Tu Me Manques
Summary: Dr. Archibald Hopper spends Tuesday afternoons helping a young kindergarten teacher coping with her own eventual death. As a friendship develops, Archie finds himself more and more conflicted with how to cope with what is to come. Who counsels a psychiatrist? Archie (Jiminy)/OC
Disclaimer: I Ain't Got Nobody is by Roger Graham and Spencer Williams, though if you're going to look it up, try the Just a Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody recording by Louis Prima.
Chapter 10: Unwanted Attention
The drive had been in, for the most part, silence. Other than Cherise gently adjusting the radio to the big band station. The volume was raised only slightly, but Archie could still feel a slight vibration of the vocals beneath his feet when the singer started to croon. When the song filled the car, Cherise sang along in her soft, soprano voice while snapping along and clicking her feet to the music.
"Oooh, 'cause I ain't got nobody!
Nobody nobody cares for me!
Oooh I'm so sad and lonely!
Sad and lonely! Sad and lonely!"
The pudding container soon became Cherise's bongo set as she let the music lead her away from what pain she was already feeling tonight. As the car rolled up to a red light, an impish smile flashed towards Archie.
"Sing with me, you know the words! C'mon, doc! I'll back you up, come on!"
He wasn't sure what was pushing her for an impromptu duet or if she had lost her senses at the moment. Archie knew that refusing would mean he was the one who truly lost his senses and in light of the offer, parted his lips to sing along with Cherise.
"Won't some sweet baby come-
and take a chance on me?
'Cause I ain't so bad...!"
Their voices mingled together in a beautiful harmony. Archie wanted to call it perfect, but he wanted to admit he was distracted by driving. He loved his most difficult patient's singing as it was, but that enchanting sound of his own voice joining her's? It sounded as if the voices were made for each other. Was he dreaming? It was probably that need to save the world again. It was clouding his ability to be reasonable. It was hard to hide the twinkle in his eyes and the brilliant smile he cast upon Cherise.
"Almost there."
"You never told me you were a good singer... I knew you played some stuff. Saw sheet music in your office for a clarinet, but you've got a lovely voice. Has anyone ever told you that you sing well?"
Archie coughed uncomfortably and noticed the light had changed, giving him no time to answer. When greeted by silence, Cherise brought a tiny hand to her forehead and smirked. "Ooh. Self-conscious. I see. Well. Secret's safe. I'll just sucker you into the choir. I'll tell Mother Superior you're secretly really good at singing and we'll have you singing The First Noel as the soloist for the Christmas pageant for the kids this year."
It was a sweet sort of blackmailing and Archie wasn't completely sure that Cherise was being truthful with her threat. If she was, he had to admit it was something he would look forward to. He could see it now... The garland wrapping around the pews in the church. There would be a large Christmas tree with gifts just waiting for the children after their pageant. He could already smell the wonderful scent of candy canes and hay that would be lining the pretend manger. There were blinking lights...
Lights?
"Red light! Red light! Red means stop! Red means stop!" Never had Cherise made more of an unholy noise before! Just in time and with utmost care and all of the calm he had, Archie abruptly and somewhat gracefully stopped the car perfectly for the traffic light, sending Cherise to dig her nails into the seat in a nervous fury.
Archie never let such thoughts take hold of him before. Full blown fantasies and longing had him by the tie and were dragging him from reality. He had to get a hold of himself or Cherise was going to leave stains on his seats. He looked over with a little smile and smacked his tongue against his teeth while trying to act as if nothing had happened.
"You okay, Cherise?"
"Yeah I just pissed myself, doc. That's all. No problem, just peed my skirt here. I'm Puddles the Crime Solving girl here," she snorted. "You wanna get us to this party alive?!" There was that familiar, scathing tone he remembered. It nearly brought a smile to Archie's face with how her voice grew a little more higher pitched when she yelled.
"Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't scare you too much, did I?"
"I'll just get you back later. Just sleep with one eye open, ginger punk."
It was so hard to take her seriously when she was smiling. Especially after their duet, how could he see Cherise for anything more than his complicated patient? She was trying to live her life in the way she saw best, even if it meant making empty threats, sing-a-longs in the car, or terrorizing the people around her in various ways. If it meant pushing people away, that's what she'd do. He would just have to fight to get closer and hang on, for the sake of her mental well-being. She seemed to be in high spirits, despite the poor start to the night and this one incident. She had her sarcasm and her biting sense of humor that not many understood. That was okay. Even if it caused Archie to mentally take cover, at least he knew she wasn't angry or ill.
The rest of the ride was unsettling. Her silence was now too worrisome for him. From the corner of his eye, Archie could tell that Cherise seemed out of sorts. She would take a breath and start to speak, then exhale without a single word spoken. Eventually the tiny woman gazed out the window for the duration of the drive. He started to wonder if he had truly offended her and that sarcasm had only veiled her irritability. With her reflection present in the glass, Archie could see just how tired Cherise was. He knew tonight wasn't the best night for her, but she wasn't about to cancel. Something about these plans made her a little more driven than usual. She wanted to go. She wanted to be part of this party.
As her therapist, he had questions. Why get wrapped up in people now, if her philosophy was to not let anyone get attached? What was so special about tonight?
The heart of Storybrooke was always so oddly peaceful. For the center of town and where all of the businesses operated, there seemed to always be a magical parking place for anywhere you needed to go. Just in front of the Dark Star Pharmacy was such a space, and Archie wasted no time in parking between a white miata and what looked like the most beaten and battered pick-up truck known to mankind. Whatever color the truck had once been, it was now the most charming rust. Having his compact and practical car between a sporty car and the bucket of bolts seemed as if he was tempting fate, almost asking for someone to target his only mode of transportation and pop the tires or just crash into the side. Archie mentally spoke a quiet prayer to anyone who would hear that they should target the miata instead and spare him and the person who was obviously too much in love with their truck to be parted from it. It wasn't that Archie was materialistic, he just had no want to repair or replace his car. It needed an update and hadn't been touched since the 80s, but he was loathe to make a change when his car suited his needs.
