Bet too Far
Chapter 10: Nullibicity
An A3 paper is plastered on the window. Fate squints and quickens her pace so that she is at the edge of the track field, her eyes focuses on the white paper.
Meet me here after your training.
It read.
Her smile grows and Fate seems to have no control over her face muscles because as weird as it may be, she couldn't stop smiling. Her heart hammers in her chest and perhaps it is because of her run or maybe that's only part of the reason.
She remembers how two weeks ago, the curtains would remain close and every time she looked up, hoping there is a sign that what she did was all a nightmare, she came crashing back down to earth, into reality when she saw those closed curtains.
Fate shakes her head and turns the corner for another lap, her mind focuses on the giddy feeling within her and the euphoric energy just from that mere note. She runs faster to shake off this sudden burst of energy and although her legs demands to rest, her mind and her heart wants to keep going. And so she does, in fact she passes two members of the team and does three extra laps before settling down on the grass next to her friends.
By the time she settles with her friends, her body is sweating profusely and her breath is unstable but she still couldn't stop smiling. It was back...that feeling she had when she first joined the track team. That feeling of freedom, that sweet feeling of being able to accomplish anything.
Fate plops down on her back and squeezes the water out of her bottle to wash and freshen up her head. Her friends huddle closer to her, each confused at the sudden change in Fate's attitude from this morning.
"Did something good happen?" Signum asks.
Fate closes her eyes, her chest still heaving but again, she smiles, even wider than before. "I'm walking home with Takamachi-san." She says honestly.
Yunno shifts over and taps Fate's shoulder. "Hayate told me you exposed yourself to her." Hayate nods and waits for Fate's response.
"I did."
"Why would you do that!" Yunno reproves, looking directly at Fate's eyes for some sort of ulterior motive. "What have you got up your sleeves?"
Fate takes a few more conscious breaths, her chest still heaving. She sits up and plays with the grass next to her legs. "Nothing. I'm just thinking more clearly about my actions." She smiles and Signum gives her a gentle pat on the back but she feels as if Signum is being more cautious with her behaviour, afraid that Fate would expose her. It feels like Signum really does think that Fate was up to her usual no good self but cannot voice it due to that fact that Fate has information that could harm Signum and Shamal.
Fate shifts her eyes from Signum's fake smile.
Even Signum doesn't trust me?
"Yeah, right. A-Are you...do you have a crush on her?" Yunno asks cautiously as if walking on thin ice.
Fate looks up with a mixture of confusion, guilt and sadness. It's hard to pinpoint what exactly she is feeling. "Maybe." She eventually answers.
Hayate looks towards Yunno and shakes her head, while Signum looks confused.
"You're going to hurt her, Fate." Hayate comments.
Fate furrows her eyebrows in distress. "I know."
"No, no this is good, Fate. You finally found love in someone." Yunno approves and gives her a wide grin and perhaps it is meant to make her feel comfortable but it does the exact opposite. There is something about Yunno's sudden approval that makes Fate cringe.
Hayate turns to Yunno and shakes him by his shoulders. "She's definitely going to cheat on Takamachi!"
Fate's heart clenches at the assumption. "Wow. Thanks, Hayate."
"You know what I mean, Fate." She placates her.
Fate turns her head away from her friend and covers it with her towel.
I know I'm not good enough. I know.
"You have never had one serious girlfriend. It's not in your nature to do so and it's okay. But someone like Takamachi will not be alright with you having other girlfriend's as well. Do you understand?" Hayate says, tucking a stray strand behind Fate's ear. "I'm saying this for your own good. What you're feeling is probably nothing more than lust." Hayate smiles. "That can be a good thing. You help people feel good you help them with that itch."
Fate frowns but nods. That wasn't what she is feeling. But what is the point of telling anyone that when no one believes her. Just a tool to help sexually frustrated people. Wonderful.
She stands up, taking her bags and gives a curt bow to her friends before heading to the changing rooms. The changing room is cramped with girls from various sports club and she has to scramble among them to head to a shower.
She takes off her sweaty gym gear, placing it in her bag and turns the shower knob to cold. Her heart is still racing and there is a sick feeling in her stomach that she couldn't swallow and she knows it isn't from the run. She thinks back to Hayate's words and wonders if she was having too much confidence in herself. Maybe she's exactly that, a person who isn't capable of loving a single person and the only caring she's capable of are done below her hips. She thinks back to her previous nightmare and frowns, there isn't any other prove that she isn't a monster even her subconscious suggests so.
Her heart jolts as the shower curtain opens and she backs back a little, unsuccessfully covering her body with her hands. "W-What are you doing here?"
"Senpai...it's been so long." The girl walks in bare naked and doesn't even bother closing the curtains, but she does turn the shower knob to warm. Fate backs away until she reaches the shower wall. "We mutually decided that we should stop this." She reasons.
