha side.

"Painkillers?" Natasha asked, Katarina shook her head again. She'd never taken anything for pain before and she was not about to be weak enough to let a headache be the reason she did. She was already weak after crying like that last night.

"At least have some water," Natasha said, blindly reaching behind her for a glass of water. Katarina didn't want to move from Natasha's warm embrace though, she was far too comfortable, she'd put up with all of the pain just to stay there.

"Please," Natasha pleaded. That was the only reason Katarina moved. Natasha stared at Katarina whilst she slowly drank the cold water, her tears had stained her cheeks and her eyes were red and puffy. It was the least put together Natasha had ever seen her and Natasha thought she was stunning. Her hair messy, her face blotchy, nose red, eyes bloodshot, she was the most stunning person on the planet.

Katarina was sure she looked a mess. She never really cared for her appearance, something Hydra did made her always look great, sometimes unnaturally great, they needed her to be stunning, after all, beauty is deadly. Whatever they had done to her she was sure it wasn't working now. If she looked half as bad as she felt it was sure to be horrendous.

After finishing her water she noticed Natasha was staring at her, she was a wreck, she knew that. She felt self-conscious, a feeling she'd never really had before, and went back under the quilt hiding her face. Natasha chuckled lightly before curling up on the bed as well, moving to hold onto Katarina.

"Mia Stella," Natasha whispered, her voice awed as she lightly ran her fingers over Katarina's back through the quilt, "I've missed having you in my arms. I never thought I'd be able to hold you again," She admitted.

Katarina stiffened in Natasha's arm momentarily before relaxing and rolling over. She was facing Natasha now but still hidden under the quilt.

Natasha smiled softly and held onto Katarina tighter. If Natasha had a say in anything she'd never let the younger girl go again. "Katarina?" Natasha cooed, "Come out,"

Katarina didn't want to but she did. She was doing lots of thinks she didn't want to recently, this was probably one of the easiest things she had done recently. She slowly peeped out from under the quilt.

"There you are, beautiful," Natasha readjusted Katarina in her arms so they were even closer. "Why were you crying, Mia Stella?"

Katarina didn't want to talk about that. Crying was weakness, Hydra had drilled into her. It was going to take her a while to stop thinking that.

"Why don't you want me anymore?" Katarina asked before she could stop herself. So, she was doing this now? Whilst completely unprepared? She should've just answered the damn question, that would've been a much easier conversation.

"What are you talking about, Mia Stella?" Natasha asked, confusion written all over her face.

"Voglio dire,ho capito perché non si farebbe. Sei Natasha Romanov , la Vedova Nera , agente S.H.I.E.L.D. , Avenger , si salva la gente e io sono Sirena , Hydra asssassino, mi rovina le persone e le loro vite. Sono un monstro, la cosa che le persone mettono in guardia i loro bambini circa. Mi stavo chiedendo se ci fosse un motivo specifico," I mean I understand why you wouldn't. You're Natasha Romanov, Black Widow, S.H.I.E.L.D agent, Avenger, you save people and I'm Siren, Hydra assassin, I ruin people and their lives. I'm a monster, the thing people warn their children about. I was just wondering if there was a specific reason, Katarina rambled, shrugging lamely and, oh, how Natasha wanted to cry.

Natasha couldn't handle it, the way Katarina was talking hurt more than any torture she had been through. She tucked Katarina's head under her chin and stroked her hair. Katarina didn't cry, she didn't react, she was numb to it all. Natasha wanted to hold onto Katarina, hold her so tightly all these cracks and broken bits stuck back together. She wanted to fix every problem Katarina had, protect her from everything the world threw at her and make sure nothing could hurt the girl every again.

"Mia Stella, of course I want you." She said in a tone that meant no arguing, forcing Katarina to look her in the eyes, "I have always wanted you and I always will. You're my star, the only reason I stayed sane in the Red Room. I just didn't want to force anything onto you. You've never had a choice in anything you've done, they forced everything onto you, I didn't want to do that as well,"

Now Katarina felt bad. Here Natasha was being sweet and kind and all Katarina could think was she didn't want her anymore.