He wasn't about to wait for Cherise to trouble herself with opening the door. She had too much to grab and Archie had it in his mind to shoulder the burden equally instead of forcing her to carry everything on her own. What kind of person would he be to offer Cherise a ride and not carry some food inside for her? It would hurt his conscience. He could already hear that tiny voice whispering to himself, warning that Cherise needed him tonight.
Life slowed for a moment as he dwelled on that thought. He could feel his nose wrinkle in disgust with himself. Cherise honestly didn't need him. She was an independent person. She was strong-willed and she had her life under control. Archie felt she had things under control. It was as good as it got when one was staring death in the face as often as she was. She had opinions and they were strong ones. He was learning to accept them. What was touching was that he was starting to be allowed inside her world. She didn't need him, but she still let him in. After all of the fighting and how much she hated being social, she had let him in. Now she had talked him into a party.
Maybe somehow, they needed each other. Archie needed Cherise in that he had started to grow very fond and protective of her. He never felt such a way towards a patient. She was so strong but she was vulnerable. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to make sure every wish she had was heard and fulfilled. She deserved so much more, but anything in his power that he could grant her, he would do. It was different than caring for Pongo. Having someone asking him for a ride or to help her with carrying things felt more fulfilling. It made Archie feel whole.
Cherise really only needed someone to help with more material things now and then. In an emotional way, she was adjusted just fine. She might not have made peace just yet with her illness, but she was coping. She wasn't shutting people out anymore. Though it wasn't really proper, she was starting to make friends. She could admit when she needed some help.
Cherise's acceptance of him as a friend made Archie feel like he mattered.
Time began again and Archie reached for the car door. Immediately and quickly, he reached for a container and sat it on the roof of his car. If it fell, so be it. There was more precious cargo within. His arms reached for the petite woman and offered himself as support. He didn't expect for Cherise to lean on him but yet, she did. For once, she was using the help that was offered to her. Leaning her weakened body against him, she stumbled up and onto the curb. Quickly, she pulled her shoulder from Archie's chest and inhaled the warm night air. It renewed her and brought her to her senses, if only to keep her standing steady for a little while longer. The dizziness seemed to have subsided, which caused a relieved feeling to blanket the psychiatrist. He didn't bother with hiding the expression on his face. The drive over had made Cherise feel a little better. In return, he felt better.
Taking both containers and closing the car door with his backside, Archie followed his party companion around the back of the building. Cherise had paused at a broken screen door and had peered over her shoulder to see if he was behind. Her eyes had a strange sort of disbelief. It was dreamlike enough that doctor and patient were attending a party together. The ever-grumpy Cherise Maia stepping out with the cheerful Archie Hopper, friendly to all who would speak to him? People would have been bound to lose money if a betting pool had gone around town for the most unlikely pair to be present at a social function. That was fantasy enough. Yet her eyes seemed to be scanning Archie, worried he was going to run away at any minute. Seeing his presence at her side caused Cherise to exhale with a relieved breath, then reach for the unbound door. As it creaked open, Archie was able to see another set of stairs.
Already there had been enough stairs for his liking today. Now there was another? At least there were working lights that illuminated the way up and these stairs looked more tended to. Turning his attention to Cherise, he was soon aware of a slight bit of apprehension and a hum that could have indicated second thoughts.
Without a word, Archie offered his arm. Without noise, Cherise took the arm and rested her weight against him. It wouldn't make for an easy walk up to have someone hovering near him, but Cherise needed him. She was still his patient.
She was still his friend.
To reassure her, Archie smiled. "Stairs, huh?"
"I'm never making the ungrateful jerk two desserts again. He can get instant banana pudding next time," The angry, tiny teacher grumbled in her retaliation to the many obstacles that had been thwarting her attempts at socializing for the day. Stairs were now her mortal enemy. Archie knew laughing was inappropriate and trying to comfort her before the climb wasn't going to make things better. Instead he'd just be someone to lean on.
Each step they made together was an accomplishment. It was rising against the tide and pushing against time. It was fighting against what seemed to be the inevitable. When a force crashed down, Archie and Cherise pushed back.
"Thanks." Cherise murmured.
Salvation was the landing in front of the door that provided the two a moment to rest. Archie gave the door a harsh knock, then reached over to handle the burden of taking one of the desserts. It really was too much for Cherise to do and now that he thought about it, could she even eat what she had prepared? From what Archie recalled, his irritable little patient was on a special diet.
Why bother going through all of that effort if she couldn't even taste the food?
Archie gave the banana pudding a concerning look, then turned to Cherise. Would she even have something to eat at the party?
Was she doing this for him?
Archie was about to open his mouth to speak when the door flew open. Behind the door stood Storybrooke's favorite drunk and disorderly janitor. Leroy mumbled something that was probably offensive while standing in a tan overcoat, a white collared shirt, and a gray tie that was pulled too low. He chewed on a cigar while watching the two.
"Oh god," he groaned while eyeballing Cherise. "Somebody let midget tits out of her cage. Hi Archie, how are you?"
"You idiot. Who are you supposed to be?" Cherise snapped while taking a few steps inside the apartment. Slowly, her shoulder left Archie's chest and it left the oddest feeling against him to be suddenly Cherise-less. He had grown used to, and admittedly didn't mind supporting her while waiting for the door to open.
