To say that my theory worked out would be a lie. It was foolish after all, as said many times. Of course buying a puppy wouldn't work, wouldn't solve something like that. Because Don's brothers had already tried everything possible. A pup wouldn't solve the attacks he had so often after everything they have been through in the past years.
But in my defence, it wasn't completely useless either.
Of course nothing excuses the dead body now floating through the sewers, a young woman who still had a long life ahead of her. And maybe nothing would be able to help Donnie from getting those attacks again, but he changed in these last 4 days. I saw it the first night after he snuck out again, and took that girl into the sewers.
The ninth day, a day after Don's attack and 2 days from today, and Donnie was evidently cheering up, he was more open and smiled more than I've seen him smile. And in return, that also affected Raph and Leo, in a positive way that is. It was hard to explain, and the changes were minimal but they were both more relaxed. Neither of them like a normal teen would be. Or rather an adult, since they were all 21.
But still they were too young to experience all of this. Death, murder, PTSD.
So It was nice to see them relax like that. One of the reasons I was reluctant to leave that night. But they deserved some time all together. Just the three of them relaxing. Leo probably figured out that I didn't leave because I was tired, but neither of us said anything. Either way I had already seen the movie countless times, so I let them have this movie night for now.
Only wishing Michelangelo was there as well. Huddled together in some messed up pile of limbs and shells. I guess that was too much to ask for.
Like heck I wouldn't try.
"You're nuts Mikey. Absolutely nuts" Raph snorted, emphasising the second last word. Putting emphasis on the completely ridiculous, and most of all dangerous, plan.
"And yet you can't stop me guys, it's worth a shot right?" I retort.
"It's too much of a risk, it's worth a shot, but not the risk" Leo's voice is still calm, so in contrast with Raph's. And with some twisted happiness I realise Raph is starting to become more like my Raph… probably even the Raph he was before this.
"It is Leo.. I can.. I may not be as trained as you guys.. but I can hold my ground."
"I know you can Mikey.. And you know that's not why we don't approve" Leo groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"What fearless is tryin' ta say is that yer intentions are good. But yer still an idiot" Raph cuts in. "And like hell we gonna let ya do this"
"You're not the boss over me guys.. I get what you're saying.. but I'm the only one who can do this" I try another time.
"The keyword being can. There is a possibility-"
"And maybe I'm ready to take that chance Leo! I can't just sit here and wait. I won't be able to leave you guys without at least trying" And that sentence does it, all anger vanishes from Raph's stance, and even Leo seems to hesitate for a few second.
Though of course I shouldn't've expected him to hesitate for too long.
"I appreciate it Mikey.. really" He says, putting a hand on my shoulder. I wince slightly, looking up in his dull blue eyes. "It's just not worth the risk okay?" Our eyes lock for a moment, which sounds so cruel considering the dull colour in his eyes. Once displaying beautiful bright colours, indicating full vision. But at the same time it wasn't.
He wasn't completely blind after all. Colours and small details had been stolen from his sight, but shadows and shapes weren't. So he knew where to look. And he knew I was staring as well. The only thing he couldn't know was the fact that I was biting my lip in hesitation. Something Raph could unfortunately pass onto him later on.
"Kid.. it's not worth it. Please tell me you won't do it? It would be cruel if Michelangelo would be the one.." He stops, but he doesn't need to continue for me to understand what he is saying. And I know. Going up against Michelangelo is like having a death wish, problem was that I was incredibly stubborn. But I wasn't completely stupid.
"I… I will sleep about it okay? I just want to help you. It's worth a shot guys. I know.. well me the best here. Maybe I can get through to him."
"Y'are not listening are ya bonehead?" Raph cuts in, solemnly concern laced in his voice. "It's not worth it, not ever after a night sleep. Yer not doing it Mikey. Got it?"
I look down again, rubbing my knees anxiously and practically feeling the burn of their eyes on me. Waiting just as anxiously as me for an answer. A reassurance that I wouldn't challenge Michelangelo like I had suggested at the start of the conversation.
"Maybe not.. I just can't sit around and do nothing y'know?" I bite my lip again, not daring to look up. "But I won't do it for now okay?" I slowly stand up, looking up to them to look them in their eyes. Seriously why were they so much taller than I am?
"I'm going to start dinner, see if Don wants to help" I announce, strolling out of Leo's room but not quite jumping down the ledge to find Don.
There is a short pause, a short moment of silence. Then..
"He's still gonna do it, ain't he?" A sigh comes from Leo.
"Of course he is. But we'll just have to be near the dojo tomorrow, or ask Don to install something. So we can interfere once things go bad."
