I jerked upright, tearing the blanket from around my neck and gasping deeply. I was shaking and sweaty, but I was safe. Liam was safe. It was just a nightmare. Carter never had and never would set foot in the castle. If I was never safe anywhere else I was safe here, and I felt a pang of sadness Liam couldn't be here with me. But then again, he'd always been safe. Carter had never hurt his own flesh and blood.

I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, so I stood on trembling legs and made my way silently down to the common room. The fire was low, casting a dim light around the room. I wrapped my arms around myself and settled into my favourite plush armchair. I wished it wasn't so close to the full moon. I wanted to go banging into their room and let Remus run his fingers through my hair like Donnie did when I was little. I wanted James and Sirius to tell my funny stories and stupid jokes while Peter broke into his secret candy stash (that we all knew about) and offer me sweets.

We all have our scars, our nightmares. We're always there for each other when we can't bear it alone any longer. I've never asked them to be there for me. I've never had to, just as Remus doesn't have to ask me to buy him chocolate once a month. Just like Sirius never asked me to call his mum the most colorful string of curses I could come up with as I wrapped his cuts and burns with gentle hands and sharp words. Even if this Voldemort wasn't trying to wreck the naïve image of happiness I'd had as a girl, our lives would not be easy. But it becomes so much easier when you have good mates that would shield you from your pain with their own bodies if they could. I don't know who I'd be if Sirius hadn't made a joke teasing me on my first day; if I'd never befriended those four boys, but I'm sure I never want to find out.

A hand came down on my shoulder, and I jumped violently, curling my legs to my chest in a feeble form of defense. I blinked up at the dark figure, my eyes adjusting slowly from the light of the fire to the darkness surrounding us.

"Al, it's only me," a deep voice murmured as James reached for my shoulder again.

I relaxed into the chair, letting out a breath I hadn't known I was holding. "Sorry, James, I was thinking, I didn't hear you. Why are you awake?"

"I could ask you the same," he said, propping himself on the armrest.

"Well, yes, but you didn't."

He grinned, "Remus is asleep, but he's tossing and turning something awful and he's whimpering. Sirius and I couldn't sleep. He's up there in Moony's bed trying to comfort him without waking him." I nodded, it wasn't the first time. "What about you?"

"Nightmare," I said, and I didn't need to say anything more. James wrapped his arm around me in a half hug before standing and pulling me to a couch. He pulled me down so we were laying side by side on the wide couch. He rubbed my back gently and started telling me wizarding stories, the Tales of Beetle the Bard—stories I never heard as a child. I let my mind drift away from pain and let it settle on James's slight foresty scent and his quidditch strong arms stroking on my spine as I felt the vibrations of his words from his chest.

"You know, you better never let Lily see you with me like this," I said, interrupting a story I was only half listening to.

"Why?"

"She'd never believe you weren't trying to take advantage on me."

"Well, she can believe what she wants then." I snorted. "I mean it. If you need to lay next to me and hear a story, then that's what will happen, regardless of who might be there to see. If they can't understand that you're like my sister more than any of the others then they can go fuck themselves."

I grinned, my heart swelling, but all I said was, "Of course I'm more like a sister than the boys are, James."

"Oh shut it, you know what I mean."

We stayed there, dozing in and out until dawn began to tinge the sky pretty pinks and oranges. We separated up our stairs and I slid silently into my bed for another couple of hours before I woke up again. This time, I was happy to note that I woke to Alice's gentle shaking.

We stuck close to Remus all day, as much for his sake as everyone else's. Remus had a short temper the day of. Alice bumped into him in charms and made him stumble and, when she apologized, he almost made a snide remark that no doubt would have had her in tears before Sirius hit on her and she scurried away.

After that Remus controlled it a little better like he used to before we started helping. We took our break after lunch in the boys' room where Remus collapsed on the nearest bed right next to me.

"Want me to grab a piece of chocolate, Remus?"

He snuggled next to me and held me like a teddy bear and nodded.

"Well it's a little hard with you like that."

"Al, you have magic, idiot," James laughed.

I blinked, "Shut up. Accio chocolate!"

Remus felt better after the chocolate and even managed to snag a quick nap before our afternoon classes.

After dinner, we sat by the lake until sunset chatting about nothing.