Within the recesses of Archie's mind, the cogs were turning and he realized he was journeying to somewhere dangerous. If he was feeling pity, that wasn't good. If there was attraction, that worse. Yet having her away for just a moment, just a second... He wanted to take five steps closer and ask if she needed his help again. Waving the thoughts away as fast as he could, Archie focused himself on the exchange before him.
Leroy's cigar drooped while staring at Cherise and he plucked it from his mouth with his thick fingers, then clumsily removed it and rolled it back and forth. "You have no class, you know that? You don't know a great detective when you're looking at one?"
Cherise quietly pointed to Archie, plucked the desserts away, then dragged herself off to the kitchen while yelling over the party.
"Clark! CLARK! THE ONE-EYED CREEP TRIED TO TOUCH ME! You said books only! YOU SAID BOOKS ONLY! I'm gonna smash every sinus on your head!"
Archie wasn't sure what to say at this point. He simply stared at Leroy with a nervous smile and a chuckle.
"C-Columbo, right?"
"Yeah. I watched five episodes today. Clark said I had to or I wasn't coming. I was just gonna come in my janitor suit and say I was Undercover Asshole."
Leroy quickly departed in the opposite direction of where Cherise had yelled from. The cigar had popped back into his mouth and he had gone off into a corner, perhaps in search of refreshments or to brood. Even Archie had a difficult time trying to understand Leroy. He was the town drunk, but even he had some strange moments. His misanthropy could rival his tiny patient's and, if it were up to Archie, he'd declare it even worse. Though it would have delighted him to try to understand him better, Leroy wasn't his patient right now. He wouldn't nix the idea in the future of course. Eventually, all of Storybrooke would have sat on his couch for a visit to Dr. Hopper at some point. There was just so much misery in town. Even Archie could feel it. Yet at this small gathering, there were some warm souls. Within unhappiness and a chronically gray town, there was chuckles and the sound of strained happiness. It was better than nothing.
Archie absolved himself from the waiting spot near the door and moved towards the kitchen. He had thought Cherise had traveled through the doorway. There was a strange little cut away in the wall that looked out into the large living space that doubled as a dining and living area. It made for a nice counter and a way to interact with guests, but it seemed dated. Then again, Storybrooke seemed dated. No wonder Marco was always so busy fixing things. Everything in town was just about to come off their hinges while knobs broke off in your hands.
"Hey, uh, need any help?" Archie cleared his throat while speaking and peeking around the kitchen. Bright, very pear-yellow, and hardly used, Archie could tell that there was certainly a bachelor living there. Even his kitchen was more used than this.
He was greeted by a much smaller man with a beard and a deerstalker cap. With a wave of his hand, he shook his head. "Fancy seeing you here, Hopper. I didn't think Cherry pie was telling us the truth when she was plus one tonight."
"What'd you think plus one meant? I was pregnant?" Cherise had been in the corner, close to the sink while the costumed pharmacist was setting out her desserts.
Tom Clark quirked a brow and looked over his shoulder just as he set down the banana pudding. "That'd require someone to want to touch you, Cherise. You'd give us all cooties."
"One more thing; and no one wants to put a turkey baster to you, either!" Somehow, the discussion had also summoned Leroy, who had popped his head through the opening to eyeball Cherise while holding his cigar out towards her.
With a calm smile that only would grace the most twisted of serial killers, Cherise reached over to the sink and pulled out the small spray hose. Holding the little tab back, she aimed towards Leroy's face and Clark's back. "Down boys. Down." The attack didn't last long, just enough to provide a small shower to express her displeasure with the jokes in her direction. Leroy howled and made his retreat while Clark dove for cover in front of Archie.
"This is why we don't diss Nancy Drew after she's made you dessert so graciously."
"Sorry! Sorry!"
With a jerk of her wrist, Cherise returned the sprayer to the sink and wobbled out of the kitchen. She patted Archie's shoulder, looked up, and smiled. "Socialize, would you? You don't have to hover around me, doc. Hang out with Sherlock here or go play Clue. Eat. Have some fun. We finally got you out of that office."
She was gone again, having disappeared to another corner of the apartment. It left Archie to worry, even if her words were true enough. It was a party and he should have been enjoying himself. It wouldn't have been right to be at her heels. Then again, he could never shake it from his mind that she was having a bad night, even if she was doing her best to put on an act for everyone that she was still sour Cherise.
"She doesn't look good," Clark brushed water droplets from his jacket and adjusted the cap upon his head with a grim frown towards Cherise's fleeting form. "I've been filling her prescriptions for a while and today is a bad day."
So it was noticeable? It was a sort of act that would just backfire? People really knew. With his brows knitted in worry, Archie reached for a plastic cup and headed towards the sink for some water. Soda didn't seem appealing tonight and with him driving and being totally responsible for someone who could suddenly get so sick, he just didn't feel like trying to enjoy alcohol. Pouring himself some water and taking a sip, he let his eyes slowly rest on the lightly drenched pharmacist. Their eyes met at that moment, with Tom's own gaze taking on a strange and protective fierceness to them.
"You're gonna watch over her tonight, right?"
Swallowing the gulp of water in his mouth, Archie nodded meekly. "I'm worried." There was no question in his mind than to keep an eye on her health or to run to Cherise if she needed help. There were so many questions that kept sprouting in his head. What if she didn't want his help? What if this was a sign of the end that he knew was slowly coming? Cherise needed that acceptance. She was angry, even though she had those wonderful shining moments where there was a happy moment, she was sick and rightly so, angry. What if she was going to push him away like she often did to others? If he couldn't do anything more than help her up and down stairs, what good was he as a psychiatrist? Could he be the friend he waned to be?
Archie set down his cup, then left the kitchen and Clark behind. His mind was too muddled to enjoy himself at this point. He wanted to talk to Cherise, but she had vanished somewhere. Somehow, he found himself somewhat grateful that Pongo never wandered off and spent his time howling in the backyard until neighbors and people passing by would sneak him nilla wafers. Even if it was starting to make him fat, at least it kept him close to Archie. People were not Pongo and were much more unpredictable than his sometimes high-strung dalmatian.
