Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)
This chapter is long yet again, it has a Noah based POV. You can see into Ali, the Shepherd kids, the cousins, some of their Aunt's and Uncle's, and also Derek's feelings and inner thoughts. There is also many many flashbacks, especially in Mer's afterlife.
"Daddy," Noah whimpered as he woke from his slumber in between Hayley and Paige. Sophia and Derek's head snapped up from where they were sitting by Meredith's bed side. There wasn't any change.
"Yeah buddy," Derek asked as Sophia got off of his lap where she was dosing and sat in another seat. Noah got up and climbed onto his lap and hugged his neck.
"I haded a bad dream," he whispered and buried his head into his neck.
"What about?" Derek asked gently.
"Mommy and Lyssa were packing their bags and going on the trip without me...." he cried and Derek felt his throat tighten. He looked over at his daughter who was looking down, but he could see the tears that were running down her face.
"Buddy I..." he began but Noah interrupted.
"I begged them not to go but they didn't answer me," Noah sobbed. "They only said that they were leaving me because they didn't love me! Do Mommy and Lyssa not love me... is that why Lyssa is on her trip now?"
"No," Derek shook his head and tried to find the words to calm his son.
"Is Mommy going on a trip now too," Noah continued to wail. Derek looked over and saw Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Kels, all awake now and looking at him with wide scared eyes, as if they were asking the question too.
"We don't know," Derek murmured.
"Does that mean she doesn't love me," he cried.
"Noah," Derek said and took his arms and unwrapped them from his neck so he could look his son in the eye. "Mommy and Lyss love you very much."
"Then why did Lyssa leave me," he sniffled.
"She left you because she loved you, she loved us all... she left because seeing her in the pain she was in was hurting us all, and she wanted to save us from that pain," Derek explained.
"What about Mommy," Noah whimpered.
"You know how Mommy and I have been fighting?" Derek asked gently with a side-glance to his other children. Noah nodded. "She was fighting with herself inside... you see.... she misses your sister so much that she wants to go on the trip too and be with her."
"But I thought you said she loved me," Noah cried out in despair, his blue eyes wide.
"She does buddy," Derek reassured.
"But if she goes on a trip she is leaving me!" Noah wailed.
"She is wants to go on this trip because she feels she can't be a good enough mother because she is missing Lyss so much... she thought we'd all be better off without her," Derek told him, hurt clearly evident in his voice because that is what he truly believed and was sort of true.
"That's not right," Noah shook his head fiercely. "We need her!" All of a sudden, Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Kels were behind Derek.
"Why don't you tell her that," Derek said hoisting him up to lean gently on Meredith's bed. He turned to his kids, his eyes softening. "Why don't you all tell her." Everyone nodded solemnly.
"Mommy," Noah said confidently. "You shouldn't go on the trip like Lyssa... I will miss you too much..." he looked at his father hesitantly.
"Go on," he pressed gently.
"I love you Mommy... and your the best Mommy ever.... even if you are sad because Lyssa is on her trip.... I will always love you.... and.... and..." He looked at his father once more. "And I will still love you even if you choose to go on your trip... but I really hope you don't." Derek's eyes widened and suddenly he didn't feel like he was holding his five year old son.
"That's the same with everyone Mom," Sophia spoke up and walked over to her siblings.
"We love you," Hayley added.
"Your our mother," Paige said.
"We don't want to see you.... go on a trip as well," Kels said, choosing her words carefully.
"This past month has been hard, terrible, but you were there for us even if you were there there," Jake said. Derek felt a rush of familiarity as he remembered the sorrowful goodbyes to Lyss. Her friends, her Aunt's, Uncle's, cousins, and grandmother flocking her bedside to say goodbye before it was too late.
"We may fight some times, but we know your love is unconditional," Paige told her.
"And you should always know that no matter how often we fight, we always feel the same way," Hayley told her.
"If the family loses you like we lost Lyss.... I don't think we will recover," Jake said sorrowfully.
"And I need my mom," Kels begged. "I am coming into my teen years soon... I am almost 10... that's double digits and... I need my mom to tell me what to do and how to act and... please..."
"Please don't leave us," Hayley said.
"If you do... we won't be mad we'll just be..." Sophia said but trailed off.
"Broken," Jake finished.
"So fight for us and for Daddy," Paige said.
"Fight for us Mer," Derek murmured and grabbed her hand. All of a sudden, he felt her squeeze it, gently and he gasped. He looked at her face but there was no change in it, except the slight toss of her head. He sighed in defeat, remembering all the times Lyss did that in her last moments of life. Trying to connect with the outside world and fighting her inner battle. That's when Derek realized, would Mer ever wake up?