"What'd you tell Rafael? Don't you normally hang out with him after Herbology?" Peter asked me.

"I told him that Sirius was going through his weekly midlife crisis and he'd give me hell if I wasn't there for him while he ranted about how horrible women are and how they want too much."

"Hey! They're monthly, not weekly. Plus, you know you're always excluded from that."

"'Any and every bird is fine with me shagging everyone I can, but always thinks she's the special one. I don't have special birds! And why do they all try to change me? Can't they accept that I'm a man whore? I sleep with anyone I want so long as they want it too, so who's it hurt? No one! Birds are just stupid bitches and, if they weren't so damn fun, I'd swear off them!'" Remus quoted.

"Yes, I can see how I'm excluded from all birds. But I can't be special, 'cause you don't have special birds. Particularly as you know I don't think it's good that you sleep around," I said dryly.

"Ok, A, you're Bird and you're special, not a special bird, so you are excluded. B, you don't approve, but you don't try to change me, and you never will unless I want to change. C, you really don't act like a girl," Sirius defended himself.

"Thanks, Padfoot, because I love people speculate whether or not I act feminine enough."

"I think you're just fine the way you are," Peter said, sweetly.

I grinned and gave him a one armed hug, "Thanks, Wormy."

"Wait! I think you're great the way you are too!" Sirius said, looking at me with puppy eyes.

"Aww, Al, I think the puppy's sad he isn't getting all the attention," James teased.

"Well he can get over it!" I laughed, but when I turned back to look at Sirius, Snuffles was looking up at me. "No! You are not going to get a hug just for being a dog! I know it's you, Sirius!" But then he cocked his head and let his tongue stick out and I caved and patted my lap.

The shaggy black dog settled his front paws and head on my thighs as I began to scratch behind his ears. He gave me the smuggest look a dog can give, so I gave him a tiny flick on the tip of his snout. He sneezed and shook at his head. We played fetch for a while before walking back up to the castle.

It was just after dark when the four of us shuffled out under James's cloak. Peter and I were much more compact in our animagus forms, so James and Sirius carried us. Remus had already been led out by Madame Pomfrey. We eventually made it out past a row of trees and James pulled off the cloak.

I squeaked and stretched my leathery red-brown wings and unwrapped my tiny claws from Sirius's long hair and pushed myself up into the air, giving the willow a wide berth. James set Peter down and he disappeared into the grass. As the willow froze, I twisted back into human form and dropped a metre down before sliding down the hole at the base of the tree.

I followed the sound of Peter's scurries through the tunnel until I emerged into the slashed and broken main room.

"Let's be extra careful the first night, alright?" Remus asked us as he stretched nervously.

James started to agree when the first spasm raked through Remus. James and Sirius transformed in anticipation, but I stepped forward to wrap him in a hug. His hands gripped my shoulders just a bit too tightly.

"All…" he growled, "Get back!"

I ignored him until his teeth started sharpening, then I squeezed him once more before transforming back into a bat and flew into the rafters, closing my eyes against Remus's transformation, wishing that I could do the same to my sensitive ears as his screams tore through my small furred body.

Just when I thought I couldn't stand to hear one of my best friends pained yells any more, they turned into snarls and howls. I squeaked, mapping the room by sound. Moony was crouched low, ears back and hackles drawn. Padfoot was almost a mirror image, neither of them moved for an instant, then Moony leaped, only to be shoved to the side by Prongs. Padfoot was at Moony's throat, biting gently to establish dominance.

Moony blinked his amber eyes once, then looked away with a very amused Remus type way. Padfoot sat back with a cheerful bark, and, after the wolf sniffed both the dog and stag, I drifted to the ground and squeaked at him. He looked down his short snout at me and I squeaked again. He sniffed me and I prepared to dart away. Every once in a while, the wolf in Remus thought me or Peter looked like a tasty mouthful.

Apparently, I didn't look like a snack tonight, so I gave Moony a little bat kiss and settled into his fur. Moony may have protested, but Padfoot was nosing Wormtail over to him. Wormtail squeaked nervously, his tail darting around wildly. Moony snuffed and Wormtail squeaked a sigh of relief until Padfoot leapt up and tried to pounce on him. Moony recognized the game and blocked Wormtail's path as he tried to escape. I squeaked in laughter as I was tossed around on his fur. Prongs stood closely by Moony, worried about what would happen if he caught the rat.

