10.

People say that when bad things are about to happen, it's supposed to storm. The rain should be pounding, the wind should be howling, and lightening should blaze across the sky. All signs of sunlight should be corrupted by the dark. Those people were wrong.

The sun could shine. The sky could be clear, and the wind could be gentle. Birds would still fly, and others would still laugh. The world would still move and flow at its ever rapid pace. Your universe could completely shatter and flutter away, but life would continue to live. Instead, the storm would strike elsewhere.

The violent rage of nature took place in you. The snapping of trees, the crashing of waves, the blowing and tumbling and tearing. You were the wreckage, you were what was destroyed. Those bolts of lightning were to your heart, hot and painful as they struck, the thunder its erratic beat. The dark, menacing clouds was your mind. They hid all light, all hope from sight. Nothing could calm the waves of terror because nothing was meant to.

Only time could heal. Time and warmth, where the sun would finally peak into your heart and give it the gentlest of loves. It would stroke the wounds, sooth the tears and sew them back together. They would never restore to what they once were. There would always be a scar, something to commemorate all the pain that suffered inside. But that was okay. Because in that eventual bliss of happiness, you finally get to understand what it means to be alive.

For Haru, it all started with a text.

Haru was just finishing up an assignment when his phone clattered on the table beside him, the hum of the vibrate echoing throughout the room. He eyed the phone with distrust, almost in disbelief that it would be going off so late at night. Normally he himself would have already called it a night if it wasn't for being dragged off by a couple of swim team members to some karaoke bar. Apparently 'no thanks' meant 'drag him anyways'.

His eyebrows rose when he read the senders ID. Why would Hiromi text him?

We need to talk.

Something rose in Haru's throat and he swallowed hard, the pen he was using falling right out of his hand. Hit with such a loaded statement, Haru's mind buzzed with what it might mean. Some answers jumped at him. The obvious one leaped the highest.

About what? He sent the reply with shaking hands, holding the device in-between his knees.

Meet me at the Green Bean tomorrow at 4. Hiromi completely disregarded his question, and it just tightened the knot on his stomach. Not only did he have his suspicions of what she wanted to talk about, he was pretty damn sure he was right.

Any desire to fulfill her request flew right out the window, and yet he couldn't stop himself from touching the phones keyboard.

Okay. Haru had no idea why he agreed.

Maybe he just wanted to prove himself wrong, that it was all in his head. What Hiromi had to say could have nothing to do with Makoto at all. Maybe he was giving Hiromi too much credit. Maybe it was nothing to be bothered by.

Or maybe he was just a masochist.

XxXxXx

Nervously clutching his duffle bag to his side, Haru pulled the door open as the little bell chimed to announce his entrance to the Green Bean. The café was relatively dead, only a few number of people currently seated inside. He was able to find Hiromi in the far corner, sipping some tea while clutching the bottom of the glass.

Seeing Haru approach her she gave a small smile, though it wavered as he got closer.

"Hey, Haruka-kun." She greeted him as he took a seat across from her. Haru just nodded in response. "Do you want something to drink or eat? My treat."

"No thanks." Haru wasn't sure he could stomach anything right now. Not when the air around them felt so heavy, sticking to his body and weighing him down. His arms felt like jelly at his sides. "Hmm… Well, okay." She twirled her straw around before taking another sip. "So how are you?"

Why was she doing this? Why was she beating around the bush? Inside Haru's body was practically crushing itself from nerves and all Hiromi was doing was making it worse. She needed to talk? Then talk. But don't make him have to wait.

"I'm fine." He replied bluntly. "Why are we here, Hiromi?" She jumped a little out of surprise from his impatience, but overcame it quickly, a nervous smile slipping over her lips as she pushed her glass away.

"I suppose small talk is useless with you, isn't it." She began tracing shapes into the wood. Haru watched as she went from drawing a heart to a star to a square and than back again. "I just… I don't want to- Argh, this is hard!" Exasperated, Hiromi slapped her hand to the table and looked away.

"You're the one who asked me here." Haru whispered quietly, watching her face.

