Everything is upside down, inside out, and thrown around. Nothing makes sense, and I feel like it's all a lie, all a dream. I'm not sure if now is reality or the dream. I think this must be a dream. Nothing can be this beautiful.
He tells me he loves me, that he's always loved me. I don't believe him. You can't love something you can't see. Still, he insists. He whispers soft words I never thought possible of the stoic boy, trying to wipe away all of my doubt and unhappiness. He says he loves to see me smile.
I don't know if I love him. I don't think I can. I lost love long ago; It's like a distant memory, of a place from a dream you felt was real when you had it, but now realise is absurdly surreal. Everything in my life feels like this. Still, if this is a dream, I don't think I want to wake up. Everything is nicer, less cruel than the reality I have grown to know.
He knows me better than I want him to. He knows all of this already. He knows I doubt him. He knows everything, except my past. I know some things about him too. I know he worries, more than he cares to admit. I know that I'm breaking him with every look, because I don't return the same feelings he has.
Nothing makes sense. He could have close to any girl in Konoha, yet he chooses me. He tells me I'm the only one worthy, and that he isn't deserving of me. This when I want to wake up. I just want to train with Tuyteri, be the robotic fighting machine I created to rid of all of this. I don't want to deal with all of this confusion, all of these useless human emotions. I don't want to hurt him, but he's distracting me. He's getting between me and my goal, and being an avenger, I hoped he would understand that he had to step aside or I would make him get out of my way.
I stand outside; staring at the sky above as I slowly drown in my thoughts. Drowning can kill, as my thoughts are doing to me. Physically, I walk; mentally, I'm as good as gone. Only my goal keeps me alive, and I need nothing else. At least, that's what I convince myself.
I adjust the pack that is resting on my back. I was ready, whether or not no one agreed. Whether or not I would win or lose, if I was strong enough, I was ready. I was finally going to finish this.