Liz felt shaky as she made her way across the room, gathering pillows and cushions and blankets and piling them beside the couch. She sat down, pulling her legs up beneath her, watching Red with Sara. They were an entertaining pair, and Liz couldn't help the small smile that flashed across her face despite the tornado brewing inside her.
She sat and waited and waited and waited, her heart racing and aching, positively needing Samar to come back. She'd been in the bathroom for way too long – and just as Liz had that thought, she heard Samar passing behind her and slipping out onto the balcony, seemingly unnoticed by Red and Sara.
She forced herself to wait one minute, then two, then three, and then she couldn't wait anymore. So she uncurled her legs from underneath her and stood, murmuring to Red, "I'll be right back," noting his answering nod, and then moving her feet one in front of the other again and again over to the wall of windows, pulling the curtain across to give them some privacy, until she, too, was outside on the balcony, sliding the door closed behind her. She turned around slowly, leaving one hand on the handle, hesitant.
Samar was looking out into the night, her forearms resting on the railing. Her hair was in a ponytail, but strands of curls had loosened during their game and were now blowing in the cool breeze.
Liz waited, unsure. But Samar didn't move. She didn't turn toward her. She didn't speak.
So Liz stepped forward, wrapping a hand around the railing. She cautiously looked in Samar's direction, but Samar had turned her head away slightly, in the opposite direction, avoiding her gaze.
Liz swallowed down her nerves. "Samar?"
"Can you, um- can you just give me a minute?"
Her voice was shaking, uncertain, breathy and broken. Liz's heart lurched in her chest. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to give Samar the space she'd asked for, but she couldn't bring herself to leave. So instead she simply stood there, next to her, gripping both hands around the railing, not moving, not speaking. Ragged, harsh puffs of breath and occasional sniffles were the only sounds breaking the silence surrounding them.
Finally, Liz couldn't take it anymore. She clenched her fingers more tightly around the metal, and took a stabilizing breath. "Samar, what's going on?" she whispered.
"Nothing," Samar replied quickly. "I'm fine."
Liz nearly rolled her eyes at her stubbornness. "You're not fine. Please talk to me?" she suggested tentatively, waiting patiently until Samar finally turned toward her, allowing her to see the tears on her cheeks, the vulnerability in her eyes.
Liz's brow creased and she placed her hand gently on Samar's shoulder, squeezing softly, which only made Samar's face twist and crumple, fresh tears slipping down her cheeks.
Liz instinctively brought her other hand to rest on Samar's forearm. "What's wrong, Samar?" she murmured.
Samar swallowed down her sobs, trying to get herself under control and wiping the tears from her cheeks before looking back out over the city. She stared into the distance, at the buildings across the Potomac, as if distancing herself from the balcony would make it easier to admit the things she didn't want to admit.
"Being here… with you and Sara-" She closed her eyes, the breeze drying the tear tracks on her cheeks. "It makes me feel like I'm part of a family."
Liz felt sure her heart was beating loud enough to hear in the silence stretching between them as she waited for Samar to continue.
Samar took a deep breath, unable to bring herself to look at anything other than the darkness behind her eyelids. She considered herself a fairly brave person, but it took ages for her to gather enough courage to get to the heart of the matter: "It hurts knowing I'll never be a real part of your family." She swallowed, squeezing her eyes even more tightly shut, and then she whispered, "I wish I could be."
Liz's entire body felt weak, shaky, unsteady. Dizzy, buzzing, she gripped Samar's arm harder and whispered the first words that came to her mind, the most obvious words in the world, the ones she'd been dying to say for a week, because she simply couldn't stop herself anymore: "I'm falling in love with you, Samar."
That certainly got her attention. Samar's head snapped toward Liz, her eyes wide, frantic, scared. Her lips parted and she opened and closed her mouth again and again, studying Liz's face, before finally whispering in disbelief, "What?"