"That doesn't make it any less difficult." She replied, almost sounding bitter as their eyes met. Through the glow of the setting sun outside the window, her eyes were dazzling even as they grew a wet glaze, sparkling as though they were made up of a bunch of shiny little crystals. Haru's reflected back much the same, his showing the innocence in which Hiromi had always lacked.

"Haruka-kun… About Mako-kun… what is he to you?" It was a broad question, one of which that could be filled with as many answers as there were stars in the sky. To pick one was selling Makoto short. In the end, Haru went with a bit of honesty.

"A very important person." He was the sun in the sky, the bright stars at night. Makoto lit up his world like nobody else could, like nobody else ever would. He was his life, his world, his home.

"Yeah." She looked at him with a struggling expression, gazing out of the window to avoid his eyes. "He said the same thing too." Haru clenched his hands, not even able to regain his breath from her words as Hiromi looked back at him again. She saw through him, eyes piercing right into his crumbling facade and took away any chance he had to hide. He was there right in front of her now, as clear as day. The stare on her face looked devastated.

"Don't- Don't make that expression!" she cried, running her fingers through her hair. "It's not right of you!" A bit caught off-guard, Haru shrunk back into his booth. "Why must you…" Hiromi stopped herself, trying to gather her bearings with a deep breath of air. When she spoke again, she sounded more composed. "Look… Haruka-kun. I-I know."

In any other situation, that could have meant anything. It could have been something small and stupid, or even something from a very long time ago. It could have even been an embarrassing story that she had heard about him through the passing of Makoto. But here, in this very moment, I know could mean only one thing.

"What do you know?" but he feigned ignorance anyway, feinted the fact that he very well knew what she was talking about. He hated this conversation, hated it with every fiber of his being but he could not bring himself to stand up and walk away. It was all too heavy to move. He should have never come in the first place.

"I've noticed something was strange for a while, you know." She laughed, though there wasn't an ounce of happiness in it. "You two were always close, and I… tried to respect that, really I did, but ever since the club it's been different. You've been different. Mako-kun hasn't noticed anything, maybe because you don't want him to see, but I have." Hiromi took a deep breath, preparing what she was going to say next. Haru did much the same.

"Haruka-kun, you're in love with Mako-kun, aren't you." It didn't come out as a question, but a statement. How could it be when they both knew the answer so obviously? Haru fiddled with his fingers, pressed his foot into the ground, and looked up at her awaiting eyes.

"Yes." There was no struggle in his answer, the word coming out as easy as breathing. What was the point when there was no way to deny how he felt?

"You won't even deny it?" she wiped at her eyes, which were glazing over with tears.

"You already know it's the truth, don't you?" Haru asked her quietly. "I'm not going to put a show on for you and try to deny my feelings." Her lip trembled as some tears started to roll down her face.

"I still wanted to be wrong. I wanted to be imagining things or something. But I've seen the way you look at him when you think nobody can see you. It was such honest love… anybody would be a fool not to see it." She sniffed into a napkin.

"Do you understand how this feels for me to know this? I love him too, you know! I'm his girlfriend! You-you have no right to look at him like that! "

"He's with me now, Haruka-kun. You can't just waltz into everything with your feelings and expect it all to go your way. It's not fair to Mako-kun, and it's definitely not fair to me. I hate to be m-mean but I just… I can't take this anymore… Haruka-kun, I… I don't want you to hang out with Mako-kun anymore."

Static. All that surrounded him was static. Hiromi's voice, the sound of the radio, even the sound of his heart. Haru could hear none of it through the sound of his world crashing down on him. It was the same as when he had first learned Makoto had said yes. The same feeling, the same sensation. In all this time nothing had changed.

"What?" It was the only sound he could articulate as he struggled to sturdy the wall he was using to shelter himself. Bit by bit, pieces were flying off and clattering to dust at his feet. The defense he had been setting up for weeks was utterly destroyed by Hiromi.

"I-I know it's awful of me to request something like that, but think about how I feel! If you were me, would you want someone else who's in love with Mako-kun hanging around? I can't even sleep right now because of it. I'm so worried that something is going to happen if I'm not there. Do you realize how much it sucks not being able to trust your boyfriend? It makes no difference that you're a guy, or his best friend. I don't think I can handle you two being alone anymore. I can't do it, I really can't."