Not in the alive way but, she was no longer on the vent and she was still breathing on her own. If her brain never recovered, she could be in this state for a long time, until she becomes septic or worse. Derek shook the thought out of his head, he had to be there for his kids now. All of a sudden Izzie walked in gently. He caught her eye and then looked at Noah.
"Noah," she smiled. "Do want to come with me? I am rounding and thought that you might want to join me?" He jumped up his eyes wide.
"Yes please," he nodded enthusiastically. He turned to Derek. "Daddy?"
"You can go," Derek nodded. He was about to run when he looked at Meredith in the bed. He ran towards her, climbed up the bed, and left a gently kiss on her cheek.
"Bye Mommy... hope you feel better," he said and ran towards Izzie.
"Thanks," he mouthed towards her and turned back to his kids.
"We're gonna go... maybe find Aunt Cristina or Uncle Mark, or see if Aunt Kathy and them are still here," Sophia spoke for everyone and kissed his cheek.
"Get some rest Daddy," Hayley said as they went down the line saying goodbye to him, leaving him in the room alone with his wife.
"You hear that Mer," Derek whispered. "You may think Lyss needs you... but we all need you too."
Meredith didn't know how long she had been there for. In this other world, her afterlife. The only thing she was really conscious of was the look of determination on her daughter's face. One that was hard to let down.
"So..." Lyss led on.
"So..." Meredith stuttered.
"Mommy... you know that it's still me... your Lyss... you can talk about anything," Lyss told her. Meredith reached up and stroked her longer blond hair. She still marveled the long locks that had disappeared from her daughter's head because of chemo. "I know..." Lyss spoke up again. "I can't believe it either."
"Your so beautiful baby," Meredith whispered.
"Mommy," Lyss said, knowing that was not what she wanted to say.
"I remember the day you were born, so clearly," Mer whispered. "I remember everyone... Sophia, it was in the middle of a lightning storm, we were slipping on the road because your father had one protective hand on my stomach. Then there was an accident on the freeway and your father stormed out and got one of the police officers to escort us to the hospital." Lyss smiled and let her continue.
"What about Hayley and Paige," Lyss whispered and leaned her head on her mother's chest. She was loving the time she had with her mother, time she knew that if her plan worked out, would come to an end.
"I was hiding in the tunnels of the hospital," Mer reminisced. "Your Aunt Addie was in town and we weren't friends yet... she was being sort of bitchy but your father stood up for me and grabbed Soph to help find me. Addie decided to help and found me laying on the floor in pain because they were coming and my contractions were minutes apart. She got me up to the OR and delivered them herself... That's why Paige is named after her." She looked at Lyss and she nodded for her to continue.
"Jake... he was the calm one. The perfectly planned out baby. I was home with you.... your father had Hayley and Paige in daycare, and Sophia was in preschool. The contractions came... I called him, and he was born... Kels... it was a different story."
"I remember that one," Lyss whispered. "Her and Noah.... Kels... it was during my dance rehearsal when all of a sudden you went into labor. Daddy couldn't find our car so you were in the lobby gasping in pain for a while and I think I was crying."
"You were terrified to see me in pain," Mer smiled.
"Noah... that one I remember even better," Lyss said. "How many hours again?"
"22," Meredith muttered dryly and Lyss giggled. "You were just happy because we didn't make you go to school."
"I wanted to see my baby brother," Lyss smirked. "Not my fault that you didn't realize I slept in and was under the covers on the couch." Mer paused.
"Yours was the scariest," Meredith murmured. "I... I was so scared that you would stop breathing... you were so tiny..." She broke off as she heard Lyss gasping for air. Mer froze.
"Mom... Mom...." she gasped grasping her neck.
"Lyss," Meredith said in panic. "Someone help me!" Chase and Denny appeared suddenly as Lyss collapsed to the floor.
"Mom-my," Lyss gasped and began coughing. Mer froze. "I can't breath." She realized this was how the last few moments of Lyss's life were spent.
"Lyss honey calm down," she said shakily. "What can we do to help her?"
"Nothing," Chase murmured as he bent down next to his love.
"She's in pain," Mer wailed.
"You have to let her ride it out," Denny told her as Lyss's eyes fluttered closed.
"I need to intubate!" Meredith exclaimed. Meredith began doing compressions and looked at Chase who was looking at her sorrowfully. All of a sudden, Lyss disappeared from under her and so did Chase. Then she remembered, she did the same thing with Bonnie her first time in the after life.