With Cherise nowhere in sight, Archie meandered towards the couch and sat by himself, staring down an unoccupied game of Clue. A blue marker had been left in the kitchen, a green was in the billiard room, while the purple was in the library. There didn't seem to be anyone making headway on the game. Archie leaned in and looked at the board, studying it, and wondered just what caused the players to leave. Maybe the players were off to the bathroom or running to sample the goodies Cherise had brought. There she was again, stuck on his mind. With a slight bit of frustration, he leaned back into the sofa and folded his hands onto his knees. It was dawning on him just how silly he looked. Everyone was dressed up as some fictional crime solver or detective and here he was in some old, dusty suit he should have thrown out a long time ago. He was just waiting and watching while hoping that his patient was going to enjoy herself and not be at the mercy of her ailment.
This must have been what it was like for her. Waiting. Agonizing wait. Will it happen or when will it happen? He sighed and scanned the room again. As he did, he could feel the weight of the couch change. On the other end of the couch sat the familiar form of Sheriff Graham. He had come in his work vest and tie. With a kind smile, he waved at Archie and held up a small plate of appetizers. "You'd be surprised, but I think Tom has some nice parties!"
Archie forced a smile and nodded. "Yeah, it's pretty great. Uh. Do you mind if I ask who-"
Almost prepared for the question, Graham pulled a pair of thick rimmed glasses from his vest pocket and slipped them onto his face. He shoved a stuffed mushroom into his mouth, then held out his now empty hands. "Guess!" he exclaimed with a full mouth.
"Oh! One half of the Hardy Boys!" Archie seemed a little pleased with himself.
"Yeah! The first to get it! Ah, man, I'm so glad! I thought this was gonna be stupid!" The sheriff looked so pleased with himself as he scratched his beard and bopped his head happily. "And you're Poirot, right? Classic."
"I had no idea you were a mystery enthusiast, sheriff." Archie scooted to the edge of his seat and leaned closer to hear Graham. "And to be honest, this is the first time we're really talking, outside of basic greetings on the street or meeting in the diner."
Graham smirked and shrugged. "Yeah, no one really does. I read. I mean, between cases of broken signs and drunk and disorderly conduct at the Rabbit Hole, I have a lot of time. I volunteer at the animal shelter or I read. Or I find hobbies." Suddenly, it seemed more like a session than just talking to a person. Graham's legs started to shake and his fingers tapped on the side of the couch. "I, uh, excuse me, Dr. Hopper? I gotta get something to drink."
Deep down, Archie knew he wouldn't be returning. There was something off about the sheriff and he wasn't sure what it was. He'd probably never figure it out now.
He was alone again. That familiar, bottomless feeling of being alone and looking for someone, anyone to be close. Archie wanted so badly for someone to talk to him. He wanted, most of all, to just know if Cherise was okay.
"Hey. You eat yet?"
He perked up to see Cherise standing over him with a platter of finger foods and the banana pudding she had been so protective of. She waved the plate in front of Archie with a tired smile. Archie reached for the plate with a smile and began to nibble at the morsels. He was hungry, of course, but he was still more concerned on the young woman standing in front of him. Not much time had passed and she seemed just like an entire year had been sucked out of her. Yet the smile was still there and she was still offering food.
Cherise was fighting to try to offer him a good time, despite her own pain. In that moment, much made sense to him. He poked at the banana pudding and shoved a spoonful into his mouth. "It's really great!" Archie spoke on reaction, finding the pudding to be a little too sweet for his liking. It was edible and to the right dessert lover, heaven, but in this case, he probably would finish it only to be polite.
"It sucks. If I could taste it, it'd be better. Don't humor me." Cherise laughed cruelly and flopped onto the sofa with her feet kicking into the air.
Painfully, her psychiatrist swallowed down the pudding and licked the banana-y bits from his lips. "Then why on earth subject me to it?"
"Because you might think I'm soft." From her side, she produced a hidden plate and a brownie with a gummy worm sticking out of the top. "I didn't want your brownie getting damp, doc."
It was a sensible motion. He didn't want any of the pudding to ruin the taste of the brownie. Taking a bite while the worm wriggled off to the side, he kept his eyes focused on Cherise. She seemed to grow weaker by the moment. Her breathing seemed to be strained. The pain she was experiencing from earlier was getting worse. Cherise wasn't someone who would come right out and say what her troubles were, though. Archie knew this game.
Hunching forward and setting his empty plate on the overcrowded table, Archie watched Cherise and counted to himself. Once he had reached the number five, he broke the silence between them.
"So did you get anything to eat? Can you even eat anything here? I've been wondering that." It was a real question and it was also an attempt at trying to lower her guard. It was mental chess all over again and Archie was prepared to sacrifice a few pieces before making a few more calculated moves. Cherise seemed to be waiting, almost inviting him in.
"Nah, I've evolved past the need to eat. Or maybe I'm a dinosaur, secretly trying to pick out one of the weak ones to devour. Think of that? Yeah."
So it was going to be sarcasm. Archie had at most, five questions left before she exploded and broke something, dumped water into his hair, or something worse happened. There had never been the variable of illness before. He had seen her poorly off, but not so sick that moving around was difficult. He wasn't sure where that would lead. He was concerned and yet, he couldn't help but smile at the idea of a gigantic Cherise trying to crush Storybrooke with her heeled mary-janes. Trying to stifle a chuckle, Cherise picked up on his amusement and took advantage of the moment.
"And this is where you call me a "jumbo shrimp", doc. With bitey things."
"Teeth, Cherise."