"You want me to take Makoto out of my life? I can't do that, Hiromi." Who could take the sun, the moon, the sky away from someone and think they could live?

"You can't hold onto him forever, Haruka-kun! Both you and Mako-kun need to learn how to live without each other. The closeness the two of you have is weird. How do you expect to survive out here when all you do is coddle each other? Besides," she hugged herself, looking right into his eyes.

"What are you going to do when Mako-kun finds out, Haruka-kun? Do you think nothing will change when he knows?" Haru's face went pale, all heat in his body replaced with numbing cold. "Do you think Mako-kun will be able to look at you the same way once he knows the truth?"

"M-Makoto isn't like that." Haru tried to convince her, tried to convince himself. "It won't change anything." But Haru was sure he was lying because there was no way it wouldn't change anything. For better or for worse, their relationship would never be the same again once he uttered those three words to him. Haru was convinced it would be for worse.

"He could never say it back. Not in the way you want. He can't even say it to me, and I'm his girlfriend."

"I-It doesn't matter. I don't need him to say it."

"If things stay like this, you'll hurt him." Those words sunk in like needles to the heart, and Haru clutched his bag to himself like it would somehow keep him adrift in this storm. "You don't want that, do you?"

"No." Haru was shaking, his mind frozen on those three words. You'll hurt him. He would sooner jump off a cliff than allow any harm to come to Makoto. If being by his side truly became painful for him, than that was no longer a place he wanted to be.

"I didn't think so." Hiromi whispered quietly, her eyes no longer wet. "I won't belittle your feelings, Haruka-kun. I know you care about Mako-kun more than anything. But you've had your chance for 19 years. It's my turn now. Mako-kun is no longer yours. Please respect that." Haru's throat burned and he struggled to swallow, but could barely keep any oxygen down around the lump that continued to grow. If he had done things differently, he wouldn't be here right now. He wouldn't be sitting here, agreeing with Hiromi that it might be best to leave Makoto's side after all.

But he hadn't and so here he was, with each ticking second coming to terms that his life with Makoto was about to abruptly end.

Hiromi was right, after all. Him sticking around in this type of situation would do nothing but hurt all of them in the end. He known that since the beginning, but had been avoiding it like the plague nonetheless. A story like this wasn't meant to have a happy ending.

Makoto wasn't his anymore. He was tired of trying to resist this fact. In the beginning it had seemed like it would be easy, pushing his feelings to the far off reaches of his mind. He couldn't have been more wrong. Every day felt like he was pushing his body a bit more beyond its limits. It was too painful, now, to try and smile and pretend everything was okay. His heart had to accept that.

If he would have known this would happen, he would have tried to schedule one more café break, or gave him something special, or even just have texted him a good morning back this morning instead of just setting the phone aside. He would have tried making the time more memorable, if not for Makoto than at least for himself. Makoto would survive without him in his life. Haru knew he couldn't.

Grabbing his stuff, Haru abruptly stood up. Like elastic stretched too thin, Haru could feel his body about to break down and snap.

"Is that all?" the corners of his eyes burned harshly and he could barely see straight anymore. Hiromi nodded.

"I said all I wanted to say." She murmured quietly, unable to look Haru directly in the eye. Haru turned his back towards her. "Wait, Haruka-kun, where are you-"

"I won't bother you anymore." Haru bit his cheek to stop his voice from wavering. "He's yours Hiromi. Take care of him."

"Haruka-kun I'm sorry...!" Haru didn't care what she had to say beyond that, grabbing the handle of the café and swiftly leaving before his entire soul tore in two. The bell clanged loudly at his exit.

The moment he was out of sight from the windows, he burst into a run. The path home was all a blur, the people, the buildings, the cars, everything. His feet knew the way and he trusted them, not allowing his thoughts to act in fear that he would lose it before he arrived at someplace safe.

When he reached the door of his apartment he was shaking so badly that he dropped his keys on the ground twice before he was able to click it into the lock, throwing it open with enough aggression to dent the wall inside.

