Friendship-ISN'T magic? ch. 10
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
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AN: This chapter was collaborated by wolvenstrom and nightmaster000
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"So, Mr. Northwest is going to make a big announcement today? What about?" Asked Twilight as she and Celestia walked to the library.
"Mr. Northwest says it's a surprise, both an opportunity for all Equestria and a way to bridge our two communities...I hope he's right." She said a touch worried. Twilight put a comforting hoof on her back, "Princess Celestia...I know that integrating with human culture has been...a challenge." She said carefully. "But I REALLY think things will come around soon!" They turned the corner just a certain groundskeeper got onto a podium.
"IF ELECTED MAYOR, MY FIRST ACT IS TO KILL THE WHOLE LOT OF YOU AND BURN THIS TOWN TO CINDERS!" "Mic's on." Whispered a fearful pony nearby, "I KNOW IT'S ON!" Shouted Willie as everypony looks at him in disbelieving horror.
"...of course I could be wrong." Said Twilight...Twilight began to think on this..usually problems seemed to go away quickly...but this...this didn't...was it just because it was a human thing? If so...why? How?
Then an idea occurred to her, she turned to her mentor; "Celestia, with your permission. I'd like to supplement my study on friendship with a study on human/pony relationships...maybe I can get to the heart of our difficulties and fix it!"
Despite the situation, Celestia couldn't help but smile at the eagerness of her student. "You may do so, my student." Twilight did a happy trot, "I'll go get my quill and parchment!"
She ran into her library home...and gaped. "Princess Celestia! Princess Celestia! Those two human teens are killing each other!" She shouted concerned. Celestia runs in with equal concern, then goes bright red. "Uh...no their not." She quickly covers Twilight's eyes with her wing. An angry glare and some magic were more then enough to send the teens running out of the library.
"Princess...what was all that?" She asked confused. Celestia began to feel uncomfortable. "Twilight. You do know what the...birds and the bees are right?" She asked delicately...her face very red.
Twilight looks at her confused for a second...then she too goes red as she understands. "O-Of course Princess. I'm well aware of the act of mammalian reproduction...I guess I never thought they'd do...'that' in anywhere but a marriage bed."
Like most mares her age in Equestria- if they EVER bothered to learn about it -...Twilight had a very clean and cut view on 'relations'. Like not before marriage, in a bed with the lights off and only for the purpose of reproduction sort of view...something that was quickly clear to Celestia.
Before she could say more, she saw the clock: "Oh, no! The announcement will happen soon! Twilight, will talk about this later! Go gather your friends!" Twilight shook off her awkwardness and ran to it...
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After much work Dipper is able to build a rotating spit machine; "There now you guys will be able to make Baumkuchen." He said to Pinkie and the cakes.
Mrs. Cake chuckles, "Wow, you humans really like to...over-engineer...I don't think any pony has ever even thought up the concept of a...what did you call it? A spit cake? ...we usually just make simple cakes."
Dipper smiles, "If you like this, wait till I show you how to make Madeira cake...
Pinkie Pie jumped up and down excitedly, "YAY! More cake! Thanks Dipper! This is just what I need right now to get my mind off the mace stinging my eyes!"
Dipper winched, Pinkie had once again tried to surprise a human 'pinkie style'...and was rewarded with a face full of mace...again.
"Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about that Pinkie-
Suddenly Twilight ran into Sugarcube Corner, "Hey guys! Hurry up! Mr Northwests big announcement is about to begin!" Dipper rolled his eyes...but obliged. He didn't know much about Northwest...save for the unflattering things that his uncle said about him.
But really, as long as he kept any of the consequences of his actions away from the ponies(especially HIS pony friends)...Dipper couldn't find himself caring one way or another...
As Twilight, Pinkie and the others walked down the street, Twilight turned to Dipper. "So Dipper...how's your new job going?"
Dipper groaned, "Remind me again why I agreed to that?" Indeed, Somehow( Stan was probably involved as he'd been raking in a lot of dough from this) Dipper had been made the unofficial 'go-to guy' for magic and pony/human relations...it was exhausting...
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"No, although friendship/love magic is the vast majority here. Dark magic still exists, but NO I'm not telling you how to learn it until you at least show me some ID." "Whatever." Said the goth dismissively...
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"(sigh) Look, I REALLY think your overthinking this. You want to use magic to substitute labor? Fine, but you don't need to learn how to give your suppliers wings! Just find a 'bag of holding', that'll cut costs in storage, AND labor!"
"Boring! And what do you know about anything, your a kid!" Snaps a woman in blue. Dipper slapped his forehead. "If you didn't think much of me...WHY did you pay for the hour to hear my advice?!" He snapped...
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"Look...their not sapient...if it helps...try to think of them as a...distant, mentally-handicapped third-cousin or something." Explains Dipper to some concerned earth ponies.
