Heyyyoooo minna san *0* And welcome to another chapter~!
Hehe I made sure to make this one well- special.
:3 You will see what I mean xD
And lovely lovely thanks to my dear friend Anna who helped me with this 3 I almost hesitated on posting it xD
Well then,
Enjoy~! *^*
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ஜ Chapter 10: Fixing fleas ஜ
-Izaya´s point of view-
"Please just don´t destroy my apartment..."
The air was tense.
Neither of them moved yet and Izaya doubted either of them would do so anytime soon.
He wasn´t going to let the blond get any closer nor tell Shinra what really had been going on.
No way in hell.
"Uhm… Izaya, could you, you know, stop provoking Shizuo, please?" he heard the quiet plead from his old friend and couldn´t help but to feel a little odd at the way he put it.
It wasn´t even him, who was causing trouble this time.
It was the brute who constantly interfered.
Who constantly interrupted Izaya- who kept him from finally doing what everyone, really fucking everyone in this city would be glad of to happen.
So what the hell did he even think he was doing?
The fear he had felt earlier was slowly but surely turning into a bitter bile of anger inside Izaya´s throat.
Who- just who did Shizu-chan think he was to interfere with his business?!
He had no fucking right-!
NO fucking right to take his knife away. NO fucking right to push him away from that truck- NO fucking right to drag him here to Shinra´s instead of leaving him alone to do what he wanted-
It pissed him off.
It pissed him off how Shinra thought it was him who was causing the trouble here.
When everything was just that fucking brute´s fault-
He hated the bitter taste it left on his lips.
"Tell that the protozoan over there-" he hissed, drawing his tongue back in again.
His glare was still fixated on the blond.
And even though he had retracted the obvious threat to himself he had stated to Shizuo before- which was a hilarious thing in itself if he might say- he knew the blond wouldn´t say anything.
He didn´t know what the hell was going on inside Shizu-chan´s head.
But he knew it had something to do with him not dying.
Whatever fucking reason or moral or whatever he had for it-
That was what he seemed to be dead set on.
So he was going to use it-
The blond just clicked his tongue in annoyance and pulled out another one of his cancer sticks.
Staying where he was.
Izaya knew Shinra hated it when Shizu-chan smoked inside his room. But the way he kept quiet about it he figured he believed it was safer for his furniture to do so.
Seeing what kind of glare had settled in Shizu-chan´s eyes Izaya almost would have believed the same if he didn´t know the reason for this glance.
"Uhm… I guess it would be better if you two leave now, okay? You are fine, Izaya. And Shizuo- I don´t even know why you are here to begin with-" Shinra mumbled.
Yeah.
An annoyed smiled crossed Izaya´s expression.
Nobody knew that.
Quickly, maybe a little too quick, he heaved himself out of bed.
He was slightly light headed - probably still from the car crash.
The way his ears had rang and he hadn´t been able to coherently understand what the people around him were saying on the street, he did figure that the hit must have been quite hard.
He would refrain from touching the plaster on his forehead anytime soon.
But something like feeling a little under the weather wasn't going to keep him here even a single second longer.
Wordlessly he pushed himself past the doctor and headed straight for the door.
Pushing it open he entered the living room.
Celty was still there.
She wasn´t wearing her helmet anymore and instead sitting on the couch, warily eyeing him- heh… if you could even put it that way considering she didn´t have eyes to watch him with to begin with.
Izaya paused shortly, turning his head to look at the dullahan.
Wordlessly though.
Did she deliver what he asked her to?
Probably.
She was a dependable courier after all when it came to things like this.
Even if she distrusted him greatly. That monster hated him, didn´t she?
Almost as much as Anri-chan hated him he would say.
He didn´t even need to look behind him to know that Shizu-chan was following him again.
And he wasn´t going to let himself be bothered by that fact anymore.
He would lose him.
Somehow.
He would lose him on the way.
Once they were outside. Or whatever, right now he didn´t care.
The coat Shinra had been talking about was laying on a cupboard along the way and he let his hands slide over it quickly to take it with him.