"That's what happens with Lyss Meredith," Denny told her.
"Were those what her last moments were like," Mer whispered and Denny nodded.
"Only you have the power to free her from that," Denny said.
"What?"
"She can't leave until she saves you," Denny said.
"But why are you here?" Mer questioned.
"I'm free to come and go... so is everyone else... but Lyss," Denny told her. "We just choose to stay with her... we are choosing to help save you."
"So... it's me who is causing my little girl pain," Meredith said fearfully.
"Meredith... she isn't a little girl anymore," Denny said. "When you're up here... you know things... you learn things.... you grow from it.... and Lyss has.... she understands things now... she..."
"Why can't I learn those things too?" Meredith whimpered.
"It's not your time... and I don't know how much time you have left before it is," Denny told her gently.
"You don't know?" Mer spat. "You said you know things... why don't you know that!"
"Only you know," Denny said simply and disappeared into thin air, leaving Meredith alone.
Allison Sarah Karev felt her heart wrench as she left the hospital early Monday morning, heading to school, going on with her life, while Lyss's family, her family's was falling apart. Her dad drove her to school after Dylan. She didn't have the energy to get really ready and only slipped on a sweat shirt, jeans, and threw her hair up into a quick pony tail.
She didn't get any sleep the night before. Or the night before that. She was too concerned for her Aunt Mer. For her Uncle Derek, for her cousins, for her other Aunt's and Uncle's, and for her parents. It reminded her a bit of the day Lyss died. When her friends came over her house along with all her cousins.
Ali walked slowly out of the Shepherd house, her legs barely wanting to function. It was already 10 pm. Hours after Lyss died, her best friend since she was not even a year old. Everyone had been there except her Aunt Callie, Miranda, and Uncle Richard who forced themselves to work or some of Lyss's cousins who weren't as close to her as others brought the younger kids back to the hotel, Lily included for she hadn't stopped crying since she said goodbye to Lyss.
Her Aunt Meredith and Uncle Derek, heart broken, went upstairs to sleep off their weariness and tears as soon as her Uncle Derek got home from the morgue. Hayley, Paige, Sophia, Jake, and Kels were just sent up to bed, all in Hayley and Paige's room, not wanting to be apart.
Her father's hand was on her back as she walked into the house, her friends close behind. The parents all agreed it would be best if they stayed together that night and Alex and Izzie offered their place. That's when she saw Noah on the couch with Dylan who came to watch him. He turned around and looked at her, and from the look on his face, he knew exactly what happened even if he didn't know know.
Mike, Tuck, Trevor, and Nate were watching TV silently. Talia and Morgan were playing distractedly with Tyler and Taylor. Ali bit her lip sadly. They would never remember their cousin Lyss.
Ali was surprised she stopped crying. Once the initial shock was over that one of her best friends was dead, the tears had stopped running. She thinks it was because she wanted to stay strong for Mike, and the look on her parents faces after it just happened had snapped her into trying to stay strong. She never saw them like that and it scared her.
She looked back at her friends. They all had faces that conveyed what she was feeling inside. It was then she decided she had to be strong for them as well. When they all curled up together on the blowup mattress in the basement, Ali didn't sleep, fearing she'd dream of Lyss and break her silent vow to herself.
When she slipped into the seat next to her father she looked into his eyes. They conveyed the sorrow she saw in Derek's eyes, the worry she saw in her Mom's, and the anger that everyone was feeling. They didn't think God would be so cruel that he would take Mer and Lyss in the same year.
She wasn't sure how long it took her to get to school, but she knew that when she saw her friends, she'd be able to let out all the feelings she had bottled up inside, trying to stay strong for Dylan, Mike, her parents, Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kels, Noah, Derek, and Meredith. With timid steps, Ali walked towards the hallway where her locker was, thankful her friends were not there yet.
A lone tear slipped down her face looking at Lyss's locker. She should be there, running in to get her stuff, late like she always was. She should be happy, laughing, and joking with her friends. Her family she all be healthy and not in the hospital except for work. But that's what would happen in a perfect world, and Allison Sarah Karev's world was anything but perfect.
"Al," she heard Hannah say. Ali turned to her friend. Nikki, Britt, and Becca were there too. "Where were you this weekend?"
"No one was home at your house all weekend," Becca said.
"And the Shepherd's," Britt added. Ava was now with them.
"Is something wrong?" Nikki asked. Ali opened her mouth to speak but Miss Klicka came up to her as well.
"Ali," she said. "If you don't mind me interrupting um... I was just wondering... do you know why Hayley and Paige aren't going to be in school today?"