Haru slid the door closed with a click, clutching the handle tight enough to turn his knuckles white. Just like that, the adrenaline from his run was gone.

Was he really not going to see Makoto again? Was this truly the end for them? No more cheery smiles or gentle touches or tender talks. There wasn't going to be any more hands offering to pull him out of the pool, nor any more surprise study sessions and green curry dinners.

Haru pressed his forehead against the wood of the door, his lips beginning to tremble.

He wasn't going to hear Haru-chan again.

A sob escaped between his lips.

I want to swim with you!

You really are the best in the water, Haru-chan!

It's meaningless without you!

Haru let out a broken cry, kicking the door as tears started sliding down his face. He couldn't do this. How could he survive without Makoto?

His toe throbbed as he pathetically slid down the door, crying into his knees. The pain in his chest was unbearable, and he was so positively sure that his heart was going to twist into two. A life without Makoto was not a life he wanted to have. He would sooner get rid of water.

At this thought he let out an ugly croak, snot dripping from his nose as he began to cry harder, curling into a ball at the foot of the door. His head ached, his throat throbbed, and he was sure was breaking into nothing. He couldn't do this he couldn't it was too much too fucking much…

With gasping hiccups Haru reached for his bag, throwing items left in right in search for his phone. Once found he kicked all of it to the side and pressed the contact he was searching for. Haru lost another sob as the phone began to ring.

"Haru? Well isn't this unexpected!"

"R-Rin." Haru stuttered into the phone, sniffing into the receiver. "Rin can you talk?" There was a pause on the other side.

"Haru are you crying?" despite being on the phone Haru nodded, wiping at his eyes with his palm.

"Rin please, I don't know what to do anymore. I c-can't do this!"

"Is this about Makoto?" Just at his name Haru gave a whimper as fresh tears slithered down his face, and that was more than enough to let Rin know that he had hit the nail on the head.

"Okay okay. Shit, umm-"the phone made a loud static noise as Rin shuffled with some things on his end. "What happened?"

"I don't think I can see him anymore."

"Wait what? I don't understand-"

"It would be better for everyone if I didn't…"

"Like hell! Haru-"

"But Rin, it hurts so much! It hurts to even breathe right now-"

"HARU!" Rin shouted, loud enough to stop Haru mid sob. "Okay, listen to me. Take a deep breath. I can barely understand you right now."

"I'm sorry…" Haru mumbled into the phone, pulling at his hair. "I just…"

"Shhh." Rin shushed gently into the phone. "Haru can you do something for me? Get yourself a big glass of water, take a deep breath, and crawl into bed with your laptop. I want to talk to you about this face-to-face."

"Okay…"Haru's voice came out weak in reply, biting his lip hard when he heard Rin hang up. Getting up took a good five minutes, Haru continuing to stay in his ball as another wave of hot tears spilled down his cheeks and down onto the carpet. His ribs ached with each sob that shook his body, hands trembling as they pulled at the fabric covering his shoulders. He could sense his nails digging even into his skin, but everything felt numb to the point where he couldn't even feel the pain it should have been bringing him.

It was exhausting to even get onto his feet. The whole way to the sink Haru wobbled on his legs, unable to even care if the glass he used was clean or dirty. He filled it up about halfway before pressing it carefully against his lips, sipping it as if testing for poison. Seconds later he was swallowing it in big gulps, the coolness of the liquid calming his tender throat and burning insides. He drank two more glasses before being satisfied.

His laptop was already in his room so Haru headed straight there, grabbing it with one hand before pulling his blankets over his shoulders with the other as he sat on his bed. Seconds after having the screen up the volume was already ringing with a call.

"Do you feel better now?" Haru shook his head at Rin, pulling his blankets closer to him. The redhead looked at him with worry. "Tell me what happened." Haru took in a shaky breath, eyes shining bright. The wetness of his lashes felt good against his burning hot face.

"Hiromi realized my feelings." He curled his knees to his chest. "She sent me a message last night saying she wanted to talk about something, so I met up with her today and… she told me how she felt about the situation. She… doesn't..." Haru took a deep breath, voice breaking. "She doesn't want me to see Makoto anymore."

