Blame
Disclaimer: I do not own some of the characters, just the story!
A/N: Sorry it took so long. I really enjoyed writing this chapter much more than the last lol. It is also, one of the longest yet, I believe. There are some AN's at the bottom; be sure to read those after you finish the chapter. Enjoy :)
Tidus' POV
Who do you blame in a situation like this? Can I really blame anyone, or am I just trying desperately to justify my actions back there? I wanted to blame her. I wanted so much to blame Yuna for not telling me, but then again, I'd have to shoulder the same blame. We're so different, yet so much the same – Yuna was stuck in this just like I am.
The truth is, all I wanted to do back there was stand by her – I wanted to protect her even more after finding out we were on opposite sides. I have more demons than I lead on, because if I wanted to be honest with Yuna, I didn't agree with Abaddon. The night I left...I was completely against their actions. So why is it when we found out I turned on her?
"Are you just going to pace around all night cursing under your breath?" Auron huffed from the corner of the room.
"You," I growled, "Don't even talk to me right now."
"In this situation, Tidus, you're the ass – not me."
"Heh, maybe so, but I have that right."
"And Yuna doesn't?"
"What does she have to do with anything?"
"She has everything to do with this," Auron raised his voice, "Come down off your high horse for one second and just pretend that there are other people in this universe besides yourself."
"Where do you get off, old man? She's one of them!"
Dammit! There I go again...
"And just like Lulu said, you're no different in her eyes. Yet I didn't see her trying to kill you with death glares. You could learn a lot from Yuna."
"Right," I scoffed, "Now I should be taking notes from her? Weren't you just saying I shouldn't get too close to her?"
"You can learn from people without getting too close, Tidus. She could learn a few things from you, too."
"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer? You're really throwing that logic out there?"
"Take from it what you will," he mumbled annoyed, "But for now, just know that there are bigger things than yourself out there."
As he left the room, I couldn't help but to let out a frustrating sigh. He was right, but I would never admit it out loud. Hell...I wanted to be with her. I think being apart from her is what was killing me the most, but it was also the most frustrating feeling. Yuna is a stranger – an enemy now – yet all I could think about was how much I needed to be by her.
"Screw this," I groaned, "I gotta go find her."
Maybe if I could just talk to her, maybe we could understand each other.
Yuna's POV
The moon shone brightly through the woods just outside of Ismat. I followed the path and found the perfect spot to be alone and think about things. A clearing rested in the center complete with a spring – it was the most beautiful place I think I've ever seen.
Kneeling at the edge of the spring, I slipped the book out of my bag and placed it on my lap. Taking a deep breath to collect myself, I turned to a marked page with one of the spells I hadn't learned – holy. As my eyes scanned the page, I told myself I could do this. I know I can do this. Focusing on my surroundings, my eyes landed on the center of the spring – a single rock sat in the middle. Rising to my feet, I closed my eyes and took a slow breath.
Lux lucis, illustro atrum...
As I formed the incantation, the energy from my entire body felt like it was being sapped right out of me. My muscles tensed, my hands formed fists, and my breath hitched. I didn't have to open my eyes to know this bright light was forming around me – but as it did, my jaw tensed from a burning sensation that was building up within me.
The brighter the light, the more intense the pain became. Sweat beaded on my brow, but I refused to bend. Planting my feet firmly on the ground, I struggled to take a breath.
Tidus' POV
She had to have gone in this direction...
I wandered outside the gates of the city and searched the surrounding area hoping to see Yuna. The only place she could have gone, was the woods – and as I looked closer, I could see a bright light glowing in the distance. I picked up the pace as I started heading toward it, and sure enough, there stood Yuna.
Wait a minute...
"Lux lucis...illustro atrum," she mumbled.
"What the..."
I stopped in my tracks and watched. Her entire body was glowing in this white light. Even from this distance, I could see she was doing something she shouldn't have been. Every so often I could hear a whimper, or a cry of pain escape her lips – but still, Yuna remained erect.
"Lux...lucis...illustro...atrum!" she cried out as tears formed in the corner of her eyes.
Just as I was about to run in, eight white orbs shot out of her – one at a time. And with each one that escaped her body, she cried out in pain. The orbs dove into the spring and exploded a single rock underneath the surface. I didn't know what had just happened, but I heard a second splash and realized Yuna had fallen into the water. Without hesitation, I ran after her and dove into the spring.
"It's been too long, old friend."
"Who you callin' old? I bet I could probably still whoop you're ancient ass!"
The two men laughed and shook hands in the middle of a barren field.
"What brings you here, Jecht?"
"Probably the same thing you're doin', Braska. We always did think alike, ya know?"
"Yes, I guess we did. I'm heading to Ismat and talking to Cid. You?"
"Uh, yeah. Sure." Jecht smirked as he rubbed the back of his neck, "So, how's lil' Yuna these days?"
