A/N: Hi. I'm back. I wanted to first thank everyone who responded to my help request. I'm still sorting through all of the ideas for songs that you sent me, and if you have any more suggestions you can still send them. :) Ok, on to I Kissed a Girl. This episode is to me one of the worst in the whole series, simply because of they way that they handled Santana's coming out. And because of that, this Episode is probably going to be at least four parts long since I'm going to try and fix all of the mistakes and holes that they left in this plotline. Anyway, on with the show. Oh, P.S I'm not a big fan of both Finn or Mr. Shue in this episode, and I think it shows, so I apologize in advance to those of you who read this who like these characters, because they get picked on alot in this story.
Disclaimers: I don't own Glee, because if did, Santana would have kissed Brittany in this episode, Kurt would have told Finn off for outing Santana, and Pelby never would have happened at all. Can you say Eww?
Everything changed in that moment… Everything. Brittany slumped in her chair in her Earth Science class counting down the minutes that she could get out of here. Her mind wandered, distracting her from the fact that her girlfriend had been called into Figgins' office, just moments before.
It seemed like months had passed by since yesterday, for her at least. She felt at least ten years older and maybe a little wiser too. She was exhausted, after staying up all night dealing with a scared, panicked, and sad girlfriend, which she didn't mind in the least. After Santana had a panic attack after slapping Finn, Brittany knew that she had to get Santana out of there, luckily for her Mercedes thought the same thing.
Together they helped Santana out of the auditorium and into a back dressing room, where they help her relax enough to be able to stop hyperventilating, but not enough to stop the tears and the shaking, and the scared look that Santana had on her face that made Brittany's heart ache for her. She had no idea how they even made it home that night, and she had a feeling that she probably owed Mercedes a thank you for that.
Brittany yawned; her body and mind exhausted from little sleep and worry. She had stayed awake most of the night holding Santana, as even in her sleep, the Latina cried.
"Am I boring you, Ms. Pierce?" Mr. Moore said, and Brittany realized that her yawning was loud enough to be heard over his lecture.
"Sorry, Mr. Moore. Lord Tubbington had a bad night, last night and…."
"Thank you, Brittany. Anyway, Class…" Mr. Moore interrupted, rolling his eyes, before continuing with his speech.
Once again Brittany slumped back down her chair, and turned her attention back to the clock.
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"I'm sorry, but since a student had lit firecrackers stuffed down his pants three years ago, we've had a zero tolerance physical violence policy." Principal Figgins said. Santana felt cornered in here, with Mr. Shue and Shelby standing behind her, Finn seated off to the side and Figgins in front of her.
"Is that why you suspended all the kids who have been tossing slushees in our faces for the past two years?" Santana retorted, not wanting to mention that she was one of those kids who used to slushy the other ones, nor did she want to mention that nobody got suspended when her and Quinn fought, or her and Lauren. Why did he choose now, to enforce that policy? She wondered. She didn't even really understand why she was here? A lot of the previous day had been a blur, at least after she had seen the ad. Just thinking of it made her feel sick, and for a moment she wished that Brittany was here with her. At least then she would have a friend…
"Slushees are not on the School Board's approved list of suspend-worthy weapons." Figgins said.
"Here's what you have to understand; I didn't do it." She said.
"We all saw what happened; you slapped Finn in the face unprovoked. Mr. Shue said. Unprovoked, is that what he really thinks? That Finn causing me to be outed to the whole state isn't enough of a reason for me to slap him in a heated moment. Santana thought. She had thought that Mr. Shue would be on her side since, he had been there to witness her seeing the Ad, but as it turns out Finn's face matters more to him than her life. She felt his eyes bore into the back of her head, and she heard movement behind her releasing a wave of Shelby's perfume.
That too was another thing that confused her. Why wasn't Shelby standing up for her? She had never once acted out in her class except that whole President, let's not beat on Finn thing two days ago, but that was more at Mercedes then Shelby. Why was it that when she needed ally's the most everyone seemed to run away? Was she that much of a bitch, that everyone really hated her? The thought made hot tears spring up in the back of her eyes, but she willed herself not to shed them. The HBIC mask was on so tight that she wondered if she could ever bear the painful burden of taking it off again. She had shown each one of them her true self, last night during the performance, in a way hoping that people would start to understand her, but standing her, she realized that no one really cared. She was just a person caught in a sea of faces, invisible to everyone around her.