"Straight to hell ya mean." Raph snorts. "But yea.. knowing Mikey he is surely gonna do something stupid. Honestly, I admire his want to help but it's just foolish. Did ya see the last time Michelangelo fought 'im? He doesn't stand a chance"
"Oh he knows. No insult to him. Judging by what I've seen he has a lot of potential, he just hasn't unlocked it. There's no way he can last long, and he knows it. He just hopes he can get through to him"
Raph snickers dryly. Knowing too well it's not really the appropriate time to be laughing.
"Figures both of them would be hardheads. Both impossible to get through" A little hint of sadness is present in his voice despite the playful banter of the sentence. "C'mon, let's see if Donnie has some nerd stuff in his lab to make some alarm. With any luck we can install them tonight when the kid is sleeping"
Little did they know I would've long done it when they found what they were looking for. Of course I wasn't going to do it tomorrow, I knew myself better than they did. So instead of going up to my room, or make dinner like I promised to, I headed for the dojo. I wasn't gullible or anything.
I knew I was being stupid, but it had never stopped me before, so why would it now? This time was different though. If the different dimension wasn't already a dead give-away. This time it wasn't a stupid action to make my bros laugh, this time it was an action to prove something. I wanted, no needed, something to prove.
To Leo and Raph.
To save this family. Because I couldn't be here without trying to help. Even if it meant I would do something stupid, or something that would endanger my own life. If it worked, it could help them, and that's what counted here. Even if Leo was being a complete idiot, he was right about something in that conversation that morning. We were family in a way. Very distant cousins, but still family.
And family helped each other.
So that's why I pushed through, ignoring the nagging feeling and the constant screams in my head saying don't do it, don't be stupid. I ignored all of it as I slid open the Shōji, walking inside of the dojo. My nun chucks were burning in my holsters, and I was ready to get them, defend myself if I had to, and I would need them.
"What the fuck do you want?" Michelangelo sneered, stopping in the middle of a round of katas to look at the intruder, me.
"I want to spar with you"
"Don't make me laugh idiot" Michelangelo sneered, turning his shell towards me again and continuing the kata's he was practicing. Still I held my ground, reaching into my belt and throwing a ninja star at him. As predicted he turned around in a blink of an eye, catching the sharp object in between his fingers with little effort.
"You're dead" Is the only warning I get before he runs forwards, nun chuck out and swinging at me at full speed.
He's on top of me before I can even react properly and the handle of his nun chuck scrapes my arm, sending shooting pain up my arm, travelling through the rest of my body. My eyes widen, jumping out of the way hastily to avoid getting one to my head. Because the next swing is directly at my head.
And it barely misses.
"Is that all you got?"
Okay, so maybe it didn't sound as tough as I thought it would be. With pain and exhaustion, already, lacing my voice. But at least I managed to say the sentence. And fortunately for me, or unfortunately for my health, it worked.
"You wish" A shudder involuntarily rolls down my spine. His voice is so deep, filled with so much hate and anger. And he lunges at me again, and I barely managed to duck, taking out my own weapons in the process.
"You won't kill me Michelangelo" I shout, whipping out my nun chuck to hit him, but before I can even reach him it collides with his nun chuck.
"I can." He hisses, jerking me close to him. "And I will" A strong kick is delivered to my plastron and I can see blood flying out of my mouth, my breath leaving me all together.
"I know you won't" I gasp, dodging another attack. Though a kick followed soon after, and a shooting pain courses through my arm, the same arm as before. I groan, fingers trembling and begging to let go of the weapon.
"I will kill you!" He hisses, jumping at me again and wrapping his chuck around mine, tearing it from my trembling fingers in one go. My weapon scatters a few meters, and then hits the wall with a harsh thud. My eyes widen, pushing back the obvious regret of my actions. No time to think about that now. Stick with the plan.
"You won't.. because you don't want to hurt your family any more"
A second. That's all he gives me, that's all the surprise he gives me. That's all the time he gives me to prepare for the strong kick to my already hurting arm. I cry out, my left arm shooting towards the injured arm. The skin is warm under my touch.
"More? MORE?!" He screams. "What the fuck are you talking about?! What the fuck are you applying?!"
I look at him, dodging a powerful kick coming towards me. I jump out of the way but I'm not fast enough to dodge another one. His knee painfully connects with my cheek, seconds later followed by a strong kick to my groin.
Cheap. I grumble inwards.
I glare at him, spitting out the blood that was forming in my mouth.
"I was talking about the time you managed to blind Leonardo. I was applying that it is your fault Raph has lost an eye."
"That. Wasn't. my. Fault" He grits out, but the small crack in his mask is visible. He's affected by my words..