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"For the hundredth time: Only Pinkie Pie gives out pony rides, and that's only to adorable little colts and fillie humans! NOW GET OFF HER!" "AWWWWW." Groaned Manly Dan as he gets off a squished Fluttershy...while Wendy apologizes profusely...
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"Would you PLEASE tell your sister to stop licking our necks?" Asked a weirded out Unicorn. Dipper just put his face in his head and groaned...
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Twilight winched in sympathy..."How about I give you a hoof?" She asked sportively. Dipper smiled. Pinkie hopped beside them, "Y3ah D1pp3r! Y0u kn0w y0u can c0un7 0n u5!" Said Pinkie in amateur fleet.
Dipper shook his head, "Reeeaaallly regretting introducing you to videogames now...even more so then I did before..."
"Hey don't badmouth our queen!" Dipper and the rest of the main-5 turned around and saw what seemed to be the entirety of the Gravity Falls gamer community following Pinkie's every move with reverence.
Dipper looked at them all in disbelief, "Geez. What did she do to make you guys act like this?"
"She completed Dark Souls without dying." Explained one of the gamers simply. "Which one?" Asked Dipper impressed. "All of them!" "Consecutively." finished another gamer.
"I can't feel my eyes. But it was super fun!"Shouted an excited Pinkie. "Pinkie. I think you've had to much candy." Said Dipper concerned.
Applejack snorted, "Which is funny, cause the folks of Ponyville use Pinkie as one of them expletive's in this particular scenario." They looked at Applejack amazed, who gets a little annoyed. "What? Ah can't know what the word 'expletive' means and use it in a sentence? There's more in ma head than apples y'know."
And that's where they reached this big stage that Preston had had built just for the occasion...Celestia and Luna, Filthy Rich, and various other important business ponies were standing with Preston: "Good Mare's and Gentlecolts of Ponyville! On behalf of my fellow humans, I thank you all for your wondrous hospitality!"
There was a smattering of applause...needles to say...feeling about the humans...let's just say they were 'mixed'.
Preston chuckled, "Yeah...we are quite the handful aren't we? I know we haven't been the most...courteous of guests...and for that I apologize."
"Awwww, that's so sweet of him!" Says Twilight happily, along with all the other ponies. "He is so full of it." Said Dipper flatly. "Wait, what?" Asked a confused Twilight.
Preston just smirks, "Let me make it up to you...by providing you with the one thing that your marvelous world doesn't seem to have...HUMAN INNOVATION!"
The curtains pull away to reveal a car...Ponies looked at it horrified...those had caused some serious problems on their roadways..their carriages were just too slow to handle them! "And worse- You burn 'WHAT' to power your 'cars'?!" Becomes a rally cry for many a pony...when their not chocking on exhaust.
To everyone's surprise, Filthy Rich stood up. "Remain calm everypony! Mr. Northwest has partnered with me and other's not only for our investments but also for our input! No longer will cars belch noxious gas...rather they will belch the future! Good ponies of Ponyville I give you the electric car! All the speed of a human car, with all the pony concern for the environment!"
Now THIS peaked everypony's interest, really they'd been amazed by the cars design and speed...only the 'carbon footprint' issue had made them hate it...
While everyone got excited as Preston explained how every family in ponyville would get a free car as both a gift and a test to show the rest of Equestria what their missing...
At the back of the crowd, two taxi pulling Stallions named the luddite brothers were talking about all this... "I don't like it Mac..what if these mechanical 'muscles' drive us out of business?" "Bro you worry too much...seems to me this will make our lives easier. Less pulling a plow, less traffic, less long hours into the night. I can just see us getting some new cushy city jobs. Which will be in abundance with more pony's moving into the cities...even if this 'car' trend takes off it will provide with more jobs then you can imagine!"
Twilight smiled as she overheard this good-old Ponyville optimism, "Yeeeaaah...that's not going to happen." Whispered Dipper to Twilight having overheard as well. Once again, this jarring cynicism that Twilight was still very much unused to made her step back in surprise and look at her friend confused...
And that wasn't the end of it! Preston also gave out free laptops...and free cellphones! All of them remade to work with hands AND Hooves!
"Wait, you had a whole conglomeration of RD people and multiple facilities capable of allowing them to mass-produce their altered products on a cost-effective scale all within the confines of Gravity Falls before it was ripped off earth?" Exclaimed Stan in disbelief
Preston shrugged, "Among other things...what you don't?" He said with a touch of smugness.
While this went on...the Alicorn sisters watched the whole thing with differing opinions. Celestia was very apprehensive, she'd lived along time and seen a lot of change(or change by Equestria standards anyway). But this...this was a HUGE leap! This was WAY outside of her comfort zone..but worse, she had NO idea how this new technology would affect the rest of Equestria! Sadly, she had no real cause to stop this...these techs are part of the people of gravity falls every day lives so she has no right to demand they scale back to Victorian times...besides how do you turn down numerous, expensive free gifts that seemed to be giving people much joy without appearing a jerk?