The girl settles her hand on Fate's toned abdomen. "Woah...you've gotten much more sexy." She glides her hands over the ridges of Fate's subtle abs, heading south. "Training has been good to you." Fate instantly grabs her kouhei's wrist stopping her from going any further.
"Please stop."
The girl doesn't listen and insteads licks her lips before ripping her hand from Fate's grip and wrapping her arms around the older girl's neck, pulling her into a rough forceful kiss. She bites the blonde's lips until they are bleeding and shifts her leg between Fate's and it takes Fate all the energy she has left to push her away. Her heart is hammering for a different reason entirely.
Fear. She didn't want to be that person again.
"Awww acting shy." The girl giggles and blows Fate a kiss. "Don't worry, sexy. I'll be back!"
Still shaking, Fate slides down on the dirty shower floor. She thinks back to Nanoha and remembers everything she did. This is what Nanoha felt when she assaulted her. At that moment Fate feels so violated, so exposed... so...dirty. It feels likes no matter how hard she tries, her past actions keep coming to bite her in the back, haunting her until she feels numb and useless.
Exactly why was she trying so hard in the first place?
Unbeknownst to Fate, a video camera was on her the whole time.
Bet too Far
She slowly walks to the student council room, her energy drained and her mind heavy. She knocks on the door and opens it revealing a very concentrated Nanoha who takes a quick glance up before settling back into her work.
"Just need to finish these documents."
Fate nods, and finds how stupid that is, since Nanoha isn't even looking at her. "I'll just do some homework." She says. Fate takes a seat on the other side of the table and sets her notebooks out, running through her notes again before attempting the maths questions her class was assigned for homework.
She mumbles the question to herself and sighs, her mind really not into the sheet in front of her. "Who cares about Pi.." She states under her breath but Nanoha hears and she perks up from her papers.
Fate turns to see Nanoha pouting. "Takamach-" She gets cut off.
"How can you say that about Pi? I mean it's Pi. Numbers are absolutely beautiful and Pi..." Nanoha smiles as she rambles on. "Pi gives us the ability to finally reach infinity. The numbers never end and never have the same pattern." Her index finger goes up. "Meaning every single number, birthday, phone number, date is in Pi." Her eyes brighten as she talks and Fate sees colour.
So much colour, so much passion it drowns her. Drowns her into a deep sea of love with red, yellow, orange dominating. Fate couldn't remove her eyes from her, honestly she didn't even have the slightest interest in Pi, but she hears every word Nanoha says and memorises every gesture Nanoha makes. Because in this moment, she looks absolutely beautiful.
It feels like a dream, a dream where she is flying higher and higher, which is immensely ridiculous because it's just a teenage girl talking about numbers, it shouldn't make her feel like nothing else matters because there are so many problems left to solve - yet Fate feels nothing but passion and love and she's afraid her heart will blow up because of all these...these feelings dancing within her right now. The emptiness she felt before seems to be all filling up with these colours.
"It is random but there is also structure. Given that Pi expl-"
The door opens and there stands Griffith Lowran with his immaculate uniform and 'amazing' timing and Fate comes back to reality, the emptiness taking over slowly once again and her mind fills with images she doesn't want to remember.
Fate frowns but her heart rate doesn't change, she takes a look at Nanoha and places her hand over her heart. They weren't lying when they say that Pi (Pies) can give you heart attacks.
Griffith walks into the classroom and greets Fate like the gentlemen he is. He seems sincere and the nicer he is to someone like her, the worst she felt about herself. "Are you walking home with us?" He asks with no malice at all.
Fate nods. "If you and Takamachi-san don't mind."
Griffith smiles. "If Nanoha-san doesn't, then I don't either."
"I invited her so I don't mind." Nanoha says as she gathers her papers and books, placing them orderly into her bag.
Fate looks at the couple who are now actively talking to each other. The colours are still there and so is her racing heart but looking at them, smiling and laughing together brings another sensation, usually it would be something painful but this time...it just felt like the emptiness was filling her faster.
Bet too far
The three students walk back home as the sun sets. The trees are illuminated by the myriad of the warm coloured light and Griffith couldn't help but notice how that accentuates Nanoha's features. He smiles and looks at the washed bento box, not believing that Nanoha actually ate it. He sure hope she enjoyed it because he plans to make one for her tomorrow and hopes that it doesn't seem to clingy.
"H-How was the bento?" Griffith asks as he scratches the back of his neck in embarrassment.
Nanoha smiles good-naturedly and tucks some loose hair behind one ear. "I loved it." she admits. "Thank you."
"Would you mind me making one for you every time I can?"
Nanoha giggles. "That's really nice of you." She touches his shoulder. "But I don't want to burden you."