"They aren't gonna be in school today?" Hannah questioned.
"Is everything all right?" Miss Klicka asked. Ali shook her head, trying to hold in her tears.
"No," she bit her lip.
"Is it about Lyss?" Ava asked.
"The grief counselor will be happy to speak to you again," Miss Klicka said.
"No," she shook her head. "And sorta," she added to answer Ava's question.
"So what is it?" Becca asked. Ali took a breath.
"My Aunt Mer, Lyss's Mom, had an accident," Ali began. "She's been having a really hard time handling Lyss's death and she was drunk.... and... she fell down the stairs."
"Oh no..." Miss Klicka gasped. "Is she okay?"
"No," Ali told them. "You see... Noah, Lyss's youngest brother.... found her... on the floor... called my Mom over and well.... she had head trauma, a broken leg, and a dislocated shoulder that needed surgery.... and now she is in a coma. We don't know..." She trailed off.
"Oh I am sorry," her teacher sighed and grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. "This isn't what anyone needs right now."
"Yeah," she murmured. The day flew by. Ali knew she just wanted to be back at the hospital with her family. Soon her wish was fulfilled and she was sitting in the waiting room with Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Kels, Dylan, Morgan and Talia. The boys of the family were all distracting Noah in the cafeteria, Tuck making sure they wouldn't run wild.
"How was school today Al?" Sophia asked.
"Sucky," she muttered. "All people kept asking me was where you were... and I had to keep explaining... it was like..."
"Lyss all over again," Paige finished grabbing her hand, stroking the back of it. Ali nodded and looked down.
"Same with me," Dylan said and Morgan and Talia chimed in.
"Don't you think we've been through enough... you think we'd get a break," Hayley said looking towards Lyss's room, the room where her Mom was currently fighting for her life.
"I want to go back to last summer... make sure Mom and Dad went to Lyss's recital... then she would have told them she wasn't feeling good and it wouldn't have been Stage IV," Kels spat.
"No sense wishing when you know it won't happen baby," Sophia said as Kels rested her head on Sophia's shoulder and closed her eyes. Sophia stroked her hair gently and found the scar that she caused just a few months ago.
"I know," Kels murmured. "But I wish that wasn't true either."
"Don't we all hun, don't we all," Dylan said looking back to Meredith's room, Lyss's room, the room, that if Mer died, would be cursed for their family, and remind them everyday of the death's of two of there loved one's.
Meredith felt a chill as she walked down a hallway of the hospital alone. How did her life come to this? Having to choose between spending an eternity with her dead daughter, or fighting to stay alive and live out the rest of her life with her husband and 6 other kids. How was she supposed to choose?
All of a sudden, a dog barked from behind her. Mer spun around and her face lit up.
"DOC!" she exclaimed and bent down and the dog pelted towards her and covered her face with licks. "Yeah boy... yeah."
"He's a good dog," Lyss said from behind, making Mer jump. "He's a great replacement for Hershey."
"Lyss," she gasped and ran towards her daughter.
"It scared you didn't it... I hate it," Lyss whispered.
"And I am keeping you here," Mer said regretfully.
"Mommy... you need to fight," Lyss told her. "Not just for me."
"I am trying," Mer told her. "I just don't know what to do."
"Try harder... fight harder," Lyss begged. "Mommy you know what to do."
"No I don't," Mer shook her head.
"Yes you do," Lyss said gently, grabbing her mother's hand and looked into her eyes. She saw the sorrow and regret.
"You were always so determined," Meredith said breaking her gaze and looking down.
"You and Daddy taught me to be that way," Lyss said.
"Remember the day you came home from the hospital?" Meredith said. "And you refused to let anyone help you."
"Which time," Lyss smirked. "For my leg when I was two, appendicitis when I was 6, however many times for stitches when I was 8, 9, and 10, my arm when I was 11, or... everything in the past 7 months."
"All of them... or most of them anyway," Mer said. "Especially when you were two and six."
"I can't remember what happened after my leg that Christmas when I was two... only how it happened," Lyss murmured.
"Hey Lily, Lyss," Chris smiled at his younger cousins. He was the oldest of them, being 13 year old, and took charge of everything when their family got together.
"Hi!" Lyss smiled abandoning her play with the doll house her and Lily were playing with. The two little girls, the youngest in the family besides Jake, stood up side by side, looking at all their cousins.
"We wanted to tell you it's your turn," Michael said.
"What you mean Mikey?" Lily asked her big brother, sticking her thumb in her mouth.
"Every year," Sarah began, she was the oldest of the girls being 12. "The youngest kids have to go to Nana and get everyone cookies."