Her instincts suddenly made her turn around, to face Mr. Shue, daggers in her eyes, telling him to ignore her now. "No. See, you don't get it. When I get really pissed off, Santana gets taken over by my other evil personality. I call her Snixxx. Her wrath of words is called 'Snixxx juice.' I'm kind of like the Incredible Hulk. You can't blame me for anything Snixxx does." Santana knew that her explanation sounded lame, but she was no Brittany. Brittany had the fantastic ability to be able to come up with the craziest sounding stories and explanations in just a few seconds, ones that were both crazy sounding, but yet made sense. It was the second thing that she loved the most about her… her imagination and her way with words. All Santana could up with at the drop of a hat were insults and comebacks, but that had nothing to do with her imagination, only her upbringing.
She could tell that Figgins' didn't buy into Snixxx, even before he said. "I'm suspending you and this Snixxx two weeks. No argument." Santana thought that two weeks was outrageous for just a slap.
"Sectionals is next week. If you suspend me, I won't be able to beat Grimace and Mr. Shue's butts." Santana said before turning to Shelby. She prayed that Shelby would be on her side, even to at least get the suspension dropped down to a smaller amount of time, if not get the whole thing dropped at all.
"Ms. Corcoran," Santana said, hoping that being polite would win her points. "I highly recommend you do something about this."
"I'm sorry, Santana, Sectionals is important, but you need to be punished for what you did." Mr. Shue said, and suddenly Santana realized that this wasn't about her or even Finn this was about Sectionals and without her singing for the TroubleTones, New Directions would win. All this was a power play… but instead of making the pain ease, all it did was make it worse. The dagger that that stupid Ad had placed in her soul just got twisted in further. "You need to be punished for what you did." The words rang in her mind. Why do I have to be punished even more than I already am? I'm the one that had to tell my parents that I'm gay, and I'm in love and dating my best friend, before an Ad on TV does it for me. I'm the one who will have to face the looks and the stares, and the whispers, when the rest of the school sees that Ad. Isn't that enough of a punishment? She wondered. Once again she turned to Shelby, willing her with her eyes to say something on her behalf. But the dagger was pressed even deeper when Shelby spoke.
"I hate to say it, but I agree." Even the apology in Shelby's eyes, even the notion that Shelby was only doing what she thought was right, didn't make the words hurt less.
"This is garbage." Santana said, her heart aching with pain and anger. "Hamburglar Finn is fine."
"She didn't slap me." Finn suddenly burst out, giving her both physical and mental whiplash as she jerked her head around to look at him. She wondered for a second if he was really that dumb or if she had hit him harder than she thought that she did. She looked closer wondering if she could see the imprint of her hand in his cheek, but all she saw was normal flesh. "I know that it looked and sounded like she did, but she actually didn't. What is it called in a play or a movie when you pretended to hit someone but you don't?" Finn asked.
"A stage slap?" Shelby offered.
"It was a stage slap." Finn said. "That's what it was."
Santana could see Principal Figgins eyeballing her, to see if she was putting him up to this, but she was just as confused as everyone else in the room.
"What is your angle here, Finn?" Mr. Shue asked.
"The truth." Finn answered, lying through his teeth. "If she didn't actually hit me, then you can't suspend her, right?"
Santana was so confused, but she wasn't about to turn away a helping hand at that moment. She wondered if Finn was finally doing something for the right reasons, or if he had some other reason in mind.
"No." Figgins said sounding very confused.
"Then that's what happened. " Finn said again, sounding joyful. Everybody looked around the room at each other a few times, before Figgins finally said.
"Ok, then, that's settled. Santana, Finn, go back to class, Will, Shelby please stay a moment?" Santana didn't have to be told twice. She rocketed out of there, hearing Finn right behind her.
"I'm a mischievous bitch, but I can't for the life of me figure out what the hell this is about." Santana said turning back to face Finn once they were out in the hallway.