The reaction simultaneously filled Liz with hope and trepidation, her chest inflating with anxiety. Oh god, what if that's not what she meant, what if, what if, what if… But she forced herself to keep her eyes trained on Samar's, forced herself to continue. There was no going back now.
"I, um… I'm falling in love with you," Liz repeated, her voice wavering despite her best efforts to keep it steady. She paused, nervously averting her eyes for a moment, and then took a deep, calming breath before looking at Samar again. When she continued, her voice was stronger, steadier, in spite of her fear. "I'm probably already in love with you. I mean, the way you make me feel is like-" A joyous laugh bubbled from her throat. "I love you, Samar. I miss you when you're not here, and you make me feel safe, you feel like home, and-"
And then Liz couldn't speak because Samar's lips were on hers, kissing her eagerly, then more gently, then firmly, hungrily, and Samar's hands were cupping her face, her fingers threading back into her hair, and Liz felt herself spiral away into oblivion, parting her lips and whimpering into Samar's mouth, wrapping her arms around her waist, pulling her closer and closer until she was as close as she could possibly get and it still wasn't enough.
Nothing existed outside of this moment: the feel of Samar's lips on her own, Samar's hands in her hair, Samar's tongue slipping into her mouth, Samar's heavy breaths between kisses, Samar's desperately murmured, "I love you, too, Liz, I've been in love with you for so long."
Eventually, when she was nearly seeing spots, Liz pulled back enough to catch her breath, closing her eyes and pressing her forehead against Samar's, reaching up to stroke her curls. "You love me?" she asked, laughing breathlessly at the absurdity of it all. She felt Samar nod against her. "I had no idea. I never thought-" A relieved tear slid from her eye and she took a shaky breath. "This is why I've been so miserable lately, crying myself to sleep- I didn't know you felt the same way," she admitted quietly.
Liz felt Samar's overwhelmed huff of laughter against her lips. "Me too. I assumed my feelings would always be one-sided, and it was killing me," Samar murmured. "Never in a million years did I think you would love me. To be honest, I thought you were straight." Another breathy laugh fell from her lips.
"I thought so too," Liz whispered, grinning, "but I guess it doesn't matter when you find the right person." She kissed Samar softly, holding her close, nuzzling their noses together. She heard and felt Samar's breath catch, and the sniffled inhale through her nose. "Please don't cry anymore," Liz breathed against her lips, kissing the corner of her mouth, her jaw, the spot just below her ear.
Samar's arms slipped around her, clutching at her desperately. "I can't believe this is happening," she whispered into Liz's hair as she felt warm lips slowly wandering down her neck.
"I know," Liz mumbled against her skin, "me neither." When she finally pulled back, tears were still sliding down Samar's cheeks, so she kissed away each one, then tangled her fingers in Samar's curls, a smile brightening her face. "Just in case this wasn't already clear, you are a real part of this family, Samar," Liz told her decisively, her thumb brushing back and forth across Samar's temple. "You are my family – you and Sara and Hudson. We wouldn't be the same without you."
More tears fell from Samar's eyes. She tried to blink them away, a joyful, breathy laugh escaping her, entirely overwhelmed. "I thought you wanted me to stop crying," she mumbled playfully.
Liz giggled, leaning her forehead against Samar's again. "Yeah, but I also kind of want to say 'I love you' about, ohh…eighty-seven more times to make up for all the times I wanted to say it and couldn't."
"I know the feeling," Samar replied, trying to stop crying, trying to stop laughing, and failing at both.
"Will you sleep over tonight?" Liz asked nervously.
"Abso-fucking-lutely," Samar said, as if she were relieved, as if she'd been anxiously waiting for Liz to ask.
Liz dissolved into laughter, practically snorting, before kissing her again and again, smiling against her mouth. "And maybe lots of other nights too?" she whispered, her lips brushing against Samar's as she spoke.
"Obviously," Samar whispered back.
"Okay, good," Liz said, before sighing in resignation. "I suppose we should go back inside."
"The sooner we go back inside, the sooner Reddington leaves and the sooner Sara is asleep," Samar replied, pulling back an inch, a smirk on her face.