"The only thing I've ever chosen for myself is you," Katarina mumbled, refusing to look at Natasha.

"I love you, Katarina." Natasha told her as if it was so simple and for Natasha it was. For Natasha loving Katarina was almost as natural as breathing. She remembered every moment the two spent together as just themselves, no Black Widow and no Siren, no KGB, Red Room or Hydra, just Natasha and Katarina wrapped up in each other like there was nothing else in the world.

Those sayings of loving someone being easy, Natasha thought, were a lie. Loving Katarina had been full of complications. What with Hydra and the Red Room, missions and assassinations, memory wipes, cryo-freezes, mind-control and god knows what else. Not loving Katarina would've been simpler, it just wasn't possible and everything they went through, all the pain, all the heartache and sorrow, Natasha thought, knew, it was worth it. It was definitely worth it because now, Natasha had Katarina in her arms, she could feel that she was safe and alive and there.

"You could have someone better," Katarina pointed out, "Someone who hasn't spent their entire life hurting innocents. Someone who isn't a monster. Someone who isn't a human disaster." The term Human disaster she had heard on a show she watched with Tony and she thought it described her perfectly. The person on the show struggled to do even the simple things in life just like Katarina.

"You are not a monster," Natasha told her sternly, "You are not a disaster and it wasn't you who hurt those innocent people. You had no choice, neither did Barnes, neither did I. We are not the monsters, the people who took us, tried to ruin us, those people are the monsters. Don't you ever forget that. You're an innocent in this too,"

"I was innocent," Katarina corrected, thinking of little Alexandria who used to catch snow flakes on her tongue and tried to fly whilst on the swings in the park, "I stopped being innocent the first time I hurt someone for them. I should've fought harder, should've done something, anything, to stop them. You and Barnes keep saying I didn't have a choice, I did, I could've disobeyed them, I could've let them kill me,"

"No! That was not an option, that was never an option. They did bad things to you, Katarina. They did horrible things, they scrambled up your brain and put it back in so they were in charge. You couldn't have disobeyed them, they would not have allowed it. You can't say things like that, Mia Stella. I need you and I need you alive, here, with me, in my arms."

Katarina felt guilty again, she hated that feeling. She had made Natasha cry, something she actively tried to avoid, she hated when Natasha cried, she hated when Natasha was anything but happy and here Katarina was the cause of her pain, she seemed to cause Natasha a lot of pain.

"My world is such a dark and lonely place without you in it," Natasha whispered into her ear.

Italy. Why couldn't they go back to Italy? Life was suprisingly simple in Verona. They bought fresh fruit and veg from the market a few blocks away, they had a simple, small apartment they loved with a great view, they ate out in lovely restaurants and had candle lit dinners and never once thought about all the things they had done.

"I'm sorry I ruined Italy,"

"How on earth did you ruin Italy? I was happier than I had ever been there. Strawberries and melted chocolate every night on the balcony, watching the sunset and rise from our bed, farmers markets and cooking with each other. I still struggle to look at whipped cream without blushing," Natasha laughed.

"I got us caught. If it weren't for me, we could've stayed in Italy for the rest of our lives. It could've all been simple,"

"You were triggered, Mia Stella, it wasn't your fault,"

"What if it happens again?"

"It won't. Starks, whatever it was, got it all out, he's sure of it. The triggers, the conditioning, it even returned your memories,"

Katarina was silent. She stared into Natasha's green eyes, the most rare colour, her mind told her. She remembered so many other nights like this. Getting lost in Natasha's eyes as if she would find salvation in them, and in someways she did. Natasha had always saved her. She saved her from just being Siren, giving her Katarina as well, she saved her by disregarding all the rules forced upon them and making Katarina feel things. She saved her when she rearranged Katarina's whole universe, making herself the very center. She saved Katarina in a million other ways and some Katarina had probably forgotten.

"Kiss me?" Katarina asked, because that's all that was left to do. She still had a thousand apologies in her lungs, they still threatened to drown her if she thought about them too long, she still had so many wrongs to right but she could do it, eventually.