"It's no problem at all." He looks down at the ground, his face red. "For you, it won't be a problem."
Fate's not really listening, peering instead at the sunset straight ahead. "Isn't that beautiful?"
"Yeah" Griffith says, but like those cliche movies, he wasn't looking anywhere near the sunset for his gaze is solely on Nanoha. "She is beautiful."
Nanoha notices and looks away shyly. Her gaze lands on Fate and she couldn't help but agree with Griffith's statement. Nanoha takes another quick glance at Fate and is distracted by the tongue which darts out every now and then to lick the blood on her lips. Nanoha assumes it's bleeding because she keeps playing with the scab with her tongue. The brunette shakes her head and turns her gaze back to the sunset. She feels her cheeks going hotter, her blush growing intensely as she realised what she was doing- precisely what she was staring so intently at.
Fate takes a short glance at the couple and fakes a smile. The blush on both of her walk home buddies is enough for Fate to notice that they were having a moment and she is indeed the third wheel. She lengthens her strides and speeds up in front of them to give them space and of course to stop herself from feeling so pathetic and selfish.
Nanoha doesn't wait a second before she follows Fate's pace, with Griffith doing the same. "Hey, you sped up for a second. You alright?"
Fate sighs inwardly. "I'm good. I did it to give you two space."
"It's alright, you don't need to do that." Griffith joins in.
"Griffith's coming over for dinner today anyways, so this walk home should be between all three of us." Nanoha smiles.
Fate tries to smile because how could she when she just found out that Nanoha's boyfriend is already so cosy with Nanoha that he's having dinner with Nanoha's family. Even if she knows that her main goal isn't to become Nanoha's anything except a good friend, she couldn't help those feelings running inside her and that is what irks her the most. These feelings from Fate will just bring misfortune to Nanoha and she wants to stop feeling these...feelings because she has no right to feel this way. She really likes Nanoha as a person and she knows that the love of real friendship is just as important as romantic love. I just want to be there for her. Fate thinks as she castigate herself for feeling the urge to intertwine her fingers in Nanoha's soft silky hair.
"Do you want to come too?" Nanoha asks, her voice filled with sweetness that Fate instantly thought of strawberries.
Her heart races. "That's okay. Mum's coming home late, so Chrono-nii and I are cooking today. Well actually I'm just going to set the table and clean the room. I can't cook so I wouldn't be the one cooking but Chro-"
Nanoha chuckles. "You're rambling."
"O-Oh I'm sorry."
"Don't worry. It's kind of cute." Nanoha chuckles again and Fate couldn't look at her any further.
"S-So sorry, I won't be able to join you guys for dinner."
"That's a shame." Griffith remarks but none of that sentence had any sincerity in it, at most there is a tad bit of pride which really shouldn't get to Fate but it does and she couldn't do anything about it.
Bet too Far
The next day starts Fate off in the now very familiar convenience store. She grips the stamp card tightly as she hands it into the old man who takes it with a morning smile on his face. "One Heart Alpaca coming right up!" He says all too cheerfully but still it radiates off Fate and she couldn't help but return a smile.
The old man hands Fate the heart alpaca keychain and she takes it with such gentleness as if it was a living animal that the old man couldn't help but say: this person is very special to you, are they not?
Fate grins as she takes out a small container she bought beforehand and places the alpaca inside. "She's my friend." She says with much pride. The old man hands over a small pudding. "On the house, since the period in which you bought those melon buns increased in price and you helped me sweep the entire section many times. And because you made friends with Takamachi, just like you wanted."
Fate takes the pudding and laughs. "You're welcome and thank you. Puddings are my favourite."
As she walks out she takes the container containing the alpaca out and grins giddily to herself, thinking how surprised and happy this would make Nanoha, her day suddenly got better.
Bet too Far
The bell rings for lunch and before she is stopped by anyone, she races to Nanoha's classroom to give her the alpaca but didn't have the courage to when she sees Griffith waiting outside the same classroom.
"Oh hey Harlaown-san." Griffith greets, swinging, what Fate assumed will be Nanoha's bento, lightly in his hand. The other hand held a piece of yakisoba bread.
"Hey, Lowran-san." She squeaks, subtly putting the container back into her blazer pocket. She walks straight past him. "J-Just going to the bathroom."
"You're not here for Nanoha?"
Nanoha, a name she has no right to say, yet Griffith gets to say it so casually.
Fate stands still, and berates herself for feeling such jealousy. I have no right to feel this way. "Haha, what makes you think that?" She shoves her hand in her blazer. Her laugh feels so fake. "Take good care of Takamachi-san, yea? She deserves the best." She doesn't dare turn around, (because who was she to say something so intimate like that, Griffith probably ranks higher on Nanoha's people-she-likes-list than she could ever be so why in the world did Fate say something like that), but she does wait to hear a 'of course' from Griffith before heading to the bathroom she didn't need.