"Thanks for patching me up Shinra." He mumbled quietly, while pulling on his favorite trade mark jacket.
"Just make sure not to come again~" the doctor joked as usual, making something akin to a smile appear on Izaya´s face for but a second.
How could one single sentence hold so many different meanings…?
And there Shinra said he was the one who talked with a doubled tongue.
He stepped out of the apartment.
Took a step.
One, two.
Clack.
The door fell into its lock.
Shizu-chan had closed it.
And Izaya stopped.
Just, for a little bit.
He didn´t even care that the blond was watching him.
And he certainly didn´t care about what he was thinking.
If he wanted to leave he had enough room to pass Izaya on the stairs.
And if not- that was his problem.
... he was… still living wasn´t he?
He actually...
A hand found its way to Izaya´s forehead and he just left it there.
Standing on the stair.
Somehow, only now, that he got out of there, that he got to be alone- in a sense- he got to actually think about everything that happened.
He tried to kill himself.
Only slowly he continued his steps down the stairs.
He really…
"Izaya."
A frown crossed Izaya´s face and he tilted his head only slightly to look over his shoulder.
Shizu-chan was staring at him.
But he didn´t even look like he was going to ask anything.
Of course- that brute was only calling his name again, wasn´t he? Just like before.
Was he mocking him on purpose?
Angry he stepped down the rest of the stairs, entering the little hall on the first floor.
Two doors were leading to the streets outside and it always reminded him slightly of his own apartment complex´s hall.
He stopped in the middle of it, his trademark smirk back in place just as it should be.
"Ne, Shizu-chan, how long are you going to keep following me? Forever? Better watch your back I might stab you in your sleep." He spat, sarcasm dripping of his tongue while doing so.
He didn´t really have a plan. But he was downright sick of Shizu-chan following him around as he pleased.
"Don´t worry about that." Izaya blinked when the blond actually answered, the cigarette still between his lips. "I won´t leave my eyes off you for a second."
…
Izaya blinked.
"You- .. what..?" Did that brute actually intend to follow him home?
He had to be joking.
No not only that- what did he mean when he said he wouldn´t leave his eyes of him?
What was he thinking he was doing?
"I´m going to fix you."
The words had surprised the raven to an extend that rendered him speechless for more than a few seconds.
…
"…excuse me…?" He must have misheard, right?
That brute was fucking joking, right?
Shizuo ruffled through his own hair as he watched the informant in front of him.
He could tell how confused Izaya was by this. And fuck he was too, he had to admit.
"Don´t get me wrong, you fucking piss me off. Hell you still do! I freaking hate you! I don´t even want you anywhere near me!" he continued, already feeling like hitting that stupid louse once again-
A snort was to be heard, not exactly helping the rage that was starting to build.
"Wow, news flash, I feel the same way towards you, remember?" Shizuo frowned, and bit down on his cigarette, trying to keep his temper.
He couldn´t believe he was even saying this.
"Yeah- But I´m going to fix you."
…
He didn´t get it.
Izaya didn´t get it at all.
"That doesn´t make sense at all Shizu-chan." What did the blond think he was doing?
"It doesn´t need to make sense to you."
What did he even think he could do?
That single brained protozoan?! What the hell did he even think he was talking about?!
It pissed him off!
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" He yelled that response louder than he had intended to.
But no one was in the hall and he couldn´t give less of a shit right now.
"No. I´m going to fix you flea." Fix! Hah-!
That brute?!
Laughable- as if he could be fixed! He wasn´t some broken doll he could glue together.
He was a human!
A messed up one at that!
"Are you fucking delirious?! You aren´t going to do anything Shizu-chan! I´m going home!"
"No!" And all of a sudden he found the blond stepping closer towards him-
That fucking-
"Why not?!" he yelled back, not getting just what the hell Shizu-chan wanted from him! Just why the hell he was bugging him like this, just why-
"YOU KNOW WHY!" the raven unwillingly jolted, taking a single step back as a fist embedded itself into the wall next to Shizu-chan.
He had cracked the bricks.
"Why do you even want to die, Izaya?!"