We took turns entertaining Moony until the sun finally rose, careful to distract him from tearing at his own flesh. This time I sat in the corner as a human, covering my ears and closing my eyes until the transformation was over.

Exhausted, bruised and worn out, we (and by that I mean James and Sirius) helped Remus up the splintered stairs and collapse on the bed. The bed was easily the cleanest thing in the house. We took turns coming down to neaten up before each full moon. Moony was already asleep by the time I walked around the other side and curled in the middle of the bed. I curled up my legs up and Pads hopped up in dog form to curl at my feet. Prongs settled on my other side, and Wormy wiggled into the crook of my arm as a plump little rat.

I set a muggle alarm clock I had brought up to go off in an hour and we all fell asleep.

An hour later, four of us stumbled through the early dawn light to slip, unnoticed, back into our dormitories; Remus would stay in the shack—he still had another couple of nights of transforming ahead of him. Rather than risk tripping on something and waking my dorm mates, I followed the boys into their room to get a few more precious moments of sleep.

Too soon, a sleepy hand was shaking me awake. I didn't even open my eyes or reach for my glasses as I felt my way to the bathroom. I pushed in and fumbled with the knobs until I was standing in a hot stream of bliss. I didn't have long before Sirius started banging on the door. I dried off and wrapped myself in a towel before giving Sirius free range of the bathroom.

James threw my bag onto his bed and I climbed on it, drawing the curtains to give me the privacy to pull my uniform on. I opened the curtains as I pulled on my knee high socks, and James laughed and sat behind me to fix my hair, which I'm sure looked as if a bat had roosted in it.

We repeated this process every night and morning, until the moon began to wane, and Remus was allowed to stumble in with us. We took him as far to the hospital wing as we could without getting caught, then watched under the cloak to make sure he got in alright. Once, we had just let him go and he had fallen asleep inside a secret passageway and no one could find him until after lunch.

This transformation had gone well, so Madame Pomfrey allowed us to take Remus to breakfast. We half-stumbled down the stairs, desperate to get food after our long nights. Remus was especially ravenous. He disregarded his normally impeccable manners in favour of shoveling everything he could reach into his mouth.

Every time I piled something on my plate, I also spooned some onto Remus's. James kept tapping our goblets in between bites, keeping them full of pumpkin juice. On the first day of the waning moon we moved like clockwork. It was a habit so ingrained in me that I felt lost during the summer months when we didn't get to take care of Remus.

Just before we moved to potions, Sirius reached in his bag for a bar of chocolate and broke it into five pieces and handed them out. We all eagerly took them and Peter said, "Today will be better," far too chipperly, before we popped them into our mouths and stood.

Classes were hell, but it was nothing compared to quidditch practice afterwards. Concepta was mad that three of last year's star players had blown off the first day of training. As we could hardly tell her why, we had to suffer through her grueling drills in silence. Of course, the other participants were hardly silent in their dark muttering and angry glances at us.

Prongs and Padfoot ignored them in favour of joking and racing each other to finish their drills. I, however, glared right back as I was beating almost everyone in almost every drill. If they couldn't make it through drills given by an irritated Concepta, they'd never make it anyway.

I groaned as I settled myself into my seat. Rafael came over from his table to sit with us. Remus was tired and sore, but he was back to his mothering state, even as weak as he still was, scooping macaroni and cheese onto all our plates and telling James off for eating with his hands. Raf kissed me on the forehead and stole a roll off my plate.

Sirius and James froze, staring in horror at the roll my boyfriend had just bitten into. I blinked, and he asked me if I was ok.

"No one steals food from Al," Sirius said in a low voice.

"Peter did once and she nearly hexed him before Remus could calm her down," James added.

Peter nodded sadly, "She wouldn't talk to me for three days after that."

Raf shrugged and buttered another roll for me, setting it right where the other had been. I blinked again, the boys ready to pull me away from Raf, but I just sighed.

"Whatever. I'm too tired and hungry to do anything now."

"Why is it that big of a deal?" Raf asked, frowning, "You have three rolls on your plate and there are plenty on the table."

I sighed, not wanting to explain that I used to get food taken away from me if he thought I was trying to eat them out of house and home and sent to bed without dinner. It hadn't happened all that often anyway. "It's a pet peeve I've had for a long time."