If Fate waited a bit longer she would've seen Nanoha, Nanoha's slight blush as she said those words. But she didn't and Nanoha didn't call out either.
Bet too Far
Fate sighs as she trods up the steps with a little bit more force than usual. She went back to her classroom and seeing it empty of her friends, she grabbed her drink bottle and pudding and headed to the roof.
As Fate walks towards the roof, the quiet sob she thought she imagined earlier becomes louder and she hastens her pace to reach the source of the sound. At the top of the stairs, right in front of the roof door is a purpled haired girl with her knees up to her chest and her head down, crying.
"Are you okay?" Fate drops to the girl's level.
The girl pulls her head from her knee and wipes her tears with the sleeve of her jumper. She quickly nods and stands up preparing to leave, her eyes brimmed red with tears still spilling. Something stings in Fate's chest and she grabs the girl's wrist pulling her back with a gentle tug.
"Are you okay?" She asks again with so much sincerity that the purple haired girl turns around, no longer hiding her red eyes. Fate looks at her and recognises her as one of Nanoha's friends.
She lets go of the girl's wrist and smiles. "You're not okay are you?"
Suzuka stops resisting and turns to look at Fate closely. The honesty in her eyes was enough for her to feel weak. She doesn't know if she could support herself at the moment. No one ever asks if she was okay, no one asks and no one cared to actually notice that she wasn't okay...except now.
"I'm not."
Fate nods and unlocks the door to the roof. "I've got two ears and two shoulders and if you need it..." Fate takes a step towards the roof and Suzuka follows her head held down.
"It's all yours."
When Fate turns to face Suzuka again, she sees the redness on her cheek, she squints at it, and it takes form as a palm.
Suzuka notices her looking, and covers it instantly with her both of her hands. Fate doesn't ask about it but takes Suzuka's hands from her cheeks and holds it for a lingering time before letting go.
They sit next to each other as they lean on the fence with no words exchanged but after a while, a lingering tear drops down Suzuka's cheeks and Fate frowns. She puts down her drink bottle and reaches over to tap Suzuka's shoulder. Fate pushes her face forwards with her hands producing a face which is meant to make the girl laugh, but it doesn't.
Suzuka just stares.
Unsatisfied with the result, Fate continues pulling her face in different angles and directions until she accidentally knocks over her drink bottle and the water spills over her own skirt.
Fate quickly stands up to see the damage and groans as she sees the water dripping from the really wet skirt to down her legs. It isn't a pretty sight but a soft chuckle brings her attention from her legs to the girl in front of her.
Suzuka's giggling, she can't help it, and even though Fate's flushed and awkward she starts laughing too. Fate sits back down and for the first time, thanks her clumsiness.
Fate looks at her pudding and pushes it towards her right, to Suzuka. The purple haired girl first looks at the pudding, then at Fate who gives her a quick nudge and smile. Suzuka takes the pudding, peels off the plastic and digs in with the provided spoon.
Suzuka shoves the pudding in her mouth so quickly that if it were any other harder food, there would be slits on the edges of her mouth. "It hurts." Suzuka says roughly as she strokes the redness on her cheek, her mouth full with pudding that it's dripping to the ground.
Fate nods. "It does look sore."
Suzuka struggles to swallow and shakes her head, shifting her hand to her chest. "It hurts more here." She sighs and looks away from Fate's gaze. "I told her I love her."
Fate nods again, lost to what she could do to console the girl.
"I told her I love her, and she said I was disgusting." Again, her hand rises to her cheek. "She told me I was disgusting."
Fate shifts closer and places her hand on Suzuka's shoulder. "I'm sorry. You're not disgusting, you know. Even with that pudding everywhere." She pulls her sleeves down over her hands and hesitantly moves to Suzuka's chin waiting for consent and when Suzuka moves closer she begins to wipe away the pudding remaining on Suzuka's chin as gently as possible. "Beautiful with pudding and without. " Fate smiles, hoping to lighten up the girl.
"Your shoulder." Suzuka murmurs and tugs the front of Fate's shirt. "Can I borrow it now."
Fate just nods and shifts even closer. Suzuka wraps her arms around Fate's neck and surprised at the sudden crush of force, they both fall backwards, Fate shifts her body so that Suzuka wouldn't hit the concrete ground, and instead Fate's elbow crashes down and she's sure it's bleeding.
She pays no mind to her elbow though and instead focuses on the girl on top of her crying into her shoulder. Fate doesn't hug back, afraid she might be crossing a line so she lays there, stroking the girl's back and holding back her own tears.
Chapter End
A/N: Thank you for reviewing and reading. All your reviews made me extremely, extremely happy. Thank you for your thoughts and comments.
See you later.
Xeno.