Author's Notes: A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

Huge, massive thank you's to kathrynew30 and Aranelle for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

I am so behind on replying to reviews, but I wanted to say again how much I love you guys and how happy you make me with each one. Thank you so much for being so awesome.

Things are moving slowly in the next few chapters, but James is having a hard time with all this. Kendall does make progress, though, just not as fast as he'd like. I almost feel sorry for James the way people start to gang up on him. XD

Also, for those of you asking about my other stories. I do have every intention of finishing Absence and the Maslow/Diamond fic. I tried to write Absence this morning and Kendall just wasn't feeling it, he's too focused on trying to win James in this damn story right now and he wouldn't let me shift to Carlos. I tried, I swear! So instead I wrote more of this haha. The Maslow/Diamond will be easier to write since Kendall's not involved, I just need to find the time (and willpower to step away from this story for a day) to do it. Hopefully soon.

Oh, and I will never abandon Jagan. They are still my number one pairing. :)

Though each of them was tempted to rush lunch, they took their time enjoying what were definitely the best burgers in the world. Kendall witnessed James bonding with his best friends and somehow fitting right in, even Logan accepting him when he dropped the asshole attitude.

Carlos asked if they still wanted to go to the beach. Logan said it was up to them but Kendall shook his head; he had this fear that if they didn't get home, something would occur to either change James' mind or keep him from being able to stay the night. Too many interrupted moments had made him paranoid.

As Logan finished his strawberry milkshake, Carlos leaned into him and sighed. Logan glanced down at Carlos' head on his shoulder and couldn't keep the smile away, even though he found Carlos' outward affection unnecessary. Logan wasn't used to expressing himself so openly.

"When are you going to let me do that to you?" Kendall asked with a smirk, expecting the glare James threw his way.

"Never."

"I bet you let Heather do that."

"Heather's different."

"And since Heather is no longer your girlfriend," Carlos commented, "you should date Kendall now. He's only been dying over you for three weeks."

Kendall stopped chewing, eyes flying to Carlos. "What?" he asked through a mouthful, then swallowed.

James looked like he wanted to murder Carlos.

"I had a feeling James hadn't told you that, Kendall." Logan stared at James while continuing. "Heather told us today that they broke up last night."

"I'm gonna kill her."

"This...this is true, James? You broke up with Heather?"

James cleared his throat. "Technically, she broke up with me."

"Why?" Kendall demanded.

"None of your business."

"Bullshit. It's no coincidence that I kissed you and then you guys broke up."

"Is she okay?" Carlos asked. "She seemed fine at the game but she could've been faking and we wouldn't know it."

"She's fine."

Kendall studied James. "Are you?I know you love her."

"Other than this prick who won't leave me alone and makes me crazy, I'm fine."

Looking deeper, Kendall saw past the armor that James was scared. Maybe for the first time in his life, things had spun out of his control and left him with nothing to hold on to. Suddenly Kendall needed to get James alone and talking. "You guys ready to go?"

Carlos and Logan were, so they packed up their trash and headed to the car. "Logan's again?" James asked.

"Nope. Tonight we're staying at my place because we're going to the Chargers game tomorrow. You guys want to go?"

James studied Kendall before replying to Carlos. "Kendall has a date with my ex-girlfriend. You still going?"

"I am."

"Can I change your mind?"

"Maybe. But probably not. You can sure try, though."

"How about I just ask nicely?" James tried, opening the car door for Kendall.

Kendall blinked, wondering if James was even aware of what he'd just done. "Didn't work last time," he answered, sliding into the seat.

"It was worth a try."

Once they were all settled in the car, Kendall turned to James. "So if she's not your girlfriend anymore, and you know I'm not gonna go for her, why don't you want me to take her to the lecture?"

James remained quiet. Logan said, "I bet he's afraid of what Heather might say. Would she give away all your secrets, James?"

"At this point, you guys pretty much know all my secrets."

"Except the one about you being in love with me," Kendall said, taking James' hand in his.