"That… bitch!" Rin's face looked livid, Haru jumping at the aggressiveness of his voice. "Who does she think she is, asking you not to hang out with Makoto anymore? If I was in Tokyo I'd freaking slug her right across the face." Haru hid his face away out of sight from Rin.

"I'm not going to see him anymore." Rin was silent for a good 30 seconds.

"Oi, Haru. You can't be serious."

"Rin, I can't do this anymore!" Haru rubbed at his eyes because dammit he was crying yet again. "This whole situation is too much for me. I thought I could do it but I can barely pretend I'm alright anymore! If I keep hanging around, It's just going to cause everyone else problems."

"The only one who's truly hurting from this right now is you. Makoto doesn't even know what's going on because you won't fucking tell him. I mean look at you, Haru! Just the idea of it is tearing you apart! I've never seen you go even a week without seeing him, let alone talking to him." Rin gestured to the screen. "You can't do this to yourself… It's self-destructive."

"Don't you get it, Rin? I've lost…"

"No, you've given up. You're not even trying to fight for him anymore!"

"Rin… please…" Haru's voice broke and he bit onto his knuckle to stop himself from letting out another sob that was nestled in the back of his throat and threatening to come out.

"You can't survive without him, Haru." Rin whispered gently. "I know you don't need my help in realizing that."

"I hate Tokyo… I hate it so much." Haru buried his face in his knees with a cry. "I want to go home."

"Har-" a loud click of a doorknob stopped Rin before he could even start, and the red head turned around with a groan.

"Why aren't you answering your phone?" Haru knew that deep voice, even without glancing up.

"Shit, Sousuke." Rin looked to be at the end of his ropes. "Sorry I was talking with Haru."

"Nanase?" He seemed to become suddenly aware of the computer screen sitting in front of the redhead and bent down to see the picture better. Of course, all that greeted him was the bundle Haru had curled himself into.

"He's going through some stuff…" was all Rin elaborated on. Sousuke stuck his hands in his pockets.

"Oh. Not to tear you away or anything, but we need to get going if you want to make it to the meeting on time."

"Shit, it's that late already?" Rin looked at the clock, pushing his hair back with exasperation. "Crap. Uh, Haru?" Haru remained unmoved. "I have a really important seminar I have to go to, couch required it and everything and I-" Rin paused for a moment, as if contemplating something.

"You know what, fuck this. Sorry Haru, I can't leave you to suffer alone. Sousuke, sit with him." He pushed his boyfriend right into the seat. "I'll be right back." Before either of them could even utter a single noise Rin was snatching his phone and walking right out of the room.

Sousuke blinked at the screen. "So… uh. Rough day?" Haru peered over his arm, eyes red and tears stained onto his cheeks.

"What do you think?"

"I guess that was a stupid question." Sousuke itched at the back of his neck, hoping Rin would get back damn soon. "Look, I don't know what's going on or whatever but… my old coach always told me that the world is only negative when you look at it that way. If you believe it will get better, than it will. But if you mope about, than all you will see is black and white instead of color." He awkwardly shifted his feet. "It was the advice that got me through my shoulder injury. Maybe it's helpful to you, I dunno. It might not pertain to your situation. I Just- yeah." Sousuke summed up lamely.

Haru tightened the grip on his legs, looking at Sousuke with a tilt of his head.

"…Thanks." Out of everybody, Haru would have never thought words from Sousuke were the ones that made his body tingle slightly with warmth.

Dramatically flinging the door open as Rin does, he return with a loud thunk, stuffing his pocket with his phone and leaning over Sousuke shoulder.

"Okay Haru, listen. Don't get mad, but I called Nagisa up and told him what was going on-"

"Rin." Haru's voice cracked in pitch, staring at the redhead in betrayal. Rin held up his hand to silence him.

"-and him and Rei are going to be on skype for you in just a second. I know, you're mad, but I can't leave you here like this with good conscience." Haru hid his face into his knees again. Well, so much for that warm spark Sousuke gave him.

"Look, I know you don't want anyone to know. But if you can't tell Makoto, at least trust in your friends to be here for you." As if on time, the skype tone began to ring. Rin added him to the call.