When Natasha's soft lips gently caressed her own, Katarina was sure she was in heaven. Time seemed to stop, everything seemed to stop and Katarina felt safe. Natasha tasted like sunshine, or maybe she didn't, maybe it was just because Natasha had become her light that she thought that, but Katarina honestly didn't care. Natasha was kissing her like she was savoring her, like how you would a hot drink in the cold winter.

The way Natasha kissed her was like nothing she had ever experianced before. Soft, sweet and innocent, her lips barely against her own, the pressure just there so Katarina could feel it but it wasn't demanding anything else. That was what really got Katarina, kisses usually demanded more. More pressure, more tongue, more touching, just more.

The songs she had heard when driving with Natasha made sense now, now she was truly allowed to think about her feelings, she got them. All these songs about love, they kind of all made sense to her in one way or another. She knew why there were so many of them though, why so many singers tried to write about love, because it was so hard to put exactly what she was feeling into words. How could she describe the way Natasha lips softly agaisnt hers made her feel? What words could possibly explain what her heart was doing in her chest? None. That was why there were so many, they were all trying to do the same impossible thing, they were all trying to put love into words.

When Natasha pulled away she was smiling, love shining in her eyes and it made Katarina's breath catch.

Natasha.

She was the most beautiful thing Katarina had ever seen, probably will ever see. She wasn't perfect, no one in this world was, nor was she without her own issues but Katarina would have her no other way. Natasha was everything to Katarina.

"I love you," Katarina told her, simply because she could. Natasha was here, wrapped up in bed with her like they did in Italy, ignoring the world. They were together, Hydra and the Red Room no longer in control, it was finally just the two of them.

"I love you,"

Finally the words I love you could be said louder than a whisper, with no fear hidden behind them because finally they didn't have to fear what would happen should anyone find out. They were free to love one another like they had always wanted.

"I love you,"

Natasha laughed and smiled so brightly that she struggled kissing Katarina again because she just couldn't stop smiling. She still managed it because if there was one thing Natasha could always manage to do it was kiss Katarina.

"I'm going to run us a nice, hot, relaxing bath," Natasha purred into her ear trying to escape the mess of limbs and tangled sheets they had gotten into. Katarina tried to pull her back, much preferring they stay in their bed and continue to hold and kiss one another, but Natasha was having none of it. Distracting Katarina with a smoldering kiss, she rushed to the bathroom whilst Katarina was still in a daze.

The bath was perfect; perfect temperature, Vanilla scented bath oil, bath salts, candles and Natasha behind her going from holding onto her and peppering her with kisses. It was the most relaxing thing Katarina had ever done and she felt boneless by the end.

Natasha had to force Katarina out when the water got cold just as she had to force her in. With the softest towels Natasha had the two dried and climbed back into the bed. Tomorrow they would have to face the world again but tonight it can be just them, wrapped up in each other in their own little corner of the universe.

"What were you crying about?" Natasha asked again, drawing nonsensical patterns on Katarina's bare back.

Katarina sighed, her breath tickling Natasha's neck, "A lot," was her very descriptive answer.

Natasha waited, asking again would result in Katarina closing up, but if she was patient and continued trailing her fingers, lightly, up and down Katarina's spine she would eventually answer. Maybe she should start running a hand through her hair as well.

The combination of Natasha and her fingers in her hair, sometimes grazing her scalp, and on her back had Katarina willing to do anything Natasha wanted so she continued, "It started with my parents I guess,"

"Your parents?"

"Before Hydra took me I had two loving parents and a big brother who doted on me. I don't remember much. My name was Alexandria, I don't know what my last name was. My parents spoiled me rotten as did my brother, he used to take me for ice cream all the time. Hydra got me from school, my first day, I think," Katarina squinted trying to make sense of the foggy memory, "They were the first people I killed," She whispered, saying it out loud made her hate herself even more.

Natasha held her closer, whispered words of comfort into her ear, telling her it wasn't her fault, her hand still carding through her hair.