"Jakey is the youngest," Lyss pointed out.
"He's a baby," Kristen told her.
"Nana tolded us we haded to wait till tomorrow," Lily said.
"We askeded her already," Lyss told them sadly. The older kids smirked, they knew this already.
"Oh... then that means you have to climb to get them," Josh said, winking at everyone else.
"Climb?" Lyss asked her green eyes wide.
"The cookie jar is on the fridge," Lori said. "You have to climb up there and get it."
"That's high," Lily said, her voice full of fear.
"I don't wanna," Lyss shook her head.
"Your afraid aren't you," Sophia said to her sister. At the time she was 6 years old.
"I am not Phia!" Lyss stomped her foot, and frowned.
"You must be because I was even younger then you are when I did it when it was my turn," she told her. Lyss's eyes widened.
"We gotta," she nudged Lily.
"Unless your scared," Jill prompted her younger sister.
"And you wanna break Shepherd tradition," Jen said.
"Okay," Lily gave in. "But I don't wanna go all the way."
"I will," Lyss piped up.
"What if we get caught?" Lily asked.
"You won't... the turkey and ham are cooking and everyone, even Nana are gawking over Jake," Amy reassured her. The two little girls nodded and began to walk to the kitchen.
"I don't remember a tradition," Paige said loudly. Her and Hayley had sat back quietly this whole time being only 4 and not really into the loop with their cousins.
"Be quiet!" Adam, Katie, and Amanda hissed.
"But," Hayley piped up.
"You want cookies don't you?" Sophia questioned her younger sister's harshly. They both nodded. "Then hush." A minute later Lily and Lyss came back.
"Where are they?" Chris asked.
"It too high," Lyss said.
"I can't getted Lyssa up there," Lily said. All the cousins let out an exasperated sigh. They decided to send Sophia, Lori, and Kyle to help them up. Once the deed was done, the two little girls balanced one the counter, sharing a terrified glance.
"Lyss... go," Sophia urged and ran out of the room. Chris and Sarah watched from the dining room for they were the only ones who could see over the half shelf in the kitchen.
"Come on Lily," Lyss said. "Bended down I get on you and den on the fridgerator."
"Okay," Lily said warily. Lyss, scared, took a deep breath and climbed on Lily's back, keeping balance. She then proceeded to grabbed the side of the fridge and hoist herself up.
"I did it," she praised herself and reached for the nearest cookie jar on the shelf with a smile. When she was inches from it, her body suddenly slipped off the side, and she plummeted to the ground with her eyes wide. Lily watched fearfully. When she hit the ground a sharp pain went through her leg and she let out loud scream and began sobbing.
In the living room, the parents froze.
"That's Lyss!" Meredith exclaimed and handed Jake to Lyndsey who in turn followed Meredith and Derek to the kitchen. There they found Lyss in the middle of the floor, clutching her leg, tears streaming down her face, and Lily shaking on the counter.
"Lyss," Derek gasped and bent down next to his daughter. "Baby what happened?" Lyss was shaking and sobbing too hard to answer, so Meredith lifted her on her lap and was soothing her cries, while Derek examined her leg gently. Kathleen and Robert walked over to Lily.
"Lily what are you doing up there?" Rob asked as he gently put her down.
"We were getting cookies," Lily whimpered. "Is Lyssa gonna be okay."
"It's broken," Derek answered, stepping back from his still sobbing daughter who know clutched Mer's neck.
"I thought Nana told you guys no, you know that was wrong," Kathleen scolded.
"Their two Kath," Liz reassured. "It's fine."
"They still shouldn't have done it Ma," Derek said, not looking up from Lyss. "We'll talk to Lyss after we take her to the hospital."
"But the tradition," Lyss whimpered, not looking up from her mother's chest as Mer stood up from the floor carefully.
"Yeah," Lily piped up. "They told us it was a tradition that the youngest Shepherd's had top get everyone cookies and if Nana said nowe haded to sneak them."
"Who's they?" Rob asked. Lily pointed to the dining room.
"The older kids," she squeaked.
"Everyone," Nancy boomed. "Get over here NOW!" The kids all sulked over, Chris and Sarah in front.
"Feel free to extend any punishments to Hayley, Paige, and Sophia," Meredith said narrowing her eyes at her daughter's. "While we go to hospital."
"But Mommy we didn't do anything," Hayley whined looking at Paige and them both glaring at Sophia.
"I know you and Paige are younger but you couldn have stopped them when you knew it was wrong," Meredith commanded.