"Do you guys want to walk home? Because I arrange that."

James' hand tightened around Kendall's, though, and Kendall knew he'd touched a nerve; James was feeling alone and scared. "Nope. You're coming home with me." He lifted James' hand to kiss it, and when he lowered it James linked fingers with him as if he'd never let go. You are so scared and lost. It broke Kendall's heart. I won't let you fall, James. I swear. Not letting you go now.

Kendall let James use the shower first, grateful for the time it afforded him to talk to his mom about James. They sat at the dining room table as Mrs. Knight recounted their adventures at the mall and Kendall waited for an opening.

"By the way, young man. Heather mentioned that she and James are no longer a couple." She kicked out with her foot and nudged his. "I think you should go for it."

"Yeah, we talked about that at lunch. She's still not my type, Mom. But remember that this just happened last night, so if James is quiet or seems a little lost, try not to grill him too much."

"Okay, I can do that. But she made it sound like it was a mutual decision and that they'll remain friends. I imagine that's awkward for you, being stuck in the middle."

Mom, you have no idea."It isn't just that. His dad's an asshole. When he finds out they're not together anymore, he's gonna be pissed at James."

"That's silly. If they're not happy together, he should understand that."

"He has this image in mind for James and she fits it. He made James give up skating even though James loves it and is good enough to compete professionally."

"You mean like ice skating?"

"Yes. We saw him today after you guys left, he's incredible. And it makes him so happy, it's bullshit that his dad took that from him."

"Language. Does James enjoy hockey?"

"Somewhat, I guess."

"He's certainly good at it."

Kendall nodded. "He's even better at figure skating, though. He feels about it the way I feel about hockey. But Mom, I'd really like him to come back sometime, to feel welcome here. Because he's so miserable at home. Just try not to push, okay? He doesn't like to talk about himself or his feelings, not even to me."

"Okay, I can do that. I make no promises about Katie, though."

"I'll talk to her. Did Heather say anything else about James?"

Mrs. Knight considered it. "Not really. She asked a lot of questions about you, though. Sure she's not your type?"

"Positive." And this was awkward, because part of Kendall wanted his mother to know about his sexuality, but the moment she did she would slam down rules regarding sleepovers and doors staying open. Tonight was not the night for that. "How long before dinner?"

"A few hours. Were the burgers as great as James says?"

"They were sogood. We have to go there some night, Katie's gonna love it." Hearing the bathroom door open, Kendall stood up. "My turn to shower. Let us know when dinner's ready?"

"You got it. Make sure James gives me his parents' number."

"You're not gonna call them, are you?"

"No, but I need it in case anything happens to him. You never know."

"Okay, I'll send him out." Kendall knocked on his bedroom door before entering, James turning to greet him with a smile as he dropped a comb into his overnight bag. He was back in a black tank and sweats, his face scrubbed clean and his wet hair combed into place. Kendall couldn't wait to mess it up.

"Hey."

"Hi there," Kendall responded, lips curving into a smile. "You are so fucking hot."

"Yeah?" James lifted an eyebrow with a smirk.

"Like you don't know."

The smirk widened into a grin before James reached out for Kendall's arm. Kendall went willingly into the kiss, hands sliding up James' arms to his shoulders and then into his hair, tugging as their lips fought for dominance.

James groaned and pulled Kendall harder against him, fingers curled into the belt loops of Kendall's jeans. There was no more fight left in James, at least not on a physical level, and Kendall rocked into him, hard and more than ready. "Waited forever for this, why'd you have to be so stubborn?"

"It's been three weeks, Kendall," James chuckled.

"We should've been doing this on the first day."

James didn't argue but returned to kissing him, working his belt loose. "I still need a shower," Kendall whispered.

"Don't stop now. We're finally alone."

Kendall didn't want to stop, possibly not ever, but when he imagined those lips and teeth all over his body, he sighed and stepped back. "No. I need to, I swear I'll hurry."