…
… why…?
…
The question had caught him off guard.
No… actually..
He paused, and kept his lips shut, his eyes travelling down to the floor as he started to think…
Right now… right now, at this moment...
Shizu-chan wasn´t right.
He didn´t want to die.
… it was never what he really wanted to begin with.
He wanted the pain to stop.
He just wanted to stop hurting.
He just…
He had been so sure- and now-
He had thrown himself in front of that truck right…?
He had planned to cut his wrists once and for all right…?
He could feel his hands starting to shake softly as a feeling of nausea made it´s way to his stomach.
He felt like someone punched him into the guts.
…
He almost killed himself...
He almost ended up being dead. Gone.
Forever.
…
Laughable how he only realized now.
He didn´t want to die.
He actually didn´t.
He didn´t enjoy life anymore. But he didn´t really want to die.
But he knew he would do it again.
He knew he was going to do it.
Because there was no other choice.
He just couldn´t take it anymore.
He didn´t want to answer these stupid questions. Shizu-chan would never understand.
Why could Shizu-chan not just leave him alone already…?
Shizu-chan wouldn´t understand.
Shizu-chan wouldn´t understand how he felt.
He didn´t know what it meant to be in this pain.
He didn´t know what it meant to go as far as to want to kill himself.
Just to end the pain.
Just to escape-
Just...
He didn´t want to be dead.
He just wanted to be okay…
Just once more.
Just…
Crap.
He felt like crying.
"I asked why you want to die!" Shizuo repeated, louder and probably angrier sounding than he intended to. But he just wanted to know why!
Why?!
Why that annoying louse?!
Izaya could feel his hands tremble when the voice shook him again.
He had to hold himself together.
Not in front of Shizu-chan.
At home. At home he could fall apart.
"Is that such a fucking difficult question?!" the blond bellowed making Izaya flinch.
He would never understand.
"Tell me!"
Never.
He inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself down.
… if just his tongue wouldn´t feel so heavy inside his mouth and his throat weren´t so constricted by this familiar lump.
"It´s none of your concern." He close to whispered, but the blond still caught the words very well.
Shizuo just didn´t understand it-
"You fucking piss me off-!" he yelled at the flea.
"Whatever fucking reason you want to die for, I bet it could be worse!" he yelled, just making the raven flinch more.
Why was he even listening to the brute?
Why even?
"Just shut up Shizu-chan. You don´t understand." That protozoan was never going to get something like this.
Never.
Not even if he really listened.
Because if he himself didn´t understand why he was thinking these things- then how could anyone else?
"I fucking won´t shut up! What is even wrong with you?!" he didn´t get it- The flea had everything! He had all the money he wanted, he was making others life´s miserable for his entertainment-
He was having fun all the time messing his life up and making his chase him through the streets!
"You are messed up you know that?!" he yelled- he just didn´t get it. That fucking bastard had everything! Everything he could think of! He was manipulative to a degree where he bet he could get anything he wanted with just a few words of his sick tongue. So why?!
"How can you think of suicide?! Your life's not that bad!" he clenched his fists.
"You have no reason to feel this way!" No reason!
No reason at all!
"You don´t even-"
And then he paused.
Because he had been looking at the floor.
He had been avoiding Izaya´s eyes, that stupid smirk that was obviously going to be placed there, so he wouldn´t just beat him up again.
But just now he had tilted his head up to look at the informant just once.
Just once.
To make sure what that flea was going to look like.
And that´s when he saw it.
And he stopped talking.
His eyes widened instead and his mind went blank at the sight of his enemy.
Tears.
Izaya Orihara- was crying.
Awwwwwww poor flea- tch tch, Shizu-chan you keep saying just the wrong things. Ahhaaa but you don´t know better, don´t you? X3
But hey, don´t cry too much minna- soon, soon it´s going to be over.
You will find yourself thinking- well done Shizuo sooner than you think C: so the nice part isn´t too far away anymore 3
Well then I hope I teared your hearts open xD I hope you still liked it and see you next time *^*
Chapter 11: Too much to take due to 12thFebruary 2016