"We will speak to you three when we get back," Derek said sternly. "Could you all watch Jake as well."
"Sure DerBear," Emma said and reached out for Sarah sternly. The last thing Lyss saw as the door shut was the parents standing in front of everyone ready to yell. After 3 hours in the ER, they got her home with a pink cast wrapped around her left leg. When they were back, dinner was already finished so Meredith, Derek, and Lyss ate by themselves. For desert, only Lily and Lyss got a cookie and hot chocolate, the rest got nothing and were grounded for two weeks. While Lily and Lyss was sitting by the fireplace looking at Lyss's cast that was propped up, all the kids came over, prompted by Liz.
"We're sorry," they all said.
"It's okay," Lyss smiled, the broken leg not phasing her. She thought it was cool. Sophia, Hayley, and Paige came up to hug her and Lyss swung her leg over to stand. That's when Meredith came rushing over.
"No honey," she said gently. "You can't stand up until your cast is off."
"Why?" she asked, her eyes wide.
"Because you could hurt your leg even more," Mer told her. "So me and Daddy will carry you till you get it off."
"That's no fun," Lyss frowned and Mer realized she was in for one interesting 4 to 6 weeks, and that her daughter was not about to cooperate.
"It was always a good excuse to do what I wanted whenever we got together," Lyss smirked. "I never let any of em forget it."
"That's my Lyss," Mer smiled and they began to walk around, Doc at their feet. "I always knew I could count on you to keep them all in line."
"Unless I was apart of it," Lyss laughed. "Then that's another story."
"Completely," Mer said grabbing her hand. They walked into a waiting room. You couldn't tell unless you knew the hospital as well as Mer and Lyss, since everything looked so different. It was just a bunch of chairs in a room. Meredith heard Lyss gasp and she looked towards her. She had stopped walking, her eyes closed, and she had a peaceful look on her face as she sighed.
"Lyss... what's..." Mer began but Lyss held her hand up, opened her eyes, and smiled.
"Phia... Paige.... Kels... Hayley," she said wistfully. "They are here."
"Here?" Mer questioned.
"In this room... in the real world," Lyss murmured. "They are here for you."
"Me..." Mer murmured.
"It will break them Mommy... if you die... and then you never see them again because you'll only get glimpses, moments when..."
"When you cross paths...."
"How did you..."
"Denny... told me... my first time here."
"That's all you get... moments with the ones you love," Lyss said. Another look came upon her face as she walked over to her chair and sat on it. "They're all here."
"Who?" Mer asked, wondering why she couldn't feel it too.... that must mean she's not dead yet.
"Ali," Lyss smiled. "Dyl, Morgan, Tally, Aunt Lexie, Aunt Izzie, Aunt Cristina, Aunt Addie, Uncle Alex, Uncle George... and..."
"And who?" Meredith questioned.
"Aunt Kathy, Aunt Emma, Aunt Nancy, Aunt Lyndsey, and Nana," Lyss whispered.
"All of them... but what about Jake, Noah, and..."
"If everyone else is here, they will be too," Lyss reassured. "Jake's probably keeping Noah company and distracting him... like he always does... did..."
"Why are they all here?" Mer asked.
"Mommy... they love you..." Lyss said.
"No... not that," Mer said while shaking her head. "Why... why are they out here... outside these rooms... the..." Lyss nodded to the room that was outside the nurses station and Mer gasped. She couldn't look. She knew she couldn't look because that was the room that she was afraid of passing. Lyss's room... now her room. "No..."
"Misfortune all around I guess," Lyss shrugged. Mer looked up and towards the room. That room held so many memories, and so did the one next to it, Chase's. Lyss there almost everyday, collapsing in front of it when she realize she didn't dream up the fact that he died, looking towards the wall everyday during her distress and depressed period. "You have a chance to change it Mommy..." Meredith took a step forward and into the room.
"It looks different," Mer murmured.
"It's because there aren't a thousand chairs in this tiny space," Lyss teased and nudged her mother.
"Shut up," Mer laughed and noticed that there was one chair, placed on the side of the bed. It served many purposes during the past couple of months. The place Meredith or Derek sat while comforting their daughter during her surgery, where her presents were placed on Christmas, the way Noah climbed up the bed to wake her up, the place Chase sat while they kissed or just talked, where Meredith and Derek sat, watching their daughter as she slipped into a depression, where they were sitting when she asked them if she could give up, the last place they saw their daughter alive before they transported her home to die.
Lyss walked over to it and smiled. Mer knew who it was before she said it.
"Daddy," Lyss said. "He's waiting for you...."