Braska turned away and kept heading in the same direction, "She's...good. Best student I've had to date – probably the most powerful as well."
After getting a slight chuckle from Jecht, the pair walked in silence for a few minutes. As Ismat came into view in the distance, Braska stopped.
"How's Tidus fairing?" he finally managed to ask.
Chuckling, Jecht looked down at the ground, "He's a pain in my ass! But overall, he's a good kid. Gettin' to be a strong warrior – he shows promise."
"Jecht?" Braska smiled looking at his friend, "Why are you really here?"
Without looking up, Jecht threw his question back at him, "Why are you?"
"I'm here," Braska sighed with a heavy heart, "To offer my services to Yuna."
"I thought so. Truth is, Tidus needs my help. What kind of a teacher would I be if I didn't back him up when he needs it the most?"
"What about the Zionites? Aren't you worried about what they'll do to you if you're caught in the crossfire?"
"Nah," Jecht chuckled, "This is me we're talkin' about, Braska. The only one who could ever hope to beat me, is Tidus himself. What about you and Divina?"
"I resigned my allegiance. I didn't feel right sending her out there knowing what I know," he paused, "But what you said – what kind of teacher would you be if you weren't there when he needed you – I feel much the same about Yuna."
"Well then," Jecht gave Braska a firm pat on the back, "Looks like we're almost back together again. There's just one more person we need to pay a visit to."
Both of the men smiled and laughed, looking at each other.
"Auron," they chuckled in unison as they made their way toward Ismat.
Lulu's POV
Right now, Yuna is out there with that book. She's reading, studying, and debating. Yuna is doing all that by herself, and I cannot go be with her. I can't go be with her, because she needs to grow on her own, without me shadowing her every step. It's the hardest thing I have done, but it's not the worst I'll ever have to do.
I know – what she has to do, what she has to face, and what lies ahead in her future. That...will be the worst thing I'll have to do – stand by and watch all of it unfold...right before my eyes. Yuna still carries the burden of not knowing where she came from, but my burden is much heavier – I know where she's headed.
"There's got to be some way," I whispered in the darkened room, "There has to be some way...for me to save her."
"Maybe there is a way, ya?"
Startled by a reply, I sparked a tier one fire spell and shot it in the general direction from where the voice came from.
"Whoa!" the voice cried out, flicking the lights on.
"Wakka?" I asked in disbelief, "What are you doing here?"
"I was making my rounds and I heard what you said. Didn't expect to have a fireball shot out at me, though." he chuckled as he leaned against the doorway.
"I apologize," looking away, I sighed. "I wasn't exactly expecting a reply."
"No worries, ya? But about what you said...maybe there is a way."
"You're a fool if you truly believe that, Wakka."
"Am I? Maybe if we just work together we could think of somethin'-"
"I have no intentions of entertaining the prospect of false hope," I whispered through clenched teeth, "And I will certainly not steer Yuna down that rode either."
I know he meant well, but still...
It's not that I don't want to believe it – it's that I don't have the heart, nor the strength, to put something before Yuna only to have it crumble from beneath her. Still, to cast away the idea...is to give up or quit completely – and I am not known for quitting.
"Maybe," I hesitated as Wakka turned to leave the room, "Maybe you're right, Wakka."
Standing and walking toward him, my eyes drifted from the floor and landed on his. I didn't know him, but I felt this overwhelming sense of guilt radiating from him. Maybe he did really just want to help, and it was unbecoming of me to dismiss it so quickly.
"But if we're going to do this, Yuna is not to know – not until we know for sure something can be done about it. Is that in any way unclear?"
"No Ma'am," he smirked.
"In fact," I pondered, "Tidus is in the same predicament, right?"
Wakka nodded.
"Then he is to be treated as Yuna – not a word is to be uttered to either of them. And if I find out otherwise, my next spell will not miss."
Tidus' POV
Surfacing momentarily to take a breath, I glanced down to see if I could see Yuna. When I had no such luck, I dove back in and swam around the darkened spring. The only light I had, was that of the moon. The debris from the exploded rock floated around and clouded my vision. Just as I was about to surface again for another breath, something twinkled out of the corner of my eye.
Off to the right of me, there I saw an unconscious Yuna laying at the bottom of the spring. Thankfully, the gem in her necklace sparkled in the moonlight, allowing me to locate her among the other stuff. Time was ticking and I decided it was better to get her out of here – there would be plenty of time to breathe once I surfaced.
Once I reached her, I slipped my hands underneath her body and pulled her upward. Situating her in my left arm and wrapping her arms around my neck, I looked up. My lungs burned, yearning to be filled with air, but I had to focus – I had to get her to safety. Giving it my all, I pushed myself off the bottom and kicked as hard and as fast as I could. The moon seemed to get bigger, and the closer I got, the harder it seemed to kick and swim. I had almost given up, but I felt Yuna tense and tighten her arms around my neck. With renewed confidence, I kicked with everything I had in me until we broke the surface and I took in the sweet air around me.
