Hi! Well thanks for not killing me! haha.
"I swear, in front of God... and beneath this wonderful stars...that I will love you. I'll protect you... I'll take care of you. In the good, and the bad. Whatever happens... Whenever, and Whoever... With you. Always"
You said always, love... please try to understand.
Victoria's head laid on the pillow. She had never felt like this before... She had never felt this abandoned.
Not because of somebody in particular. But once again, she hurted someone she love. Again. And that always left a feeling of emptiness in that damaged heart… And that wasn't something people could see very often in her. Because she never let anybody to see it. You're not useful even for telling the fucking truth, Victoria.
Behind her, she perceived the slow movement of the blankets above and that could help her to get free of her stormy mind. She turned around, just to look him at his eyes when he opened them, and try to guess what was going through his heart now. She had to try, to check if there wasn't really a chance for him to let what she said behind. She knew that wasn't easy, because she put herself in his place. And yes. She would have felt completely betrayed. And even more, coming from a person she loved. But she hoped with all she had, that his love could be stronger.
He was just waking up. She could hear the little sounds he have always made when he was coming out from sleeping. Please, look at me, baby. Just once.
The deep blue was exposed there for her. And they matched with those precious brown of hers, for her relief. She remained silent, catching that gaze, trying to figure out how he was feeling.
"Hi" he said in a cold tone. And his eyes were instantly retired from hers, to set on something as trivial as the window. He wasn't that kind of person who denied at least, saying hi to someone. He was a good person.
She saw nothing in his eyes. Nothing. And she had never seen that look before, so short, so inexpressive…
"Hi" she said whispering, with that sweet voice tone she had even when she woke up, that voice that normally melted him. Her arm stretched with the hope that he would let her hand caress his cheek, but that wasn't the case.
He wasn't abrupt. But his sharpness with something as simple as a caress showed her what she needed to know. Nothing was erased. The angry and the pain were still mixed there, together. Fresh.
Before her hand even touch his skin, he grabbed it halfway and pulled it down. She lowered her head, she had nothing to do or to say. Given the little will for communication from his side, she laid again under the blankets and rested her head on the pillow.
She still looked at him. He was just there, relaxed, calm, God knows what he was thinking about, pinning his attention to any infinite point of the room. He didn't seem worried… But he seemed sad. She knew that. When he didn't talk and avoided any kind of conversation she knew something was wrong.
She was laying there like a little girl who is tormented by knowing she did something bad. Looking at him as she owed him something… After all, she did. She wasn't going to turn around. She needed to keep her attention on him.
Without any reason, his head turned aside and his eyes scanned her face. But it was notorious that this was something you do purposely.
There were a lot of things into her eyes. Most of all, remorse. And sadness.
For her own surprise, she felt afraid of talking. She felt like she didn't have the right.
But she noticed that looking at her, the state of those blue eyes changed. They didn't seem empty anymore. As she knew, anger and pain could be seen in there. But also… love. He still looked at her with love. He couldn't stop doing it.
There was when she understood for what he was going through. The mix of damage from a betrayal, and love with years there inside.
He didn't say a word. But she didn't believe this was necessary. Both already knew how to read each other. Read everything… Eyes, voice, and corporal language.
"You wanna tell me what happened?"
"Nothing, daughter, we just… argued."
"Hhmm…" The girl didn't believe a word.
"Really, you don't have why to worry." Now, Victoria was happy she had something more to put their attention on. She laid her hands on both sides of her daughter's still flat abdomen. "How did you wake up today?" she asked, before getting down to kiss her unborn grandchild.
"Fine. Better than yesterday."
"Good. You thought about the names?"
"Yes, but nothing definitive… Is it normal that I feel, you know… fear?"
"Fear of what, honey?"
"Of not being a good mother… you know, I'm young, and…"
"Charlotte" she interrupted her daughter. "It is completely normal. I felt the same way, and remember I was way younger than you. And I was alone. You're blessed to have what you have. Including your child… Nobody comes here with instructions on how to be a mother. You learn on the way."
The girl nodded, seeming relieved.
That night, Charlotte was outside, seated on the grass, as she used to do. Watching the stars, enjoying the silence. Getting used to this new life where her child was going to be raised. And she liked it.