"You fricking doctors, gotta be scientifical." She waved her hand and scooted away from him. Using the arm of the couch, Cherise propped herself up with her arms while resting her chin in her palms. Her legs dangled off the ground and it was not only comical, but awkward to watch her try to adjust herself. The world was not made for her and she knew that. If only the world could understand that. She was tiny. Archie mused to himself that Henry was most certainly taller than the kindergarten teacher. He'd grow soon. All children grew.
Suddenly realizing the distance, Archie cleared his throat and asked another question. "Hey, uh... Are you enjoying yourself? There's music. There's entertainment. Are you having fun?"
"Are you?" Cherise quickly shot back while peering back at Archie. Her voice was different now. It wasn't so much taunting or sarcastic. It was that sincere Cherise he had begun to cherish and enjoyed seeing when he got that rare moment. She was truly worried about him.
"I asked you first," He answered politely.
"I dragged your sorry ass out here. Might as well tell me if it was a good or bad idea, Archie. Did I make a bad choice? Cause...I'm sorry." Cherise wriggled in her seat, then stared at the floor. "Dumb idea. So dumb. Stupid. Gimme a word for stupid, would you?"
Archie chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment, then slid himself closer to Cherise while drawing in a breath. "No, no. I'm getting to talk to people I don't often talk to. I'm actually worried about you."
Though she had already been helped down and up a set of stairs by the same man speaking to her and already saw him for weekly appointments, she still stared at Archie as if he had three heads and was starting to grow a forth. There was something strange about the concern in his eyes. It was weak and it was sad. It ached nearly as bad as her body did and she could tell in her reflection of his eyes just in that moment. Cherise breathed quietly and had her gaze fall for a moment as she mumbled a soft and near incomprehensible "thanks for noticing me." Her thin fingers played with her bangs for a moment, flipping them away from her forehead as she struggled against the pain with each breath. Archie's worry grew with the silence. The long-suffering and currently miserable woman wouldn't offer any clues to his next actions, so he'd simply have to try again.
"Do you want me to take you home, Cherise?"
There was some relief on her part. Rather than break down, Archie saved her humiliation in front of a number of people from all over Storybrooke. Cherise offered her bright little smile through her tired, broken eyes, and started to move from her seat. "Y-yeah. Yeah, I do, Archie. Please. I've had enough."
Rising before Cherise, Archie held out his hands to help pull her to her feet. As her hands touched his, there was that familiar icy feeling he had grown accustomed to when she visited his office. That strange, sick-cold feeling. Normally he'd finish his handshake and pull away, but he was growing close to his patient. His hands closed around her smaller hands and he tried to rub them between his. There was a slight bit of warmth retained, but it didn't seem to be enough. He held her hands to his mouth and breathed on them gently, hoping the warm breath would do something, anything, then began to rub them together again. For his care, his tiny case brightened.
"Thanks," She whispered. Cherise looked contented and even a bit relieved to have someone trying to care for her. She had her pride and yet here was help and kindness. The warmth brought some relief to Cherise. With the wiggling of her fingers, there was some life within her that Archie had renewed.
It wasn't polite to leave a party without saying goodbye, but considering the circumstances, Archie was certain that Tom wasn't going to mind the Nancy Drew and Hercule Poirot sneaking away while everyone was enjoying themselves. It didn't seem right to interrupt everyone and Cherise seemed determined on not making a scene. It was difficult already with her size being a considerable draw of attention, but whatever Archie could do to make things easier, he would do.
Shutting the door behind them both, Archie stared down the stairs. He wasn't willing to subject Cherise to another long and painful walk, but there wasn't any elevator he could stick her in and meet her at the bottom. Peering beside him, he drew an uneasy breath. "If it's not too forward, Cherise...would you be upset if I carried you down?"
Cherise didn't react. Her face was stone, other than the pain that occasionally fell over her. She just breathed and stood very still, as if she hadn't heard Archie offer a single thing to her. She kept her dark, piercing gaze on the stairs like she was wishing them away, yet still offered no other view into her mind.
"Cherise? Cherise?" Archie repeated himself and reached for her cold hands, giving them a friendly squeeze.
"Mmmn. Mnn, I trust you."
She didn't indicate her feelings or complain. Cherise simply placed her trust in Archie. With a few weak words, she had given her trust fully to Archie. She had never trusted like that before. In all of his sessions of watching her, Archie never heard her so honestly give trust before. It was often sarcasm or nastiness, but never a broken and weak person giving their full trust. Those words meant that he had a rare power and an agreement between the two of them. She was vulnerable and weak and he could see that. She would allow him the chance to shatter her and he would treat her like the fragile treasure she was.
Archie crouched down and gently took Cherise into his arms. He cradled her and brushed the bangs away from her eyes. She felt so light in his arms! Or maybe that was the adrenaline rushing, accompanied by the fear of Cherise growing worse on the car ride home.
It was a quiet and uneventful walk down. Something had graced his feet to be steady and his grip to be true. He never considered himself to be such a careful man, but in a time that mattered so much, Cherise became precious to him. Precious cargo.
'She is precious. She's part of my life. I'll never be the same after having met her. My odd little patient.' Archie's inner voice was bittersweet as he reaffirmed just why, if only for a moment, he had become just as heroic as the characters in the comics that Henry often brought to their sessions when he wasn't reading the book that he had recently discovered. He was as strong and as gentle, and his movements were just as sure. After clearing the final step, Archie looked down into his arms. Cherise must have been embarrassed, because she had started to hide her face into his tweed jacket. Her fingers had pulled the fabric over her face while pressing into his chest.
"Hey Archie...?" She spoke in between a pang of pain, sounded stained as she sounded out his name.
"What's wrong? Do you need something?"