"I slit my dads throat. I saw the life leave his eyes and memories were coming back. Not properly, just things like knowing where stuff was in the house, knowing what their voices sounded like, nothing that was going to stop me completing the mission,"

"The mission always has to be completed," Natasha whispered.

"And I'm happy to comply," Katarina added bitterly, blinking tears away. She refused to cry.

"I suffocated my mother, I couldn't bare to see her eyes as well. She had my stuffed Otter by her bed, I never went anywhere without it. My brother was the worst. He woke up. He was getting to me. Reminding me of things we used to do. Talking to me like nothing had changed, but everything had. It was hurting and I knew how to make the pain stop. He accepted it. Told me he loved me. I shot him in the head."

Kisses were pressed into her hair but no words were said. What could Natasha possibly say? There were no words that could fix it, no words that could take away the pain. The pain of losing ones family was almost unbearable, Natasha couldn't even imagine the pain of being forced to kill your own.

"I was crying about all of them. Every life I took, every life I ruined, all of it," She whispered. "How do you do it, Natasha? How do you handle it?"

"The simple answer? I just do, I don't have much choice," Natasha told her, before trying for a more helpful answer, "What happened, happened. You can't change that. It's hard. I still wake up some mornings thinking I was a ballerina, thinking I grew up with parents that loved me and had a normal life. We were unmade, Mia Stella, now we're trying to make ourselves again. But we're not alone, me, you, Barnes, we all know what we're going through. We all understand and we can all help each other, just like we always tried to. We can use the skills they gave us to destroy the world to save it. Try to clear the red in our ledgers."

"We'll always have each other?"

"Always," Natasha promised, sealing it with an innocent kiss.

"I love you, Natasha. As the Black Widow, as Natalia Romanova, as Natasha Romanov. I love you,"

Natasha smiled, a loving, soft smile before whispering her own declaration of love.

As Katarina cuddled in closer to Natasha, she couldn't help her mind going back to nights in Italy, how they slept exactly like this. Katarina with her head in the crook of Natasha's neck, arms wrapped protectively around her waist, their legs tangled together and Natasha wrapping her arms around Katarina, keeping her in a loving embrace all night long. Katarina loved that from her position she could hear Natasha's heart beat. The sound, whilst disturbing, meant Natasha was alive and safe with her. She loved that if she opened her eyes she could see Natasha's chest rise and fall with each breath, or how if she was simply too tired to pry her eyes open she could feel her arm move with it.

Natasha for her part loved the constant contact between their bodies, how if you looked at them you would struggle to tell where one started and the other ended. She loved Katarina being pressed to her side, completely wrapped up in Natasha's arm, safe and protected. She loved that whilst they were like that nightmares didn't seem to exist, neither handcuffed themselves to a bed or worried about the things they had done. They just let their memory foam mattress, too many pillows, ridiculously-high-thread-count duvet and each others breathing lull them into a peaceful sleep.

Natasha's husky voice, with the slightest of sing-song in it, invaded Katarina's thoughts and Katarina was powerless to stop her smile, "Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you. Shall I stay? Would it be a sin if I can't help falling in love with you? Like a river flows, surely to the sea, Darling so we go, somethings were meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life too. 'Cause I can't help falling in love with you,"

Katarina remembered that song, it had played many times during their road-trip mission. So many times Katarina had thought it was ridiculous and wondered why with so many songs around they kept playing that one. It perfectly described what had happened to her though, Katarina could not help falling in love with Natasha.

"I love you," Katarina murmured, snuggling impossibly further into Natasha as she hummed the tune of the song, finger tips stroking the arm flung across her.

Everything was still hard, they still didn't know what they were doing, the world was still a scary place, but they had each other. They survived the Red Room and Hydra now all they had to do was make sure they lived past it, make sure it didn't control them for the rest of their lives. The best way to beat the people who did this to them was to live a life they wanted, do something they wanted to do and not let the demons they had eat them alive.

Together, though, together they could make it through anything, Katarina was sure.