Liz bit her lip, grinning. "I like the way you think, Navabi." She reached for Samar's hand and began to tug her toward the door, but Samar stopped her, pulling on her hand until she turned back around.
"Wait. How do you want to do this? Do you want Reddington to know? Or Sara?" Samar asked, suddenly nervous, worried.
"You're really very cute, you know that?" Liz smiled softly, tilting her head as she regarded Samar's expression, and then stepped toward her, grazing her fingers along her cheekbone. "I don't really care if Red knows, and I think Sara will notice at some point. Let's just maybe refrain from making out in front of them. At least for tonight," she smirked.
A beautiful blush spread across Samar's cheeks and she nodded, squeezing Liz's hand and lifting it up to place a kiss on her pale skin. "I'm going to keep holding your hand, if it's okay with you," she said, beaming.
"Please do," Liz replied, before turning around and pulling Samar back inside behind her.
Red glanced up, smiling at them absently as they walked in, and immediately did a double take, his voice tapering off mid-sentence as he lost his place in the story he was reading to Sara. He cleared his throat and quickly regained his infamous composure, a smirk tugging at his features when he spoke: "Hello ladies, nice of you to rejoin us."
Liz simply smiled, not taking the bait, as they walked toward the couch, hand in hand. She sat down, and Samar sat right beside her, leaving no space between them. This was so much better than the previous weekend when she'd so 'bravely' sat near Samar's feet, she thought to herself as she reached over to stroke Sara's hair. The little girl hadn't paid much attention when they'd entered the room, sleepily leaning into Red's chest, and there she remained, her finger hooked into her mouth. "Stuh-wy," she mumbled at him.
He chuckled and kissed her on the top of her head, before resuming where he'd left off: something about a lion befriending a snake. Liz had read this one before; Red was close to the beginning, so they must've just started it. She continued stroking Sara's hair, turning her body slightly to face them.
And then the moment became complete as she felt Samar's arms winding around her stomach, her chin resting on her shoulder. She allowed herself to lean back into Samar, letting the curve of her spine melt into Samar's chest, and in that moment, she knew she was home.
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Later, after Liz had drifted into a light sleep in Samar's arms, after they'd said goodbye to Reddington, each receiving a knowing hug, after Hudson had been taken outside for a brief walk, after they'd given Sara a bath, after they'd read her one more story, this time in her rocking chair, and after they'd left her asleep in her crib, they were alone.
Liz pulled the covers down and collapsed into her bed, sighing contentedly. She smiled up at Samar, reaching for her hand, and when she took it, Liz tugged gently until Samar was sinking into the bed beside her, her loose curls fanning across the pillow as she got comfortable.
Liz rolled onto her side, facing Samar, and ran her hand down to Samar's waist, then around to her back, pulling herself closer, nuzzling her face into Samar's neck, pressing a soft kiss onto her pulse. "This is all I wanted to do last weekend, when you were asleep in my bed. I wanted to hold you, just like this," she mumbled against Samar's skin. She felt Samar's lips in her hair, her hand tracing up and down her spine, and she nearly cried, the beauty of the moment overwhelming her. "I've loved you all along, I think. I was just too stupid and stubborn to realize it," Liz admitted, feeling Samar's arm tighten around her.
"All along, huh?" Samar echoed softly. "Me too," she whispered into Liz's hair.
Liz pulled back enough to be able to look into her eyes, reaching up to trace one finger along the side of her face, tucking a curl behind her ear. "I'm sorry I was so awful to you in the beginning. That was my subconscious' incredibly immature way of avoiding my attraction to you."
"Yeah?" Samar asked, raising an eyebrow mischievously.
Liz grinned, leaning in as if she needed to prove her attraction yet again, kissing Samar greedily, nibbling on her bottom lip, then whispering, "Yeah," before pulling back slightly, still close enough to feel Samar's warm puffs of breath against her face as she recovered from the kiss. Liz continued her explanation just as Samar's eyes fluttered open: "I developed feelings the more we worked together, and I became meaner to avoid dealing with them. So I'm sorry." She smiled apologetically.
