PHILS POV
2 months later
Dan can't find out, he mustn't. No one must ever find out.
As I looked at myself in the mirror, I retched. How disgusting did I even look? It was horrific; I couldn't stand to look at myself anymore.
Even though I had Dan to tell me every day how beautiful and gorgeous I was and looked, I didn't believe it. For a while now I'd been self-conscious, I'd always been shy but I had never been bothered about my appearance that much. It was just recently it had gotten worse, mostly including my weight, it was getting worse and worse and I knew it had to stop but I couldn't.
Whilst Dan was at work I would skip meals, avoiding the kitchen at all times, I would survive on water for 2 meals a day until Dan came home and we ate, I was always sitting worrying about how many calories were in this, how many were in that, and Dan didn't suspect a thing.
We had promised each other that we would tell each other everything, and I did everything except this, I just felt I couldn't, and when he did find out what would he think of me? Would he still be attracted to me? Would he still love me?
"Philly, I'm home!" Dan's voice called from the front door.
"Hey," I take him into my arms, holding him tight.
"What's wrong?" he looks at me, concerned.
"Nothing, nothing. How was your day?" I ask, god sake could he tell I'd been crying?
"It was alright, I suppose, the usual that happens at a DIY store, just couldn't wait to see you again," he goes behind me and snuggles into me.
See what I mean? How could I ever be prepared to lose him?
"I missed you so much, Dan." My eyes well up again.
"Hey, you have been crying, I thought you had been," Dan comes back round to my front and cups my face in his hands. He kisses the tip of my nose.
"Fancy telling me what's happened? I don't like seeing my Phillip upset," he says, his face concerned.
"I'm fine, honestly, I've just been thinking about Simon," I reply, Simon was my pet fish and he'd just died a couple of days ago.
"He's in a better place now babe, I'm sure he misses you just as much as you miss him. I'm going to take a bath now because it's been a busy day," Dan winks at me and heads off to the bathroom.
Do it, now.
The voice inside my head is telling me. I go into the bedroom and take a bottle of pills out of my drawers. Diet pills. I've been on them for a while now.
I swallow them, one after the other, craving them, it's only been a few hours since I last took them but I needed them, I needed to lose weight.
I felt a little dizzy, but I ignored it. Since I became almost addicted to them a few weeks ago, the dizziness was just part of my daily feelings now.
Later that night, as me and Dan were watching some TV, he looked at me.
"You've been losing an awful lot of weight recently," he says.
"Oh god.."
"No, I didn't mean it in that way, you're still my perfect boyfriend, but I was just pointing it out. Don't lose too much though ok? But whatever I'll still love you the same," he gives me another one of his cheeky winks.
The next day I had hit rock bottom. I got up, and as usual, had my bottle of water and diet pills for breakfast. I looked quickly in the mirror as I was getting changed, but I didn't spend too long looking, I knew I would hate what I saw.
It was a Saturday and Dan was off, so I had to be careful about him finding out about it all.
As I gulped down the pills, I suddenly lost my balance. I could feel my head spinning and my eyes losing focus.