"Well, I want Sectionals to be a fair fight. And that can't happen without you on the Trouble Tones." Finn said, mischievously. Santana suddenly got the impression that everything that he said in the office was just an Act, and that he had something else in mind for her.
"Well, actually, it would only be a fair fight with me off the team." Santana said, feeling nervous at the way he towered over her.
"And I also kind of feel bad for you." Finn added, his voice dripping with sweetness. "Look, I know we've been at each other a lot over these past couple of years, but the truth is I think you're awesome. And when you hide who you are, I feel like you hide part of that awesomeness with it." Santana felt uncomfortable with his accuracy in his analysis of her. To her, in his eyes, she had never felt awesome, mostly because at any opportunity Finn treated her like crap. Memories of them sleeping together were foremost in her mind…. She had never had any boy treat her like that before, and not even Puck whom she had previously thought was the most self-centered boy on the face of the earth, but more and more she realized that it was Finn, who could claim that title. Finn, who had the uncanny ability to get under her skin, and find her weak points and somehow used it against her. "And that's why you act out, because you hurt inside… every day." Finn finished, and Santana mental added that she was hurting inside right now because Finn couldn't keep his big mouth shut. He keep looking at her, like he wanted something from her, and she about puked when she realized what it was.
"That's sweet… but if you think that in exchange for keeping me from getting suspended, I'm gonna come…"
"… Back to the Glee Club? Exactly. You and all the Troubletones. I have an idea for a lesson, but it won't work out if you're not there. " Finn interrupted, and she mentally breathed a sigh of relief. That wasn't what she thought that he had wanted, and even though it wasn't something that she wanted to do, it was better than what she had imagined in her head.
"Did Ms. Corcoran and Mr. Shue already agree to this?" Santana asked.
"Look, it's up to you. Either you can come back to the choir room and embrace your awesome or take a two-week vacation and enjoy your seat in the audience for Sectionals." Finn said, before turning and walking away. It took Santana a second to realize that he was blackmailing her into rejoining the Glee Club. She let out a small gasp, knowing that she had underestimated him. She knew then too, that he had not gotten approval from the teachers for this lesson, but was going to present it as her idea. She also knew that this lesson would have something to do with her being gay.
So not only was she forced out of the closet, but now she was being forced to participate in a celebration of her being a lesbian, by the man that outed her. This just didn't seem fair, but there was nothing that she could do but go along with. Santana felt tears spring up again in her eyes, and this time she couldn't hold them back. She rushed to the bathroom nearby, and into an empty stall.
She felt hurt and violated by what Finn had done and what he was still doing. This wasn't fair, why was all this happening to her? She sat down on the toilet seat, and put her head in her hands, and let the tears come.
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Brittany was back in the hallway campaigning again, after Science. Santana had never shown up, so Brittany had just assumed that Santana was still in that meeting. She had with her the huge box of Pixy Stix that she and Santana had bought a few days ago.
"If elected, I will make sure to have sugary treats available at all times. It helps the concentration. That's what George Washington said." She said, as she passed them out. She watched Rachel go by, with that tattletale look on her face, and it made Brittany wonder if her package had gotten to Figgins yet. Santana had the idea to mail a box of the candy to the Principal since it was rumored to be his favorite, just as a small act of kindness. So she hoped that it would work.
She was excited for this election, especially now that Rick the Stick wasn't there to bug her. She had heard from Sue that morning that he had been taken care off, and both she and Santana had been kind of worried about what that had meant. Jacob had told her when he came up to interview her that he was in a medically induced coma, after being brutally checked during the game, and Brittany vowed never to get on Sue's bad side, unless she wanted something like that to happen to her. Brittany also wondered how Sue had managed to pull that off, but it was on her list of things never to ask.
The box of Pixy Stix was gone in like two seconds, so Brittany ducked into the restroom to throw away the big box, hearing Jacob's voice yelling after her. She waited a few seconds to make sure that he passed and she was just about to leave, when she heard the sounds of someone crying softly in one of the stalls. She looked underneath, and just about gasped when she recognized the only set of shoes and legs that where in there.
"Santana? Is that you, honey?" Brittany said, heading over to the stall.