David had left for a few hours. He didn't tell her what he was going to do, but the only thing she expected he didn't do was to leave her, and that wasn't the case. His clothes were still there, at least.
The wonderful, stunning night found her admiring it through the window of the living room. Seated. Drinking wine. She wasn't trying to erase her guilt into the alcohol, she wasn't. But she was used to drink when she felt like this, and she always said that you don't delete an habit just like that. Plus, she liked alcohol, certainly. She did.
When he arrived, she saw him greeting his daughter through the window. That pure and innocent scene stole her a smile. The first one in two days.
He didn't say anything when he entered. She looked at him, as she did the last days, with remorse. And sadness. She couldn't stop looking at him like that.
When her head was back into the infinite, she noticed his reflection on the glass walking towards her. She turned around, and found him getting close until he seated beside her.
"How many have you drank?"
The alcohol always relaxed her. And as usual when she drink, she started to feel tired and her muscles relaxed. But she wasn't drunk. Her tolerance to alcohol was way higher than what people would expect.
"I don't know… like four, I guess." she replied with a low tone.
He took the glass away from her hand and placed it on the table. She looked at him upset, she knew what he was trying to do.
When she stretched her arm to grab it back, he stopped her halfway. And she didn't fight, she knew he was stronger than her and if he wanted to stop her, he'd find the way.
"Don't do this to yourself, Victoria."
"I'm not doing anything wrong, David." she said bothered.
"Not now, but we both know what happens if you start doing this every night… You like alcohol, Victoria. You always have, and that's fine. But every time you feel like this, you drink. And just because you tolerate alcohol well doesn't mean there isn't a point when you get drunk. And then you fall asleep drunk, in the morning you wake up and not only you have a terrible headache but guess what? Alcohol didn't solve the problem. Look at me." He said. Not aggressively, but kindly, trying to get her attention due that she wasn't looking at him. He grabbed her chin, but she quickly took his hand away.
"Leave me" she said.
"Fine… I'm trying to help you. But this is common in you. You don't let people help you, because you're selfish. And proud. You always have. And that's the reason why we're like this."
"Right… Again, it's my fault. Only mine. I'm used to it, everything's my fault."
"No, I don't mean that."
"Forget it, it's okay." she said calmly, getting up. She started walking across the room.
"Victoria, c'mon, come here."
"I'm going to sleep." she said as she got further, reaching the staircase.
"Victoria, talk with me." he said, quickly standing up and walking towards her.
"Why?"
"Because I don't want you to hurt yourself."
"Oh please. I've been hurt for a long time and believe me, I'm used to the feeling. It starts to feel normal at a certain point."
"Okay fine… " he said, stopping beside the staircase. When he could no longer see her, her voice came out from the bedroom. What he could see, was the misty shadow of her body on the bedroom's door.
"I love you" she said, before closing the door.
An hour later, after being seated on the sofa thinking about everything she has said, he thought he should see how she was. Just to check.
When he opened the door, he saw her resting on the bed, dressed with her favourite nightgown. Her body was contracted into a roll and her legs were pressed together against each other. Only in that moment, was when he felt tenderness by her. When that icy wall he tried to create around him broke.
There he realized how cold the night became, and the blankets were crowded at the edge of the bed. She must have kicked them off her asleep.
He entered the room, walked to her, and taking care not to make any noise, he grabbed the blankets and covered her with them. He could rub the back of his hand against her shoulder, and noticed how cold her skin was.
Slowly, her eyes opened, as she felt her body becoming warm and stretching again by reflection.
"Thank you" she whispered, almost silently.
Seeing her eyes closing again so peacefully, so sweetly… This was really hard for him. Those mixed feelings inside him hadn't cleared yet, but if he was sure about something, he knew love was still there. And he wasn't going to deny it. He loved her, for much he wished anger to win over it. And at one point, he was trying to understand her… The life of her child was threatened. At another point, she had one alternative… Did she?
"In front of God, I promise... that I'll love you... Always, and forever. I'll stay by your side, whatever happens. Under any circumstance, reason or motive... Forever."
Under any circumstance… Really, Vee?...
After all, that was a new promise. A new one, made in a new place, with new intentions, with a new future ahead. He started to think that he should consider everything better.
What am I going to do with you, Vee?