"Your heart is really fast. Calm down." Pulling away the jacket, Cherise let her eyes be shown if only to flutter at the cheeky comment, then return to hiding.
It was a small sign that despite pain, she was still herself. It was good. A break in the tension was good. It forced him to take a breath and let his entire body relax and sag, knowing she was still with him. It had struck him that each moment could be their last. One day they could be in the middle of a session and that was it. Even now...
"Do you want me to take you to the hospital? Can they give you anything?" His voice was hushed and calm as he headed to his car and started to place her into the front seat.
"GOD NO! Owww! Just take me home! I don't want them! No!" She could still howl and make a scene. Cherise winced and gritted her teeth while her fingers dug into the seat of Archie's car. "No, no, no. Ugh, no. I'm used to this. No. No. When I pee blood, then it's time to get the hospital involved! Okay?" Sweat had clung to her brow out of the stress she was enduring. Archie couldn't imagine just what it felt like, but understanding just how long his patient had suffered and how it had affected her emotions, he always knew he could never judge her harshness or her insults. Repeating the same action as before, he just brushed away her bangs, then closed the door.
The radio was off on the ride to Cherise's apartment. Other than Archie trying to soothe Cherise with reassuring her how he was breaking the speed limit, but still moving at speed that wouldn't flatten them both, there was somewhat silence. Shifting the debilitated Cherise upstairs was a blur. No matter how he recalled the climb up this particular stairwell to be steep and exhausting even for himself, this time was very different. Just as before, with Cherise cradled (and hiding) in his arms, Archie made the careful trek up the stairs while keeping the pixie-like girl safe in his arms.
"Almost there..." Archie attempted to comfort as the door to Cherise's apartment came into view. He could look up and see the landing and the lonely little door, waiting for the two of them.
"Say it again and I'll punch you," Cherise moaned while fishing through her skirt. Producing a silver key attached to a pink tulip key chain, she wrapped her hand around the key and counted the steps until they stopped in front of the door. Once there, she handed off the key to Archie and looked down at the little imprint left in her palm. The tulip quickly faded as she heard the clicks indicating that home was beckoning to her, telling her that sleep and medication would soon be there. She felt stupid for not having brought anything with her to the party, but when it came to pain this terrible, it was best to rest at home. It wouldn't disturb people. She didn't have to be the obligatory sick person of Storybrooke, the blight on their society, doubled over in the public eye while trying hard to be normal. She wasn't normal. Cherise knew what she was. She wasn't like everyone else. She had to hide. She had to find ways to cope. Some found faith. She rejected it. Some found strength in others. She chased them away. Some accepted their fate. She accepted, but kept her fight silent.
As Archie stepped into the darkness of her apartment, Cherise reached out automatically to slam into the doorway. After a few well-timed slaps and causing Archie to jump, pause, and jump again, she managed to flip a light switch. There wasn't much distinction between the living room and the bedroom. There was just one small room. There was a tiny sofa that looked like it had seen many better days and by the window was a bed. Hanging from the window were paper cranes. He couldn't count them all, but they were colorful. It must have been even more beautiful in the daylight or even on a breezy day. In the corner was a small refrigerator and a microwave. The stove was a relic from the 50s and was in dire need of replacing. Other than a huge cutting board fitted over the side of the sink, there wasn't any more space. Archie has the suspicion that a door to his left was a bathroom. There was also a door on the right as they walked in, but he couldn't be sure what it was for. If the bed was out in the open, there probably wasn't any space in there.
Another thing Archie noticed other than the lack of space was the intense cold. The chill that wrapped around his legs was immediately felt and was an eye-opening difference between the hallway and inside. The heat must have been off, he thought simply. It was an easy explanation. Cherise was never an easy case to explain, though. With that grim reminder upon himself, he approached the bed with his thoughts weighing heavily on his mind and heart.
"I'm gonna put you down now. Okay? I'll lay you down gently." To Archie, he thought it would have made sense to be clear with what he intended to do. In a world where things made sense, the idea would have been to communicate often and speak as you're doing the command. This never worked with Cherise and he still wasn't sure why he was trying, if only to be polite. For his troubles, the pained self-described hell-raiser simply grinned. That flash was present in her weakening eyes, even though he knew very well that she was probably just going through the motions for him at this point.
"Nah, just throw me. I'll bounce. I'mma midget. We have no feelings. Boing." There was a cackle, then a whimper of pain. Cherise shot a hand to her back.
"Cherise? Cherise?" More frantically, Archie questioned her. Worried he may have been hurting her, Archie set her down on the bed and looked her over in a frenzy. He was running out of things to do for her. "Cherise, say something..."
"Do you prefer little person?" There was a grinding of teeth, then a forced smile. "Because it doesn't matter, I'm four feet four, Archie. Just don't ask me to sing for you right now."
He paused over Cherise and stared for a moment. That tiny bit of crude, offensive humor was something he needed to ground him again. There was a strangled noise of relief and Archie gently patted Cherise's arm. "No. Not tonight. Rain-check for me."
They were both faking smiles towards each other. One didn't want the other to see just how bad it really was. The other didn't want the other to know that they understood and had maybe gotten too attached. Maybe Cherise was right. Maybe friendship did hurt. Maybe even being a doctor was just going to hurt. How was her class going to take it when she wasn't there anymore? Mortality was suddenly hitting the normally calm and understanding Dr. Hopper so heavily. How would Clark take it when he wasn't filling Cherise's prescriptions anymore? What would happen when Leroy didn't see Cherise on the street anymore? Would those meaningless interactions truly mean nothing? What about Henry? He had worked so hard to have Cherise talk to Archie. What would it be like for him? This was the start of the end.
Maybe he was the one who would need grief counseling. But who could he go to?
Clearing his throat, Archie gave Cherise's arm a gentle squeeze. "Hey, do you want me to get any pajamas for you?"