"But we'll never be able to share food," he teased, oblivious to the memories he'd resurfaced.

I grinned softly and leaned into him, "If we ever tried to share a plate, I'd probably end up eating it all before you could get a bite in edgewise."

It was nice having someone who could be close with me and didn't know of all the shite I'd gone through with Carter. It was over; I could move on.

I ate quickly, and Raf laughed, surprised at how much I could put away, but not judging me for it. Dessert came, and we laughed raucously as we decorated Peter's face with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. I even waved cheerfully at Snivillus and Regulus when I saw them looking over in disgust, grinning when I saw Snivilly massage his temples when Avery called for his attention.

Raf invited me to find an empty room to play chess in with him, Eddie, and Marley, but I had homework to do, so I kissed him and followed Remus to the library. I wanted to finish my homework for the rest of the week, so I found a dark, seldom used table for me and Moony to sit at. Remus had to excuse himself for rounds and told me he'd see me back in the common room. I nodded, only half listening as I scrawled a sentence about the importance of wormwood.

I didn't realize how late it had gotten until the candles in the library were all doused. I sighed, figuring that Madame Pince had forgotten to check this corner of the library before locking up and leaving. I checked my watch, it was nearly midnight, and wondered why she had been here so late anyway. I groaned as I stretched and gathered my homework; I could finish my History of Magic essay tomorrow.

I was still stretching and popping my joints when I unlocked the doors and stepped into the silent hallway. I took one echoing step before I cringed and slipped my shoes off. Somehow, I didn't think Filch would appreciate my situation if he caught me out past curfew. My socks slid silently across the floor as I made my way towards the nearest staircase.

The castle was eerily quiet as I swept up the stairs, but I thought I heard a noise back behind me. I whirled around, hand pressing against my wand in the sleeve of my robes if I needed it. I sighed when I saw nothing, feeling silly that I had almost hexed a rat or whatever it had been.

I started to turn when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I spun away from the strange hand and had my wand pressing up into its owner's chin to force his head up before I recognized the warm dark eyes looking down at me, startled.

"Raf!" I whispered as I tucked my wand away, "What're you doing? I could've hexed you into next week!"

He grinned sheepishly, "I wanted to see you. We haven't gotten any alone time since the night we started dating."

I felt myself grinning goofily, "How'd you find me?"

"Sirius and Remus helped me out with that. I was sneaking to your common room when Remus caught me on his rounds and Sirius talked him into letting me go to see you. I dunno how he knew where you were, but he ran into the dorm and popped out a minute later telling me exactly where to go as long as—," he broke off, blushing.

"Oh, Merlin, what did Sirius make you do?"

"He…I don't want you to think that I want to do it tonight, but he made me promise to use protection."

"Oh, well that's not too bad," Raf gave me an odd look, so I explained, "He has done so much worse. The time Peter went on his first date, Sirius shouted in that booming voice he has reminding Peter what the contraceptive charm was. Needless to say, Peter did not get so much as a kiss on the cheek that day."

Raf laughed, "I guess I should count myself lucky then."

I grinned and we walked to a window seat nearby. He sat with his back to the wall and his feet up on the seat as I settled in between his legs, leaning my head against his shoulder.

We talked softly for a bit before I stretched myself up to brush my lips against his. He sighed and cupped my face with one hand before kissing me more forcefully. We kissed a few more times before I gently nipped his lip encouragingly. He got the idea and slid his tongue into my open mouth. I levered myself up, settling my legs on either side of his as my hands wound into his hair. He broke away from my lips to wrap his arms tightly around my back and waist as his mouth trailed down to my neck, making me moan softly.

I considered moving my hips against him (I'd never ended up even sitting on my old boyfriend's lap, let alone grinding on him), but, before I could, Raf broke away murmuring apologies.

"What the hell are you apologizing for?" I muttered, moving in to kiss him again.

"Al," he said gently pushing me back to look in my eyes, "I—I really like you. I don't want to rush this. I mean, we aren't even sixteen yet. And I know this little doesn't seem like a lot to you what with Sirius Black being one of your best friends, but, really, there's no reason we can't go slower."

"I'm going to be sixteen in a couple of months, and you're not far off either," I protested weakly, but I was already sliding off of his lap and snuggling next to him.

