AN : Thank you for everything. Thanks to LoveIsles.
You don't remember anything. Except the sound. During a few seconds, it's loud and clear. Shots. Screams. After that, it's a blur. A mix of everything. Shots, screams again. And blood.
Out of reflex, you jumped on Maura. Covering her. Straddling her. To the ground. With all your body. All your power. Like you can shove her under you. In the ground. Like you can do a nest. And protect her, here. Your body does the job. Protecting. But it's so soft also. And tender. Flesh. And blood. Muscles. And tendons.
You don't know if you're dreaming or living. Where the reality ends and dreams starts. You try. So hard. To attach a sound. A smell. A touch. To anything you know. But when you think you understand, you drift again. And again. And again.
There is blood. Everywhere. It's covering everything. Your hands. Yours arms. And when you look down, it's running down your legs. Droplets. Splashing to the ground. Red. Red. Red.
You jerk awake. Your throat is sore. And it hurts. You can't feel where exactly because it's your whole body. You feel nothing. But pain. In every cell. Every bone.
For a brief moment, you think that what is really going to kill you is the headache you have. Your brain. The suffering is almost unbearable. It makes your stomach turn. You want to sleep but you can't. Because the pain is everywhere. It radiates from you. You want to forget. But the bile rises from your stomach. The need to vomit is too real and before you know it, it happens. And, as quick as this has come, it vanishes. You're so exhausted that you fall in a deep sleep. Without noticing anything around you. Or anybody.
You're on alert. You have to run. Escape. Fast. A force is pushing you. Flee. Run off.
You're out. In a valley. Sunny. Bright. And hot. A wave of heat hitting you and you like the feeling. You want it to last. But it stop abruptly. And it's dark again. Or not. You're not sure. Where are you again ? You don't remember. You run. There are stars. You run. You run. You're moving forward. That's it. Move. Forward. Look up. Sky. Dark. With stars. It shines. There is hope. It is so dark and so hopeful at the same time. You're still running.
You're on alert. It's a mixed up feeling. You're feeling right. And weak. You wish you could be out again. In the sunny valley. You sigh. You have to start running again. You want to feel exhausted. You have to. You're running.
You wake up with a cold sensation. Again. Jerked awake from a deep numbness. You're sore. Like you've been running for hours. You're beat.
You don't totally regain consciousness. You continue to oscillate between two worlds. Two atmospheres. You try to use your body as an anchor. To take you back to reality. But it's failing you. Once again, your senses are failing you. And you can't come back. So you stop fighting. You don't have the energy. The strength. You let go. Drifting in a dark, detached slumber.
"Oh, oh. If this isn't the fragile Miss Rizzoli." This voice. His voice. "I'm so happy to see you again. Here in this garage. I thought that you wouldn't have what it takes to be here. But it seems that you're a real little fighter."
You shrugged.
"I believe it's time for you and I to have a little conversation. About your ungratefulness regarding everything I've done for you. You seem to forget all the strings I've pulled so you can race here." His voice is like cyanide spreading through the atmosphere.
You want to scream. From the top of your lungs. But you know better than that. Better than giving him what he wants. Hearing you helpless. Screaming at him. Desperate to tear him into pieces.
"You didn't do anything for me." You said with the most platonic voice you can manage.
"What ? I didn't hear you correctly my dear Jane…or do you not remember the sacrifices I made for you so you could be here right now ?" He seems amused by this game. By his position. And his ascendancy over you. He walks. Standing in front of you. His face. His breath is steady. Dangerous. A few inches from you. "The next time I see you, you better be happy and thankful my Jane." He says as he advances his hand to caress your cheek with a crooked smile.
You try to slow your cardiac rhythm. Do not tremble. Don't show fear. Don't shiver. Grit your teeth. Set your jaw. Straight. Look at him. And stay. Up. Strong. In front of him.
When he's finally gone, you turn to the RD10 TDI and mutter what you wish you could have the courage to scream at him. "I will kill you one day Mr. Hoyt."
This awful memory forces you to wake up totally. It's so painful to be back there. Living this scene again. Like he's alive. Still. This memory. Buried deep. It hits you in your whole being. It has been so long since you last dreamed of him. You force yourself to leave this useless situation. You force yourself to open your eyes. It hurts. The light is too bright. Your throat in on fire. Your lungs are on fire. You know that it's going to be so painful to try to speak. But you have to do it. Because, as you start to fully regain consciousness, you spot your mother next to you. In what seems to be a hospital chair, where she has dozed off. But this is your first step. This is your beginning all over again. And you have to do it.
"Ma…."
This only syllabus is enough to draw her attention. You see her open her eyes. And the gratefulness you see in them tell you everything you need to know.
She's up and hovering you the next second.
"Oh Janie, darling…"
You aren't paying attention as your mother is rambling about what happened. You are still somewhere else. Between your nightmare and your awakening when your eyes catches the unmistakable face of Maura. At your door. Behind the glass. You're not entirely sure if she's real or if this is an illusion. A sick trick. And you're so afraid that she will disappear that you cut off your mother sharply.
"Ma ! Enough, enough."
She quiets and then you tentatively make a small sign with your hand. Hoping with all your being that Maura will see. And understand. That you need her in this room. With you.
Your mother follows your gesture to the door. And she's up on her feet before you can tell her anything.
"Doctor Isles, come in. Jane's awake."
Maura seems hesitant but manage a small smile before passing your mother holding the door.
The fact that your mother excuses herself to leave the two of you alone is very strange. Out of character. But you don't question it. Because it means that you can be alone. With Maura.
She's standing at the end of your bed. In that awful room. With terrible lights. In your eyes, she's stunning. Maybe it's the relief to see her here. Alive. Breathing. You study her. Checking, observing her. You're so engrossed by the fact that she's in one piece that you don't register the shadows under her eyes right away. You're happy. Content. Overwhelmed.