She blinked. All she did for a few moments was blink and to Archie's horror, it seemed like she lost more color as she did. "N-no, I can do that. Just let me lay here. Uh...blankets. Linen closet's near the door... Can you get them? Please."
Sent on his mission, Archie headed to the closet. There were three blankets and a few towels. He was beginning to truly notice just how much of half a shoebox Cherise lived in. It was like someone had a very large closet and decided to add in a kitchen, bathroom, then would charge rent. It was hardly inhabitable and it was all too busy to bump into the furniture, sparsely furnished as it was. She had so little.
"Do you have a thermostat? It's freezing in here..." Archie asked as he pulled the blankets into his arms."
"Uh...I can't afford one with heat... Heat or...kidney meds." Cherise hesitated and looked out the window as she spoke very slowly, hoping the speed of her wording would either confuse the much taller, older psychiatrist, and hopefully they could avoid any conversation about her living situation. She didn't want to talk about her pay. Being employed as a teacher did help with some benefits, but she had been sick all of her life. There was so much to pay for. Archie was already feeling sick about what he charged for his sessions. He felt they were fair and he had to eat, but thinking about Cherise with no heat, needing medication, and living like this made him upset. He had a house. He had Pongo. Cherise had this. What life did she have? Things continued to make more sense as Archie got closer, even if it was for this one rare time. She truly didn't have anyone. It was just this freezing little apartment with some paper decorations.
Archie set the blankets on the edge of the bed and offered that same faked smile. "Blankets. Do you need anything else? Water-"
"Water is evil," Cherise fired off in response."
"Food?"
"No," She whined at his suggestion.
"Do you want me to stay?"
He felt nearly disgusted with himself. It sounded desperate. He was at his wit's end, but he wanted to do something to make her better. If he couldn't lift her pain, then maybe his presence could give her peace of mind. Not wanting to see her immediate reaction, he feigned noticing spots on his glasses and removed them to clean them. When he slipped them back onto his nose, there was a strange surprise to see that Cherise was considering the offer. Looking up at Archie and holding her breath as if she wanted to say something, but that apprehension was still there, she let her eyes break away from his form and wander towards the blankets he had left for her.
"I got your number, Archie. If something happens, I'll call."
It wasn't the answer he had expected. She really did trust him. She'd trust him to return to help her if she needed him. Somehow, it made him feel wonderful. It lit up his eyes and it made him relax, just as her dark humor had at the first sign of her pain. He felt lucky that Cherise seemed preoccupied with counting the threads on the blankets than to look at him. With his lips trembling, still feeling a bit muddled emotionally over tonight, he started to back away.
"I guess...try to get some rest?"
"I'm sorry tonight sucked," Cherise whispered while tugging at her bedding in pain.
"It didn't suck, Cherise. I only went because you were there. That made it very worthwhile. Maybe the rest of Storybrooke can see me outside of my practice like Henry does from now on after tonight. Please, it was a good night. Don't be hard on yourself."
"God, you're a suck up. Dr. Suck Up."
Archie felt his fake smile fall apart. Cherise was trying so hard.
"Good night."
It was an empty experience to drive down the streets of Storybrooke to his home. That scent of tulips was now in his car and just as it drove him crazy when it was in his office, it was already pushing him when Archie was already feeling vulnerable. Trying to clear his head from the ups and downs of the night, he reached for the radio. The stations shuffled until he landed on a particular station. It was the station that Marco often played at his home. Archie thought back to the previous night's dinner and gripped the steering wheel while Italian music and tulip perfume flooded the car. The songs began to transition.
"You're listening to Storybrooke's Via Napoli! channel. All Italian music, all the time. We're gonna play a request now..."
Archie began to hum along when he realized what song was playing.
Già la sento,
già la sento morire,
però è calma sembra voglia
dormire;
poi con gli occhi
lei mi viene a cercare,
poi si toglie
anche l'ultimo velo,
anche l'ultimo cielo,
anche l'ultimo bacio.
It was that very same song he had heard. It was haunting him. It was pulling at his soul and he just couldn't take it anymore. Digging his nails into his steering wheel, Archie felt his chest tighten. His head rushed with the translation that Marco had hastily fed him. It was a song about a lover watching his beloved die and who was to blame for this terrible, terrible crime. Who was Archie supposed to blame? Did he need to go to church and beg for some miracle? Did he need to get angry? Nothing was going to make him feel better and nothing would keep Cherise bound to this earth longer. Nothing could mend her life and help things become better for her. Maybe it was his fault for not trying sooner. Maybe it was someone else's fault for not stepping in before him. The song was speaking to him and he hated it. Archie felt such bitterness within him. He truly did hate this. It was more often that Archie could ask questions and know the right answers. Archie knew right and wrong. There wasn't right or wrong here. There was nothing to ask. There was just hurt. He just drove on with the song playing and the tempest growing in his head and heart until it was too much for even him to bear. Parking the car in front of his house, Archie folded his arms against the steering wheel and began to sob.
He wasn't about to give up, but for this moment, he simply needed this for himself. He needed a chance to realize that he did have a heart. He had feelings. No matter how many jokes Cherise told him or those moments she tried to tell him it was okay, it wasn't okay anymore. He was very attached to his patient. Archie had lost track of just how many sessions they had shared together, but when it finally seemed like there was some sort of breakthrough, this was the end. She couldn't see the end with a smile. It would just come violently crashing down and she'd be snatched away from Storybrooke without anyone truly realizing it. A young teacher of the youngest minds in Storybrooke would just wither and die.