"You'd better."

"Mom wants to get that number from you. She promises she won't call unless there's an emergency, though."

James' face relaxed. "Okay. They know I'm here, or at least that I'm staying at a friend's. I don't do that, so Mom was surprised but I think Dad's assuming I'm at Heather's. He would approve of me sneaking into her room at night."

"Yeah, still feeling the need to kill that guy."

"Calm down. Two more years we gotta last, and then I don't have to hide anything anymore."

Kendall stared at James, wondering if he'd heard right. "We" and "two more years" and it sure sounded as if James planned to keep him around for a while.

"Now hurry. I want as much time with you as I can get before dinner. And I'm nervous about being alone with your mom, so don't take too long."

You don't even realize what you just said. My God, you are so ready to be my boyfriend."You'll be fine with Mom. She'll love you. It's Katie you need to worry about. If she's rude, I'll beat her up later," Kendall promised.

"Please, I can hold my own with a fourteen-year-old."

"Yeah, she's ten."

"Oh. Well then. I'll call on your mom if I need reinforcements."

Kendall giggled. "Mama's boy."

"Shut up, I don't know little girls."

"That's your first mistake. Don't go in there thinking of her as a little girl or she'll eat you alive."

"Got it." James grabbed Kendall's shirt and pulled him into a kiss again, using his mouth to show what he had in mind for later. "Hurry back."

When Kendall returned to his room in a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt, James was studying the many hockey trophies Kendall had on every available surface.

"You've been playing all your life, haven't you?"

"Pretty much. When did you start?"

"Junior high. When my dad insisted I do something more 'manly.'"

"You've only been playing a few years and you're that good?"

James shrugged. "I do well on the ice. It's where I belong."

Kendall tossed his dirty clothes in the general direction of his closet, then reached over to lock the door. "I'm thinking where you belong is right here. In my house. In my room."

"In your bed?"

"That, too." Kendall approached James with a soft smile. "How'd it go with Mom?" he asked while peeling the tank top up and over James' shoulders.

"Fine. She's really nice. You're lucky to have her."

"I know I am. When I do tell her I'm gay, she'll accept it. Even if she does keep trying to get me to date Heather."

James chuckled. "Heather's the kind of girl every parent wants for their son." He helped Kendall work his shirt off, then fastened his lips to Kendall's neck.

Kendall hissed as James' mouth sucked harder, then twisted his fingers into James' hair. "Bed," he urged.

James backed up onto the bed, scooting over until he was sitting against the wall. Kendall immediately climbed into his lap, straddling him. "So what was first on that list?"

"Your lips," James reminded him. "I'm going to feed on your lips."

"Oh god, fuck. Please." They attacked each other again, content to explore with their teeth and tongues and Kendall never could've imagined that kisses could affect him so deeply. He squirmed over James, desperate to cause some sort of friction, and James was just as eager as they moved together, driving each other insane. James' hands eventually got into the mix, running up and down Kendall's back before tugging at Kendall's hair, dragging a moan out of him. Lips stinging and swollen, Kendall finally moved them down James' chin to his neck, where he suctioned on with enough pressure to get James' fingers digging into his shoulders hard enough to bruise.

"I'd pull your hair while sucking on your neck. Leave a bruise so big everyone would know you're mine."

That was Kendall's intention, and he was so focused on doing just that it never occurred to him that his mother and Katie would see the hickey and know it wasn't there before. All that mattered was for James to keep making those sounds, keep rocking under him, keep pulling his hair so hard it stung.

"Kendall," James whined, "oh my god, Kendall, fuck don't ever stop."

Begging me, knew I'd have you begging me sooner or later. Kendall reached up to snag his fingers in James' hair and tugged, James practically lifting Kendall up as his hips moved. "Harder," he begged, and Kendall wasn't sure what exactly James wanted harder so he increased the pressure in all areas—hair, neck, hips. James cried out and then buried his face in Kendall's neck, shaking as he tried to breathe, and without warning James shoved Kendall away and onto his back. Kendall watched James tug his boxers down and off, and then James' mouth was on him, clumsy but determined and Kendall gasped, hands scrabbling at the sheet.