Samar shrugged, a small smile gracing her features. "You saved my life, so I forgave you. No hard feelings."
"Good. I'm glad," Liz murmured, relieved, kissing the tip of Samar's nose.
"So when exactly did you realize that your hatred was, in fact, love?" Samar asked with a smirk.
Liz snorted, but decided the question deserved an answer. "After we found Sara. It was impossible to ignore the fact that you had always been there for me. When we moved into this place, I couldn't stop thinking about you. Every single night. It was like a really important piece was missing when you weren't here." Samar smiled at her in that heart-melting, knee-weakening way, and Liz had to bite her lip, glad she was already lying down. "Remember the night I texted you 'cause I couldn't sleep?"
Samar nodded.
"Remember how I disappeared and left you hanging for awhile with no response?"
Samar nodded again.
"That was the exact moment," Liz whispered, brushing her lips lightly against Samar's.
Samar pressed forward, kissing her more soundly, then rolled them over until she was hovering above her. "Do you want to know the moment I knew?" she whispered.
Liz nodded beneath her, running her hands up and down Samar's sides again and again.
"The Dr. Creel case. The warrior gene," Samar told her without hesitation. "That's when I knew I loved you. That it was more than just attraction."
"Samar…" Liz breathed, her voice breaking, her eyes stinging with tears, but Samar only shook her head, leaning down to kiss her softly.
"That's when I knew, Liz. Because I understood, because we're both dysfunctional and damaged. I realized that I wanted to be the one to fill in the empty places in your heart, and that you were the only person I wanted to fill in mine."
A tear slid down Liz's cheek as she whispered, "I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out."
"It doesn't matter," Samar replied, shaking her head. "This is perfect. You're perfect." And then she was slipping her hands beneath Liz's shirt, pushing it up as her fingers slid up her stomach and over her bra, and then her hair was falling across Liz's chest and her lips were tracing patterns on her stomach, and Liz could hear her own breathing quicken, could feel her heartbeat tripping in her chest.
Samar pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes, gripping her shirt between her fingers. "Can I?" she asked hesitantly. Liz nodded, lifting her arms, and the material was pulled off of her body and tossed to the side, forgotten.
Samar cupped Liz's face in her hand, gazing down at her. "You're so beautiful," she murmured, leaning in and kissing her deeply. "And brave." Another kiss, a little shorter this time. "And strong." Another. "And loyal." Another. "And loving." Another. "I love you."
Liz had officially turned into a pile of mush, and she honestly wasn't sure if she was more emotional or turned on. A few tears managed to slip down her cheeks, but by the time Samar's lips had trailed their way along her jaw, down her neck, across her collarbone, and between her breasts, she was fully gone, lost in Samar's warmth and love.
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Later, when Sara woke up crying in the middle of the night, it didn't take as long as usual to calm her and get her back to sleep, and Liz and Samar slipped back into bed, tear-free, falling asleep in each other's arms, so happy, everything finally falling into place.
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Later, after a few months of dating and many, many sleepovers, Liz asked Samar if she would officially move in, and Samar cried, so happy, everything finally falling into place.
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Later, months and months after Samar had moved in, Sara's night panics finally stopped, and she finally, finally, called Liz her "mama," not "Mama Wiz," and she and Samar both cried, so happy, everything finally falling into place.
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Later, much later, Samar asked Liz to marry her, and when Liz said yes, throwing her arms around her neck, Samar holding her so tightly, they both cried again, so happy, everything finally falling into place.
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Later, a year later to be exact, Reddington walked them both down the aisle, one on each side, and they stood in front of all of their friends and said "I do," and as soon as they shared their first kiss as wife and wife, Sara ran up from her place beside Aram in the front row, and a beaming Samar picked her up, and Liz wrapped her arms around both of them, and they were so happy.
Everything had finally fallen into place.