He kissed my forehead and I grinned. Now that I was calming down a bit, I could see that he was right. I didn't want to go too far just yet. Not that I thought going a teensy bit farther would hurt either of us. In fact, I thought the exact opposite.

Not much later, he walked me up to my dorm and kissed me sweetly before bidding me goodnight.

I pushed into the common room and was greeted by Remus. The rest of the marauders were too interested in the magazine Sirius held.

"Haven't I told you all to look at your porn in your room?" I asked as I caught a glimpse of a scantily clad witch turning and posing.

"Al!" Sirius yelped, trying to stuff the magazine behind his back.

"You were gone quite a while," James said, trying to change the subject.

"Yes, I was making out with my real life boyfriend, not staring at some topless chicks in pictures."

"You only made out?" Sirius asked, "I thought for sure you'd get carried away and Raf would get farther."

I was silent and Remus grinned, "You were totally getting carried away and he stopped you, didn't he?"

I must've blushed because the boys started crowing, "Ohh he diiid didn't he?!"

"Shut up! Sirius is the group whore, so I can take things as slow as I want!" I cried throwing pillows at them.

"Well she has a point there," the aforementioned whore said agreeably.

I grinned and ran my fingers through his hair, "Thank you, Sirius."

"Of course, she'd be much less a virgin if Rafael let her—OW!" he broke off as I tugged sharply on his hair.

"Oh, my bad. I completely forgot that hair pulling is a turn-off of yours," I said innocently with a mischievous grin.

He rubbed his scalp and yanked me into his lap where he started tickling me mercilessly. I kicked and screamed, but he just covered my mouth and kept attacking me. He eventually let me collapse across his legs panting and glaring at his smug smirk.

"Bastard."

"Bitch."

"Whore."

"Prude."

"We're barely fifth years. I don't think I can be a prude just yet."

"Sure you can."

"Remus?"

"Maybe if she had dated a lot, but she's only on her second."

"Fine."

I grinned at him lazily, already getting warm and sleepy from being curled up on his lap.

"If you're tired, go to bed," Sirius said in a stern voice, though his face was anything but.

"I just spent hours after hours of doing homework. I don't wanna go to bed just yet," I muttered grumpily.

"Two sugar quills says she's asleep before Remus finishes his chapter," Sirius told the boys.

"I'll take you on, Pads," Remus said, grinning, "I've only got two pages."

"I stand by my bet."

Remus grinned without looking up from his page, his eyes darting from line to line. Sirius ran his finger through my hair gently. James watched in amusement as my eyelids started to flutter. I groaned.

"Pads, don' wanna go sleep," I mumbled.

"But I want to win the bet, Bird."

"Don' call m' tha'" I said, wiggling to try and wake myself up.

"You shouldn't have worked so late on homework," Peter giggled, "It always puts you to sleep."

I thought about replying, but I just made some kind of disgruntled moan instead.

"What are you going to do with her if she falls asleep, Padfoot?" James asked, "She's not going to wake up easily."

"Dunno," Sirius's voice sounded very far away, "I'll figure something out,"

I forced my eyes to flutter open, even as they felt like they were crossing and spasming. It felt like forever before Remus said, "Done!"

Sirius groaned and pushed me off his lap. I didn't move, my eyes finally closing. A foot kicked me gently. I ignored it. Another foot nudged me, then a hand shook me. I curled smaller into a ball.

"This is your fault, Sirius," I heard a reproving voice say from somewhere distant.

"Whatever, let's just leave her here."

"Why can't leave her here," another voice squeaked.

"Why not? She can—and will—sleep anywhere."

"Mate, it's your fault. Either find a way to wake her up, or heave her to our room."

"James, she's heavy and a heavy sleeper!"

"Not my problem."

The louder voice sighed and someone warm knelt beside me, placing a solid hand on my arm, "Al. Alchemy. Come on, get up." I whined. The voice laughed, "C'mon, sweetheart, people talk too much if you sleep in our room too often. It'll be bad for your reputation."

I snorted.

"I'm impressed she's still awake after we pulled all-nighters and she was up half the night doing homework."

The hand on my arm shook me forcefully, "If you don't get up I'm going to get Manky to put peas in all of your food." I made a fussy sound. Sirius laughed as he helped me stand and walked me to the stairs. "There you go, Bird, see you in the morning."