Archie let out another sob and threw his head back into the seat. Shutting his eyes, he took a deep breath. He felt the prickly tears start to dry and he slowly caught his breath. Somehow, that perfume was a calming force. It wasn't a hug. It wasn't a tissue. There was just something about it that made the tears stop and breathing ease. It was much like a little whisper, a little reminder that the sun was going to shine in the morning, even if tonight seemed like it was going to last forever. With his eyes itchy and bloodshot, Archie stayed still a little while longer to drink in the scent. Maybe that was why Cherise wore it so often and left it all over his nice leather couch in his office. It was relaxing, even if he didn't always want to admit it.
Eventually, tired and disheartened, Archie willed himself from the car and trudged into the house. It was quiet and clean. Pongo greeted him as usual; the sniff-down, the kisses, and then the retreating to his bed by the couch. Even his faithful dalmatian could sense something off about tonight. Otherwise there would have been some added barking. At this point, all Archie longed for was some much needed sleep.
"I'm going to bed, boy. If you wanna come, the door's open." Archie yawned and stretched. There was a short climb up the stairs (and a wishing he would never see so many stairs ever again) and walk down the hallway to the master bedroom. Archie didn't bother turning the lights on. His room was clean and hardly lived-in. By touch, he simply undressed and slipped into sweatpants and a nightshirt. A black robe wrapped around himself to stave off any further cold as he went into other nightly rituals. Pongo had hopped onto the bed and Archie was heading off to the bathroom when the unthinkable happened.
The phone started ringing.
Jerking himself from the doorway, Archie charged to his bedside table and picked up the phone. Hands shaking, he pressed a button and held the object under his chin. "Hello? Archie Hopper speaking?"
"Come back. I need you." It scarcely sounded like Cherise's voice. It was some sort of ghost that had taken over her instead, begging for mercy and release from a failing form that held her. It was the phone call Archie didn't expect to hear and broke his heart even further than it had already been.
"On my way. Stay calm, Cherise. I'll be right there. I'll be right there. I'm coming." Hanging up the phone felt like he was punishing her and leaving her, but if Archie couldn't put the phone down, he couldn't go to her. He couldn't drive with a phone on his shoulder and he was already distracted enough. He had to hang up, even with his heart telling him it was the worst thing he could do right now. "Do you want me to call Dr. Whale? Do you want the ambulance to meet me there?"
"Just you. Please. Please come back."
"Okay. Okay Cherise."
"I trust you..."
"And I'm...gonna be there. I promise. Just stay strong for me."
Archie kept telling himself this was just what a doctor would do for their patient in an emergency. He told himself that it was a rare moment and it would never happen again. He told himself that he was being a friend. He was being concerned and caring. He was being the support that Cherise needed and had asked for. Finally, Archie forced himself to believe this moment was Cherise making progress, as terrible as it was.
Scratching Pongo's head, Archie slipped on a pair of slippers and sped out of his house. He managed to lock the door on the way out and hopped into his car. Racing like a madman back to the apartment building the ringing in his ears of Cherise's sobbing and pained little voice repeated over and over.
He couldn't help her anymore. This was beyond his skills. He wasn't a healer of bodies. He could only help soothe minds and guide people to the right answers. He could help them develop skills. What his patient really needed was a miracle. Archie Hopper could not weave miracles. He could not change water into wine. He could not find geese laying golden eggs that produced cures. Bitterly, he thought of Henry's book and how much more useful he would have been in this situation. That book would have some idea.
Archie was marveling at his luck. No ticket. No warnings. No being stopped. There hadn't been any cars on the road, either. Someone seemed to be looking out for him. It did feel a little heroic, even if he was now bumbling into the building in only his robe and night clothes. When he had returned to that familiar, chilly apartment, his eyes searched for the weakened form of Cherise and he tenderly called out to her.
"Hey... I'm here. I'm here."
Mumbling from the nest of blankets, Cherise peered out with bloodshot eyes. She let out a tearful sigh and peeled away the blankets. "I'm so sorry," She breathed.
"D-don't be. I'm a doctor. Not the kind most people think of but...hey I can try, can't I" He beamed at her and perched himself at her side. With his brows etched in concern but eyes warm with kindness, Archie bent over Cherise and reached for her hand. She was frozen again. It swept the smile fron his face and caused him to rub her hand as he had before. "Anything I can do, just tell me, Cherise. Just stay calm."
"Stay with me. Stay..."
"I'm here. I'm not leaving."
"My back..." Cherise wept. She wriggled onto her side. With his warm touch, Archie massaged circles into her frail, lower back. He chewed on his lip worriedly and kept on his wits for any sign of worsening. He was considering taking Cherise to the hospital against her will now. Like it or not, this was a bad night for her. He rarely saw any of his patients in physical pain. Some certainly had it, but it wasn't his job to treat them for ailments like this. He was out of his league and it kept eating at him. If this was how he could help, he felt very blessed in some twisted way.
"Better?" Archie whispered.
"W-will you lay with me? It's so cold..." Cherise rasped. She faced the wall while snuggling into the blankets, even bringing one close to her nose.
This was wrong. Archie knew it was wrong. He shouldn't be that close to someone seeing him for grief. He shouldn't get so close when he was having trouble with his own feelings. Everything about it was so wrong. But Cherise needed comfort. She needed help. Where else would she get help? She'd lay in a drafty apartment all night; alone and sick. She didn't mean to have Archie be the only one. It just happened. It violated his ethics and it left a piercing feeling in his stomach.
If he abandoned her, he would feel like dying.
If he left now, Archie would never forgive himself. He would set Cherise back so far and she would never trust people. She would never learn that people would have to mourn on their own. She would never understand that you had to ask for help sometimes.
Without verbalizing, Archie slipped into the bed and pulled the top blanket to share. His robe could give him warmth. Cherise needed the blankets. Nervously, he placed a hand on her forearm and continued to rub her back with the other. "Please try to sleep, Cherise...Close your eyes. I'm here. I'm here..."