"James oh my god oh my fucking god James yes yes oh fuck oh fuck be mine please be mine." Mind blown as well, Kendall babbled without any coherency as James held him down and sucked him. There was little warning, it hit Kendall like a freight train and he came, shuddering under James as James swallowed, gagging once before getting a handle on it.

"Holy fuck," Kendall whispered, trying to gulp down air. "You okay?"

James rested his cheek against Kendall's hip and nodded. Feeling the tension still running through James' body, Kendall pulled him up and flipped him onto his back, still shaking slightly. "My turn." He kissed James once, running a hand through his hair before kneeling between James' legs and pressing kisses to his stomach. "So beautiful, can't even believe how beautiful you are."

A hand reached down to tilt Kendall's face up. "You are, too. I don't understand how you're still single."

But I'm not. I'm yours. He dragged the sweats down to James' knees and took a deep breath. It didn't matter how often he'd fantasized about this, it was still daunting.

"Take your time," James said. "Just do what feels right."

He opened his mouth and took James in slowly. James was trying to stay still, Kendall could tell that much, so once he relaxed enough to take it, he braced his hands on the mattress and allowed James to move, in love with the feel of James sliding in and out of his mouth. There was nothing like this, nothing like James' eyes burning into his as James thrusted up and down, tiny whimpers falling from his lips.

You love this. Fucking love this. Yours, it's yours whenever you want it, I'm right here just take me.

It wasn't long before James exploded, Kendall taking him through it until he was panting, a shaking hand running over Kendall's hair. "Fuck, Kendall. Fuck."

"Yeah." There wasn't much else to say, really. He crawled up James' body to settle next to him, laying his head on James' shoulder and happy when arms wrapped around him to hold him close. James pressed a kiss to Kendall's hair and Kendall laid an arm over his waist. "Thank you," he whispered.

James smiled. "You're thanking me?"

"I am. Because I know how hard it is for you to even be here right now. It means a lot that you are."

"Yeah, it's torture," James laughed.

"In some ways, I'm sure it is." When James didn't reply, Kendall said, "So I was thinking. Since we're not boyfriends or anything, that means I'm free to do this with other guys, right?"

Fingers dug into Kendall's skin as James answered, "Depends."

"On what?"

"On whether or not those other guys are ready to die young."

Yes! Fuck yes! I don't care what you call us or don't call us, we are so boyfriends. "That goes for you, too. I don't want anyone even looking at you, James."

"That's not possible. I get stared at all the time."

"As long as no one touches you. And as long as you don't stare back."

James nodded slowly. "That much I can promise."

Kendall's heart opened another crack, allowing him to believe for the first time that James might actually accept this. "Good. Because this...this isn't something you're gonna find anywhere else. You need to realize that. You can suck anyone's dick, but nobody gets to you the way I do."

"I kind of hate that about you."

"I know," Kendall smiled, kissing James' shoulder. "But just try to deny it."

James was silent, and Kendall took that as agreement. You are so in love with me. I can't wait until you realize it.

Kendall hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, leading him to doze off and on for the next hour. Every time he woke up he apologized, but James didn't mind; Kendall imagined his brain was in overdrive right now trying to deal with all of the newly acknowledged emotions.

"Want to talk?" Kendall finally asked.

James shrugged. "Not a lot to say."

"Are you kidding me? There's plenty we need to talk about." When Kendall moved to sit up, James' arms tightened around him. "Like that right there."

"What?"

"The fact that you don't want to let go of me."

James immediately did, and Kendall wanted to kick himself.

"Why do you have to push about everything? Can't you just lay here with me and not talk for a while?"

Maybe if they talked about something besides James' feelings for a bit, Kendall could work him back around to that eventually. "Can we talk about the skating?"