"Britt…" Santana said, unlocking the door. Brittany went in and knelt down in front of her girlfriend, and cradled her into her arms.
"What happened, baby?" Brittany asked, rubbing Santana's back. And Santana told her everything that happened, both in the Principal's Office and outside of it. And as more and more of the story spilled out of Santana's lips, the madder Brittany became. She wanted to find Finn, and to hit him hard, over and over again, wanting to make him feel the way that he was making Santana feel.
Most people would say that Brittany isn't the type to use violence, and that was Santana's characteristic, but Brittany knew that she was capable of violence if the situation called for it, and protecting her girlfriend's honor certainly called for it. But one look at Santana's face, and the anger melted away. It wasn't the time or the place to go and seek revenge, not when Santana needed her so badly.
Gently she bent down, and in a rare display of affection she kissed her girlfriend's lips, hoping that in one kiss, she could communicate all of the love that she had in her heart for the Latina. And when they pulled away a few seconds later, it seemed to work. Brittany used her fingers to wipe away the remaining tears, and then pulled Santana in for a hug. Brittany hated this, she hated seeing Santana like this. Santana was the strongest person that she knew, and her body ached to see her broken like this, but at the same time she knew that it was her turn to be strong for her girlfriend. Santana had stuck up for her time and time again, and now Brittany had the opportunity to repay her, and she wouldn't let the moment slip through her fingers.
"I love you." She whispered. "Despite everything that may happen this week, or did already happen, I will always be by your side, fighting in your corner, and we will get through this together."
"I love you too." Santana said. "And you are the only reason why I haven't given up yet, Britt. Because I know that there is a place in my soul and my heart that only belongs to you, and no matter what happens, they can't touch it."
Brittany's heart melted at Santana's words, and she kissed her again. After a moment, they once again broke apart, and Brittany stood up, holding out her hand for Santana to take. Santana took it, and together they walked out of the bathroom, holding their heads high, even though they knew that someone would once again try to take them off.
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It was still a house divided, even though everyone was in the same room. Troubletones sat on one side and New Directions on the other. Everyone looked confused though, well everyone except for Finn. Santana could feel some of the New Directions members staring at her, and her mind flashed back to the day before, to being carried out of the auditorium in Brittany's arm, hyperventilating like some freak. She tugged on her ear, wishing that she could be anywhere but here. Next to her, she could see that Brittany was staring someone down, but she didn't want to look at who it was.
"Can someone tell us what's going on, please?" Mercedes said, after a moment, realizing that Santana was very uncomfortable. She felt sorry for her friend, she didn't know what was going on, but she knew that if she had a hard enough time being in the same room with Finn without wanting to punch him, then it was ten times harder for her friend to be there.
Brittany sighed when she saw that Finn had written Lady Music Week on the board. She looked over at Santana, and winced when she seen the scared look on her Girlfriend's face. She wanted to wrap an arm around her, but she didn't know how Santana would take it. Sometimes when Santana felt uncomfortable, angry or scared, she acted just like a cat or any cornered wild animal, and would get edgy and restless, looking for a victim that she could sink her claws into, just so she could get away. She could see some of the edginess starting to show, which was different than Santana's normal bitchy mode. Bitchy was just an act, this was the real deal, and she knew that Santana had to be hurt really badly to show it.
"This week, the Trouble Tones and the New Directions will both be singing music created by ladies and for ladies." Finn announced happy with himself.
"Oh, hell no." Santana said, but Finn just ignored her.
"Next week, all of us will be going to Sectionals, and one of us is probably gonna win. But, Santana we're worried about you." Finn's voice may have sounded genuine to everyone else, but it sounded so hollow in Santana's ears. This may seem like an apology, but she knew that it wasn't. It was just Finn's way of getting attention, and making himself look like the hero again. But what hero makes himself look good at others expense. She was torn between the urge to disappear into the floor, away from the gaze of everyone, or to just jump up and hit him. She settled for what she did best.
"Worry about yourself, fetus face." She said aloud, before adding mentally. If you were so worried about me, then you would have never set me up like this, you would have never outed me in the first place you jerk.
She heard everyone gasp and she could see out of the corner of her eye, Mr. Shue turn to look at her with that exasperated disappointed look that she knew so well.