"Uwah Haru-Chan!" Nagisa was jumping at the screen as soon as the video connected, looking like he was just about to burst into tears. "I want to hug you so bad! If it wasn't a school night Rei-chan and I would fly out to you in an instant!" Rei, who was at his side, was nodding in his own agreement.

"The distance has never felt so long, Haruka-sempai." Haru bit his cheek to try and contain his emotions. Just hearing Nagisa and Rei's voices was enough to fill his stomach with homesickness to an overwhelming point. He missed them, he missed Iwatobi, he missed his pool, his tub, his ocean... Most of all he missed the way things used to be. Makoto at his side, Nagisa pestering Rei up in front, and the world just being… right.

But that was all just a memory now. Such moments could only survive in the past. There was no way to return to such a fairytale anymore.

"Take care of him, okay guys?" Rin said to Nagisa and Rei quietly. "I hate to run but I really can't miss this. Cheer him up, get some mackerel in him, and try to talk him out of anything stupid. Haru," Rin glanced over to him. "The seminar won't be too long, I'll call you when it gets done, okay?" Haru nodded into his knees. "Hang in there." The screen filled with Nagisa and Rei as Rin ended his side of the call.

"Haru-chan…" Nagisa's voice wavered, as if unsure of what to say. He exchanged a glance with Rei. Nagisa decided to try again. "Haru-chan, Rin-chan said that… you fell in love with Mako-chan. Is that… true?" Tugging at the hem of his pants, Haru tried to breathe and calm himself before answering.

"Yeah…. I love him." Haru squeezed his eyes shut. "I love him a lot."

"Haruka-sempai, do you… really mean that?" Haru's eyes began to sting. How could Rei even ask something like that?

" I've never been so sure about something in my life."

"See, Mako-chan. I told you."

"Haru…" Haru gave a sob of agony, covering his mouth with trembling fingers as the third voice registered to his ears. He couldn't see, couldn't feel, couldn't breathe. Makoto… Makoto had-…

"Nagisa what did you do!?" Haru cried at the screen, sharp needle pricks surrounding his chest and spreading outward, his entire stomach feeling like it had all but disappeared. He looked left and right, up and down, to the corner of his room and back, his eyes searching for everything and yet nothing as panic began to shatter him. Heavy breathing filled the room, Haru reaching up to his throat to pull off the invisible fingers suffocating him, his head so dizzy that the room swam and swirled. The look he gave to his kouhai was nothing short of betrayal.

"Haru-chan, I'm sorry!" Nagisa had his own tears now. "This was Rin-chan's idea… He said- He said that you were suffering and this was the only way to help you!"

"I didn't ask for anybody's help! I-I just-"

"H-Haru I'm coming over." Makoto interrupted, his own voice cracking. "We need to talk-"

"N-No!" Haru shouted at him. "I don't want to talk about anything!"

"Haru-" Haru grabbed the top of his laptop and slammed it shut, burying his face into his blankets. Not three seconds later his phone was buzzing, Makoto's name lit up on the screen. Haru pressed ignore. Two more times he called, Haru ending them as soon as the buzz rang. Nagisa called. Rei called. On Makoto's fifth try, Haru pressed green and set it against his ear.

"Makoto, I don't think we should see each other anymore."

"Haru-"

"It's best for both of us." Haru continued, completely cutting him off.

"It's not-"

"You have Hiromi, you don't need me anymo-"

"HARUKA PLEASE!" Makoto's voice shook with a sob. "Don't… Don't say anymore!" Of the heart that he thought was already broken, another piece of it managed to shatter more. Both lines were silent, Haru crying quietly into his pillow.

"Haru, listen to me." Makoto was struggling to even talk, his voice slightly muddled from background noises. "I'm… I'm getting on the train now. Please just… wait for me."

As the line went dead Haru searched for Rin's number and sent him a text.

Why?

Why did Rin do this to him? Why couldn't Rin mind his own business? Everyone knew now. Makoto knew. Now all he could do is drown in the abyss that he had created, uncertain of so many things except for his desire for everything to just stop.

To his surprise, he received a reply minutes later.

Because Makoto feels the same.