"Der..." Mer whispered and reached out towards the chair. But she shook her head and withdrew her hand.
"He does love you," Lyss said once more before leaving the room unexpectantly. Meredith looked after her shocked for a moment, and then ran after her.
"Why... why did you leave?" she asked.
"You don't believe it... you still don't believe that he still loves you... and that's what is deciding whether you live or die!" Lyss hissed and ran. Meredith tried to follow, calling out, but Lyss was always a foot or more ahead of her. When she finally stopped, it was in the tunnels. She sat down on one of the gurneys and sighed.
"I hate it here," Lyss whispered. "I hate it here so much that... that... that I love it."
"What?" Meredith questioned.
"I didn't always hate it in the hospital Mommy," Lyss smiled. "Remember when you had surgery on my 9th birthday."
"Oh yeah," Mer smiled. "It was a weekend, and it was a birthday present that you begged me for."
"You only let me round with you once," Lyss pointed out. "After the whole 8 years old Thanksgiving fiasco."
"Only you Lyss would want to come in to the hospital for your birthday," Derek shook his head as he drove the three of them into the hospital.
"It's my birthday," 9 year old Lyss said. "I can do whatever I want!"
"It is," Mer smiled.
"Yssa it birthday!" Noah asked from his carseat.
"Yepp bud, it's my birthday," Lyss giggled as they pulled into the parking lot. Derek kissed Lyss on the head as they parted ways, him taking Noah up to the day care before he had rounds.
"So what are you doing today Mom?" Lyss asked as they went into the attending's lounge.
"Um... rounding, rounding, charting... that's it," Mer shrugged. "Cleared it for you." Lyss smiled proudly.
"But I was hoping maybe you'd sneak me into a cool surgery."
"No way little girl."
"I am not little... I am 9!"
"Goodness half pint!" Cristina exclaimed. "Could you be any louder."
"Aunt Cristina!" Lyss exclaimed and jumped into her arms.
"Ugh!" she groaned but kissed the young girl on the head anyway. "Where's the other shorties."
"They aren't here," Lyss said. "It's my birthday and I got to do whatever I wanted."
"And you picked going to the hospital... kid... your cooler then I thought," Cristina said as Alex and Izzie came into the room bickering. Meredith and Cristina got ready while Lyss greeted them.
"Come on Lyss," Mer called. "We're gonna be late."
"Okay," Lyss said. "Bye," she called back to everyone else and followed her mom skipping. Once they were done rounds, Meredith and Lyss were in the tunnels, Mer charting, Lyss giggling and telling her about dance and drama.
"We are doing Peter Pan for the next play," Lyss babbled excitedly.
"Really," Mer said. "And let me guess, you are going out for Wendy?"
"No... she has to be an older girl... I am going out for Tink!" she exclaimed.
"I'm sure you'll get it," Mer said.
"I don't know," Lyss shrugged. "Me and Ali are going against each other for it, and I don't wanna fight again."
"Lyss... it's not like it was your fault she needed her tonsils out right before the show and couldn't sing with everyone," Mer told her. "She realized it eventually and if you get Tink, she'll realize that you were the one the chose and accept it eventually."
"Okay," Lyss sighed and opened her mouth to speak again but was cut off by beeping.
"Sorry Lyss, I am getting paged t\o the ER," Mer said quickly and gathered her things. Lyss followed her as she ran.
"Go to the daycare honey," Mer told her.
"That's for babies," Lyss whined.
"Alyssa," Mer growled and then saw Cristina not doing anything.
"Cris!" she called. "Watch Lyss!" Lyss stopped as her mom ran on and walked towards her Aunt tearfully.
"What's wrong half pint," she asked.
"It's my special day and my Mom's gonna have a surgery," Lyss whispered. Cris smiled.
"Then I have a present for you," she said and took her hand, while paging Derek to tell him to move her family party to the hospital. She made her close her eyes and when she opened them, she saw her mother in the OR.... she was in the gallery.
"Aunt Cristina," she squealed and hugged her but then stopped. "Mom said no."
"What she doesn't know... won't hurt her," Cristina smirked and pulled out her phone and started texting Derek. When the surgery was finally finished, Lyss looked at the clock and frowned.
"We missed my birthday dinner," she whimpered, but had no clue Mer was also in on what Cristina and Derek had been planning. When she walked out and towards the attending's lounge to meet her mom, she saw something in the closed cafeteria. When she looked inside, she saw whole family waiting for her.
"We didn't miss it," she exclaimed at Cristina and ran inside. She had a great time and it was like this was planned all along.