"Glee's about learning how to accept yourself for who you are, no matter what other people think. And that's what this music is all about." Finn said, not noticing just how angry Brittany was getting beside Santana.
"So, wait, I don't even get a say in this? Not cool." Santana said. Mercedes agreed. This wasn't fair. Shouldn't Santana have a say if she wanted to participate in this or not? She already had so much to deal with, why take away even more from her? She turned to Shelby, wondering if the teacher would say something, but Shelby didn't even look interested. Mercedes turned to look at Kurt and Blaine hoping that they would say something on Santana's behalf, knowing that they were the ones who should understand what she was going though the best. But they just avoided her gaze.
"Everybody in this room knows about you and Brittany." Finn said, taunting her. Brittany put an arm protectively on Santana's chair. "And we don't judge you for it." Damn right you do…. Otherwise you wouldn't have said what you did about her and about us in that hallway, you lying son of pig. Brittany thought. Santana didn't look so good, and Brittany wondered if this was like a rape, but instead of being raped physically, Santana was being raped emotionally, by being forced to do this. She looked around at the people who were suppose to be her friends, and saw only one person who looked as angry as she felt, and that was Mercedes.
"We celebrate it because it's who you are. Look, I know not everybody outside of this room is as accepting and cool, but we're doing this assignment this week so that you know in this rotten, stinking mean world that you at least have a group of people who will support your choice to be whoever you want to be." Finn said. What support? You aren't supporting her, us… if you were you would respect her decision that she doesn't want to be here, to participate in this. You can't even say that she is a lesbian… 'whoever you want to be'… you say that like you don't think that she is capable of knowing what she wants, who she is, like her 'choice' to be gay is just second best. You are so full of it, Finn, and I can't believe that everyone is falling for your bullshit. Brittany thought once more.
"That's it. That's what we're doing her." Finn finally finished. Brittany noticed that Santana gave a small smile, but she knew that it wasn't for Finn's speech, it was more for the fact that it was finally over. She felt like giving one too, and she held her breath as she waited for Finn to start whatever song he was going to sing. She was shocked when he turned and asked Blaine and Kurt to step forward, and she grew mad. Out of all the people in this room, these two should be the most against doing this… and yet here they were supporting it.
Brittany could see that Santana was sitting up in her chair, shoulders back, sitting rod straight, hands folded in her lap. Her eyes were misted, although she doubted that anyone was paying enough attention to noticed that her girlfriend was crying. These were not tears of happiness, joy, acceptance, or anything uplifting. No, these were tears of anger, hurt, and betrayal. The last time Santana had been like this was when her parents had announced at dinner one evening while she had been over, that they were separating, and that they were mostly likely going to get a divorce. That night Santana hadn't said another word, but just sat there, numb as the words ran though her head again and again. Then it had broke Brittany's heart, and it still did, but even more so, now all she felt was angry. Angry that someone had the nerve to do this to her girlfriend again. She could only pray that she could hold her temper in check long enough to get her girlfriend out of here.
"Santana, Kurt and I have a song we like to sing to each other in the car. And we want to sing that for you right now." Blaine said.
Brittany was surprised when Santana suddenly spoke, but wasn't surprised by the amount of venom in her voice; again the cornered animal image came to mind. "While there's nothing I'd love more than having two Pretty Ponies serenade me, I think we'd get further staging a 'gel-ervention' for Blaine than singing lady music." Brittany could see the tension in her girlfriend's back, and her body moved of its own will, aching to do something, besides just sitting there. She felt Santana lean into her, and she wished that everyone would just go away so she could just hold her.
"I know it's hard. It was hard for me, too." Kurt said. "But you can get through this."
"If you could just stop being so defensive." Blaine added.
"I'm trying, but your hideous bow ties are provoking me." Santana said. Brittany moved her hand down the center of the Latina's back, feeling the tension rise some more.
