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Chapter 10
The weather continued to be beautiful throughout July and into August, though the days were gradually cooling as autumn prepared to take over. Every member of the village was needed to get all the planting done for fall crops, in hopes that it would produce a high yield and carry them safely through the winter.
Peronell knew that she was being kept busy to help her forget about the substantial amount of time that had passed since the knights had left. Alys had given her more responsibilities and duties. She had recently begun her tutoring in using the loom, a skill that was challenging to learn given the number of threads involved. She was grateful for the distraction.
It had been almost over a month since the men had left. The Saxon attacks were continuously moving across the North. If the knights were lucky, they got to the next attack before it happened, allowing them to prepare. Messengers arriving at the fort would describe fields littered with bodies, the screams of dying men still audible amongst the crash and clatter of swords and shields. Peronell no longer stayed to listen to the recounting of the events; she couldn't stand the feeling of panic that rose in her throat.
Sybbyl, Elisabeth, Mary and Helena all tried to help distract her but their lives were hectic on their own. It was the longest summer Peronell could remember. She began to doubt her ability to survive such a relationship. She watched as Sybbyl was courted by one of the young men of the village. He made a point to help her carry her goods to the market whenever he could, they would walk together in the afternoons or at the end of the day. She looked so happy. Peronell wondered if that would ever be a reality for her and Tristan.
Peronell sought out Venora at one point, catching her in a moment that was not filled with children or ale.
"How do you do it?" she asked. Venora and Bors had been together for at least eleven years, how could she bare the time apart and the uncertainty it brought?
"You stay busy; keep yourself occupied as much as you can." The woman explained. She was not much older than Peronell, only 24 but with ten children and another on the way, she had lived this life much longer than any other woman at the fort. At 16, Peronell still had a lot to learn.
She sighed and set down her basket of clothes, "It's not a choice. You love him or you don't. If you do, you wait because you can't imagine yourself with anyone else." She put a hand along Peronell's woeful face before picking the basket up and continuing on with the tasks at hand. It was not want Peronell had been hoping to hear. There must be some magic formula that would make this pain easier to bear, something to make the time pass more quickly.
Alys had Peronell work on the loom outside, as it provided better light for the work she was trying to do. The sun shone down and her face, illuminating the crimson threads before her, and her hand deftly moved the shuttle through the threads. She paused for a moment and tilted her head up to the sky, stretching her back and neck and hoping the warm sun would not fade too quickly in the autumn. Above her, sparrows danced in the sky and the occasional monarch butterfly flit by. Then without warning, the sparrows fled the sky, seeming to be racing for safety. Turning her head Peronell search the sky and found the answer for the bird's sudden departure. High above her, a single hawk dipped in the breeze, circling around the Wall and fort.
"Alys!" Peronell called out, her head still tilted to the sky as the woman came out. Alys smiled at the girl.
"She wouldn't return without her master." Alys observed, " but they could still be a ways off, keep at your work please."
Peronell kept working, her hand now flying through the loom so that she could complete the work before Tristan returned. As the hours continued to pass she became more anxious, wondering if they would make it home before night fall.
The sun stretched long shadows across the grass throughout the fort as she wandered home, ears pricked for the sounds that would indicate the knights were home. She was helping her mother hang up some herbs to dry when she heard it, the sound of the guards bellowing to each other to open the main gates.
She looked at her mother, hope clearly written across her face.
"Go on then," Her mother said, allowing Peronell to abandon her chores. The girl spun off and headed towards the stable courtyard where the knights would convene.
The thundering of hooves was audible from the moment the gates lurched open. The ground was practically vibrating from the impact of the massive animals. All of Bors children were pouring out of their home, overjoyed at the possibility of seeing their father again. Venora was right behind them, trying to tidy herself as she went, smoothing her hair, pinching her cheeks and picking any bits of flora and fauna off her clothing. She smiled at Peronell as they met up on route to the stable courtyard.