As soon as the oxygen spilled into my lungs, I felt my strength return enough to swim safely to shore with Yuna. Slipping her gently down on the ground with her body half out of the water, I examined her face. Her lips were this shade of blue, and her body completely limp.
"Don't you dare do this to me," I whispered as I climbed out of the water and knelt beside her feeling around for a pulse.
When I felt none, I wanted to panic – I wanted to, but I knew I couldn't. I had to think and act fast. Wiping my hands on my pant legs, I took a deep breath and tilted her head back gently. Having to steady my shaking hand, I plugged her nose and hovered over her. Slapping myself mentally for being nervous, I cursed silently and bent down placing my mouth over Yunas. As I pushed air into her, I watched as her chest rose. The minute I stopped, it fell.
"Come on, Yuna..."
Repeating the same steps again, her chest rose but quickly fell. Feeling for a pulse again, I got nothing, but I also refused to give up.
"Auron would never forgive me," I groaned, "And Lulu would kill me. So you're not doing this to me, you hear? If I'm not giving up, neither are you!"
Bending down once more, my lips connected with hers and I pushed two more breaths into her. This time, her chest rose and I felt her tense. Backing away, I watched as her stomach heaved and she began choking. Getting behind her, I raised her up gently just in time as the water gushed from her mouth and on to the ground. I don't think I've ever heard a more pleasing sound than when she gasped the first time for air – relief consumed me, and I took my first relaxed breath.
Yuna's POV
My vision was blurry, and I felt like I couldn't breathe fast enough – like I wasn't getting enough air. The only thing that didn't scare me, was what I felt behind me. His arms on my shoulders, and his body behind mine, supporting me. Contrary to my situation, I felt...safe.
"T-tidus?" I whispered, still trying to catch my breath.
"Don't talk – not yet, at least." he mumbled, "You're ok now."
I simply nodded, and allowed myself to lean further into him. I didn't know it at the time, but my hands and arms intertwined with his and I was clinging to him – like if I were to let go, I would stop breathing again. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to relax and focus on recovering from my ordeal.
I remember looking at the book, whispering the incantation, and feeling the horrible pain that emerged as I called it. Just as the spell went off I remember getting dizzy, losing my balance and falling. But I never remember hitting anything – everything after that was lost to me.
"Why?" I asked as I shivered.
"Thought I told you not to talk yet?"
"I'm fine. Why?" I pressed.
"Do you really take me for someone who would just leave a person to die?" Tidus chuckled trying to make light of the situation.
Clutching him tighter, I whispered the first thing that came to mind. "I'm not just any person, Tidus. I'm-"
"I know who you are, Yuna. That doesn't mean I want you to die..."
"So what do you want, then? You wouldn't talk to me when we left Cid, and now here you are saving me."
The silence was profound, and I thought that he wasn't going to answer me. I had started to say something else, but I stopped when I felt him raise me up into a sitting position and turned me to face him. The look on his face was something I never expected, and to be honest, I wasn't entirely sure if I believed it. Guilt.
"Look, I'm sorry for what happened back there. I really am," he said and his eyes seemed to be even more blue than I had previously remembered, "Yes, I was an ass. Yes, I am one of them, but that doesn't mean I am one of them. The truth is, Yuna..."
He stopped mid-sentence and licked his lips. Clearly he was hesitating, but I didn't want to disturb his thoughts. Grabbing his hand into mine, I did what I would have wanted to be done to me – I comforted him.
"This is going to sound completely crazy, and I will completely understand if you never talked to me again after my actions earlier. But the truth is, all I've wanted all night, was to be by your side and protect you...and I have no idea why."
"I know how you feel," I whispered with a smile creeping up on my lips.
That must have caught him off guard, because he cocked his head to the side.
"Don't you find that...weird?" he chuckled, "I mean, we're enemies."
"Weird it may be," I nodded, "But what would it hurt to be more than that?"
"Consorting with the enemy..." he mused, "I think I could learn to live with that."
As I giggled softly, he turned me around and leaned me back into his chest.
"We'll rest up a bit longer before heading back, ok?"
Inhaling deeply, I simply nodded. Gazing at the spring, I should have been petrified, but I felt quite the opposite. What could have very well been my death, actually ended up bringing me to what I wanted deep down – Tidus. As I felt him breathe, I felt at home in his arms. This could turn out to be the beginnings of a beautiful friendship...
A/N: First off, let me explain the phrase, "Lux lucis, illustro atrum ." I'm not entirely sure if it translated correctly, but it's supposed to be Latin for: Light, illuminate dark. Roughly...don't quote me on that. It's what Yuna says to activate the spell 'Holy'.
Anyway, yay for Tidus not being an ass...through out the entire chapter! And, of course, our favorite duo (soon to be trio?) Braska and Jecht! I just couldn't see them...NOT being together, can you?