"Wait, are we talking lady on lady or girl on girl? 'Cause there's a big difference." Puck suddenly burst out. Brittany just shook her head, knowing that Puck will be Puck, but she felt Santana shrink back, in embarrassment or something else she didn't know. She looked over and met Santana's eyes, and saw the embarrassment in them. Great, now Puck just equated our relationship to that of a porno… it's bad enough that we have to sit here and listen to this, but now every guy and maybe even the girls too, is going to be thinking about what we do in bed. Kurt never had to deal with this… when Kurt came out, everyone was in his corner… Santana even defended them against David, but now when she needs everyone the most, someone to defend her, no one cares. Finn basically tells her that she doesn't know what she's doing, and now Puck basically saying that our relationship is nothing more than something for men to drool over.
Brittany was surprised when Mr. Shue finally said something. "Puck, focus, okay?" He said, letting out a scoff before continuing. "Kurt, Blaine, why don't you kick us off with what you got?"
Santana sat silently listening to Kurt and Blaine sing 'Perfect' to her. She really liked Pink's version, and was irritated that they were singing this to her, and that they took out the curse words. She could feel Rachel smiling at her like she was some little kid and that singing a song would make all of her hurt and pain go away. Finn was watching her too, and her skin crawled under his gaze. She could see Brittany ringing her hands in her lap, and she knew that her girlfriend was angry, even if her head was tapping to the music. Brittany was strange like that, strange in a good way, in that even when mad she still managed to find something bright to focus on. And it made Santana want to admit that Blaine and Kurt sounded good together, and if had been any other day, any other lesson, she would have enjoyed it, but she couldn't enjoy it under these circumstances.
Suddenly she felt Brittany put a hand on the back of her chair and lean across a little bit, staring down someone from across the way, chewing gum. That was Brittany's habit when she was mad, was to chew gum. She always said that the motion of chewing kept her focused on keeping her mouth closed and not saying words in anger, but with the way that she was chomping on it, Santana could see that Britt was close to her boiling point, and she had to smile at the protectiveness of her loveable girlfriend. She realized that Brittany was staring down Artie, and that made her smile even bigger.
When they got to the chorus, Brittany felt her body start to respond to the tension, the anger inside of her, straining to get rid of it, by dancing it off. She rocked a little to the beat, but both she and Santana paused and looked at Blaine strangely when he started rapping. Rapping was not the Warbler's thing, apparently, and it almost hurt to listen too. It was funny to watch, and despite the whole situation, Brittany found herself starting to laugh. She felt Santana join her with a soundless chuckle that cracked a small smile on her beautiful face. Brittany leaned closer, putting her arm back on Santana's chair, and they shared a look between them, letting the world fade for a moment as they took comfort in each other. But as the song neared the end, Brittany saw the tension return, and the anger rise once more, both in her and in Santana. And while the rest of the class was cheering them on, and Blaine and Kurt stood there grinning, she knew exactly how Santana was going to respond.
"Thank you, guys. Thank you, Finn, especially. You know, with all the horrible crap I've been through in my life… now I get to add that." She said clapping her hands sarcastically, before folding her arms. Blaine and Kurt just stared for a moment, before Kurt finally spoke.
"You know, Santana we all are just trying to help you."
"Maybe it hasn't occurred to you all that maybe she doesn't need your help. " Brittany said, jumping up, her anger finally getting the best of her. "That maybe this is just something that she has to deal with in her own timing. I thought that you of all people would understand that Kurt, but I realize now that you don't. None of you do. I'm not going to sit here anymore and listen to this nonsense about how much you support her, when none of you are even listening to her. Come Santana." Brittany said, grabbing her bag. Santana joined her, and Mercedes did too, and together they all walked out of the room.
A/N: This episode is hard for me to write, because I just get so angry watching it. I would stopping watching it all together if I wasn't for Naya Rivera's acting ability during this episode.
I'm still looking for names for Brittany's family. See my Author's Note (Chapter 9) for the full list of instructions of what I'm looking for.
And a big thank you to everyone who reviewed, added this story to their alerts or favorites, and responded to my song search, you all get a big thumbs up. I'll PM you if the song you suggested is chosen. Anyway, I hoped you liked this chapter, and I would love to hear your feedback.
P.S The next part should be published tomorrow, and I want to wish everyone in the USA a very happy fourth and to everyone who is reading that is from outside the USA, I hope that you have a great Wednesday! :)