"Did I not say they would return?" she smiled at Nell in a knowing way. "He will always come back to me."
Nell smiled at Verona, wishing she had an eighth of her confidence. The fact that Tristan was coming home was good enough this time. The women came around the corner and saw the knights bring their horses in to Jols, who was waiting with open arms.
"Good to have you back." He nodded to Arthur and each of the men in turn.
"Good to be back" Lancelot replied.
"Don't you mean lucky?" Galahad said, sliding off his horse, throwing a knowing look towards the older knight.
"We're all here aren't we?" Lancelot retorted, "What more do you want?"
When Peronell looked at their faces she could see they were exhausted. Covered in dirt, sweat and blood, they looked as though they had been to hell and back. Tristan, Gawain, and Lancelot seemed to be the worst off, or at least the dirtiest but seven men stood looking at each other, as though uncertain of their next move.
"Let's hope that doesn't happen again." Dagonet sighed, stretching his neck and rubbing at his face with one hand.
"We won't discuss it now," Arthur cautioned, noting the waiting crowd. "Clean up and we'll meet in the hall."
Bors went immediately to Venora, wrapping her into a tight embrace and breathing in deeply. Unlike her usual mock outrage when he returned from a long trip, Venora wrapped her arms around Bors tightly and held on until he was ready to let her go.
Tristan moved slowly towards Peronell. She couldn't tell if it was because he was hurt or just tired but he seemed to lack the usual grace in his movements. He smiled at her and reached out to take her in his arms and she moved toward him eagerly. Realizing at the last minute that he was covered in blood he took Nell's face in his hands instead and kissed her tenderly, holding her slightly away from his body.
"Tell me you missed me," he demanded, his eyes searched her face.
"Very much." She looked up at him, grateful he was home and unharmed. "Please tell me none of this blood is yours?"
"Hmph," the knight shrugged, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "I don't think so, I'll find out when I get cleaned up." He looked over his shoulder at the other knight's, "There are a few more things we need to take care of. Where will you be?"
"You're the scout," she retorted, teasing him a bit, "you find me."
A small smiled crept across his lips and he ran his finger tips across her brow bones, down along her cheek bones until they met under her chin.
"I will find you," he promised. She knew he was playing along but she could still hear the hint of challenge in his voice, "every time."
"Then I will see you soon." She whispered, as he gently pressed his lips to hers before heading off to clean the blood and brutality from his body.
Before leaving the courtyard she noticed Arthur standing close to his horse, rubbing its neck methodically, deep in thought.
"Was everything alright? Did things go according to plan?" Nell didn't want to pry but she knew Tristan would not divulge any details and if something happened, she wanted to know.
"Nothing ever goes according to plan, that is the one consistency in life." Arthur smiled at her kindly. He never discussed the missions with anyone other than the knights and he knew she was searching for information.
"Tristan is rarely gravely injured, you need not worry about him. This mission was no exception." He pet his mount soundly on the neck and gave Peronell a slight bow before leaving to clean himself from the blood on his body.
Tristan the knight was different than Tristan the man. Before she knew him better he used to frighten her. Stories were told about how ruthless he was in battle, the cold, analytical way he approached each opponent. His technique on the battlefield was compared to dancing; he seemed to enjoy the interaction, the partnership of it all, right through the final stroke. Yet for all his appreciation of the fight he did not leave his opponents to suffer. As with anything else he did in life, he fought efficiently and with purpose. This side of him did not scare Peronell, it was simply another piece of Tristan she needed to understand if she chose to be with him.
Having challenged Tristan to find her, Peronell made sure that she avoided anywhere he might expect her to be. She stayed away from all of her girlfriends, the tavern, the stables and the Smithy. Instead she walked through the trees that existed between the outer wall and the keep, enjoying the peace and quiet she could find there. She found a comfortable area to sit and looked up at the stars that were slowly showing themselves in the twilight. She tried to remember all the constellations her father had taught her so that she wouldn't get lost in the woods when they had to gather nuts and berries closer to winter.
