He slams me roughly against the wall and his hot lips attack my own savagely. He has me pinned in a kiss that takes all of my will to push away.

When I finally shove him off and wipe the summer dew off of my pink tingling lips, we are both panting for air, and I give him a disgusted dirty look, willing myself not to rush up and kiss him again. Truth be told, his lips feel far too perfect on my own. Truth be told, I still know that I love him.

"Don't look at me that way, Mac," he says once he's gotten enough air to respond to my glare.

I take a step away from him and my back hits the wall. "You have no right-" I say with a shaky voice.

"I have every right!" he says, taking a step closer and I slip away to the other end of the room quickly, putting distance between us. "I know that you love me. I can see it in your eyes, Makayla!"

"I am getting married, Puck!" I shout at him, forcing him to listen, holding up my left hand, letting my ring glitter in the candle- light.

He quickly steps towards me again and I dart across the room, wanting so badly to just hate him as he spits the truth at me. "To a fey you don't even love!" he says, following me, until he has me trapped in a corner, no escape, no more running. "To a Prince that doesn't even love you!" I think that he is going to stop, but he doesn't. "What happens in a year or two when the rest of the Court realizes that you're both not meant to be together? What happens in five when you have to give the Court a child, Mac? What happens when Mab decides to exile you both for dishonor in her own family? What happens when the fey all find out that the only reason Sage is marrying you is because he pities that his brother turned you into a monster?"

I glare into his bright, hopeful, frustrated eyes, clinging to my cold winter magic to muster up the spite to say my words. "How dare you," I snap at him in a low, angry voice. I can feel myself struggling to fight back tears. "At least Sage has had the decency to protect me these past few months, which is more than I can say for you."

"What?" he breathes, sounding frustrated still desperate.

I explode. "You were my best friend, Puck! You were my best friend and you didn't even try to save me! I can still see you in my head when they took me away. You didn't even look at me. You didn't even try to fight for me!" I am so close to tears. "You just gave me to Rowan," I croak. "You let them turn me into this. I loved you, and you just gave me up." My voice shrinks from yelling to quietly sobbing, until my eyes are overflowing, my lungs are gasping for breath, and my body is shivering in anger and sorrow.

I see his hope flee, rage taking its place on Puck's handsome features. "Is that really what you think?" he says coldly, angrily, despite my cold tears that rush down my face.

I don't let him offer an explanation and I don't answer his question, I push past him hard, running from the hallway, down a labyrinth of dreadfully familiar tunnels. I don't even hear Puck follow me. I just run fast and faster, ungracefully tripping over my dress, getting more and more lost, until I fling open a door and find myself in the night air, or what I find to be the summer, night air.

A pink and white garden shines in the moonlight and I am sobbing uncontrollably. I hear my name called from a distance, but I don't look back into the hallway, I dash further and further into the garden, ripping my shimmering gown on untamed branches, undoing my tightly pinned back hair with every feather light step and teardrop that falls.

And when I finally break free of the pink and white branches, I collapse to the ground, gasping and sobbing, my tears staining the tickling grass. I am thudding my fist against the ground, yelling slurs of anger and agony, crying until my throat is sore and my eyes are raw.

And when I look up, I see that damned flower from a distant dream, glittering in the moonlight. The bloody red rose thriving and flourishing, the once bud of a tiny ice flower now just as beautiful and big as the rose. They are both growing together, intertwining, thriving, but I can't help but feel even more hurt and rage. I want to tear the flowers from the ground, I want to step on it and snatch the magic away from the dying thing, pull each petal apart painfully and feel the pain rip through me.

I can't. When I see it shimmering in the moonlight, I sob harder, I haven't cried like this since my mother died all those years ago. And I feel just as alone in this same faerie world.

Except, I hear footsteps, and I can't even compose myself enough to look up. Somehow I just know it's him, I can feel his cool presence calming me as he glances at the flower, and sits down close to me, letting me crawl into his lap and sob into his elegant formal-wear.

Sage strokes my hair and hushes me into sniffles and silent tears. I am clinging to his white vest, my perfectly manicured nails clinging to the fabric, not wanting him to leave. I can't even look my friend, my brother, my fiancé in his emerald eyes. I can't admit who I'm sobbing for.

He knows though. I know that he knows. I talk into his chest as he rubs my arms and smoothes back my messy black curls. "I still love him," I gasp into his chest, and Sage just holds me tighter, letting me get my emotion out.

"Quiet, now," he says, holding me, comforting me, protecting me as always.

I have to look up at him. And when I do, I find his kind eyes and his all-knowing smile and I'm at peace. I don't know if he's upset with me. I don't know why he is smiling. All I do know is in that moment, I love Sage. I don't love him like I love Puck: I don't love him like a horrible heartbreak. I love him like a best friend: I love him like my only family. And I regret and question our decision to be married. In my heart, I know that he will never find true happiness because of me. I know that I will never be good enough for him. I know that Puck is right, however selfish his words were. I know that I can't take advantage of Sage's kind heart.

But I can't tell him.

When? I ask myself.

I can't. Not today. Not here. Not now.