Her sister Luna was of a different opinion; after barely being able to catch up with all the other changes that had happened since her banishment...well, what was one more? She was actually very enthusiastic on what humanity had to offer.
On top of everything Preston explains that he also had a copy of the internet nexus- "Oh, come on!" Shouts Stan annoyed. -as well as all the labs and equipment needed to build internet backbones and servers as well as special recorders that routinely copied/updated crucial parts/websites of the internet built into gravity falls years ago...
"Why?" Asked Filthy Rich.
"Why not?" Responded Preston. Filthy Rich and his fellow business ponies gave each other concerned looks...true they were prone to their occasional quirk, eccentricities, and odd Hobby...but this took the term 'needless indulgent' to the next level!
Still, this 'needless indulgent seems to have worked out well for him...and just as important, if not more so...it was about to work well for THEM. And so like many titans of industry grasping at the 'magic' of 'more money' before them..they silently decided to keep their peace and shrug off this irregularity.
In any case, Preston gave Celestia the honor of turning the internet on.
He posses in front of the many cameras shaking her hoof as she presses, the button is pressed...and suddenly everyone laptops and phones start to be fileld with new information...
"Here's a headline for you boys! Noble princess works together with Humanity to bring Equestria into the 21st century!" Shouts Preston. "Um, actually. The current century is- But Celestia is interrupted by the excited reporters lapping up the line-
HELP! GET HER AWAY FROM US! HELP!
Also that-
Everyone groaned at the now familiar sight of Mable chasing the Cutie mark Crusaders. Mable felt terrible about setting them on fire when they first arrived and tried to apologize...by giving them ANOTHER HUG. Naturally the traumatized Crusaders were having none of it...
Dipper sighed, "Annnnnnd here comes Ponyville security...again." He sighed as he went off to keep her sister from being arrested...yet again.
"Well, that happened...okay time for the feast! Come Pacifica!" "On my way father!" Shouts Pacifica as she briefly stops petting a content looking Diamond Tiara to pick her up and continue to cuddle with her as they head out...While sending a gloating grin toward Mable.
"GRRRRRRRR! I WANT TO HUG CUTE LITTLE FILLIES TOO!" Shouts Mable as she goes even more beserk...
Celstia tried to calm herself with a drink of Cider...only for the ground to rumble slightly beneath her...she looked to luna...she'd felt it too...as one they looked to the forest...
But while these little Drama's were being played out...word was spreading about the 'fancy doo-hickies' in Ponyville...and creatures from all over were placing their orders...and slowly but surely...Equestria changed...
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You know I'm not one, to break promises
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe
At the end of it all you're still my best friend
But there's something inside that I need to release
Which way is right?
Which way is wrong?
How do I say that I need to move on?
You know we're heading separate ways
Button laughed as he worked the joystick to blow up another cruiser, "I can't believe I'm in a deathmatch with dozens of people on the other side of Equestria! And I haven't even left Ponyville! This is awesome!" He said just as 'CakefriendPink.P.35' wiped out him and everyone else...
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more
I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way
"WHO'S BRIGHT IDEA WAS IT TO GET A DRIVING CUTIEMARK!?" Shouted a panicky Applebloom as they ran over another pedestrian...plus 40 others. "NOBODY! WERE NOT DRIVING FOR MARKS! WERE DRIVING TO GET AWAY FROM MABLE!" Shouted Scotaloo, "SHUT UP AND DRIVE! SHE'S GAINING!" Shouted SweetieBell, "LOVE ME!" Screamed Mable as she drove after them...and through a house...plus seventy...
You've given me more, than I can return
Yet there's oh so much that you deserve
Nothing to say
Nothing to do
I've nothing to give
I must live without you
You know we're heading separate ways
"DEMON BEGONE!" Shouted Clyde Pie as he sprayed holy water over the cellphone. Maud Pie just shook her head at this as she created I Love rocks-com on her laptop...and was shocked to see she got dozens of followers...
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more
I can't hide no more
"Fluttershy? Are you alright? We haven't seen you in days!" Shouted Rarity as she knocked on her door...Fluttershy wasn't listening...she was lost in the void of Cat videos...
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way
"Why are their so many pictures of girls on here?" Asks Rainbow Dash as she squints at her laptop... "And where are their clothes? Do they finally want to awesome like a pony...like me?"
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more
I can't hide no more
"Huh...Fanfiction? I wonder what that's about?" asks Twilight during her categorization of all the new Human websites. "Oh, neat! humans and ponies are writing about my adventures with my friends and- WHAT ARE THEY MAKING ME DO TO CELESTIA!?" She shouted horrified.
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way...
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And so the unseen 'great chain' of progress began to flow through Equestria...how do you like that?
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TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: The song is 'Too close to love you' by 'Alex Clare'.
AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.
But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?
Love me, flame me, review me