"Have you found what you're looking for?" Tristan asked, slowly making his way over to where Peronell was seated.
She turned her head to the side and smiled at him, clucking her tongue in disappointment." How did you find me so quickly?" She had thought he would be much longer in locating her.
Rather than responding, Tristan gestured into the sky. Dipping in lazy circles was his hawk.
"That's cheating!" She claimed and laughed, smacking him leg lightly as he sat down behind her. He omit a soft laugh, barely audible and pulled her back against him, so they were as close as possible.
"How far do you think I can see, hmmm? That's what she's there for, to see beyond my abilities and show me what I'm looking for." His mouth was very close to her ear, his breath sending shivers down her spine. Very slowly and gently he placed his lips on the side of her neck, barely touching her. He kissed up her neck, to her ear and nibbled very carefully. Peronell took a deep breath, trying to still her heart, only it was racing too quickly for anything to stop it. She turned her head to the side and found his lips easily. The passion in their kiss accelerated quickly and Tristan slowed it down, breaking up their kisses before he turned his head to the sky.
"Tell me what you see." He asked her, trying to maintain some control of the moment. Nell had the ability to undo all his willpower and self-control if he allowed it. He had to maintain some composure or he would not be able to stop himself.
Sighing in frustration, Nell looked up and began pointing out all the constellations she knew. Tristan asked her how she could tell where home was if she was deep in the woods, how to locate the North Star and how she could tell what type of weather was approaching.
Peronell was both surprised and pleased at how much she recalled. The answers came to her with barely any thought and it was reassuring to know that even though she rarely had to use these skills, she still had the knowledge if needed.
"Is my lesson done now, sir?" her voice lifted up as she teased him, batting her eyes.
"You still have much to learn," he whispered in her ear. He turned her face to him and kissed her with all the passion he had been holding back since he saw her that afternoon. His hands tangled up into her shining waves, pulling her closer to him. Nell was grateful that they were already sitting down; she would not trust her legs to keep her up. Whenever Tristan kissed her like this it was as though she was being consumed by a flame. Heat shot through her whole body and she could barely breathe. All she could smell was leather and sandalwood and the woods, everything that made up Tristan. She turned around so that they were seated face to face and Tristan's grip on her tightened. She felt him pull her even closer, his lips becoming more demanding. Almost urgently, his hands move from her waist, down along her legs and up under her skirts. His fingers were moving softly up her legs and she felt as though she was drowning.
"Wait, stop" she said breathlessly, "Please." Tristan stopped immediately, his hands coming to rest on her calves. He put his forehead to hers and slowly moved his hands from her skirts. She hadn't meant to stop him, or rather, she did not want to stop him but knew she should.
She looked at his face cautiously, seeing that he was nodding his head in agreement.
"Yes, we should stop." Though outwardly he was agreeing with her, the look on his face said he would have gladly continued.
"I'm sorry, that was wrong of me. I shouldn't have teased you like that." She was uncertain as to how he would respond; she hadn't meant to take it so far. In Tristan's absence the tavern girls had taken the opportunity to explain, in great detail, what men expected from their women. Some parts sounded lovely but mostly terrifying and consequences of those interactions even worse. The girls had laughed at the shocked expressions on the faces of Helena and Peronell after their brief tutorial.
"No, don't apologize. We should stop." Tristan agreed, though he still had not moved her away from him.
"It can be very hard," he explained, "to keep my control around you, especially when I've been away so long." Pausing for a moment, he continued. "All I ask is that you don't let me go further than this until you are ready. Beyond this point I will not be able to stop."
Nell nodded, not sure of what to say next but she needn't worry. Tristan gently removed her legs from around his waist and turned her around, her back against his torso. He continued to hold her close to him and they sat in the cooling evening air as they caught their breath. After a time, he stood up, lifting her up with him, and brought her back into the keep before darkness fell completely.