"You didn't pay attention, you goofed off Michelangelo! You managed to get Don captured. You're the reason all of those people are dead, the reason your own brother is now suff-"
Another kick connects with my plastron, knocking me backwards and sends me flying against the wall. I groan, sparks of pain shooting up my shell. My heart jumps slightly. Injuries to the shell were bad.. very bad. Don, my Don, told us several times. How our shells could protect us, but once damaged it could cause serious injuries to our spines.
Avoiding the shell. I think grimly. Jumping out of the way for another swing of his chuck.
"It's all your fault. If you had only paid attention!" I scream, my body trembling from exhaustion and pain.
"I WILL KILL YOU!" Michelangelo screams, sending the chuck towards me. My eyes widen, my body reacting a second too late and I jump. Guess people weren't joking about having memories and flashes in these moments, because that was exactly what I was having right now. The very first thing Master Splinter taught us when we learned how to do flips and jumps.
And I completely threw it away.
But in my defence, it was that or getting hit with a nun chuck at full speed. Which would've surely crushed my plastron.
The moment my left foot hits the ground I freeze and my head snaps back. An agonising scream leaves my mouth and I crumble to the ground. Body spasming with pain. Pain shoots up my body with every pump of the heart, my left foot being the source. I sob pitifully, rolling onto my knees. I had to move.. I couldn't sit here. Michelangelo..
My eyes widen, and I can barely roll away from a chuck coming at me. Wood splinters around me and I sob, agonising pain coming from my left foot and I look at it. Immediately it was starting to swell, and I curse. Either broken or sprained. And I so hoped it was the latter.
"Michelangelo stop!" I scream, voice laced with pain as he raises his chuck again. And I'm rooted in place.. but before he could bring the weapon down a blur of green shoots past me. And it takes a few seconds for me to realise it's Leo. Closely followed by Raph and Don.
"Michelangelo enough! Stand down!" Leo screams, tightening his hold on Michelangelo's arm, while Raph has the other side, trying to get hold of the stump. Don whips out his bo, standing in front of me. Defending me.
"NO!" He spats, looking at me with venom in his eyes. "You will pay for this. You better run you useless idiot. I will kill you" He screams.
"Raph, knock him out before he does something stupid!" Leo yells, groaning to keep Michelangelo contained.
"No!" I yell, causing everybody, except for Michelangelo, to stare at me. No, Michelangelo is still looking at me with venom in his eyes, ready to kill me.
"Mikey?" Don whispers, glancing back at me with uncertainty.
"Michelangelo. I know.. well I don't know. I won't ever be able to. But I get what you're going through." I start, biting my lip. "I know you feel guilty for what you've done. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out .. well you're me, I should know because it's how I deal with things. Just not this extreme"
And much to my surprise Michelangelo's struggle seizes, just a tiny bit, barely noticeable, but it's something. The others are quiet, watching the interaction of me and Michelangelo.
"I get it now.. why you shield yourself, how you lost yourself like that. And I'm sorry that happened to-"
"You don't know anything about me" Michelangelo hisses, eyes narrowing.
"I do. I am you remember? I am you, stupid and naïve you before that one night.. And I get what you're going through. I won't ever be able to compare it, I know, but I get your behaviour. More than anyone can ever understand."
His struggle seizes completely.
"Don't shut them out, please. I know you want to. And honestly I would do the same because it's something I did multiple times. And I know you did as well. Just never this extreme." I mumble, pushing back the bile that was slowly rising as the pain continued to increase.
"I know you hate yourself for all of these last years. And you think you are the one to blame for your father's death, for Leo's blindness, and Raph's eye.. and Don's attacks. And I know I've said it was your fault, but like I said. I am you, I know what makes me break… so I knew that lying to you would make you break… but it's not true okay? You're not the one to blame. You don't deserve that."
The venomous gaze that was still on his face the whole time I was talking disappears. A slow but steady movement until his eyes are fully rested.
A few seconds pass.
The slow tremble slowly increases, so unnoticeable I barely see it.
Another few seconds.
His legs start to tremble, his eyes locking with mine. His dull blue eyes meeting my bright ones. Both clouded with pain. One emotional and one physically. One originating from a few minutes ago, another one holding pain from 3 full years of guilt.
And he sinks to his knees. Leo blinks for a second before he reaches out, completely releasing the arm he was holding him with, restraining him from killing me. Strong arms wrap around Michelangelo's shaking form.
And a single tear is pushed out of his eyes. A single tear, that's all he allows to slip.
But it's enough to show all the guilt that has been stored all those years.
Crushing him from the inside.