Mer had tears in her eyes, while thinking of the last birthday of Lyss's, equally as fun and in the hospital, but Lyss had cancer.
"Mommy," Lyss said. "Just because I am not with you anymore, to have anymore memories like that... doesn't mean that you never want to have any ever again... does it?" Mer sighed and looked up at her daughter, but gasped.
It was Lyss's voice, but not Lyss. Or.... she wasn't sure. A light coming in through the window had morphed her shape. The girl standing in front of her had to be no more than 25. She was tall, skinny, with bright green eyes, and not light blond, but dirty blond hair like Mer's that was down to her shoulder. She looked even more like Mer then she did now, she was beautiful. Mer knew that this is what Lyss would have looked like when she would be starting her residency if she had lived.
"Oh god," she whispered and looked down.
"Mommy," Lyss prompted.
"I know what I have to do."
"Derek," Izzie's voice made him jump as she entered the room. Derek looked at her.
"Iz," he murmured. She came up from behind him and looked at Mer.
"There's some brain activity... Dr. Hendricks came in when you were sleeping."
"But it doesn't mean that she'll wake up," Derek shook his head.
"It means there is a chance... and that's the best news we have had since she fell...."
"But it doesn't mean she wants to," Derek spat.
"Derek," Izzie murmured and placed a hand on his shoulder. "That woman loves you... she's always loved you.... through Addison, drowning, Rose, evereything... she has always loved you."
"But..."
"Derek... have hope," Izzie told him. "It's all we got."
Meredith could barely see out of her tears as she met Lyss in the hallway. The hallway she had met her mom in the last time.
"Lyss..." she cried. "I can't leave you."
"You can, and you will," Lyss told her.
"Lyss.... I... you and your brothers and sisters were the best things that ever happened to me... without you... it hurts."
"Mommy..." Lyss whispered, her own tears in her eyes. "When you don't have the choice, to live or die, leave the ones you love, or stay, that's when it hurts. That hurts the most."
"Oh Lyss... I don't want to leave you alone," Mer said.
"I am not alone Mommy.... I am surrounded with people who love me." Lyss looked around at the ghosts who now surrounded her. "And I'll know you'll always love me..."
"You... you... you never ceased to amaze me Lyss... throughout your life... why did you have to die," Mer shook her head.
"It was God's will Mommy... and I will regret leaving as long as you live.... but I would have regretted fighting longer too."
"I know... and that's why I knew it was the right choice," Mer nodded. "But I'll still miss you..."
"Mommy... I am never gone," Lyss reassured. "You have to find me."
"What do you mean?"
"You have to find me..." Meredith looked up in her daughter's eyes, her eyes, and knew this was the last time, for a long time, she would make sure of it. She took in her whole appearance, never wanting to forget it.
"Fight," Lyss whispered. "Fight to live... fight to find me."
"I love you," Mer whispered and grabbed her daughter in a tight hug.
"I love you," Lyss echoed. "Fight," she whispered one last time as they both let go, and Mer disappeared...
One week later...
Derek hadn't left the hospital, the kids had, they returned to school, but Derek didn't leave her bedside. Derek, no matter how much doubt he had in his mind, would not give up on his wife. Izzie visited him everyday to get him to leave, but he refused. Cristina had even tried, but even she failed.
Mer was off the vent, her heart was beating strongly, but she was still in a coma, and now matter how much drugs they pumped into her system, she wouldn't wake.
Derek's head was resting on her best rail, his hand grasping hers.
All of sudden, Mer's hand tightened on his. Although it woke Derek, he didn't bother to look at her face, there were tons of false alarms everyday and he had given up hope. But there was one difference today then all the other false alarms.
"Mhmm," Mer moaned and her head tossed back and forth. Derek froze, looked up, and held his breath. He didn't move a muscle as she trained his eyes on his wife's face.
"Mhmmm..." she moaned again.
"Meredith," he whispered. "Meri..."
"Derek," she croaked and her eyes fluttered open. Derek gasped and his whole body tightened up. "Der..."
"Meri..."
"Oh Derek," she whispered. "I love you... even if you don't..." Derek broke her off by planting a kiss on her lips.
"I love you," he murmured fiercely to lt her know it wass true and Mer closed her eyes in relief. Derek grabbed her gently and pulled her into a hug, never wanting to let go...
Now what did I say about a happy ending.... :) See... if you can trust me here, you can trust me in my other stories too!
A/N: Christmas Show is over and during Christmas break I am getting my wisdom teeth out so I will be home a whole lot!!!!! That means UPDATES!
PLEASE R&R!!!!!!