After a few seconds of silence and the return of James' arms around Kendall, James asked, "What do you want to know?"

"Are you really gonna let that go forever? Not even try?"

"Dude, even if I wanted to compete, it's too late now. I'm not trained well enough. Totally out of practice."

"You're amazing. And you said you still practice."

"Not like I should. The competition is brutal, you have no idea what it takes to be a professional skater. I'd have to leave school and spend all my time on the ice."

"Not all your time, I hope."

"Yes, Kendall. Allmy time. You'd never see me. Hey, that's not a bad idea."

"Shut up," Kendall laughed, smacking James' chest lightly.

"No really, why didn't I think of that?"

The laughter died. "Is that what you've been doing? Laying here trying to figure out a way to get rid of me?"

"Pretty much, yeah. You scare the shit out of me."

Kendall attempted to sit up again, testing James, who tightened his hold. "Exactly. I'm not going anywhere, James. Get used to it."

"Trying not to."

"Hey." Kendall rolled over onto James, pinning his hands back against the mattress. "I mean it. You're not gonna lose me. No matter how hard you try."

James bit his lip and then lifted up to kiss Kendall, it being the first kiss they'd shared that wasn't about getting off.

This. Want this. Want all of it, want the crazy kisses too, but this is what I dreamed of with you.

James worked his hands loose and rolled Kendall onto his back, settling between his legs as the kiss continued. Kendall expected James to turn it into the violent storm they usually shared, but he deepened the kiss in a way that was passionate without being about sex or aggression.

Oh my god, kiss me forever. This is mine, nobody else will ever do this for you. Please just love me.

"Boys?"

They froze at the knock on the door.

"Yeah, Mom?"

"Dinner's almost ready. Come help your sister set the table."

"Be right out." Kendall groaned, not wanting to move ever again, and this time James let him up after rolling aside.

It had grown somewhat dark in the room, and while James reached for his clothes Kendall flipped the light on. He pulled the t-shirt over his head and was finding a pair of sweats when the huge hickey on James' neck caught his eye. "Oh shit," he gasped. "Oh fuck."

"What?"

"Your neck. We're so dead."

"Oh?" James stepped up to the mirror and grinned. "Nice work."

"Nice work? How are you not freaking out about this? Mom's gonna flip."

"Calm down, I got it covered." James reached into his bag and dug out two tubes of cover-up, one green and one tan. "Knew you'd be an animal so I came prepared."

"You expected this?"

"Duh, it was on your list. It's one of your kinks." Standing before the mirror again, James applied the green concealer and rubbed it around.

"You seem to know what you're doing. Obviously no stranger to hickeys." The idea of James being so practiced in the art of hiding bruises on his neck bothered Kendall-a lot.

"My best friend's a girl. I read all her magazines, dude."

"Well, you'd better get used to wearing that shit because I plan to make it a habit." Kendall slid his arms around James' waist and bit down on his neck, forcing a stifled moan out of James. "I think you really like that. Me owning you and marking you."

"Kendall, stop," James gasped.

When Kendall reached a hand down to test James' reaction, he smiled. "Oh yeah. You like that. A lot." He squeezed and James rubbed back against him, head falling back onto Kendall's shoulder. "Let me own you," Kendall whispered.

"Fuck, what are you doing to me?" He pulled Kendall's face down by the hair until they were devouring each other again, James rocking into Kendall's touch.

"So hot," Kendall said, still wondering how it was possible. "So mine."

James shuddered, spinning to kiss Kendall harder.

"Hey!" Katie pounded on the door. "Not doing this by myself! Get out here and help me, jerks!"

They broke apart, Kendall managing to yell "Hold on!" To James he said, "Okay. We'll talk more later about why you get so hot when I call you mine."

"Just put some pants on already, fuck."

Kendall grinned. "Tonight is gonna fucking rock."

"Not if you don't let me finish covering this bruise up. Go away."

"Never." But Kendall went to find his pants, hardly able to wait until he could take them off again.